Why I don't have a girlfriend

[OpenWine]

well I wanted to do this one a few weeks ago but I didn't like the sound of it. I mean it's easy to tell someone if you are single or not but I've been single for like 5 years and I am not ugly so once I tell people how long it has been they start to wonder if there is a reason behind it. when I try to explain why it comes closer to making up an excuse because I don't really have an explanation nor do I feel like it is much of a big deal as people make it seem.

so this MyTake is just about me putting up some theories and facts together.

1. I don't put myself out that much/bad marketing off myself

it has a little to do with my humble persona I disgust bragging in itself and it may come of as if I don't think highly of myself.

second point is that I ditched all social media accounts, I didn't get anything out of it in the past but who knows what opportunities I might've missed.

2. I'm not sensible

like when it comes to words I grew up in a home where hurting each other is done through it. I got so used to it that for me words don't hurt in itself but the tone of the voice is powerful like when my dad screams at the dog and I am sleeping 1 room beneath it feels as if his voice is vibrating through my body.

I am not sensible in the fact that I joke a lot and girls usually (some guys too) don't take it that well even tho my voice tone is always lower and more calm. and other times it's the pure honesty in me that lacks sensibility.

things I've said

"yo he looks like calamari"

"if you took more care of your presence you wouldn't get picked on as much"

"you got a new jacket" .. "yea" *looks at me as if I had a fish head* "looks kinda like your dad's jacket"

"ling long ting tong"

"I wanna eat at sliteye food chain today"

"yea like when you date Asian people they kinda like.. have no soul so that's why you are not really interested in her" *me talking to a coworker about relationships inside a chinese food chain*

3. I am you?

I take the italic Black marked one above as example. this girl is a coworker I have nothing against so I actually I wanted to make a compliment. I told you how when someone screams it kinda resonates inside me? it's the same for this case, I would be all nice and stuff but she seemed to have something against me which made me automatically put out a phrase corelating to the vibe I was getting from her.

I also had a bad experience with another girl recently, the issue is that some girls put out a strange behaviour around certain people and usually you need to get them back to normal but sometimes I feel swallowed by the act that is put up and reflect that back. it's childish, I don't like that part to myself because I can be so much more mature when I don't have to deal with these kind of people.

4. I don't feel like asking out girls all the time

it takes energy to do so, it can kinda put down your mood so when you don't really feel like it you won't accomplish anything really. I only ask a girl out when I'm feeling really good and the conversation asks for it so maybe I pass out on some really neat ones.

5. I stay at home for too long

my scedule is usually:

work - play pc games - sleep rinse repeat. on weekends I occasionally go clubbing and there is a 3-4 days per week routine of 1-2 hours swimming in a public hall.

6. I just want and then don't want a girlfriend

I mean that I usually get horny all the time but my carnal desires go away after 1-3 times of rubbing it off. then I kinda feel exhausted and loose my will to invest my energy into someone else. like there is a real cutie working in a library in our home town, I know nothing about her but I kinda wanna date her but then I just watch porn instead.

7. talk about investment

are women even investing into me? time, no. what's the point it is not like I am not a prize. I have some value to give to society:

-I am there to hear your crap

-support your crappy ideas, toughts and give advice

-working strength

-intelectual shit like making things easier through tought out ideas

-humour, like just days ago when I said "dood looks like calamari" my coworkers whether it be male or female couldn't hold their shit together

-that's a good one. I speak up for other peoples sake, haven't seen many people do that shit.

what do the girls I am interested in offer? I think they have something to offer but not to me cause I'm a spoiled brat isn't it.

8. faggot

that kinda sums up some of my stuff above. I don't like to obey, I will obey if you are nice to me and it depends on what you want. also there are times where I talk shit that doesn't make any sense (mostly around new people) to see if they are quick to lower my rank as a human being because of the tought I may be retarded

9. presence

I don't really know if I am pretty or not, I get treated nicely usually but it's because I act the same way. I don't know where I stand, it's like I am on the ground but fluctuating a little. this kinda worsens the tought of "is she just trying to be friendly" or "why is she that mean to me all of a sudden" which leads to me often just discarding that tought. I'll have to get a reality check I don't know where or how but I feel like I strongly need it.

back to topic.. I sometimes come of as shy, other times as cocky, bold or whatever else you may call me. it's easy to notice that I am there that's for sure but other times I'm a ninja.

10. I post Logs

coworker already told me people who don't know me think I'm a dick, but I think they just got filtered through my "I'm a fuckin wierdo" barrier.

close friend said the reason people can't get along with me is for my honesty and for being myself, like people are scared to say things that define them. even scared to say some racist joke and I, even knowing that it's not good will talk my mind because I would feel worse if I held back on myself.

also the more I can freely say what I think the easier it is for me to be nice to people.

my gestures and moral code is strong but who gives a damn about that such things only shine later on.

ok so these are more likely few reasons why I am single right now it's more or less theories made up in my head because when you think about it some people who you may think "oh there is no way *name* is in a relationship" are actually in one.

I kinda listed only bad stuff (but tried to explain why yea..) about me because TOPIC and usually humans always see the downsides first.

I am feeling pretty good if you ask me, single life is often more comfy than stuff you get to hear from people in a relationship. the desire for a female body is there yea kinda thinking of fucking a hooker but I am kinda scared of hookers and the risks that can come from sex with em (wouldn't be cool to wake up with aids on the next day)

[Mesonfielde]

Finding a girlfriend is a question of luck.

Whether you find someone who likes you is a number's game. However, some people win the lottery? It really comes down to chance and knowing at least one person who's worth dating and mutually thinks the same thing.

It's tricky just how lucky people are in this regard.