Why is it so socially acceptable to be so casual with sex? Am I an outlier for wanting a connection before sex?

Question

So, it seems that it is becoming strange to want a real relationship before having sex. With apps that are solely designed to get you laid, is this just something I will have to get used to as I get back into dating? Is it possible to find a relationship that may include sex, but also searches for feelings and a deeper connection? Or am I just too conservative in my views for the modern world?

Yuffie999 · Accepted Answer

As you likely already know from our conversation, I think that it is possible.

You know why I believe hookups are so common.
However, I think that there are people out there who want what you want - what WE want - before having sex.

It depends on the person, sometimes their age, and so on. You are not too conservative whatsoever, I don’t think.

Not everything needs to be about sex. I think if you don’t want it to be an immediate part of a relationship, you should lay out ground rules and explain why you don’t want that for ____ amount of time.

Building a connection first can make sex so much more genuine and beautiful.

It’s not impossible; you’ll just have to find that person that wants what you do. Or, at the very least, doesn’t put as much emphasis on sexuality as they do a connection!

mistixs · Accepted Answer

"Why is it so socially acceptable to be so casual with sex?" Because society sucks

winterfox10 · Accepted Answer

Well actually, there are a bunch of studies coming out this year to suggest that the idea of hook up culture is largely dead, and honestly: it's been dead for a while. At least for people in my age group; the "casual sex that isn't actually casual but no one wants to talk about their feelings for fear of getting hurt"-thing is getting super old. I, for one, couldn't be happier about it. We can finally do away with this stupid notion that (most) people somehow feel fulfilled, and enjoy having casual sex.

Jamie05rhs · Accepted Answer

You may be an outlier (though you're not the only one), but you shouldn't have to compromise your personal beliefs and desires to be in a relationship. Find someone who wants what you want. They exist!

Casey10101 · Answer

is it socially acceptable, well its sound if both people agree. wanting a connection makes you normal, and dating apps end up being designed for casual sex, because of the physical nature of deciding who you'll talk to based on an image, real connections really happen outside that, so yea it is possible

nerms123 · Answer

I don’t do hookups either

JimRSmith · Answer

No, you're much more normal than you think.  Meaningless sex with strangers tends to be an indicator that there's something the matter with the people who are doing it. Low self esteem, usually.

PeacefulRainDrop · Answer

I admire you I find the same seems like no one wants to get to know the person they want someone to keep the other side of the bed warm.. thats why I chose to stay single till I find one guy worth committing to that wants more than just sex

Pamina · Answer

Many young people don't want to settle yet and prefer to have more casual sexual encounters first before they eventually settle. Which is understandable. Are the women you're interested in your age or younger?

Twalli · Answer

I would hold off on sex in relationships until you feel a strong connection. My rule is 3 months of dating before sex, 6 if she is a virgin. We don't have to have sex then, just not before. This way I know that we have a connection beyond sex or lust. It's an emotional connection, but we still have sex.

SwordShield · Answer

Nah, you normal.

JamesBlackDragon · Answer

Because sex isn't that important or it doesn't mean anything or proves anything to anyone so it's you be casual like walking log me  But there's nothing wrong with waiting