Why does my boyfriend always ask permission if we can have sex and never actually initiates by touching, kissing, etc?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. It wasn’t always like this, and I don’t really know when it changed, but it’s been like this for awhile. It instantly turns me off. And I’ve found myself saying things like “we don’t have time right now” “I’m not feeling good.” “I’m really tired”. He always says I don’t initiate, but I do send him sexy texts, I do try to touch him and kiss him (often times he is too busy and won’t accept my touches or kinda nudges me away), sometimes I’ll even send him nudie pics through the day letting him know I’m thinking about him. And to me that’s initiating. But I’m kinda realizing that it may actually be him that’s not initiating.. I finally asked him today shortly after he tried asking me permission for sex, I said “why do you always ask me if we can have sex? Why don’t you ever touch me or kiss me or try to turn me on? Like what happened to foreplay?” And he responded with “I’m never going to be enough for you am I?” And I’m just dumbfounded. Because that’s how I’m feeling.. I’ve never been with a man who didn’t want to touch me or show me affection. I don’t understand what’s happening.. outside of these issues we have a good relationship. I don’t know if he’s scared or nervous or if he’s just not interested in me sexually? We probably only have sex once or twice a month at most.

[OlderAndWiser]

1. Feminism has created a generation of men populated with many guys who think they need permission for everything even if they are in an established relationship. Thank all the sisters for this.

2. "And to me that’s initiating. " In your female mind, that's what it means. But. . . guys and girls think different and what is an "obvious" hint to you is totally lost on him, because he doesn't have a female mind and he sees things differently.

3. Not being in the mood all the time is rejection and that is taking you two in the wrong direction, so don't blame all of this on him.

4. In fact, deciding who is at fault (the blame game) kills relationships. it certainly isn't working in this relationship, is it? Ask yourself what's more important: proving that you are right, or having your partner screw your brains out? Who GAF who's right and who's wrong. It's more important to just solve the problems and move forward.

5. Tell him to stop asking for permission because he has your permission, at all times, to fuck you 'til the cows come home. But if he does ask for permission again, just say "permission granted" and then start taking off your clothes. He'll eventually stop.

[MrOracle]

1. He's got a low sex drive. Likely low testosterone levels too.

2. He's swallowed the Feminist doctrine hook, line, and sinker. He's all in - a full male feminist. (The "always asking first" part gives that away clearly.)

He's the kind of guy that women SAY they want - but definitely not the kind of guy that women ACTUALLY want. I'm sure he cries in front of you and shares his feelings...

I hate to say it, but this is who he is, and it's unlikely that you're going to be able to change/fix him. He was defective right out of the package, and should be returned to the store and exchanged for a working model.

[Anonymous]

Put his hands on your boobs and say you don't have to ask.

[NamerOfStars]

Most likely, fear. It's entirely possible that where you live, he HAS to- it's the law. He doesn't want to go to jail for rape, and a culture that holds to the "affirmative consent" standard mandates that.

It's what comes of having your sexual laws made by people who've clearly never had sex.

[delta50]

It sounds like you guys need to talk through some stuff but can't because he turns hostile just from you trying to start the discussion. This is communication failure. It's a wall and I don't think you're going to get past it on your own. You need a couples therapist to referee and keep the room cool long enough to reset the conversation

[MiamiMadness]

Try splashing him with water and see if any sparks appear? 🤔

[ConspiracyTheorist]

Tell him sure we can do it but your gonna have to get this deal wet first and I suggest licking some pussy... tell him damn if you don't want to play with nine of this I'm sure somebody out their would... I'm kind of on that same boat, I always have to engage and the wife will actually get me turned on and then I'll go shower or something because we gonna get freaky she says but then I get out of shower and this bitch is all dressed or passed out or so. ething stupid so the I'm all horny as fuck and she won't give it up... why u think she does this?

[peterrezeeek]

maybe he is really tired

[TotallyAlmost]

Time to be very careful about analyzing things you may be doing to shut him down without realizing it. He may think he's initiating and getting snubbed. You'd be surprised.

[Anonymous]

Because he sucks, sorry to say but that is not a real man