Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
Seriously, guys. Just stop. You're bringing your warped perceptions into reality and for a lot of women, it's either scary or just plain bizarre.
I've dated my fair share of men over the years but recently, it seems like I'm only coming across guys who believe all sex should be exactly like it appears in porn. Not only do they expect me to do certain things I am NOT comfortable doing (a big fat thank you to all that twisted porn out there), but there's another nasty little consequence, and it doesn't involve women:
Men are putting immense pressure on themselves and it's turning them into fucking basket-cases in bed.
The guys in porn aren't normal. The penis size isn't normal, the stamina isn't normal, NOTHING about is normal. If your expectations are based on that and you're not particularly familiar with the whole sex thing, you're going to be in for a very rude awakening. Most guys are not Casanovas. I mean shit, most of them don't even know how to satisfy a woman for more than fifteen minutes at a stretch. And yet, they're putting even more pressure on themselves by watching a bunch of totally unrealistic porn, and then freaking out because they can't mimic it.
Yes, this is really less about making us women do crazy stuff in bed (or thinking we're going to act and react like the female pornstar), and more about what this porn is doing to men's heads. It's really screwing with them badly. You'd think they'd be able to separate reality from fantasy but strangely, it seems it's becoming a bigger and bigger issue, even among older men. I expect guys in their teens and early 20s to be a little messed up because of all the porn, combined with a significant lack of experience. But what is the deal with guys in their 30s and even 40s? Why are THEY suddenly having trouble differentiating between fact and fiction?
I'm not really sure what's going on, but all I can say is: STOP WATCHING SO MUCH PORN! Maybe you guys are seeing it as educational or some such crap, but it isn't. It's just filling your head with all kinds of impossible junk, and it's not going to translate well to the real bedroom. Real women simply want to be loved; they want the best you've got, sure, but they really just want YOU. The real you. Not the fake dude who thinks anything less than an hour of sex with 78 different positions and 4 orgasms is a failure.
Sometimes, there is no orgasm for us (and no, it's not always your fault, guys). Sometimes it's just not that great. This doesn't mean you should run out and slit your wrists, or get all depressed and wracked with anxiety whenever the clothes come off. It's the porn, damnit. It's turning you all into horribly self-conscious freaks who just can't seem to find the reality. And you know, it's not my responsibility to show you just how out-of-the-realm you're being. Maybe you should just stop watching so much porn and start doing more real women, or something. I dunno.
I just know this is getting ridiculous.
What Girls & Guys Said
23 101I disagree almost completely.
I don't watch so much porn. I watch it in moderation and I'm living in reality just so you know. You can watch porn as much as you want 😛
i dont watch porn and never had the desire to do so. getting close and intimate with a woman is surely better than jizzing over something you're not even touching/feeling if you get what im saying. not against anyone who watches porn but i have no desire to watch it.
Uhh maybe I watch porn because my girlfriend is boring
Well my life is sexless so I guess it doesn't matter and I can keep watching it.
I very much agree with you. I am very strongly opposed to porn. It's degrading to the person and to human sexuality. It's very frustrating for me when I hear people say that men "need" porn or that we're biologically programmed or obligated to watch it.
well, if guys ended up with the right girls or actually have a girl in the first place. then we wouldn't need porn, or fantasies. so maybe instead of blaming porn for your problems, maybe you should learn from it. and start understanding why it exists.
guys want to love. but were never loved in return. and sex is a part of love.
and when girls stop thinking guys have to be all confident alpha males and think we can have who we want when we want the way girls do, and start living in reality themselves then guys will.
Pretty much agree.
I kind of agree with this, but we also gotta take into account how easily influenced someone is. There are plenty of men that know porn is all fake, so they won't act like that in real life.
Also, you should have mentioned women too, cause more and more women watch porn and they're also getting false expectations. Ask women how long they expect sex to last, and most will say 30 minutes... though 30 minutes isn't that long, it's still quite a lot compared to how long sex usually lasts.
Then you ask women how big they like dicks, and most will say quite above average.
Then with the 50 Shades of Grey fever, many womeb started getting into BDSM (without knowing shit), and expect sex to be like that, then they can't even handle a spank xD
All these will make them expect this during sex, and when the guy can't give her all that (because porn isn't reality), they end up unsatisfied, and we all know what that leads to.
I watch porn, not gonna lie, but I try to not watch it much. Even though I know it's not true, I still don't like watching it a lot. But porn can affect both genders, not just the man.
Good Take.
Well considering most boys start watching before their teenagers, I'd say they're pretty impressionable
@nalaa I was told since I was a little kid not to believe everything I saw in TV and what I was told. If parents don't really teach their kids to not believe everything, then you're gonna have kids that (when it comes to porn), they'll believe it's true. If you teach them NOT to believe what they see on TV, it's very likely that they won't think porn is like in real life.
I was just putting comment on another answer. There's research about how men view women in magazines. Good news, they know it's not real. Bad news, it doesn't matter it still sets the standard of how they perceive women in real life. The same is true for porn If you really believe the type of imagery you surround yourself with when you're young has no influence on your perception of reality, you're very very naive. You've probably been watching porn for a decade before you were intimate in real life. You can't realistically claim had no influences of your perceptions and expectations of sex
@nalaa It's different though. Liking big boobs like in magazines, is not the same as gagging a girl with your dick like in porn. When do you think guys start watching porn? It's certainly not a decade before being intimate with someone. Most guys start watching porn when they're 10-11, and then lose their v-card between 16-18.
well ya it's different, but it's the Internet kids have access to even the most hardcore stuff. I mean I think most normal people would never think "what I want to is shove my dick down my girlfriends throat so she feels like she's choking" but porn has made it normal. That's my point. That's still over half a decade of watching porn before intimacy
@nalaa Do you think it would be different if they had gfs but not getting intimate with them yet? Meaning, they start watching porn at age 10, and start dating at age 10 too, but don't have sex till they're 16.
No (too short)
I personally agree. I've written long opinions about this before, but I just feel like giving bullet points cause I'm tired.
-porn dehumanizes sex, making it a less personal, less intimate act
-porn skews people's perception of themselves and their partners in very unhealthy ways
-watching porn isn't anything like engaging in sex. I wouldn't be surprised to find out down the line that porn -- which is really just digital voyeuristism -- fucks with people's brains and sensory perceptions.
thank you! why? coz i just read a guy say " sex does not have to be emotional or intimate, so women should just do it with their partner even if they dont want to ". that statement was really messed up, and i actually started wondering "are all guys like that?" thankfully, i got my answer from here! (relieved) :)👍
I really think porn should just straight up be outlawed. It's not a guy-only issue, it fucks with everyone. It fucks with the people IN the industry and it fucks with the people consuming it.
Leaving alone how much "sexual pressure" women seem to think it puts on men (which I frankly don't care about), it's more about the hedonism-seeking pleasure-state it puts men in. It's not so much an issue of "oh the sex he expects is unrealistic," it's really more an issue of it being this cozy, coddling sympathy-blanket that DOES turn men into degenerate freaks. Seriously, porn even turns straight men into faggots, I've seen this shit happen to a close friend of mine, he's actually had to take STEPS to correct homosexual impulses he didn't have five years ago.
Stop telling people to watch porn and tell governments to ILLEGALISE it. It's pragmatic for society.
Fuck you for thinking you should control what I can or cannot watch.
I don't think it is the solution to stop watching porn.
Lets take myself as an example, i am a computer geek who spend a lot of his childhood online. Everything i learned was thought online and i came in contact with porn on the age of 6 when i first had it as a popup, my parents where unaware.
If that intro just tricked you into believing i must have been a messed up child, addicted to porn or totally unrealistic about my relationships and sex expectations your absolutely wrong.
I see porn for the entertainment it is, its the act of sex acted out (I do usually go for the real video's where its not acted) to turn me on provide me with a visual and mental stimulation to make getting off more pleasurable and fun.
So how would this reflect on my sex life? First of all i am totally aware sex isn't as mechanic in porn and i wouldn't expect myself or her to get much enjoyment of fucking her ass for 5 minutes straight. Instead i use porn as an inspiration where i don't look at the techniques but at interesting / kinky elements. It thought me some things i would not have discovered otherwise.
The act of purposely teasing and delaying her orgasm until the urge drives her wild as the perfect build up for a simultaneous orgasm or something hugely intense for example. The idea to use a feather to make her orgasm or perhaps a role play scenario that you never thought up.
When you look at porn knowing its not the same as reality you can see it for the fiction it is. Once you realise that you can take the elements that would work out for your personal bedroom taste and the one of your partner, find new things to try out together or use it as a foreplay element.
When doing the above i don't think there is anything wrong with porn, especially not with the video's where women are being genuine and actually enjoy the act rather then be abused for views. Its not porn we need to get rid off, it is the false images and the idea that in most videos the girls are actually enjoying themselves. Once you can tell real pleasure from acting it soon becomes obvious what videos are the good ones.
You know what I hear all the time? Men are no good in bed. And you might say, well she should tell him, but it's hard when you guys are preconceived ideas of what sex is supposed t o be like. And you've been grooming those ideas since were 6 years old. If you're looking at porn for inspiration you're already doing it wrong. What you see in porn is not meant to be enjoyable for women at all. It's meant to look on camera. There's some interesting research on how men see models in magazines. Good news, they know it's not real. Bad news, it doesn't matter. It still sets the standard to how they perceive women in real life. And the same is true for porn
I have the feeling you missed some essential elements of my post. I listed a few examples of simple idea's i took to spice things up, thing which in the past have been well received. You sound as if you assume my head is so full of the things i saw in porn this goes completely beyond any communication, romance and passion in bed. The truth is of course real life sex is much more romantic and it can only be good when you explore what you both love. No girl is the same on this, this can't be thought from any other material then your partner. So to clarify, its not the positions, the speed , the tempo , things like deepthroating etc that i took from watching this as being online did not only teach me these things exist, it thought me which of those girls would like and which girls would generally hate. The whole essence of my post was that if you see it for the fiction that it is and know what reality lies beyond it it isn't damaging at all.
My boyfriend and I sometimes watch porn together, I feel that it is a great experience and it's really sexy watching a woman play with herself and orgasm on cam while you and your boyfriend are about to climax yourselves :) it really depends on the man, my boyfriend only cares about making ME feel good, because he knows that he can easily hump me and pass out, but he wants the experience of me having an orgasm and passing out with him. If your man does not communicate with you, watch porn with you, ask you what feels good or what's the easiest way that you orgasm when you go solo or use a dildo, then you are not dating a real man! A REAL man knows that it's easy for him to orgasm, but wants to achieve the really hard achievement of making his woman orgasm. It's like paying a video game, you know that you could easily beat the mini games, but a real gamer will go and defeat the big boss to beat the game. Men, MAN UP! And women, choose better men!
A good take. I'm pretty good at keeping porn and reality separate but there are times where it "gets blurry"... where a guy wonders, should I be lasting longer etc All self conscious issues. Yes, men are self conscious as well as women. They do make these men in porn "super human", very few (if any) guys are like that in all ways.
Why do i get the impression the truth in the take ends with the introduction?
Sorry, porn isn't damaging to us at all.
It's been linked to ED, and the desire to "up the ante" over time can potentially lead to anhedonia, or the inability to derive pleasure from sex. Then there is the fact that no real sex life can measure up to the insane standards created by porn and the Adonis figures chosen for it. Then again, if we're not getting any IRL porn can be looked at as a necessary substitute.
@Napoleonica that is exactly what the research says. And I think she makes a real point of how it makes men have unrealistic expectations of what sex they should expect.
I agree. Along with moral objections, I believe that pornography is pathetic because it promotes a lazy and counterproductive attitude. Even prostitution -- another abomination -- is more honorable because it at least involves a real person, and the man is making an effort to acquire real sex. It is not the same with porn. Instead of genuinely bettering themselves so as to improve their prospects with real women, these people just sit around watching videos all day, content to accept a fantasy over reality. That time could be better spent at the gym to get a sexier body, advancing in your career, working harder in school, or really doing anything to better your prospects with real women.
You make it sound like everything a man does should have the end goal of acquiering and pleasing a woman. How is it so hard to assume that guys can think about themselves first and foremoast insteadd?
@ThisDudeHere Who said the two are mutually exclusive? A man should acquire a real woman because he *deserves* to experience the joy of real sex and being able to indulge in his greatest fantasies. Settling for porn is pathetic, and an example of men settling for less than the best.
For some it's just a pass time. For others they don't have much of a choice. You can't tell a guy with no job, no experience with women and possibly not the best looks either to just get up and go get one.
@ThisDudeHere Yes you can. Anyone with determination can at least get a good body, unless they are literally crippled. For men this is relatively easy, because unlike women, all we have to be is muscular. A simple gym membership can increase a man's prospects if he works on his body.
Not if he can't afford the life style. Some men may have a dead-end job with murderous hours that leaves little to no free time.
How things have turned on their heads. In the 70s men were Judged on careers and lifestyle , women had to look good. Now it's really to do with how good men look!
I think watching porn is not that bad. The bad thing is to confuse fantasy and reality. Only education will be the right answer for this problem. But I also think some kind of porns should be restricted-of course child porno, and porns that are too violent and abusive.
Nah it's the same shit as with movies, anyone who can't tell the difference between porn and reality is an idiot.
Porn isn't the problem. The problem is a lack of differentiation between entertainment and reality. That's why porn can be an issue for teenagers or younger guys that don't really have the experience or forethought that a girl may not be into doing what he saw in a video.
When I watch fast and furious 7. I don't think I can go out and drive my car out the window, landing in the next building unscathed. And I sure as hell don't assume just anyone riding in the car with me would just be on board if I decide to go 140mph in a 45. There's a level of consideration that has to take place. For the guys that this doesn't happen with is when you get a guy shoving a girls head down on his dick, during a blowjob. Not because he saw it in a video, but the fact he didn't take her into consideration. He thought " I have a fantasy, I'm going to do it".
Buuuut, I do agree a lot of guys should watch less porn and actually get some real life experience so they can know the difference.
Someone gets it. Thank god.
I think the real problem isn't that men watch porn, but that women take too damn long to cum! STOP IT! Just hurry up and cum like men do and the whole issue would disappear.
This is why watching amateur porn (as in everyday people recording themselves get nasty with each other), is SO much better!
I don't have this warped sense of sex, because mainstream porn doesn't appeal to me at ALL!
that was a joke, right?
@nalaa Nope, no jokes here at all. Mainstream porn has no appeal to me, too phony and not authentic enough.
I mean about amateur porn not being "amateur" not being harmful, that was a joke, right?
@nalaa Amateur porn IS less harmful. Because the people are everyday looking people, doing sex acts genuinely instead of a paid acting performance, the sex acts performed are more realistic. Also, there is no "body image" issue because the people are everyday people, not plastic-surgery-shaped actresses.
Is it LESS harmful? Welll yes... maybe. But you know in the words of Lindsey Graham. “It’s like being shot or poisoned, what does it really matter?” It doesn't make watching porn suddenly ok and all the issues about it disappear. And "amateur" more often than not, is not actually amateur. It's produced by the same companies that do the "mainstream" stuff. So everything she said still goes. And even if it's a real couple, more often than not they are paid and you're certainly not witnessing "genuine" sex. The fact that you would even believe that... And body image issues are the same. There might be less boob jobs but still, there are no boob jobs in the fashion industry either and still models make people insecure. What were you trying to get at?
@nalaa I'm curious so I must ask; why does porn bother you so much?
well I think voltage wrote a pretty good take on that. I can't think of anything to add to it right now, just that there is A LOT of research that would underline her points. Basically every study on porn ever done. And you choose to comment on said with a justification of your behavior that you clearly know is wrong but don't want to change and I feel it's worth pointing out
@nalaa I see porn starting to affect women on this site, many times their guys can't orgasm in real sex or they do whatever this tske talks about. Thing is, the guys would be like volcanos if they never watched porn or masturbated. Combine that with how picky women are and that becomes a problem. What would happen? I don't know. But there would be a lot of pent up hormones out there running wild.