Why does it piss me off that my boyfriend (27) had sex with his exes?

I’m 22 we have been together for nearly five years he has been celebate since he was 22. He had some girlfriends in his teens and he had sex in those years and it pisses me off sometimes I fight with him over it. I’m a virgin and I saved myself for the one I will love and marry and it angers me that he didn’t save himself for me. I can’t bear to think some other woman had him and that they pleasured each other when he is mine. He has never had sex with me but he had sex with these cheap women in toilets and parks. I lash out at him and then I realise my behaviour is irrational but I find it hard to stop and I can’t help but feel jealous. What should I do to stop lashing out at him?
0 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • Ok, first it is REALLY HARD to have sex then stop. If your guy did this for you then that is an even greater feat than never having sex at all.

    2d Ask yourself if your really love him. If so, WHY have you tortured him for 5 years? That is one incredible guy you got there. He obviously places great value upon you, immense value.

    Recommendations:
    1. APOLOGIZE

    2. Discuss the problem with him. If you are not getting progress. ...

    3. Then seek a counselor of some sort to facilitate the trouble. A pastor will often counsel things like this for free. Paid counselors (psychologists, sex counselors, etc.) will offer different perspectives.

    4. Key issues you might discuss: Why did he do this before? If he could go back & change the past, would he? What did he learn from his prior encounters? What benefits might you gain from his experience? How has he been able to maintain celibacy for 5 years? Is he sexually attracted to you or does he just really like you as a very close friend? Why do you feel robbed? Do you regret waiting?

    5. Remember. People make mistakes. Forgiveness is a gift to him, and to yourself. If you do not forgive, are you worthy of forgiveness? If you want a perfect creature, marry a dog. (not a serious suggestion!)

    One last thought. If you love him, you love him for who he is. He is a sum total of his entire past + all of his present + all of his future. Do you love him? If so, then you love him for his experience & you should keep him. If you despise his experience, then you do not fully accept him & do not completely love him. Thus, you logically must dump him.

    • 👏👏👏👏👏

  • Different people have different believes. I've never been one who would wait for marriage but I sure like the thought of my first, being my only.

    Now, that actually worked out for me but what if the relationship didn't last in the end? I've still lost my virginity to someone I loved, thinking she could be the one. I'd have no regrets about that.

    Whatever you do, you won't change what happened in his past. Lashing out at him about something he can no longer control is just wasted time. Calling his exes "cheap women" because they share a different mindset is pretty immature.

    Things are the way they are and you'll eventually have to accept that or leave him if you can't.

    There still are so many first time to be had together.. Having Sex might no longer be one of them but each of the others is equally valuable.

    Also, what's special about Sex is what you feel. Emotions make Sex truly fulfilling. The emotions he'll feel during his first time with you will be a first time in itself. And they'll be exclusive to no one but you. That's what's important.

Most Helpful Girls

  • First of all, relax. Second of all, why do you assume that all of the women he slept with in the past were cheap women in trailer parks? Just because you decided to be boring, and wait for sex doesn’t mean everyone else has to live by your standards. Maybe he had meaningful relationships with those women in his past and they had sex with each other because that’s a pretty normal thing that couples do. Third, he can’t change the past. He slept with those women before he met you. If you want a virgin man then you should date someone else. Either get over it, or find a new man. Either way stop acting like a crazy bitch and stop shaming other women for living their own fucking lives by their own rules.

    • thank god you said what i was thinking. only thing i can add is 0P sounds toxic

    • @magiusX26 she sounds insane.

    • agreed. hell, he has been celibate all this time for her. yet she dwells on hid past before her and gives hom no credit for what he is already doing for her. this is a part of what causes rifts between men and women.

    • Show All
  • My ex felt the same way and i had only been with one person at 15/16 before i returned to celibacy. I met my ex when i was 22 and he couldnt even handle knowing i was with one guy in my teen years. But then he said “well i guess i can get over it if you and him only did it once.” So to make him feel better, i told him we only had sex that once. Its not like i lied about how many people i was with but yea i lied about how many times me and that one person did it over our 2 year relationship

    • you're not wrong to be jealous.

    • And yes my second ex was a virgin saving himself like you

    • It made him feel better and he considers himself my true first

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

3 15
  • I wanted that till one day she said let's get it over with.. I said what she said us loosing it together. We were just friends and sure I tried to date her but I got friend zoned and then this comes up... I was floored and did not know what to say...

  • You score high on the crazy matrix...

  • That’s something you should of really considered before getting into a relationship with him , His past is his past and at that time you weren’t in it. So by dwelling on his past isn’t something you should be really holding against him what matters is the connection you have with him now and the future , I know it sucks sometimes when we picture are partners having sex with other people but you have to
    Remember you weren’t part of their life then. Put yourself in his shoes , think how you would feel if a guy you were dating and really liked was a virgin and he hated the fact that you had sex with other guys before him? You would just want that guy to not worry about it , to just focus on you and him for now and future. So the reality of it , that’s all that really matters

  • Because you feel like it cheapens the intimacy you share with him. You want to believe that you are the only person who has had the chance to be intimate with your boyfriend, and the fact that you aren't the only person makes it a little bit less special.

  • Yeah it's pissed off

  • Get rid of him already

    • But he didn’t cheat on me. He just had sex way in the past and that bugs me.

    • Oh that was before doesn’t count

  • Kinds stupid for holding him accountable for things that went on before you met. You need to lose that attitude, or you may end up losing the boyfriend.

  • Find someone more pure

  • If you love him it shouldn't matter. I do understand your feelings though. You want your first time to be his first time as well. If that's something you feel like you need, younshould break up with him now. I will say that since he's stayed celibate for 6 years he probably regrets having sex when he was younger.

  • because they're not you

  • He saved himself for his first girlfriend

  • You have no reason to be mad. Grow up

  • It's natural to be pissed off

  • If you honestly think he just gave up pussy for you, you are delusional.

  • I assume he had to hit on you first

    • Of course

    • Yeah I was just being sarcastic because I've always hated the gender-role that guys have to be the initiators

  • I too have felt a similar way, can't go into detail though

  • Find someone that has waited for you.

  • My boyfriend has been with other girls before me and never really bothered me never really thought about it. It was in the past he didn’t even know you, but I guess it’s understandable since he is your boyfriend