Many women like to have a dominant boyfriend. There are plenty good reasons. They seem to be easier at first. They do not need someone to care for them. They are fun in bed from the start. You do not have to worry about what he likes because he will just take it.
But then comes the time when you get to actually know your boyfriend. I do not like my boyfriend to expect I always go along with what he wants. I want to do what I want. I want to choose what we do. I want to have a say in such things. In everyday life it would just be an insult of human dignity if one would be "the dominant" one. This is not easy, however. I think most people are not able to have true consideration for their partners feelings and wishes. Most people only have it as long as it does not cost them a thing.
To be considerate for someone else, I feel I must be pretty content with myself first. This is a somewhat dominant trait. If I do not know what I want and what I would never accept, I have no basis on which a compromise can be built. And I think the same is true for my boyfriend. That is why I like it if he is dominant. Dominant about his feelings. I do not want him to do things he does not want to do just because he is not able to defy me. But I do not want him to be more dominant than me.
And then there is the sweet little thing called sex life. We know this is important. Of course it is. Sex drive cannot be cancelled. And I believe it is very unhealthy to try. So if one cannot be aroused by someone who does not have some specific characteristics, like being dominant or submissive or freedom-loving, then forget it. But here is what I like about a guy being submissive when it comes to sex. Or, to begin with, what I do NOT like about such a guy. I do not like to cause pain, I do not like latex, rubber, masks, whips, chains, humans behaving like animals, and so on.
I like vanilla sex. It's boring, I know. But sex is boring. I mean sex in the sense of intercourse. It is not boring when it is new. But it gets boring. Not so boring I would not like to do it any more. I want to do it again and again. But it is not causing some big sensation any more. I like the things I can do with my boyfriend when we are horny. Before we have intercourse.
So, I like him to be submissive when he is horny. I do not really care whether he is submissive during intercourse. I do care if it is unilateral. When he makes me orgasm without getting to ejaculate himself, he is very submissive. And this is important because he stays submissive while I am completely satisfied. This is straining. I guess it is straining for him, too. But he enjoys it because he is still horny. To me, it is just straining. He wants me to pay attention. He wants me to do something with him. And he wants it to be sexual somehow. I do not. At least not very much. I could now either make him cum and end his crave for attention. Or I can let him be horny. He prefers that, because he is also submissive. And then I can let him "work" for me. He would love to be my obedient servant.
However, I like this more when I am a little horny myself. Not forever. I do not want him to get a tattoo with my name, or even "Property of <my name>". I want him to stay himself. But if I let him be horny for a while, tease him to stay horny, he becomes very submissive. This is all over for a while after he ejaculates. But still, his submissiveness connects him to me. Even after being together for years, he can be limitlessly keen on me. He tells me and I feel it. If he is in this state, it is as intense as it was when we physically connected for the first time. Just to be near me makes him nervous. If I touch him, he is helpless. As I realized this, I felt more wanted, more desirable than ever before. And now I like to play with it.
I like to join my boyfriend while he is falling into this state. He enjoys satisfying me. And he indulges in staying horny and becoming more and more submissive. And I enjoy being satisfied. And I indulge in being desired and put on a pedestal. It really takes us back to the roots. Nothing is important but us. I focus on him because he focuses on me. He focuses on me because I focus on him. We both enjoy days of complete harmony. Nothing could be more far from our minds than to quarrel with each other. He could not because he admires and worships me. I could not because I am stunned by his affection. And because he submissively obeys me. We both enjoy days of being the top of each others priorities.
I do not think I could have anything comparably intense with a boyfriend who thinks he must be dominant all the time. Just because he is the man.
What Girls & Guys Said
10 30Female logic: >wants a dominant man
>must be submissive to her
This comes from a 30 year old. Really.
Wow that's a long post, I don't know if this helps at all but when out and about in the real world I am dominant and assertive but when I'm with my girlfriend naked in bed I like being submissive to her, pleasing her, obeying her etc, we have a lot of fun using role play in that sense.
In the bedroom she's the boss and I wouldn't have it any other way :D
Glad to hear someone else can reproduce the seeming contradiction. Cause actually there is none. So many people here tell how irrational my post is. But it isn't about reason at all. It's about emotions, and sheer horniness ;)
70% Dominant 30% Submissive
That's my final deal ! and I'm being very generous.
I understand you. You're a sexually submissive women with a very dominant personality. That's not a rarity. The reason why you like to ne with sexually submissive guys is that they are more likely to give in when it comes to important decisions. What i can tell you is that it isn't impossible to find a guys who is sexually dominant but at the same time willing to "submit" to you when it comes to other things. This kind of guys would probably be a better match for you.
I have to agree to this Comment. "Sounds to me like you're using sex as a weapon, and like you need him to constantly pay attention to you and satisfy and worship you, while its too "straining" for you to satisfy his needs in return. And like you're not giving nearly as much affection to him as he does to you. I think he loves you, and you're just with him because it feels good to be worshipped. You're using him for his affection, just like men use women who love them for sex. You're saying in the first paragraph you don't like men who need someone to care for them, and that you don't want to worry about what he likes. Yet you need him to "worship" and "obey" you, you want him to "work for you", and to be your "obedient servant". That seems pretty hypocritical. I think you just want someone to boost your ego without having to care in return."
" it would just be an insult of human dignity if one would be "the dominant" one "... totally agree, i don't believe there should be a dominant one, she should be submissive for him and he should be submissive for her, that's a normal relationship for TWO people, i don't know what's up with low minded girls wanting a guy to lead them in every step, or broken people who like bdsm and pain and degradation and then call it a relationship, lol stupid animals
Uhhh... as someone into mild-BDSM, allow me to correct you there buddy. I'm not a 'broken person', and it's not about Pain, or degradation, and it's certainly not bestiality xD. It's very rare you encounter someone truly into the pain of BDSM. Most of the time its just about deeper foreplay, where one person (normally the man) is dominant. It's actually a very common sexual desire. This sounds something someone uneducated would say. Research something before blasting it on the internet, would ya?
@VaIiant lol trying to be smart but not so much, if it's not like that, then how do you practice it? You mean there's no pain? Or there's no degradation? There's no someone using another? You're such a big mouthed dumbass
Nothing you said just made sense.. I'm not trying to be smart, I'm calling you out on what you said was incorrect. 'How do you practice it' what? Big mouthed dumbass? Really? You're so bad at arguing your side you have to resort to petty name calling? There are definitely people in BDSM who are into pain/degradation, but its not the majority... Discussion over. I can't hold an argument with someone this narrow minded and stupid.
@VaIiant lol I'm glad you cunt
Bdsm truly is for people with mental health issues and lowkey rapists. No sane person would indulge in that. Commenter was 100% right.
@lord_chilled rip. Enjoying having your partner take control isn’t rape xD
@VaIiant it isn't. But when control or the loss of it involves ridiculous bodysuits, masks, gags, and restraints such as ropes, cuffs, and especially objects which induce pain, all of ehich are dehumanizing and objectifying aperson to the absolute elimination of their personhood , then yes those people have severe mental health issues and the top or dom or whatever is most likely a person who has rape tendencies. Just found a legal way to pull it off. Bdsm is complete cancer
What u actually want?
That's how most submissive men are.
Men are dominant and women are submissive
100% agree
@11110000bbbb uuh. Clearly you've never heard of a Dominatrix.
@VaIiant so? what does that have to do with anything?
@11110000bbbb a Dominatrix is a professionally trained dominant woman that men hire to treat them like submissives.
@VaIiant yeah, so? it doesn't matter..
@11110000bbbb Meaning not all men are dominant and not all women are submissive xD I’m a submissive but some people aren’t, shrug. Someone on another post said anyone remotely into BDSM was for disgusting rape obsessed animals xD guess everyone has different views
İ get iy
I love being submissive to girls im seeing its a turn on
You are conflicted and there doesn’t seem to be any reality to what you seek in the long term. You will be much better to just accept lesbian and go with it. I have been with two just like you and they are happy today as lesbians and I am still friends with one and she confides in me. She is just happier.
Nice mytake, I'm just like you :D
every man and woman wants this
Sounds great, and my girlfriend is the same. Teasing me, and is dominant by not letting me cum.
I agree completely, I also prefer vanilla sex and I love dominant girls ;)
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Well said, i am a fully trained sadomasochistic femdom and admire your perspective
but under 18... okay...
fully trained sadomasochistic femdom under 18... let's just say something is not right about you...
@SpreadingFacts I once watched open heart surgery on the internet. So I'm fully trained in open heart surgery now. So if anybody needs that let me know
@Silver158 Haha xD Your comment made me chuckle. I am a fully trained Neurosurgeon myself, so if you have a brain tumor let me know. I once watched a tutorial, so I've got you covered.
@VaIiant I'll hold you to that haha
This is a bit messed up. Twisted around. I don't think you know what you want. Reread it and see if you understand what you wrote.
This is crap. Women want a dominant guy and then expect him to not be dominant, and worse, they try to change him.
Ladies, if want a dominant guy, LET HIM BE DOMINANT. Otherwise leave us the fuck alone.
The twist is when he becomes submissive (only to her), she will lose interest in him.
@Alpha89s And respect Women like this are fucked up.
It may be something to do with evolution. Women were subhuman in barbaric societies so deeply inside their mind, girls think it is justified to be dominated. However, due to industrialization, women somehow are now equal to me. This is creating a conflict. As women grow up, their internal conflict may reduces. However, this natural inclination or illusional love could cause headache for decision-making.