Why do people hate friends with benefits?

[burtonthoms]

is it because of the conservative people?

[lightbulb27]

When I hear of that, every time I see it, I see two messed up and broken people, so it is out of concern for them. I'd rather they get help (counseling) to fix the underlying problems that are causing them to act out in that way. People may be able to "block" the bonding that occurs for a while, but it bites them in the end in my experience of meeting these people... especially the females in terms of emotional pain. If a baby shows up, you have more problems.

People will do all kinds of stuff to hurt themselves, thinking that it is a good idea rather than figure out what is wrong with them (they cna't see it) and get themselves to a healthy place where they can be actually freed from what is really bondage. Read the book "The Truth", by Neil Strauss as an example.

I get why people do this... they can't find love, can't feel love, don't know what it is anymore... so they take the easy road for easy sex (drugs). Years past that would be prostitutes for men, and I don't know what for women... maybe affairs. So in comparision, it is only so bad. But still, in most cases bad...

Maybe there is some group out there where this works for them and they are healthy emotionally... there is always a "bell curve" with some outlyers. I haven't met them and don't know that scenario...

[burtonthoms]

so your conservative psychology is the absolute of life? cool.

[lightbulb27]

I gave a bailout at the end that there are some people who may function different. think of all the "swingers", Father Yod, many different attempts by people (California is a hotbed) to try different things. I'm not an expert, I've read that book and I do have midwestern values. But show me people who are emotionally healthy that function like this and it is ok on both sides and I'll listen. I strongly suspect at the core of all of that behavior is at least one if not two very wounded children. Its probably getting worse today in terms of the social conditioning in the media and abundance of availability of willing people. The other problem is the nature of this occuring more often and in TV shows, media, etc.. causes other people to consider/experiment and it spreads. But it violates their inner values and they get hurt. For people who are mature and accept the consequences, it is their life... I don't want laws against it, but do want them to pause and think first.

[Protagoras]

Waaaahhh, it's not the 1960's anymoreeee! Honestly, what about people who don't have time for a relationship and are busy pursuing their life goals? Relationships are a lot of work, sometimes people don't have time for them because they're focused on other things in their life.

[lightbulb27]

@Protagoras I agree relationships are a lot of work. Do you think media (tv shows you grew up with had an influence on your belief system)? These concepts did not exist when I was your age. People had BF/GF and played around, but not this random hookup stuff. As long as people are adults and accept the consequences of the actions they take, its their life. I've been on the other side of the "Whhhaaaaaa" from males and females enough to know this stuff is painful when it goes bad... but that has been relationships mostly. Maybe friends with benefits emotional disconnect avoids that problem? Read this site though and you'll find a lot of hurting females. Apparently some can do this and some can't. I don't know enough guys who do this to know the impact on them other than when the relationship goes fails. I'd be very curious to research more and see if this really works and the consequences down the road.

[Protagoras]

The media and other forces impact where our culture is at, but this isn't the beginning of that, that's how it's always been. There were institutions that affected the way you perceive relationships and there will continue to be cultural shifts. But people are changing their priorities, women are gaining more independence, and things are going to be different.

[lightbulb27]

@Protagoras Its been done at different times (60's?), but my HS years were nothing like it is now... it appears this behavior is "accepted" nationwide whereas it was probably limited to certain places before. certainly wasn't in the midwest that I know of. Where are you from? This will turn into a long debate, so I'll let you finish. I'm fascinated by the belief, I don't look down on people who do it, but I question it for sure. Until someone proves me otherwise, I theorize the media has propagated this lifestyle in the sub conscious minds of a generation. Consequences of which we are yet to fully experience. I authored a satirical piece on it in a mytake.

[OlderAndWiser]

I am a conservative person and I don't hate people who do friends with benefits. Hating is for bitter, angry people and that is not me. I am not fond of the friends with benefits option because I hear about too many people who are not honest with themselves, they really want a relationship with the other person but the other does not want that, so they agree to do the friends with benefits in hopes that the other person will fall in love with them and, when that doesn't happen, their heart is broken.

[Adadah]

I have no problems with friends with benefits, I'm in one right now. I think people don't like them because it gets messy. Many people can't handle that kind of arrangement and get emotionally attached. The two people in a friends with benefits relationship must be able to be emotionally detached and it can be tricky since they are also a friend so emotions get confused.

[lightbulb27]

My question is that really possible to emotionally detatch and stay that way. Is it possible to re-attach if a kido shows up or the person decides to move on to another GF? I have no idea... I'm asking... maybe the key is to not care in the first place?

[Adadah]

@lightbulb27 Yes it is possible to be emotionally detached, at least for me it is. It depends on who you engage friends with benefits with, it won't work if you have feelings for the person before it starts. I tried that with a guy I grew up with and was crazy about before he got married and he approached me 10yrs later with the proposition and I got emotionally f'd up after just being with him once. But this guy that I'm friends with benefits with now started as a hook up and we became friends and I haven't developed any feeling for him so being emotionally detached isn't an issue for me. Both parties respecting each other is also important otherwise someone is gonna feel used.

[lightbulb27]

I find this lifestyle interesting psychologically. I don't think I could do it and isn't what I desire. Is it that you want a LTR just haven't found it, or that you are done with LTR and just want your needs met? e. g. its easier. If the friends with benefits said, hey I got a "real" girlfriend and ends up marrying her, you'd be good with it.. other than you are losing your FWB? I followed you since you have a perspective I like to learn from...

[Adadah]

@lightbulb27 Haha.. Thanks for following me lol. I'm just gonna give you a simple version to you question or else I would end up writing a novel. You can ask more question afterwards, I'm a very open person and I talk about anything. Yea I'm looking for a LTR and haven't found one yet. I've been single for 18yrs mostly by choice but some of the reasons are low self esteem/worth, low confidence, been taught to follow certain ideals for my culture. I have now over come most of my issues and I'm discovering myself. I've decided to f the expectations of how I should act or behave and just do what I want within reason. Yes if my friends with benefits said to me one day he found a girlfriend and ended up marrying her I'd be totally ok with it. In fact I would be happy for him because he is a great guy. Also if he found a girlfriend I wouldn't cont the friends with benefits, I'd stay in contact as just a friend.

[lightbulb27]

I seriously doubt another woman would want you in his life... fyi... I had that problem and she was just a friend, no benefits other than I loved her kids. You are right on with the comment "F expectations". I had the same challenges, and that is the key to unlocking the person without and setting a person free to be yourself and find your true self.

[Adadah]

@lightbulb27 Oh I totally know that

[Adadah]

Oops accidentally hit send. Most woman are not comfortable with their be or husband having any kind of relations with someone they have slept with. I'm ok if he needs to disappear from my life, is just be happy for him. Yes I grew up with my mom drilling into my head that I should act like a lady and what's considered right or wrong. I respect my culture and I know she is from a different generation but I grew up in Canada not Hong Kong and in a different time so there are a lot I don't agree with. I'm way more happier now that I've started to explore and understand myself and figuring out who I am.

[KRIEL55]

for some people it is because they are very conservative, but some just dont like the concept. i dont like it because to me it feels completely pointless if there's no connection whatsoever. just not the same.

[somebodysaycheese]

People love using these conservative , liberal labels it's annoying and they mean nothing. No one gives a Damn what you do, don't just go shoving it down people's throats keep it to yourself.

[juliaaa]

Because I don't want to be an object, I want an emotional connection.

[SarahsSummer]

Who hates them? I personally dgif what other people do with their own sex lives.

[Uselessguy]

Nope they are narrow minded losers.

[JC103]

Who hates FWB?

[burtonthoms]

people do. but i ask as i please, that's how it is.

[JC103]

I've never really asked anyone to be in a friends with benefits situation it just happens. I think it's because they're not that into you but you'll find some just chill

[06CuriousMind]

I don't like it because I get attached.

[ConsultantIsBack]

No one does except gag virgins

[datgirl]

I would never do it.

[sixnineanon]

Because it ruins a perfectly good friendship and it's not because of conservative people. What's the point of having sex with them when you don't love enough to commit.

[sixnineanon]

Not EVERYBODY has to like or hate the same thing. You like friends with benefits, well that's on you. No one is stopping. I was just telling you why I'm not into it.

[johnnywoods]

@burtonthoms Hi troll this is your last question of the day so you can stfu now. Hopefully you will also leave this site soon just like the rest of the people who come and leave.

[BusinessBasketball]

Makes sense, conservatives hate sex

[93stepsawayfromhome]

Eh, religion has had its influence on society, I guess. I really don't care, personally. You do what you like.

[stonerboner]

I don't know anyone who "hates" it. However, I do think that it's usually a lie for one of the "friends" in the benefits situation. Why? Because one of you wishes it were more and is going along with the "friends with benefits thing" waiting for the "more" to start.

[Mohamed_Sayed98]

I can't understand your question
But I know there is a good film 🎥 was called friends with benefits 😂

[Anonymous]

It's just because friends with benefits is morally unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

they are sluts

[Anonymous]

I don't I'm all up for that.

[Anonymous]

i wish i had a friend with benefits. i am so lonely.

[Anonymous]

Bitch i luv it bro

[Anonymous]

I love friends with benefits. I go to him when I didn't pick anyone up on a night out, when just need to relax, or when I just really craving to get dicked down.

[lightbulb27]

curious, why not get into LTR or marry him if most of it is good? Is it that you really want diversity and not ready to commit to one person?

[Opinion Owner]

@lightbulb27 he isn't that smart like he can't hold an intelligent conversation.