Why is my boyfriend so secretive about masturbating & watching porn?

I've tried talking to my boyfriend about masturbation & his porn habits, but he completely shuts down. Then he acts like he barely does it, when I know he does. I am very open with him about when I watch porn & masturbate. Most of the time I probably over share haha. I've told him that it's not a big deal that he does it, & I wish he would be more open with me like I am with him. He tells me that he is just a private person, but he will be more open with me from know on. But I feel like I would have to pull teeth to get him to talk about stuff, & that's the last thing I want to do.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • People often feel awkward or embarrassed talking about sexual things. How many women know there's nothing wrong with owning a dildo but would still be mortified if someone ever found theirs?

    In the same way, porn and masturbation habits tend to be really personal, private things cause it's info you wouldn't want getting out and falling into the wrong hands. Guys know how girls tend to react and so have learned to keep it secret. Talking about it openly makes a guy seem like a perv too, so there's really no upside. All you can do is be patient and maybe he'll open up when he's ready. Why do you want to know anyway?

    • I think I want to know mostly because I'm so open with my porn & masturbation habits with him. Since I've been that way with him pretty much since the beginning of our relationship, I've come to realize that it's a one sided conversation that I've been having with myself. I don't need him to tell me every little detail. Everyone should have their privacy when they need it, but I just wish he would reciprocate something once & a while.

    • Being secretive about this is second-nature to guys. They start masturbating as early as 11 or 12, not really by choice but due to insane urges, which causes guilt. At that age, you're still living with parents and siblings in a family-friendly environment, so there's constant fear of being found out. Did your boyfriend come from a conservative family where sex was never talked about? Also, isn't it true that girls will sometimes ask a guy provocative questions just to see how he will answer? For example, asking whether he watches porn, would like to have a threesome, finds so-and-so attractive, etc. If he says no, then he passed the test. But if he says yes... After a while, guys learn to always give the "right" answer. Maybe your boyfriend was in previous relationships that required this type of response. I think it's cool and interesting that you're so open, it's very unusual, and I'd think for a guy it would be better than being judged harshly which is what most women tend to do.

  • maybe if you offer to put on a show that he can masturbate to then he might be more open about the rest of it all, just get him more comfortable to jerking it around you and even with you

Most Helpful Girls

  • Maybe he's ashamed of the memes he likes. Maybe ask him to watch the porn you like. Have him jerk off for you and tell you what he likes to see. Does he want to see some bisexual stuff. Tell him it's ok to have fantasies and that you could act some out. It took a while to get my boy out of his shell. We are trying everthjnb and it's so much fun.

  • He's a private person and not used to talking about his masturbation habits. Don't pressure him. Let it be known you are totally cool with whatever he does and drop it so he can bring it up in his own time. If it's not affecting your sex life, stop pushing for answers

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Because family values.

  • He may just not be comfortable talking about it.

  • Yeah.. wish u a good life. ..

  • I jerk off in front of my girlfriends.

  • Because it's embarrassing, even if you're in a realationship..

  • Its probably a private subject he doesn't want to discuss. Maybe he'll open up in time

  • Watch together.