Why do women get offended if you ask them their body count?

According to most women body count doesn’t matter yet when you ask they lie or say it’s nobody’s business. Their go to is calling men childish and insecure if they ask about her body count. This tells me they know it truly does matter. Your husband deserves to know. You can’t build a marriage on lies.

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  • "Your husband deserves to know. You can’t build a marriage on lies."

    You also can't build a marriage on jealousy. Unless you're comfortable with the outcome, wanting to know someone's body count is only going to create insecurity, where before there probably wasn't any.

    "Their go to is calling men childish and insecure if they ask about her body count."

    Because a lot of men have "performance anxiety", and the idea of X number of men sleeping with her before them makes them feel inadequate.

    Most men want to be her first, because she would be inexperienced and so they can try things together. However, with people having sex like it's going out of style (which it actually might, if the loneliness epidemic continues), it's increasingly difficult to find someone who is not experienced. The problem is, if her body count is "too high" for your liking, what are you going to do, end the relationship? She can't exactly unf*ck her previous partners, so it can only go ever go up.

    There's two outcomes for asking: A) it's low or as low as you want it to be or B) it's high or higher than you'd like to be... or at least, "higher than yours". Because, at the end of the day, what we're talking about is the idea that the higher the number of partners, the more experience she's had, so the more easily dissatisifed she'll be in bed because you don't measure up, right? It's the same thing with height, honestly: it's not that you're short or not tall, but that you're not enough of something.

    I've asked one my previous partners and she told me straight, and I didn't like the answer. Looking back on it, I'd rather not have known, because it immediately tainted the relationship. But, I suppose, it is good to learn these life lessons, because I wouldn't be who I am now otherwise. I also have no doubt that a lot of women don't want to tell their men the number of partners they've had, for this very reason.

    TL;DR Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to

    P. S. Here's a possible answer to the problem: have the woman role play someone who's never had sex before. The plot is, she's trying to hide this guy she wants to sleep with, from her parents while she gets ready to bang, and she's nervous she might get in trouble if they're found out. Because the problem is not with her number, it's with the perception that she's "been there, done that" and she knows what to expect. But, if we're living in a world where people can be any gender they like or none at all, we can also be in a world where women have sex "for the first time" again. But, both parties have to commit to it.

    There's a say that "you can't do something for the first time, twice." Well, I beg to differ; it just requires the right mindset. Curiosity, not apprehension and stubbornness.

    • “ You also can't build a marriage on jealousy. Unless you're comfortable with the outcome, wanting to know someone's body count is only going to create insecurity, where before there probably wasn't any.” Insecurity? What an odd thing to say. It’s DISGUST. Men are disgusted by women with high body count. Why would you be insecure or jealous? She lost her virginity to someone else, and then someone else, and someone else, and another, and jealousy is what comes to mind? Nah. It’s disgust.

    • @Agagagagaga Basically, my takeaway in that regard is "ignorance is bliss". Unless you think that she might give you an STI, which I think is far more important than the number of people she's been with, it's kind of pointless to ask. "Men are disgusted by women with high body count." I think the real point of contention here is the perspective related to how a guy views the count. You're taking the approach that more guys = more mileage and womens' body count increases inversely to their value, thus making them a depreciating asset if they don't commit to one guy, while I'm taking the approach that she's simply had more novel sex with guys earlier in life, when sex was more foreign and unknown. One is not more valid than the other, and there is often a lot of overlap. So, no, I do not think the answer is simply "disgust". I think disgust is AN answer, it's not THE answer.

Most Helpful Guy

  • If you are really 35 years old and express an attitude like that, you are as much of the problem you are discussing, as any high school boy talking about girls in the locker room. This whole thing about the alleged "Body Count' is high school boy bull shit, and men are so chicken shit in their attitude of a woman's sex life is just childish, and the reality is it has nothing to do with what you allege in your question.

    I want to know, but, NOT TO BE ABLE TO THROW IT UP IN MY WIFE'S FACE AT SOME TIME OR MAKE JUDGMENTS ABOUT HER ALLEGED MORAL STATUS.

    "Boys' are insecure about a girl's/woman's prior sex life, and you know why? They are jealous of a woman's ability to pick and chose their sex partners.

    My wife had MULTIPLE (30) sex partners before we got married, and I was a damned concerned about her sex partners, as I was about her number of marriages. I am glad she had a lot of sex, but sadly the number of sex partners did not make her really hot in bed, and I had sex with women who had far fewer partners than my wife, who were much better at sex.

    I am not going to debate the issue with you or anyone else, on GAG, as this is my first and final exchange with you on the subject so dont' bother coming back at me with some 'argument' in favor of your sexist viewpoint.

    Argue with someone that enjoys debate and argument.

    • There is a big difference in women and men having sex. It's easier for women and I think it has different impact on them. It definitely makes them look worse.

    • "I want to know, but, NOT TO BE ABLE TO THROW IT UP IN MY WIFE'S FACE AT SOME TIME OR MAKE JUDGMENTS ABOUT HER ALLEGED MORAL STATUS." ^ men do not marry those women ^ guys do not put rings on girls' fingers just so he "make fun of her" one day

Most Helpful Girls

  • I come from an orthodox Christian country where virginity is the biggest asset for a woman.

    I disagree.

    There guys go fuck around and men are expected to be virgins. That’s why I never had a relationship with a Georgian man.

    When I was a virgin I preferred a virgin over others. So I got into a relationship with an amazing sexy guy who was also from a traditional family and was a virgin. We were each other’s first. Just the way I wanted. I wanted it to be a new and a special experience for both of us.

    Now back in my country, I am considered open-minded for having sex with my fiancé who I totally loved and who loved me back.

    If someone asks me about my body count, which is 1, in my country they might think I am open minded for having sex out of marriage, I, though think I am a very romantic person, who values love over anything else. So one thing you can be sure is that, If I had sex with man, that man must be amazing and a very special specimen and no one’s in a position to judge my decision.

    • * In Georgia women are expected to be virgins. Not men

    • @lafemmefatale_1 Surprising to know you're Georgian. I used to study Georgian history, and Armenian.

    • @ManOnFire Nice. Is there anything you liked or disliked about our history?

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  • It's because it is nobody's business, husband or not. The only thing he should be concerned about is if she is std clean which can be done via a test, not by a question about her sexual history. Having a need to ask just shows insecure behavior and would be a red flag to me.

    • "Having a need to ask just shows insecure behavior and would be a red flag to me." I think not being willing to answer is what shows insecure behavior. I would have no problem sharing that information with my girl.

    • @RingOfFire no it isn't insecure behaviour on the woman's part. It's smart. Men judge women very harshly and will degrade a wonderful woman if the number bothers him. It doesn't matter who she is presently. He will only see her for the past. He will always bring up other men. He will drag out her number in arguments. Blame marriage problems on her number. No smart woman ever gives this information whether it is 0, 1 or 1 million. Period.

    • @DermalPunch No man will blame woman on marriage problems their bodycount when its same as their wifes or less.

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What Girls & Guys Said

44 63
  • I don't because my body count is one.

    • Well said!

  • Because it’s a question based on coercing to a man’s ego more so than anything relevant or important

    • important like what? a man's money and his "financial stability"? is that anyone's business too?

    • @inhua a persons finances become important if you want a future with them. If you don’t believe that is important, why don’t you go ask my dad that currently has three kids with a woman that is can’t even financially support herself let alone her kids because of her gambling addiction.

    • oh I see. it's just a double standard for you it's only details about men that should be important to women when considering a relationship but men shouldn't be allowed to know women's details when considering a relationship

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  • I would compare this question to "why do men get offended if you ask them about the size of their penis?"

    On either account, a guy who is packing or a girl who is a virgin probably are a lot happier to disclose the answer.

    On the other, if you know you're "too small" or have "too high" of a count, somebody in your past has likely reacted emotionally and shamed you about a perfectly factual response.

    Now what's too small for some women or too high a body count is ALWAYS subjective. I think there are some benchmark numbers you could guess (say a more socially acceptable normal), but each person has their own standards for "normal" and "date able".

  • Women get offended because it tells them that you value women for their bodies rather than who they are as people. It's not a fun thing to be faced with an open misogynist.

    • Promiscuity is fundamentally linked to sexual impulsivity and lack of self-control in general. Yes, it's about personality too.

    • If you want to be valued for who you are and not for your bodies then don't sleep around.

  • I mean a) why does someone's body count matter? If they're dedicated to you now, who cares about their past?, but b) women tend to receive more judgement from some parts of society if they choose to sleep with people outside relationships or early on in relationships (it depends on your community/local culture how common this is). Women get more easily offended because we've had people act more offensively towards us on the topic. I had an friends with benefits relationship going on for a little while and I got a lot of negativity from some of my closest friends over it. One person even decided to end our friendship entirely (or rather started treating me so badly that I had no choice but to walk away, which is still one of the hardest things I've ever done).

    So why are we defensive? Because we get attacked. Frequently.

    • past behavior is a good predictor of future behavior. monogamous lifestyles historically have done better than promiscuous lifestyles. it shouldn't be a surprise that has promiscuity goes up, so do divorce rates, cheating rates and marriage quality drops body count certainly matters more than a dude's height, money and status which are of no indication of his relationship commitment and fidelity

    • @inhua Ugh, the term promiscuity is such an ick.

    • the term "promiscuous" or "promiscuity" can describe both men and women unless you prefer the terms "slutty" and "fuckboyish"

  • Someone’s body count matters to me because I want to know if our values match, however I don’t think someone needs to delve into their whole history with me either. A lot of the time there is a double standard where it doesn’t matter for men but it does for women which can contribute to someone not offering that information when it should be held as equally important for both.

  • Women know that only unattractive and low quality males care about this out of their own scarcity mentality.

    • unattractive guys with little to no options wouldn't care because they're desperate for anything attractive guys with options can and will discriminate

    • Quality men know to look for other criteria.

    • yeah and these criteria include her own morals, ethics, values, self-respect, level of impulsivity and relationship fidelity which can be determined from her body count

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  • Because they don't want to be tagged as a slut or whore. Cuz the world can become really mean.
    by the way a guys body count matters to some women, and those some are high value women... not the hookers with high body count

  • I never asked a woman's body count and none ever asked mine. It's an indication of sexual hang ups. Any healthy, self respecting woman should walk away from an immature twit who asks that question, regardless of her body count.

    I care about a woman's character and how well we get along. I assess that myself without doing background checks. Everyone has their own path to getting where they are in life.

    I never placed ANY value on virginity or purity. I think it would be weird to not have engaged in sex before.

    Every girlfriend I ever had, including my wife of nearly 26 years, was experienced and loved sex. That's what I prefer.

  • i personally think it should be a topic of discussion with a partner. anyone acting like that is hiding something. a spouse should know, there shouldn't be secrets in a healthy marriage. mines zero, im not offended or embarrassed. people these days seem to think there is something wrong with you if you aren't sleeping around, instead of thinking oh you have morals. this world is so ass backwards anymore, its mind bending. people also forget one very important fact anyone your SO has slept with you are sleeping with and vice versa.

  • No one deserves to know body count and here is why. It’s not a lie to not disclose. Telling someone your body count will not improve your relationship if you are a healthy person. I’ve told guys I was a virgin and it became a game to see if I would lose it to them. I’ve told guys my “body count” and it was awkward because I was assaulted in order to get that body count. Now I don’t say it at all and no healthy guy who is secure in himself has cared or even asked.

  • I’m not offended at all it’s 1 lol my ex boyfriend. I don’t get offended by something if wanna know for him too. That’s just my opinion. I am not asking to be judgmental lol it’s to understand what to expect. And if there is any chance of STDs. This is all something I’d discuss with him. I don’t think it’s right to judge someone based on this, but bros will. How easy a girl is. :( it’s not right but it’s also good to be aware that sex is kind of a bonder. It’s like I wouldn’t like it if a man has “bonded” with a lot of women I think it’s fair for him to feel the same about me. Again not judging but I do feel 100% about this. He has a right to know.

  • Getting offended is a defense mechanism to avoid becoming embarrassed.

  • Because there's no right answer. Too few? You're "lying". Too many? It will be used against you later.

  • Here's the thing, you don't need to know. If someone has an active STD, that you need to know. They say you're insecure because it indicates you are afraid to be compared to previous partners. Don't ask, don't tell. If I were a woman who had never had sex, (I dislike the term virgin) I would mention that, but even that is up to her.

  • Because we can.

    • Because you can get offended?

    • Can what @ushagomez?

  • They don't want to be looked down on as a slut, this why they are trying to make slut shamming a thing lol

    • Also from men I asked its the ones with higher body counts who don't like to be asked.. but I asked because I want to know what type of person you are before I catch feelings for you.

    • *I mean guys I have asked about how many girls they slept with they don't like to be asked either when its high.. Like one guy I really really liked said he couldn't remember so I asked him if he had ever been with prostitutes he said "yes" but he was so offended I asked LOL

  • They know it matters and it is most likely going to give us information about her that she doesn't want us to know. Thus lie about it, or just go on the attack about it. Women that are honest about it with no problem either don't care what you think or they actually have cleaner-looking numbers.

  • Unless a woman has HIV or some STDs, that’s all he needs to know! Body count should be voluntary information not mandatory. If he forces it, then he’s probably not the one for her!

    • High body counts are sexy. I like the idea of being cuckolded by a woman’s bulls.

    • @loveislove29 Dude, no one here is paid to hear you talk about your sexual autism so don't even bother, no one is interested in it. Save some money and get proper psychological counseling.

    • Kinda agree with you, Pinay. Attitudes are worth more than words. Guys (and vice versa too) should pay more attention to girls' attitudes if they really wanna know them. Anyway, if a woman is promiscuous she wouldn't tell the truth if a guy asked about it.

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  • If any woman asks, I tell her it only got physical with one. But that there are others with whom it got emotional, even if sex itself never happened. And if she's still curious, I'll tell her what I did with whom, and to what specifics, and how it affected me, and why I went along with it. And where I'd be willing to go with her, when, why, and how, informed by past experiences.

    Of course , I'd expect the same transparency back. I may not be amused to learn that her fourth boyfriend and baby daddy nearly gave her prolapse once, nor be told how she went down on him and then forgot to use Listerine before making out. However, I'd rather hear her full disclosure

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