Why is cowgirl position so painful for first time sex?

[Anonymous]

I am a 19-year-old small boned girl but I am 5’7 and a virgin. Tried to have sex with my boyfriend but it hurt everytime I was on top. It went down about two inches and then I got a burning sensation of pain.

Then we tried with him on top and with a pillow under my bum but it still hurt and I couldn’t take it more than two inches. It was excruciating 😣 I don’t know how I will manage it all to enter.

We have tried on two separate occasions. Each time it failed to enter. I was ready, I was wet and still it didn’t happen.

I was told to grit my teeth and take the pain and that it just hurts that bad for every girl anyway. What should I do?

[BeyondCuriosity]

I wish more women were weighing in on this for you. I have only slept with a few virgins in my time, partially because I don't like hurting them, and partially because it just hasn't come up. It's my understanding that if he's gentle with you, while it may hurt at first, by the end of the session you'll probably be enjoying yourself. The three women I've slept with that were virgins reacted very differently. One seemed fine with it. I think she'd had toys and such before me. One said it hurt and bled, but was okay by the end of it. One asked me to stop and it wasn't until years later that she finally started having success with her boyfriends as far as having sex. I've also had women who weren't virgins sometimes tell me they experienced a bit of pain the first time or two with me, but they adapted and I was careful with them once they brought it to my attention.

I think it was a good idea to talk to your female family members. Sounds like you got some advice and insight. If it really continues to be a problem, talking to your doctor can't hurt anything. I wish you luck.

[0112358]

From your description, it really does sound like it's localized at what's there from your hymen.

Can you insert a finger beyond that point? Two fingers?

[Asker]

I can only put one finger in and it feels tight around my finger. I cannot get two fingers in at all.

[0112358]

So you have two options. Either decide to just go for it, be as horny as possible and focus on the good part and get it over with , or start stretching every day with fingers. I guess start with the one but try actively to stretch that membrane till you can get two in etc. I can’t say what you should do - whatever is right for you. I know people who’ve done both and didn’t regret the path they chose. Position won’t matter much if guess as the issue here does NOT sound like muscles tensing. It’s the hymen. The good news is that once the hymen stretches or tears it’s sort of done with as opposed to some other issues which persist long term.

[Asker]

Yes you’re right. I think it is definitely the hymen’s problem because I never have any issues with puttinf my whole finger inside but when the object gets wider then it doesn’t go in. An average penis is a lot wider than just one of my fingers. I have particularly small fingers too - imagine, they don’t even sell my size in most stores. I’m a ring size H in the UK so yeah it is the fact that my hymen is super thick. I have inspected it and compared it with diagrams of real hymens online and mine looks a lot thicker than the pictures. The opening is very tiny and the hymen itself super thick.

[weysally]

try in a nice warm bath, he on his back and you doing a cowgirl, get him to hold your bum for support and slowly lower your self down, jus a few MM at a time it worked for me but I had an experienced man

[ChrisMaster69]

Have lovely soak, lots bubbles and moisturise bath stuff

then foreplay, fingers and toys (if you have).

then take it really slow and gentle

[LiamSawyer]

Your natural instincts work against you as you can subconsciously tense up fearing the pain when clenching up actually cause more pain as it tightens the vaginal opening and walls. Make sure you are good and wet and don't be afraid to also apply some good water based personal lubricant such as KY Jelly or Astro-lube. Take it slow and steady, if your hymen is still intact, he may have to give it a bit of a shove to break it. That is the only part that should hurt and it's just momentary. He can't be rough with you just steady easy in and out motion. You may not get much pleasure from the first time but it will get better after that.

[Asker]

Having read all other answers, and having spoken to other women about their first times (women who never used toys or tampons) I have come to the conclusion that they are right and that it is a problem of the hymen. I have also inspected my hymen and come to discover that it’s very thick. The issue you described is vaginismus which is when the muscles tense up. My problem is definitely not internal or muscle related because I can put my whole middle finger up with no problem but I can’t even get two fingers in without pain. The problem is at the entrance. My fingers are much thinner than the average woman’s fingers. My ring size is so small that is has to be custom made so if two of my fingers hurt then I guess it will definitely hurt if a penis goes in. It will continue to be painful until the hymen completely wears away. Thanks for your answer.

[Massageman]

Hmmm. Maybe should have stuck with plain vanilla the first several times. If the pain persists, a visit to your OBGYN is in order.
It could be from intact hymen, although that is never for sure, given the (exercise) activity level of most gals these days. Another rare possibility could be a retroverted vagina which would require attacking the problem from a new angle, IYKWIM.

[Asker]

Having inspected my hymen, and looked up hymens online, I think my hymen is particularly thick compared to other hymens. Another user said the problem was my hymen. It’s not even an issue of tense muscles or anything because people who clench can’t even put a finger in whereas I can put a whole finger in very deep but I can’t put two fingers in. If the width of the object gets wider then it starts to hurt. His dick is a lot wider than just two of my fingers so that’s why it hurts so badly. It’s the hymen! I think it is genetic. I have seen a few more forums on the matter and having spoken to some other people too.

[kellytheman]

Even though your wet down you might do get some lube like KY jelly or baby oil and put on the guys penis or give him a blowjob first than see if that works.

[Gedaria]

It should not hurt...

[Meldrum]

That burning sensation you feel is your hymen giving way. It will do that until he drives one home. When he does it will hurt but afterward, it will feel good.

[Ilickvulvas]

It’s because he’s a piss poor lover that doesn’t have you properly aroused

[MarkyMark77]

i feel soo bad for u thats terrible! so like does ur guy have a thick penis?

[Asker]

Not even that big. He is six inches long and Probably about two inches thick. I don’t know if that is meant to be huge? It really hurts though even though I am always really horny and turned on. I get very wet but it still hurts.

[MarkyMark77]

@Asker thats so strange maybe do some googling and see if u can find someone oinline medical advice. have u tried anal yet?

[Asker]

Yes I did anal once and it slipped in very easily. It was pain free we used my vaginal fluids as lube.

[MarkyMark77]

@Asker nice was this just with the same guy? did he cum in ur butt? mabe just stick to taht for now.

[Asker]

It was with my boyfriend. I don’t really like it - was a one off. I just want to get comfortable with p in v.

[MarkyMark77]

yeah i dont blame ya wanna chat?

[Twalli]

It'll hurts when your hymen is broken. The entire act of sex won't, but it'll hurt at the beginning the first few times you do it. It hurt for my sister the first 5 times she did it. Each time was less and lasted a shorter amount of time.

[andy530]

You could have a thick hymen that is causing the pain. Have you talked to your gynecologist about it?

[Asker]

I haven’t talked to my gynaecologist because it is hard to find an appointment now as we are in lockdown. My mother said her first time was also excruciating and also my maternal aunts said the same. Meanwhile I have just been reading forums about girls with the same issue and it seems common. I have evn spoken to some friends who said similar things and videos on YouTube about first time sex. I keep hearing similar things. One girl described a wall and it feels like nothing gets past it and I felt the exact same thing. After the first two inches (even that is painful) then it feels like there is a brick wall and nothing will pass it.

[andy530]

You may consider using a mirror to visually inspect your hymen and with your fingers you can stretch it gently and see if that could be the source of the pain.

[Valnac]

Do you use foreplay to get you sexually aroused and soaking wet?

[Waldoe]

I have NEVER heard of this, I am 70... I would talk to your DR...

[Asker]

Have you had sex with virgins? I see many people saying the burning is the hymen tearing away. I have spoken to girls who described similar things to what I have faced the first few times.

[Waldoe]

that sounds like a reasonable answer, but it is better to ask a professional, a Dr. cagood palven give you "Correct" information, chat rooms are not a good place for medical advice.

[NYlatefun]

You need more foreplay to get very wet and relaxed, that’s the only way you’ll enjoy it. I’m quite big and with foreplay it always go in without a problem even with virgins.

[BeachLuvR97]

Is your hymen still intact?

[Asker]

It is and it looks rather thick compared to others I have looked at online too

[BeachLuvR97]

Yeah, you don't want to hurt yourself. I take it that you've always used pads?

[Asker]

Yes I have always used pads. Even putting one finger in needs me to be very wet and two fingers are IMPOSSIBLE. I don’t have vaginismus though because I can put my middle finger all the way. But then again my fingers are super tiny. Much smaller than the average woman. I have very skinny and bony fingers - it’s a UK size H. My ring size is never sold in stores because my fingers are that tiny. But they are long so I know the problem is definitely my hymen and not a muscle clenching issue.

[BeachLuvR97]

Sure. That makes sense. I'm going to say to be gentle, more than anything. You on top. Take your time. Don't have false expectations. Don't force it. I wish that I would have had this opportunity to share together with a special someone, but it won't ever happen for me... Are you sure that you really don't want to save this for your future husband, one day? It would be very special...

[Asker]

I do want to share it for my husband but what if my husband ends up being an idiot and we get divorced? Like what if he cheats on me?

[BeachLuvR97]

Since you're anonymous, I can't see who you are. If you're afraid of revealing your identity, you can DM me if you prefer. If you're worried that he would cheat on you, then you're already in a bad relationship.

[BeachLuvR97]

And, why give your hymen to a guy who isn't even willing to commit to be your husband? You want to save it for a relationship where you've mutually earned the right to be together.

[Asker]

These days men hardly care about your virginity. Who should I save it for, a scumbag who won’t even value it anyway? They all want “experienced women” these days. Nobody will care about my virginity which I find kind of sad. I won’t get extra respect from a man for being a virgin. There seems to be no benefit in it for me to keep it apart from being able to save myself from the pain for a little longer.

[BeachLuvR97]

Don't rush things. You deserve and will find a great guy. Set standards that show that you respect yourself.

[Asker]

I don’t think so. Not the kind of man I want. I won’t settle obviously... but that means I’ll probably end up alone forever.

[BeachLuvR97]

Your path doesn't have to be sad or alone... You have the power to determine it. Are you sure that you want to make this kind of decision so early in life?

[Asker]

I don’t think I really want to do it. I don’t know I just feel so lonely. I am a misfit surrounded by conservative people with 7th century dessert mentality. I can’t breathe around these people and I feel suffocated. It makes me feel sick.

[BeachLuvR97]

Do you want to DM me or still talk publicly?

[Anonymous]

I believe it takes getting used to

[Anonymous]

thats not normal

[MarkyMark77]

i agree thats too much. what was it like the first time u got fucked?