Why is male virgin shaming OK?

[Anonymous]

Slut shaming is like the worst thing in the world nowadays, but male virgin shaming is A-ok.

[OpenClose]

It isn't okay. Let's start with that.

But the vast majority of it seems to come from men. But there a few women who have done it as well.

It usually happens alongside other shame tactics, like not being aggressive.

Sometimes it's things like disagreeing with a girl: "You'll never get laid thinking like that." Who asked you?

Complaining about a double standard or frustration: "You're just some whiny virgin"

Then there are associations "You sound kinda nuts dude. I think you need to get laid."

I think the primary thing is how being a virgin is directly associated with being undesirable. This doesn't happen so much with women I suppose there's more "presumed desirability" and so a virgin girl might be considered a "prude". "prude" is alongside "slut" in labels women mostly give each other, but think mostly come from men.

But, assuming you are a virgin for asking this, you need not worry. Most girls really couldn't care less. They might be like "well, he'll need a bit of practice", but they are less likely than other men to associate your desirability with your virginity.

[Mesonfielde]

It's true that the awareness of virgin shaming is much lower, but it's because while it is a more personal attack, it does not implicitly justify violence and rape against the person. Slut shaming implies that all sluts want sex, and therefore would love it from anyone, and also that sluts are the scum of the Earth undeserving of any kind of respect. While being a 'slut' is a choice, how is it reasonable to hate someone so much for doing no technical harm to anyone (even rather, the opposite), and justify even violence?

Apart from that, slut shaming also implies that women's virginity ("purity") is something of great value, that they actively choose to butcher by having sex with numerous guys. But what does that even mean? How does having sex with someone decrease one's value as a PERSON? Honestly, this entire thing is conceptually broken, in my opinion. I'm not really a fan of promiscuity from either sides, but not because it's "immoral", but because it's risky behavior with some value implications that I find undesirable.

[ArabianPwincess197]

everyone has their own opinion, views that was mine :)

[bubbiexo]

This is something I haven't encountered. And while I have seen much much much more slut shaming than any type of virgin shaming, I do not think either of those really cover the issue.
Shaming of sexuality is the issue. How is it any of my business whether you've slept with no women or thousands of women? It's not.

Virginity is not shameful nor is it something to be celebrated.

Being sexually active is not shameful nor is it something to be celebrated.

So long as nobody is being hurt in either situation, do what you want. Your sexuality is none of my business.

[homystew]

Nailed it. This response comming from a women makes me feel so much secure about myself 🙂 Slut-shaming and Virgin-shaming should be rid of this world!

[Anonymous]

since when is sl*t shaming considered the worst thing? you mean the handful of libfems-who are smart enough to know a woman shouldn't be shamed for sex but stupid enough to still use a slur to make the distinction between her and another woman-yelling about it? women are shamed, killed, and raped for having ''too much'' sex on the daily. men get called losers for not having sex. not really equal pain is it.

[Vander]

Sorry but killed and raped for having too much sex? Where does that happen?

[Opinion Owner]

everywhere. look at the santa barbara guy. the ''blonde sl*ts'' were killed for not fucking him, but being ''sl*ts'' with other men. what about all the girls that get blamed for their rapes because people think saying yes to some men means you deserve it and are asking for it

[Vander]

Firstly no one is asking for rape and just because some psycho does it doesn't make it a norm. Shit happens in life for both men and women, no one is more "worse off" than the other

[Opinion Owner]

lol really? no one is worse off? he wasn't a single incident. these things have happened before, and judging from the number of guys who have said they get why he did it-it's not going to stop. you thinking no one is asking for rape doesn't change the fact that most of society still thinks a lot of women deserve rape. even judges have said these things. men are the main perpetrators. women are the main victims. it's a very gendered issue.

[Asker]

Weren't there 4 dead guys out of the 6 victims in this incident? Rape is not the only violent crime, men suffer more from violent crimes than women, actually even rape (if prison rape is accounted for).

[Opinion Owner]

those men were killed for having more sex than him. again, it goes back to women. because if you aren't fucking him, you won't fuck anyone ever again. who is the one committing the crimes? men.

[Vander]

So you are generalising all men based on 1 psychopath, great logic

[Opinion Owner]

well men kill women on the daily for the same reasons he did, and there seems to be a a lot of support of him. yeah, i'll carry a taser and avoid creepy men regardless of how ''unfair'' it is to you that we're fucking terrified of being killed by you

[BlueEyedHipsta]

Virginity is just a made up thing, nowadays if you haven't had sex by the age 16+ you're frigid or weird. Which is ridiculous because there is nothing wrong with not having sex like its really not that big of a deal and people act like their world is going to end if they do/don't have sex by the time they leave high school. Being a "virgin" is like finding a unicorn

[PercyMe]

It's not okay. I think it's more common among men though. For some reason some guys gain a sense of confidence because of how many girls they've slept with. I've heard many guys making fun of other men or boys because they haven't had sex or haven't had as many partners as them

[XRabbitHeartX]

I've never seen women or anyone for that matter shaming male virgins in real life. Perhaps on the internet but lots of people get shamed on the internet over MANY different things.

[lumos]

I've literally never heard a girl shaming a guy for being a virgin. But I've heard (and read) tons of guys slut shame girls.
I don't really think these issues are on the same level.

[lumos]

But yeah, any shaming of any kind is bad ofc. I just think the comparison was a bit clumsy.

[Asker]

There aren't so many virgin guys and they are most of the time in hiding.

[Vander]

In a cave?

[lumos]

Haha oh man.

[Asker]

No, like homosexuals, just pretend to be normal.

[Vander]

Dude be yourself, no one is judging you on being a virgin and if they are, tell them to f*ck off

[lumos]

You're actually comparing being a virgin to being a gay person in the closet? You're saying that virgin guys are actively and seriously discriminated against, bullied and murdered, for being a virgin? Loooool

[Asker]

Yes, they are seriously discriminated and bullied if anyone finds out. Don't know about killing, maybe, people kill each other for twinkies so I wouldn't be surprised about this.

[lumos]

Dude. Your view of reality is completely fucked up. I've literally never heard a girl shame some guy for still being a virgin. This is something mainly guys bully each other over.

[lumos]

And even then I haven't really heard of it.

[Asker]

If it's mainly guys that do this, it somehow makes it OK?

[lumos]

No? As I said, "But yeah, any shaming of any kind is bad ofc".

[PT1911]

@oppaoppa. Its is a real thing, but not as bad as he is saying it is. I'm a virgin. My "buddies" gave me so much shit and me feel terrible, so I just cut them off from my life. Simple. Now I have a new set of friends that while they themselves are not virgins, they respect my ideals and values. It's all about who you associate with, just like anything in life. Also, I don't slut shame girls, that's a double standard that needs to go away. If anything I hate men (more like boys) who stick their dick into anything that breathes

[lumos]

That's great PT. And yeah, it completely depends on who you associate yourself with. Like when I was at my friend's birthday party, we started talking about virginity or something. I was the only virgin there, so a couple of my friends ended up calling me a nun. I didn't really give a fuck and just laughed, didn't really see it as virgin shaming so yea. Never really heard anyone make an effort to offend someone who's a virgin, except for immature guys. And they're not even worth listening to.

[sawno]

I never heard it from girls but i did get things in those directions from other guys in my class back then. I never liked talking about my dating life / sex life to them so i usually didn't. They apparently assumed i could never get a girlfriend and sometimes told me i would never have one let alone have sex with her. It wasn't a very big deal to me as i know better myself but just saying at least among guys it does happen.

[lumos]

Yeah, which is sad. But comparing it to slut shaming and "being in the closet" is just exaggerating. And as I said, those guys are not worth listening to. They're insecure, and also probably hoping that if they're able to lower your confidence, it'll make you less desirable among girls. Thus, they end up having a greater chance at getting more girls. In their mind, that is.

[Asker]

Nope, it's usually guys that already get a lot of girls that virgin shame. And virgin shaming is WORSE than slut shaming.

[sawno]

Compared to being in the closet it really depends on what group it is. The class i was in was most likely very tolerant of people who where gay even though you got the "Thats gay" comments they didn't actually mean it in that definition. After all whats wrong with being gay? Its up to you which gender you fall for. But being unable to get a girl? Then there is seriously something wrong with you. At least thats the impression they gave me. But lets stop comparing everything like you mentioned in your original comment it doesn't matter which one is the biggest its all terrible. The lowering my self confidence thing in order to lower my chances sounds new to me but i can totally see the logic behind it. I wonder if they where that clever though.

[lumos]

Virgin shaming is worse than slut shaming? Ok, when you have judges and policemen questioning what you were wearing when someone harassed you for being a virgin, in court, please get back to me. And when you have other men raping you for being such a little virgin, get back to me as well. And sawno, people still think that there's something seriously wrong with being gay. Some people still think it's a choice, or even a disease that can be "cured". As far as I'm concerned, people don't see virginity as a disease.

[Mesonfielde]

I refer to my answer about the difference between the severity of virgin / slut shaming.

[Kauto_Star]

Lumos. "Virgin shaming is worse than slut shaming?" Most of the slut shaming is done by OTHER WOMEN (be honest now). There are men who virgin humiliate other men. They do so in scorn. However, when women do it her motives is a LOT MORE SINISTER. It's done so she can laugh at him in his face and behind his back. "Ok, when you have judges and policemen questioning what you were wearing when someone harassed you for being a virgin, in court" Is this he feminist shit that you buy into? Did you realise that there WOMEN JUDGES & POLICEWOMEN? WOMEN WHO ARE THE VICTIMS OF SEXUAL OFFENCES BY DEFAULT ARE GRANTED LIFELONG ANONYMITY. Why don't the admit that they are scared instead of lying. "please get back to me. And when you have other men raping you for being such a little virgin, get back to me as well." It happens especially to vulnerable men.

[lumos]

@Kauto_Star first off, congrats on finding this post that's probably like 3 years old? Second, I'm not going to deny that some insecure women do go around slutshaming other women. But in my experience, the vast majority of people who have cared so much about a girl's sexual life to the point of shaming her, have been men. Usually because men are the ones shouting about how women who have slept with multiple people are "used goods" or damaged, loose. And the reason why it's mostly men who care so much, is because there are so many guys who put female virginity or "purity" on some massive fucking pedestal, so when a woman doesn't conform to these simple-minded views, they're a slut/whore/cunt/loose woman with no morals etc etc etc. I won't even really be addressing the rest of your post because I'm running out of characters and this is getting boring. Old post. I've moved on.

[misscocobutter]

It's not ok, there's nothing wrong with being a virgin. It's a good thing, I would rather a virgin than a man whore

[harakiri]

Who actually sits there and virgin-shames dudes? I have yet to see this happen in real life.

[Awsdrd1990]

because girls don't do it.its within guys

[harakiri]

Ah, I see. I didn't know guys really did that.

[Asker]

"Haha, look at that loser, must be a virgin" "This virgin freak tried to ask me out today, what a loser" This has been heard a million times from girls.

[lumos]

Are you hearing those things in your own head, Asker?

[harakiri]

I don't know anyone who talks like that...

[lumos]

Neither do I... those are things you MIGHT have heard in a random teen movie from the 90's. Never heard anything like that in real life lmao.

[Vander]

Dude it's probably the way you present yourself, loosen up and don't be shy/awkward

[Asker]

So shy/awkward shaming is OK? That's something that people can't influence most of the time, but being a slut is a choice, the same as being fat. Yet slut and fat shaming is bad.

[harakiri]

Dude. Shaming ANYONE for anything like sexual practices or physical appearance or lack of sexual experience is bad. I've never heard of anyone doing this or saying that such shaming tactics are ok...

[Vander]

I'm not shaming you, I'm trying to say the way you act influences how people respond to you. So acting awkward and shy will affect the way people respond to you

[harakiri]

Vander's right. People judge each other on many different levels, one of them being outward behavior, how they socially interact with others...

[Asker]

So you are saying shy/awkward shaming isn't something that should stopped. It's like saying gays to become not-gay if they don't want to get beaten or whatever.

[harakiri]

...Dude...how are you coming up with these illogical arguments. Take a deep breath. Relax. No one is saying that. All we're saying is that people ALWAYS get judged. Be it on your looks, or intelligence, or social prowess... That's all.

[Asker]

So why then is anyone against slut or fat shaming? It's just judging based on their choices.

[Vander]

Being a virgin is a choice too, just saying. Nothing wrong with that choice either. But everyone gets shamed, build a bridge and get over it

[Asker]

So why are there people against slut shaming but not virgin shaming?

[Mesonfielde]

The Asker is trying to say that if he's not openly extroverted and basically isn't very social, then it's an inherent trait that he is unable to change, as he won't suddenly like doing something he doesn't like to do. Yet, people shame him for it anyways, even though it is not a choice, but part of his individuality, and therefore a much more severe personal attack than slut shaming, where you judge someone for their conscious behavior, rather than their inherent behavior. I think both shaming is bad, but if I want to look at it objectively and say which one is more severe, I think Asker has the point this time. The reason why slut-shaming is so often fought against is because it's a bit more prominent, and a gateway (albeit it's more the egg than the chicken) towards the dehumanization of females.

[Mesonfielde]

@Asker, being fat is NOT always a choice. I've known someone who's thyroid got messed up by birth control pills. She was quite thin, now she's above 100 kgs (220 lbs) and there is nothing she can do about it. That's not a choice, that's a health condition. And you can't tell just by looking at someone whether it is a health style choice, messed up genetics, or the result of some health condition that wasn't even inherent.

[thtdiablo]

Shaming's never ok anyway, but seriously, if people talk about their sex lives, there will be others talking about it soon after... I would never talk about anything that personal and private to anybody else than the very person involved in it (which would be my wife).

[SaVes]

Neither virgin shaming nor slut shaming should ever be seen as OK, no matter which gender.

[Kauto_Star]

The question is: Why is MALE virgin shaming OK? It looks like you can't answer it.

[Veritasharvard]

It' s not ok. But you are talking about two separate issues.

[apropos]

I'm a 25 year old male virgin. I can't recall any particular instances of being shamed. Quite the opposite.

[Asker]

You have never been laughed at for being a virgin? Lucky you.

[apropos]

No, I haven't. In fact, most of my guy friends that get more ass than a toilet seat respect me for it (or at least they do to my face). I'm quite clear about my reasons (I don't want kids when I can't support them, I'm not ready to take that risk). A lot of that though probably has to do with the fact that I don't talk about it all the time, and I don't act like the stereotypical virgin. The girls that have found out were surprised too (although like I said, it's not the sort of thing that comes up in every day conversation).

[Billlewis]

I don't think there's anything wrong with shaming a guy who's still a virgin. Obviously a lot of women seem to enjoy this, and I think they should tease the living shit out of guys who haven't gotten any pussy.

[Billlewis]

It should be okay, because that's what wimps like us need.

[Luna-o3o]

I never dated a virgin guy. I would like to. They seem sweeter and obviously more loyal :o
I think it's romantic guys are saving themselves for someone special instead of whoring around having night stands

[GoodGuyGregGGG]

Lol a lot of them on this site and they bitter

[Kauto_Star]

I very much doubt it.

[findingdreamland]

After certain age, yes. I find shameful. If I were guy, I would bang any girl I met. You guys are crazy.

[Mesonfielde]

And ladies and gentlemen, that's how rape happens.

[findingdreamland]

You know what I meant. Don't make it ugly. Rape happens because of sick minds, not because of me. People have to deal their sexual desire, that makes us human. Otherwise you become animal.

[Bluemax]

Are you not sure, asker, that you are confusing shaming with finding it unattractive? By far, males shame male virgins more than females do. However, there are a number of females who find male virginity unattractive past a certain age. Finding it unattractive is not the same as shaming.

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

I'm a male virgin, people call me a liar
but i learn to accept criticism

[LovelySerene]

People are crazy, I get shamed on for being a virgin

[ArabianPwincess197]

It's not virginity is something to be proud of not be ashamed

[Keyspirits]

+1 ma Pwincess x)

[Mesonfielde]

Ehhhhh... I think people should be indifferent about it. Basically it just means you haven't had sex.

[dominiquois]

It shouldn't be...

[Russians_Only]

In my experience people tend to do the opposite of what is expected of them. People have a natural inclination to do the opposite of what is considered socially acceptable. So I would consider this when thinking about issues like slut shaming, etc.

[meibay313]

I've never heard of it.. but if there are people who judge you based on your virginity, then just ignore them!!

[ThreeIn]

Neither is ok. Anyone that thinks it is, has a low intelligence quotient.

[loveBrowneyes]

virgin guys are better than other guys because virgin guys are pure of bichs girls!

[Keyspirits]

LOL! This gurl..she know what she's talken about B) U got a fan ;)

[Mesonfielde]

Maybe, if I understood it after reading it 5 times.

[loveBrowneyes]

what do you mean? LOL i just hate ladies man girls are all over him and he probably f***ed 10000... girl so no thankx a, not like other girls !

[loveBrowneyes]

hello fan !! Keyspirits !

[KhaysunDei]

I don't know bra but I'm a virgin and need to hit on cute girls

[Keyspirits]

Im ashame of being a virgin no matter what is being said to meh '-'
Im a proud virgin!

[Keyspirits]

Im not ashame*

[slsmith0]

If someone is shamed because they are a virgin that is sad. Everyone has there own beliefs and I think and hope most people go though life wondering who has had sex and who has not.

[Kauto_Star]

No. It's not okay to virgin shame. In fact it can be very dangerous to it someone who is socially inept or is socially disenfranchised.

[iamnotalizard]

I have never seen this happen in real life. The only people I've seen shamed at the people who actively talk about their sex life

[Anonymous]

You gonna get fake answers from women. And dude lying and say it doesn't matter.

here's the real answer your a weak man if you 30 and haven't had sex. That means you never tried or you failed as a man to be attractive to a women meaning cash clothes body or personality or status

[Anonymous]

It's not ok? And I haven't seen this ever. I think maybe you're imagining it because you yourself are ashamed of being a virgin

[Kauto_Star]

It happens, women feign flirt a guy (she finds unattractive) to laugh at him in his face and behind his back.

[Anonymous]

It's not...

[Anonymous]

I think virgin shaming in general is an issue, for both boys and girls. I can't tell you how many times I had been made to feel like less of a person for being a virgin.

[Kauto_Star]

The question is: Why is MALE virgin shaming OK?

[Anonymous]

Notice How Both Of These Issues Are Perpetuated By Men.Women Aren't Usually The Issue.its male culture/ego that praises promiscuity in men but celibacy in women.

[Asker]

No, women equally as much shame guys for being virgins, if not more.

[Opinion Owner]

are kidding? girls never shame guys on that if not the opposite I'm a virgin and want my future husband to be the same..but i've heard guys give other guys a hard time for not"getting laid" or being a "player"...defiantly not girls

[Mesonfielde]

*definitely, and while I can imagine it occurring, this is still just someone with a shitty ego trying to assert their superiority by shaming others; and does seem more likely in a male-male direction rather than female-male. One would have to be quite the bitch to do that.

[Anonymous]

So is female virgin shaming and it's really stupid and pointless but people can be dumb so whatever.. I'm a virgin and I really hope my future husband is also one.