Why is my girlfriend never in the mood?

[Yeeagerbomb]

We've been together for about three months now and she isn't very physical with me. We've never made-out for more than maybe a few minutes straight. She'll stop and I'll have re-initiate the kissing and when I finally get to the point where I go to feel her up she says something like "next time we can do more" or "I'm not in the mood" but nothing more ever happens. Once about a month ago I fingered her and she definitely came, but other than that one occurrence her behavior has been the same. I'm more experienced than her, but I know she's not a virgin. One thing that caught my attention one day was that she said she had planned on doing a lot more with other guys, until she met me. It's not so much that we don't do anything physical that bothers me, I'm just wondering the possible reasons why.

[nirala_na]

I can't relate to it (I'm the opposite) as a girl, but my partner has a lower sexual drive than me. Perhaps try to maintain more intimacy with her, by touch e. g. hugging her more, touching her hand or shoulder etc. when talking, cuddling her when watching a movie, spontaneous kiss here and there etc. Sometimes it helped my partner to become in the mood sooner than usual.

When it comes to kissing and her pulling away, tell her that you just want to make out with her, nothing sexual and it doesn't need to lead to anything - it's just something that bonds people and feels awesome! Weirdly enough, my partner does the same - we can't kiss for long because he'll pull away (unless it's shortly before we make love). I always have to be telling him that it just feels so great to be kissing each other and I don't mean to try and have sex with him.

Did you try asking her why she's constantly not in the mood? Maybe something bothers her? Maybe she's embarrassed about something? Maybe she's not been feeling well recently and didn't tell you? Maybe she's had bad experiences with being physical with someone before? There might be so many reasons - the only thing you can do is to ask her.

[Anonymous]

I know you say she's not a virgin, but is it possible in the past she was sexually harassed or mistreated somehow? Maybe almost every time she engages in sex it just triggers that event.

Or maybe there's something in particular about you that doesn't make her feel confident enough to fully engage. You REALLY need to sit her down and talk, becuase if you don't, you'll probably get fed up and snap when you don't mean to. So, just talk to her.

[BuchitaBuchys]

She's either not that sexual. Or not just not that sexual with you.

[OlderAndWiser]

1. Is she using any form of birth control?
2. Does she have much sexual experience? Is there a reason for her to be nervous about having sex with you?
3. Has she ever fondled you? Are you above average in size? Perhaps her previous experience was with a small guy and your size is intimidating to her.
4. Maybe she thinks that having sex with her previous partner was a mistake and she doesn't want to make the same mistake again.
5. She may have said that she was planning to do more with other guys until she met you. . . but that doesn't mean that she would have actually engaged in sex with anyone else.

[JerichoJared]

She probably doesn't want to rush it in case you're a dirt bag.

Or she needs to feel completely in love who you before she can feel intimate (yes, there are women that exist like that). Three months isn't really enough time for that.

You seem like a good guy though so just stick with her and show her that you respect her boundaries and eventually she'll come around.

[truthbeknown]

She has a low sex drive and low sex interest. Sex is something she may like, but not something she needs. Be warned! Sex with her will always be like this. You will never be satisfied and always looking for more. You two are not sexually compatible. I highly recommend finding someone else who shares the same levels in sex as you do!

[Barrabus_the_Free]

She's getting sex from someone else and just using you as an emotional tampon and a source of free stuff. Tell her to hit the bricks.

[TiffyPuff]

Not into you. Probably only wants to be in a relationship so that her friends don't judge her.

[IceCubedude]

i am not the most experienced but if i know one thing its that when women start acting like that, another dude has infiltrated her mind.

[meatballs21]

Sounds like you have incompatible sex drives. The long terms prospects aren't good as you're going to get frustrated by the rejections and she's going to get frustrated by you pressuring her.

[Tarvold]

Because you suck at seduction and you suck at sexual escalation - by extension, this would mean that you suck at sex too.

Try this - instead of making it your goal to get into her pants, make it your goal to make her jump you. It's a deep change in the fundamental approach in how you interact with this girl on every level, and if you can do it and master it, you'll never experience blue balls ever again.

[genericname85]

either she isn´t all that sexual as a person or she´s sexually not all that into you. in both cases i personally would break up with them...

[Unit1]

It could be any of:

1. She has a low sex drive
2. She is not attracted to you
3. She is getting her sex somewhere else without you

[baabyput]

Sounds weird 😳

[dave1558]

i think you need to talk to her rather then us. ask her why. Tell her your getting a little frustrated and see what she has to say..

[Anonymous]

There are many, many possible reasons. Given the situation, the proper next step would be to break up with her.

If you were years in and things had been good once, you could PERHAPS try to get her to talk about it.

If she were explaining things, you could work with her.

If she were inexperienced, eager, but nervous, you could guide her.

She just doesn't want to. And she doesn't care that you want her.

Move on.