Why does my boyfriend use porn even when he has sextapes of us and my nudes?

[xxari]

I’ve caught my boyfriend of 7 months 3 times with porn or pictures of naked girls on his phone and he had admitted to me he was jerking off to them. I told him the second time how much it hurt me because I have always struggled with my body image because of past trauma. I asked of him not to jerk off to other girls because it ruins my intimacy with him and makes me insecure and in return we could start making porn together and I would send him more nudes of myself. So that’s what I did and everything was great until I caught him again with a picture of a naked girl who had a slimmer body and just looked so much hotter then me. I asked him what it was and he immediately got all dodgy with my question and trying to hide his phone from me after I already saw it. He says he doesn’t know why he went to porn and that he was jerking off to last longer in bed. But to me it’s not the fact he’s jerking off, I know that’s normal and i could care less, But to me it’s just I’m literally giving him porn and nudes of myself and he doesn’t use it and just goes to another girl instead. Even when i’ve told him how it makes me feel. What do I do? I’ve tried everything and still don’t feel good enough for him.

[Anonymous]

The best way I can think of how you can maybe relate to this is to think of the porn for him, like a sex toy (if you have any) is to you. I know that one isn't human, and the other is, but for him, the purpose is the same, and you have to take it less personally because it's not personal. That's not saying you don't have a right to your feelings, but I'm just trying to explain how he sees it. It's a visual aid. Now you'll think, "well ok, but I've given him that with my nudes", and yes, but we also like variety, but again, it's not personal. It's like if you get bored with sex because you're doing the same positions all the time... it's not sex with him you're bored of, it just needs spicing up a little, it's kind of the same thing for him with this. That's not to say your nudes don't still turn him on or that he doesn't like them anymore, but just wants a bit of variety. But it's not personal, he doesn't want to sleep with these women, or "prefer" them. It a visual aid (like a toy is for you) for masturbation. I don't know if this helps you at all, or makes it worse? lol But the point is, that for him is no different than a toy might be for a woman. It doesn't mean he doesn't still love you or thinks any less of you. So if you can somehow detach yourself from it and think of it that way, maybe it'll help with how you feel?

[Twalli]

Nudes if you and sextape are great when he's missing you. Otherwise they don't serve the same effect as porn. Porn is escapism and fantasy. I really enjoy incest porn. I really don't want it in my actual life. So sextapes and nudes from my girlfriend (which I have both) are used only when I am horny and missing her. Otherwise it's porn, because it's a fantasy and fake.

I did work for a porn studio for a while, so I know of the fakeness rather well. Basically it's two people having some of the worst sex of their life. Homemade or ameature porn is more realistic

[Anonymous]

Porn is different because they do crazy fantasy stuff.

[KatherineJ]

The only person who can give you a real answer is him.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

It’s something you have to ask him. I guess guys like something new or different. I’m not sure

[xxari]

I asked and even he said he doesn’t know why so i’m not sure either lol

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

…How does someone not know why they jerk off to someone else lol. Ugh… I’m not a guy so I’m just as clueless, but maybe he just likes to fantasize about having sex with other women? That’s the only other thing I can think of. Sounds shitty but if they’re porn stars, I guess some guys like to think about having sex with porn stars.

[xxari]

Honestly I feel the same way it’s so frustrating that he won’t communicate with me why.. like how do you not know!! haha but maybe that could be the case he doesn’t want to tell me he’s attracted to these pornstars but I wish he would tell me instead of leaving me wondering what im doing wrong

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Men seem to lack communication sometimes lol. But I don’t think it has to do with you doing anything wrong, but you could always ask him how you two could improve and make thing more enjoyable?

[Red_Arrow]

Guys enjoy variety for their porn. When he feels the need to jerk off, the variety is what he goes for. I am sure he also enjoys seeing your nudes, too. But he should not keep his porn where you can see it and feel hurt by it. He really needs to have more consideration for you.

[DonkeyDan]

You can't jerk off to the same porn day in day out, the brain doesn't work that way. If you could only watch the same set of TV programs you'd just lose interest after the first few times, porn works exactly the same way. Also porn has a vast array of different people in it, you can't just keep watching the same person all the time.

[slatyb]

He's already seen those. He's looking for something new. That doesn't mean he's unhappy and looking for a new partner. That's just the way the human libido works.

[xxari]

But I keep sending him new pictures and videos, so is it just me thats not new anymore?

[Citizenkirk]

Tell him again how this makes you feel and ask him what he would like the two of you too do together.
Explain that this is an opportunity for a fresh start and want too please him and want him too feel free too try new things with you.

[Wise4myage]

Do a search for the signs of porn addiction.

[In_Trance]

What did you record your tapes with?
What does he play them on?


VHS?

[xxari]

Nope on our cellphones haha gotta work with what you got sometimes

[OddBeMe]

Ehh, it’s like breakfast cereal…we like variety packs.

[the_sinner]

Only continuous discussion with your guy can help him leave that addiction forever. Show him that you’re more than enough for him and ask him that you’re willing to work hard to make him stop. If he loves you he’d definitely work with you. It’s not that easy as it might take some time but you’ll definitely be happy in the end and he’d be the happiest.

[Anonymous]

It's different girls, that's why. Men crave variety.