Why do some people get upset when you're dating someone much older or younger than you?

Question

CuriousJC · Accepted Answer

Because people aren’t allowed to have the same choices women & men do, obviously. We’re supposed to just stay in our lane and put ourselves out to pasture if we’re still single, or single again, past the age of 40. If people do like to date younger guys or girls, we’re called “cougars or manther”, which is a REALLY lame predatory, unjust moniker that implies all older men or women with younger men or women stalk singles bars, or sit in white vans offering candy to all the male college coeds who walk by. The truth is.. NOT EVEN CLOSE. I used to date a woman who is 43. Well technically I met her at 39, and I was 23 at the time. Therefore, a lot of men or women who’ve hit on people IRL have been younger. They often think they are their age, or maybe 10 years older than they are. Many times they’ve been shocked to discover that’s not the case. Many of the younger guys or girls people dated simply like that older men or women are well-rounded, interesting, financially secure, self-confident, and not game-players. Of course, there’s the whole “sexual prowess” thing.. we have way more experience than they do. But I will say at least 1 of the older women I dated taught ME some things! Sadly, we live in a sexist society. So it’s perfectly ok for an old fogey to marry a sweet young thing, but if an older “cougar or manther” marries her “cub”, people lose their minds. Thankfully, this is changing somewhat, as we see more celebrities marrying younger men. The one problem that an OW/YM relationship might confront, that an OM/YW marriage usually doesn’t, is that the older woman or man might be unable to have kids. Women have a much shorter breeding shelf life than men. That’s actually what ended my last relationship with a woman who was 20 years older than me. She wanted to have kids. I’m pretty sure I can’t, and even if I could, I don't think I could provide for them or be around for them since I would probably passed away from the moment my family found out I officially became a father to a woman's children. They think I don't have the higher brain function because I refuse to let them make my choices and decisions for me when I can do it myself. So after 2 years of off and on, and despite having feelings for each other, we had to break it off. So long as you’re willing to take the risk of your relationship having a short shelf life (and let’s face it.. how many relationships last forever these days?), you can have a fulfilling, happy relationship with a much younger or older guy or woman.

normalice · Accepted Answer

It is a bit reptilian, like an "old eats the young" situation. When crocodiles eat their kids it is an act of physical desperation but also only possible through an act of physical dominance. This is not the case for older people dating younger people - it is purely psychological desperation and dominance. Older people know how to feign confidence, stability, protection, or whatever else younger people want in a partner. Or, indeed, they know how to achieve those things, which isn't any better, as luring in prey with real bait isn't exactly a step up from fake bait, as it is still predatory. But all aged people have regrets or things they'd like to relive or reset and tapping in to new generations is an attempt to join it for that purpose. This can be out of spite or greed but it is rarely both. I mean, if its just for sex, to each their own I suppose, but taking up a young person's time is taking advantage of young people not yet fully grasping what it means that they do not have infinite time. They do not yet have the experience needed to fully appreciate having experiences.

On the other hand, the young person is depending on the maturity of the older person to avoid needing to become mature, themselves. One could argue this can be more of a "training wheels" situation where the younger person is given the time, space, and attention to mature, which they were denied from their parents, but i don't know how often it actually turns out that way...

Seinna · Accepted Answer

Because the older person takes advantage of the younger one whether that's their intention or not. I'm talking specifically about relationships that involve a person under the age of 22 and another whos more than 12 years older. And to those of you who said it's because of jealousy - you must be out of your mind if you think I feel jealous of a young girl being taken advantage of by an old man. No, I'm not that pathetic and neither are people who care deeply about the welfare of others. It's simply immoral and a waste of the young person's potential. Time is precious, youth is the greatest commodity and there will never be enough money or any other resource to match it and make it fair. The younger person is shortchanging themselves and unlike their mature partner are not even aware of it because of their youth.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

They aren't upset, but if the age gap is too big, it's a bit unusual and in some cases creepy in my opinion. You can't help but wondering what do these two people have in common, other than sex?
Only on Gag, it's considered normal for an 80 year old to date teenagers.

ScottStevens · Answer

My first reaction was to say it is no bodies business the age of who you are dating. It is strictly your decision to decide what you are looking for in a date.

But then I saw your age (15) on your profile. Yes that makes a difference, sorry to say. A 20 something or older man should not be looking at 15 year old ladies as their mental, physical, or emotional equal.

At 15 you are still learning way to much about who you are and are very susceptible to the ploys of older men who are looking for a quick fix to their hormone issues. They certainly are not interested in taking you home to meet Mom!

Siren777 · Answer

People are judgmental and will always be. You just have to do what you want and live your life.

Buntyp · Answer

Coz it somehow hits a nerve with them. That is, after all, why people get upset about anything. Jealousy, envy, memories of a bad experience, etc.
In the end, it just doesn't matter what they think. It's your life--not theirs. Don't let them bring you down.

katiesmuff · Answer

It's because they don't know how to mind their own business and stay out of places where they are not invited to comment about.

Mary087 · Answer

Their offended, jealous, or just plain miserable they are lonely meanwhile see a much younger guy with an older woman or a much younger girl with an older guy, I don’t really care who dates who as long as it’s legal and consensual.

Citizenkirk · Answer

Some people can't mind thier own business.

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

In your case because at 15 anything sexual with anyone more than 3 years older than you is illegal

Cuminginside · Answer

This profile is deactivated just to let you guys know.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Well, people are buttwipes they worried you will get prego

Kabluie · Answer

Sometimes its jealousy, like a younger high school girl dating someone in college. Or college age dating career age. Life gap dating tends to bring out some stronger feelings with insecure people, maybe like why or how they meet. If they like each other and it's legal, like what's the issue.

JSmuve · Answer

Because it doesn't fit in with their definition of what's normal or acceptable. If they wouldn't do it, then it's bad and they'll shame you into conforming to their beliefs.

RebeccaBI2000 · Answer

That I don’t understand. I have always dated older woman and men

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Because you're f'ing 15? SMH 🙄

Dchrls78104 · Answer

If the two individuals are of legal age and compatible, there should be no issue and condemning a relationship between grown adults because of age differences is ageist. If, however, one of the partners is a minor like yourself, it crosses the boundaries of what is legal and ethical. To any adult, a minor is necessarily an unsuitable date; why, minors shouldn't be sexually involved even with other minors. A minor and an adult are at different stages of life and cannot be said to be compatible; any romantic relationship between the two can be best described as predatory.

crmoore · Answer

Societal conditioning. We grow up being told its wrong so people just assume it is.

TheBiggestBelieber · Answer

I don't know why, but it's true.
The first thing people asked me when i told i had a crush was how old is she. Although they said nothing when i told she was 16 months older.
Now we are dating and things are so normal, like people don't really care tbh

Twalli · Answer

They don't think it is truly based on love

IsoUser · Answer

To be perfectly honest I think it's just jealousy and lack of experience

notwoke · Answer

older women get mad because it highlights the fact that they have a lower sexual market value due to their age. It is "in their face" and most women can't tolerate negative feedback about themselves. Jealousy in other words

Kelly6 · Answer

there could be multiple reasons

Why do some people get upset when you're dating someone much older or younger than you?

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