The sweetest person I know was in a relationship and had sex with a woman that he didn’t love in the past why would someone do that? I can’t even open up to people that easily.
That's a complex question that's going to be different for each person you try to apply it to.
The best correlation I can make is about a movie I watched last night called "The Adderall Diaries". You had this guy that was a writer. And he had a tumultuous adolescence and teenage experience exacerbated by drug use. His father wasn't father of the year but he still tried to do right by his son and raise him the best he knew how. Well eventually this kid grew up and cleaned up for the most part. But he held all this against his dad. And they were estranged as a result. Finally his dad was diagnosed with a fatal illness and this guy at first assumed his dad was full of it and was using it to manipulate him, yet again. When he finally realized the dad was being truthful. And since he was listening to his father for once he finally realized his father while a flawed human being had just been trying to do the best he knew how in each situation. Finally listening to his dad he realized how he was nightmare to raise. Because of his drug use and whatnot. And he wrote about that to end the movie about we all narrate our own lives according to how we see things. Which is just OUR view. If someone else were narrating your part or they part you play in thier life they'd narrate it very different.
I guess what I'm saying is we've all had different experiences that define who we are. That make us sweet, that make us bitter, that make us hard, that make us soft, that make us warm, that make us cold, that make us trusting, that make us suspicious etc. And all to the degree that make sense to US not to other people.
My first thought when I read your question is maybe this guy you think is the sweetest, isn't really that sweet. Maybe that's just the way YOU perceive him. Then again maybe he is a really sweet guy that really cared for this woman because he perceived her as being as good as it gets. My nephew is a really good guy (not perfect) but a loyal human being. His last girlfriend. Would cheat on him constantly. She was a bad influence on him in number of ways. None of us could understand why he he didn't demand better. We all thought she was trash compared to him. But for whatever reason, he couldn't see that.
This is about my boyfriend. I found out that he didn’t love her because her family was having problems and he was getting blamed for them and he just decided to dump her just like that not trying to help none of that and if he really loved her he would’ve trued to work it out. I know that he’s a good guy but I’m surprised. But I also feel like I’m not normal since I’m shyer and more anxious than other people so I don’t know what to expect.
Well let me tell you I'd like to live in that ldealistic world. But I just can't anymore. It's not that I can't trust anybody. But let's just say I'm always prepared for somebody to betray me lol. One thing I've learned from life is love is NEVER a storybook. Love is messy. And you reward people where it's due. I like to give you some great formula for choosing a partner that you can trust... forever. But I'd say if I haven't figured it out by now I'm probably not going to. What I can tell you, advise you, is that people with character tend to ALWAYS have character. Trust your brain and not your heart so much and you'll be ok. And as far as you not "being normal". Let me alleviate some anxiety for you. Nobody is normal. Everyone is just doing the best they can. Some people just hide thier awkwardness better than others.
Almost everybody wants to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Just because they get into a relationship doesn't mean that they have to be in love. Most people mistake infatuation with love. The feeling of infatuation is what we associate with love, but it's not the same thing. Love is something that grows over time once you are in an infatuated relationship. It sneaks up on you. There is no such thing as instant love.
When you get into a relationship, you have to give 100%. You have to trust because love is built on trust. If it's an kind of relationship at all, you have to trust your partner enough to have sex.
Most people, especially those who demand love before getting into a relationship, don't know what love is. Young people, in particular, have been listening to songs about true love and watching Disney princess movies, and dreaming of love since before puberty. They can't wait to have a boyfriend or girlfriend and start learning how to be grown ups.
Relationships are great. Two infatuated people adore each other, love being together, hanging out, going places and doing things, chatting, confiding, and having ecstatic sex. Youthful relationships rarely last, but they are priceless. People SHOULD engage in relationships. That's how they gain the life experience necessary to mature into a person who is ready for marriage, and to recognize the person who is right for them when they do finally meet them.
Marriage is a once in a lifetime thing. It's the most important decision of your life. You and your partner need to be positive that you want to spend the rest of your lives together. That rarely happens with first person you get into a relationship with, no matter how careful you try to be. You have to keep looking. Eventually, you'll get into a relationship that blossoms into true, lasting love with someone you respect, admire, adore, and can see yourself spending the rest of you life with, despite their flaws.
So I say, go out and get infatuated without getting hung up on love. It's good for you.
I don't mean this in a rude way but most younger people do that. Lest just say younger generation don't appreciate relationships. I am almost 30 and it's hard I can't imagine people your age group how hard it is. Don't stress you are young enjoy life , established your career. Guys your age see the world differently.
I’ve never done this
👏👏👏You are very right, the tastes of each age are different from each other, so it would be better to live the moment to the fullest🙂
I personally would not be In a relationship without love. I def would not have sex without love but not everyone cares about love. 🤷🏻♀️ For many people relationships and sex are a practical transaction.
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!It is too easy to make generalizations about people in such situations and even easier to harshly judge those who engage in that kind of behavior.
To be sure, such behavior often results in a lot of heartache and misery. That is why men and women should both take care where the feelings of others are in play. They should not be entirely focused on their own and what they get out of such relationships. If indeed "relationships" is what they can be called.
That said, it is not always the case that a man or a woman is engaging in such behavior to be hurtful. In fact, I speak from experience.
Without, for reasons of space, going into all the details, there was a point where I was engaged in a relationship with a woman for whom I did not have any real romantic feelings. Nor, it turned out, did she for me.
Without knowing it about the other person at the time, we had both been through difficult relationships and broken up with people we cared about - or at least had thought we did. ("Proof of the pudding," after all.) We were hurting and when we met - it was in a social setting - we just hit it off.
We got along, but it became - as time wore on - clear to me that while I could be friends with this woman, I had no romantic interest in her. Surprise!! Nor did she in me.
Yet we wanted each other's company. We needed each other's companionship to help us feel that we were not alone. Frankly, we needed the sex.
Now human males and females have a natural instinct for sex in any case. It is built into the evolutionary hardware so to speak so that even when love is not in the calculus, the sense of satisfaction and relaxation and just animal need is still there.
So we would spend time together. We would have sex. In fact, often really good sex. It made us both feel - without each saying it to the other - wanted and needed and not so isolated. Again, it was not romantic and for me I never had any intention - having been so recently hurt by someone I thought loved me and I loved her - of it becoming more than sexual and I kind of casual friendship. Further, in due course, I would find that she felt the same about me.
So, not surprisingly, eventually we went our separate ways. Ironically it was a pregnancy scare that ended it. She had to tell me that she might be pregnant but that she did not want to have a long term relationship with me. Well, it turned out that it was a false alarm and I had not gotten her pregnant, but from that point on we drifted apart.
Yet I have no regrets. We needed each other - for sex, to feel like we were not alone, etc. - and that was good. To be sure, my story may not be the norm, but take care in making judgments about the relationships you see. People are complicated, and as the poet said, "The heart has reasons which the mind cannot refute."
The short version is that women want male attention (and favors, etc.) and men want sex. These things are of relatively equal value, so lots of people are willing to make that trade.
Women also want love and relationships, BUT they only want these things with the top 10% men (and I'm being generous at 10% - if you ask women what they want in a man, most describe men who are in the top 5% or less), and those men have so much female attention that they have no need to commit to any of them. The other 90% of men are largely invisible to women.
At the same time, the vast majority of women have no idea what men want in a woman in order to commit to her, because Feminism lied to them, on purpose, with the explicit intent of destroying marriage. Feminism taught women that instead of partnering with a man, that she should BECOME the man that she desires, and that's what many women have done. Then they are shocked to learn that men have no interest in having a relationship with them, even though they will trade their attention for sex with her.
Most women today (or many men, for that matter) understand how much the feminist message has infiltrated western culture, nor did they pay attention to the fact that 3rd Wave Feminism expressly set out to destroy male-female relationships - and has largely succeeded.
Women today are encouraged to become men, and men to become women. Why? Because Feminism taught this, and embedded this message throughout the media and corporate America, because they knew it would undermine relationships. Do women want feminized men? No! Do men want masculine women? No! But that's what so many have become, and they are still pushing for more of the same - so that they can kill relationships entirely.
That's what you are voting for and supporting when you hear "female empowerment" - women becoming the men they really desire, which will repel the men they really desire. That's the success of Feminism.
Umm.. keep in mind that this applies to some women and men, not all
Yikes...
@AssholeNumberOne Nothing applies to every single person as a group. I was making generalizations, because that's the only way you can reasonably talk about a large population. There are always going to be exceptions to any rule, but that doesn't invalidate the rule.
People be lonely. I remember one time I had been single for a while and it felt like all my friends and family were busy.
I took myself to the hairdresser and nearly cried because it felt so good to have someone massage my scalp. I realized I hadn't touched any other human being for like 3 straight weeks.
So yeah, I can definitely understand confusing physical touch and sex and attention (hows you're day) as the same thing if you're lonely enough.
Because that way sex is in close reach for them... 🤢
Sometimes when you are rounded person you can feel their energy and how beautiful it is there is an aura there is a chemistry and when you're around each other it just melts each other and when you feel how beautiful this feels you want to let them feel that you want to experience it with them you put out an energy you put out a sexual sensual beautiful energy that when guys are around you they can feel that they get turned on and I'm sure you know exactly what I mean because I'm sure you that you have felt it too but when two people feel that they want to explore it and become it and become one with each other
Because they may not love them, but they love the habit. If you get used to something in your daily routine, it is hard to break it.
At least, that is how it goes for most people.
It is not that they love the other person. It is that they are used to the habit that they have built up with them and the force of said habit is strong.
Well for me I was married for 22 years before divorce, and I spent the better half of the last 10 years of that disaster not in love with her. But I still had sex with her. I think the saying goes;
"If you can not have the one you love, then love the one you have."
For me there was finical reasons, and children involved. I honestly believed by staying I was protecting my children from somethings... which is true because I was. Once it got to be completely unmanageable for me it was 10 times worse. They ended up blaming me for not being able to do more to protect them, and once I was gone mom really brainwashed my babies. Now they blame me for everything, when honestly I was the victim in the same horror story as they were. But I was the adult and they were just children.
Most recently I am in conundrum, were I have a girlfriend I really like personally, but she has so many things in her life coming to head, it is getting really hard to keep dating her... but when ever we do get together the sex is really good. But honestly, its more like a friends with benefits thing then a real committed relationship... but there is no way to really tell her. I mean I do care for her, but all those things are like serious RED FLAGS!!! When we are together its really fun to get lost in the moment and just be together and ignore all the problems, and I think that's why we keep meeting. In some way we both know once any of us says what's really going on it will be over, and maybe on some level neither of us are there yet. But for me I see no way I can be with this person long term, but I will really miss her.
Money, Kids, afraid to move on are a few reasons that quickly come to mind!
because sex is one thing and love is another, my husband likes me to be with other men, and I like it also,
For some people, the concepts of sex and love are horribly intertwined. Maybe he thought that being in heat meant he was actually in love.
Because women allow it and men accepts it
Sex without love is dull and only pleasuring physically. For some people they may like the sex and have the attraction but no love or emotional connection for the person which is sad because then there's no point of a relationship. Its basically meaningless. I dont know why people do such things. Maybe he didn't wanna hurt her but it's not okay to lead someone on.
Not all relationships are of the same quality level.
Some people have high standards. Some have low or no standards.
"Why" questions are psychology questions, which are driven out of emotions.. even wrong ones. Could be lots of reasons. Maybe it's better to ask... how can I go about figuring out why he did this?
People come to conclusions and have their justifications for why they do something which in my view, is primarily emotional. What emotion (s) is thus driving the decision is your question. You say it wasn't love, that sounds like an assumption... but ok. Then what emotion was driving him? Could be selfishness, spite, lust. Maybe they bonded in a way you don't know. Attraction is sub conscious primarily, so if both their fathers were alcoholics... they may feel a special connection.
As well, people don't know what they want, they can be just... stupid, curious, down and someone fills a void. They can be lost and give into a more stronger personality.
Someone may run from love... to someone they don't, if they are insecure, ashamed, etc..
I suspect you care about this person and it's hard to understand. Maybe frustrating. Realize, not everyone feels like you do right now.
In essence you are asking about a little child that grew up and set about mating. Things may be messed up in that little child, and so your sleuthing into their past and depths of psyche beings... if you want to know.
Sometimes just getting some sex is better than just jerking it while you watch the latest need for speed on netflix alone... for the female perspective you'd be just flicking the bean. So compare that to someone having sex when they're not even in love... both are pretty lame, but let us just keep it real... which is more lame?
Now as an adult with tons of life experience I would advise against the meaningless sex, but as a human that would rather be fucking a girl than just jerking it on my couch alone... yeah... I already know what choices I've made.
Empty sex is more lame. At least flicking your bean guarantees that you’ll come
To be fair the bean flicker can make sure she cums first by making him go down until she does before a pecker is allowed to pop out. It's all about controlling that access. The guy will probably do it, just stand your ground and demand the head.
Stand your ground jay lol 💪🏼 😃😁
Fear of commitment? Not wanting commitment? Self-destructive? Lots of reasons.
Men tend to be more sexual and less emotional than women, so that's why.
https://www.youtube.com/embed/A9WZFeA4FzIDesperation. Just using people as a placeholder until they find someone else or because they are bored and lonely. I don't get it either, I don't know how the younger generations are okay sharing themselves with strangers. I couldnt.
Me too
Sometimes you can really really like someone and not love them. You can love the sex and love the stability of being with someone and even love some things in the relationship but not actually truly love the other person. You can even be infatuated with the other person without loving them.
THIS. So well said. I'm not adding anything other than @mandyfire98 said it perfectly.
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