Sexual Relationships
9 mo

Why is so hard for my boyfriend to have sex in long term relationship?

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 3 years now. We have a pretty good relationship, rarely fight, whenever there’s a problem we try to talk openly to one another, BUT there’s one thing that is really bothering me and that’s that we have sex like once, sometimes twice a month. I’m a very sexual person and have a very high sex drive, so often times I’m extremely disappointed by the lack of sex and this leads to fights.
He finally admitted that it’s just boring to him (this is his FIRTS long term relationship). Before me he used to date the girls only for 2-3 months, so it was always new and interesting. I am open to role play, anal, different positions and places, using toys, I love having sex while watching porn, but most of the time when I suggest something he turns me down. He is so confused about his lack of desire for sex and he would like to get an advice from other guys ( he himself doesn’t like to talk to his friends about it) and wants to find a solution.
AND NO he’s not cheating, he wants to be with me, but he has never been for so long with anyone else. I would love to get some advice of suggestions from the guys here.

0 1

AI Bot Choice

Superb Opinion

  • Some guys have just had their fun by that age and simply are fed up of it. It becomes more of a chore than enjoying it.
    I'm not that guy, I'd love to do something everyday still (I'm 22).
    Sometimes he could just be tired after work or have things on his mind, but with a girlfriend so open to doing things, I'm surprised he isn't all over you!

    Maybe talk about it, say you aren't happy with it and see if you can even see others for sex itself (not ideal). You clearly aren't happy right now and I don't blame you

    • He also doesn’t know why he’s not “all over me” just like you said. He’s confused and knows I’m upset, that’s why he’s looking for a solution. I’m 28, he’s 31, no kids, so now it’s our time to have lots of sex.. :/

    • Well maybe making a kid is an excuse to have sex a lot. I would wonder why he isn't especially since he knows he isn't. Like why or how? You're attractive and offer everything! There must be something going on

Most Helpful Guy

  • I think this may not be something you can fix. I read through your list. You've been WAY more than patient. You've tried everything. I think you have to accept that his sex drive is nowhere even close to yours. Like different continents apart. You won't change him (nor necessarily should you) nor should your sexual needs adjust to his lack of them. I am really sorry to say it but I think the real answer is a different relationship. Not because I'm trying to be flip or say give up but because sex is important. And if he can't cut it, you shouldn't give in.

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 8

  • Would he be interested in playing a game?

    https://www.girlsaskguys.com/ sexual-health/a54411-need- some-excitement-in-the- bedroom-are-you-willing-to- take-a

  • Cause you’re not married

  • It sounds like things have gone stale. Also it could be a possibility no offense but you're needing us could also be a turn off but I understand if you have a high sex drive that you have needs that need met. Have you tried teasing him physically? Use physical seduction next time you're sitting on his lap start grinding on his junk to see even get a reaction out of him

  • Not all guys are all that horny

    could be other issues as well

    is he worried about you getting pregnant for one or more of many reasons some people are

    does he prefer masturbation?

    maybe it might be best to both go and see a sex therapist

  • Have you tried toys, lingerie, truth or dare, sex card games, sex in public or somewhere risque?

    • I mentioned above, that I’m open for all that, he say’s he’s too, but when I suggest someone he rejects it most of the time. :/

    • Suggest something *

    • Maybe surprise him one day at work with a short skirt and no panties? Or wear shirts around the house with no bra and see through

  • How old of a guy is he? Is he depressed or had he had some sort of trauma in his life? It’s difficult to say what the issue might be but all I can think of are low testosterone, drug use, too much masturbation, depression or he’s gay or bi. Are you sure he’s really into you? Not saying there’s any reason he wouldn’t be but I can’t think of any other reasons. Keep communicating and hopefully you will figure out what’s affecting him. Good luck

    • He's 31, no signs of depression, not a stressful job. I also thought about testosterone problems, but he doesn’t want to have it checked and says he’s fine. I think he’s battling with himself, because it’s a totally new situation to him and he’s also very confused.

    • I’m sure things will get better. Hang in there

  • Do you have an approx idea of what his bodycount is?

    • More than 50 I guess

    • Well there ya go. The more partners you have, the harder it'll be for someone to connect in long term relationships. There's been tons of studies on this. Just a body count of two, increases divorce rates by 50%. So imagine 50.

    • @sally421 Holy sh*t. 50+? Yeah, I can see why he's bored. Running through that many people will tend to do two things to you: 1) make you need constant novelty to stay interested in sex, because you've never settled into being with one person 2) you'll develop a "been there, done that, don't care anymore" attitude, because you don't feel like there is much left exciting to try (similar to maxing out / completing a videogame). If he's not actively trying to improve and getting results, then this problem will only worsen in the future. And if you try to suggest something like an open relationship to him, then there is yet another set of issues to deal with. I'm sorry this happened to you. Sometimes people just aren't compatible in certain ways. You'll have to choose your path.

  • It's obvious that you're sexually incompatible. What you choose to do about is up to you. Have you discussed your frustrations with him and if so what did you he say. Communication is key

    • Yes, we’ve talked about it. To me the cause of the problem is that he’s used to a new partner every few months and now when he knows it’s a time for something serious and long term he gets bored, but he also says that he wants and likes to be in relationship.

    • Sounds like it's time to move on but deep down I guess you already know that

    • He wants to find a way to fix it

    • Show All

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