Why is virginity so frowned upon or judged nowadays?

[Anonymous]

I'm 22 and I'm a virgin.

I've had a number of boyfriends and none of those relationships were sexual in nature.

My reason is I don't want to marry a man with the knowledge that there are other men out there who are able to say they've slept with me or seen me naked + in some sense have sort of a claim on me. I want to keep myself for the one who loves me enough to marry me. I know it doesn't work like this sometimes but i want to go through life knowing I've only given myself to one man.

Whenever I discuss it with sexually active peers, they can't understand it and they sneer and judge me for it. They tell me i'm missing out or I'll regret it.. or even that its a stupid decision and it makes no sense to them. And because of this, I feel prudish and boring and not with the times.

Why is it a crime to not want to pass myself around to men?

Why do we shame virgins?

Why do we frown upon people who prefer to stick to certain morals?

It just seems like being sexually active is so "en vogue" nowadays. Everyone seems to be doing it. And if your not doing it, then your a drag..

[MrOracle]

The word you are looking for is FEMINISM. Except, It's not really that either.

You might be aware that different people around the world think that the world should be managed in different ways. In the western world, we've had variations of representative democracies. In Eastern Europe and Asia, people at least claimed to follow a system created by group of German, Jewish intellectuals led by Karl Marx. Old Karl called his system Communism - a slight variation of socialism - but is probably most correctly called Marxism.

The problem is, the Marxists couldn't compete. Marxism destroys economies. The Soviet Union realized early on that competing economically (in business) or militarily was going to result in a loss, so they had to come up with a CHEAP way to win. The answer was SUBVERSION - the technique of disguising their real intentions by claiming they are something else. This allowed them to push their goals in the name of something else.

One of the things they infiltrated and took over were 1960s social movements, one of which was called Feminism. The existing leaders who they could convert to Marxists they kept, and those they couldn't, they kicked out. (The same thing happened with the racial equality and environmental movements.)

This NEW Feminism didn't actually care about women, it cared about pushing policies that would destroy western society, in this case by destroying the nuclear family (marriage). All they had to do is spin these policies so they SOUNDED like they were fighting for women, and it was easy to get support for their policies. It took a long time, but it worked. They've done massive damage to the institution of marriage in the west, and have largely destroyed relationships between men and women. And women have suffered mightily because of this - men too - but women have been taught by Feminism that these losses are really WINS. And women WANT to win, so most of them believe it - even after they realize it was a loss. Admitting a defeat is embarrassing, so most women pretend they've won - it's easier that way. Unfortunately, they also won't tell the next generation of women the truth, for that would expose the truth of their own losses. The cycle repeats, and gets worse.

This Marxist "feminism" has taught women to become men - masculine, independent, outwardly sexual, and career-focused, and taught women to encourage men to become women - effeminate, emotional, and submissive. Women need a "hoe phase" and "hot girl summer." All of that is rooted in modern Feminism - which, again, is really a Marxist agenda to destroy western society, acting in the name of Feminism.

Once you see it, you can't unsee it.

[Anonymous]

the only people who seem to shame virgins are the virtuous people who claim virgins are shamed. have sex, dont have sex, nobody really cares, if you dont have sex and dont want to feel like you're being judged, dont talk about sex, its pretty simple.

by the way, having sex is not "passing yourself around to men" the bigger question here is probably why you have the opinions you hold on sex because, really, other peoples opinions shouldn't really matter right? in my experience the "no sex before marriage" people are often quite repressed, often as a result of an upbringing that makes sex seem dirty and perverted, which really, is a human invention, sex is entirely natural, to have urges and desires is natural. To deny urges and desires, especially at the age where you start to have them, is very unnatural and usually creates unusual issues later into maturing adults.

[Asker]

the only people who seem to shame virgins are the virtuous people who claim virgins are shamed. You only need to look at your own comment and @savagewolf22's comment below to know im right. There is undeniably a condescending attitude towards women who decide to be selective about their virginity And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with sex... im just saying i don't mock or I'm not openly judgmental towards my friends who do have sex so why is it the opposite when it comes to me? What's so wrong with being a virgin in todays society?

[Asker]

I can understand why a man might dislike a virgin. It limits the capacity of women he can sleep with because essentially they're unattainable

[bingbongbangbung]

actually many men prefer virgin women for marriage, especially those from more conservative ideologies and societies.

[Opinion Owner]

I dont ever profess to be right or that someone else is wrong, only a fool knows for certain that theyre right. there are LOTS of things wrong with todays society, you aren't getting special treatment because you haven't had sex and if you think that there is a lot of condescending attitudes towards you now, you are likely in for a difficult ride in the future when you realise you get discriminated against at every step along the way in life. if you feel condescended towards, why do you make a point of displaying that you are offended by a) talking to your sexually active friends in a way that exposes you to judgement and b) openly posting similar thoughts on a public forum? being upset or offended is a privilege not an entitlement, you aren't due any special extra credit for being offended and yes, you are passing judgement equal and opposite to the judgement you yourself are (apparently) recieving by implying that girls who do have sex are "passing themselves around" in itself promotes a very sordid image whilst making you look virtuous also makes you look like a hypocrite.

[Asker]

I've asked this question so i could share my own personal observations in life and gets opinions as to why it happens.

[Asker]

Special treatment? Who asked for special treatment?

[Opinion Owner]

you are asking to not be judged but you are judging people who do the opposite of you.

[Asker]

I'm not asking people to get on their knees and worship me because I'm a virgin. I don't view virginity as a god given gift. My virginity is just a lifestyle choice and could very well be anyone else's lifestyle..

[Asker]

But in a society where we prize people on their abilities to reform and do as they wish, we certainly do have certain attitudes towards people who live a celibaute lifestyle. As you said, you view me as repressed and automatically judge that just because I refrain from sex before marriage I must view sex as dirty. That's the case at all. In fact it's the opposite. I view men and way.

[Opinion Owner]

I didn't suggest that you were asking to be worshipped, surely you can see the irony in asking not to be judged for remaining a virgin whilst accusing those who do not choose to remain a virgin as "passing themselves around" I'm suggesting that nobody cares and that you have a complex that you are being judged stemming from the fact that you are judging other people.

[Asker]

Im not judging people at all. Jeez, sorry if you take it that way.. Im talking about the way i see myself and and virginity Looks like I hit a nerve in you.

[Opinion Owner]

you have an attitude towards celibate people, you can't speak for society in general, the vast majority of the world does not care that you are a virgin (really they dont), the complex you may have developed around this notion is well documented in psychological studies as are the links to repressed feelings and emotions.

[Opinion Owner]

you haven't hit a nerve, thats the last retort of a scoundrel whos own nerve has been hit, normally... if you aren't judging your friends, why would you paint such a deliberately sordid picture, the phraseology "passing themselves around" conjures up a great deal of negativity, why would you choose those words if not to pass an indirect judgement.

[Asker]

Again you can't talk about what the vast of majority people think about virgins unless you've seen it yourself.. what I've seen in my circle of my friends told me otherwise.

[Asker]

I've DEFINITELY hit a nerve

[Opinion Owner]

Was actually just chatting with another psychologist about this discussion, particularly the "hit a nerve" theme, she smiled and said "I bet they will say 'you like to have the last word dont you?' next" but you didn't, you simply repeated yourself. I suspect the only nerve youve hit is your own... Arguing with a very random stranger is a productive use of my working time, it gives me a great deal of insight into different peoples thought processes and allows me to better understand people, in your replies and responses I see a person unwilling to admit that they judge other people from a particular viewpoint but are offended when others judge you in the opposite manner, until you can accept that judging others is like granting them permission also to judge you, you are not going to be able to get past this. believe me or not (it really doesn't matter to me) but I enjoyed this conversation, its created quite a lot of insight for me, so no, you haven't touched a nerve, but kudos for trying!

[Asker]

The fact that you took our little debate to a psychologist suggests I definitely hit a nerve 🤣🤦‍♀️ and you don't come off as wanting to have the last word at all

[Asker]

But this conversation has been insightful I do feel like you've made more of a conclusion about me than answered my question... however i can learn from you how my words may be misconstrued as judgement despite that not being my intention

[Opinion Owner]

i discussed this with my peers, another psychologist, you know, friends and colleagues discussing matters that pique their interest over a coffee... other than announcing we are virgins for fake shock value!

[AmandaYVR]

It's not really shaming virgins.

Guys have much stronger sex drives than girls and so they'll always be encouraging, trying to persuade, girls to have sex with them.

People who have sex know it's fun, feels good (for the most part), and they're encouraging others to also have it just for the enjoyment of it. It's one of life's pleasures.

There are lots of virgins - both by choice and lack of opportunity - and they support and commiserate with each other.

You don't need to be upset at their "judgment." Everyone has different opinions, different experiences. You do you. That's it.

(But I personally would never marry someone I didn't first explore the physical relationship with. There is such a thing as sexual compatibility. And most people do want to experience it with at least a few other people before, because that person is all you'll ever get. And that experience with other people is a lot to give up. Experiences are information. We learn from them - all of them, good and bad. And through relationship and sexual/physical experience, we learn what we want and truly need.)

[Lliam]

🎯🎯🎯

[DaisyM23]

i think it's because people who stay virgins for your reason come across quite judgy, i think it's because you mentioned 'certain morals' but even if you didn't, your reasoning makes it sound like non-virgins can never truly be with the person they marry because they've been used in some way?

[Aerissa_Jade]

Around here it isn't shamed at all, the best longest lasting relationships started between two virgins.

[Lliam]

I think you are being hyperbolic about people's judgements. You're also being kind of judgmental toward people who don't share your "morals".

If you are allowed to share your personal views on the issue, so are others. That doesn't mean that they are hating on you.

It reminds me of certain Christians who constantly talk about their faith but get offended and act oppressed when people don't share their views.

I think you are entitled to do what you want. There is nothing wrong with your views on the subject. And there are people who share your values.

I'll just say that I wouldn't date a girl who was saving herself for marriage. But that's just me.

[AmandaYVR]

Agreed. 👍

[Lliam]

@AmandaYVR. I read your response after I posted mine and agreed 100%.

[virginloserguy]

I hear most guys saying they want a virgin. It is mainly the men that get shamed for their lack of success with women. I understand women get shamed, but it is usually for going to bed with men. Just watch house of dragons. You will see the men, king, and princes sleeping around, but the girl being shamed when she has sex with of the characters in the show. Yes, it is fiction, but that is how people view it in real life. The man is shamed for not getting any women, and the woman is shamed for sleeping around with men.

[Berethor]

You surrounded by hos, and usually it mostly men who got virgin-shamed.

[mrmonogamous]

I didn’t know it was frowned upon. Virginity only happens once, so when you lose it, make sure it’s with someone you care about. It is not a piece of trash to be haphazardly thrown away.

[slatyb]

It's not a crime. They are just telling you that in their opinion it's not a wise choice.

I would be very hesitant to get involved with a woman with that belief, as I would figure they just don't have a strong sex drive.

[FunkyMonkee]

I'd love to get a virgin!

[TheSpaceGnome]

It's not.

Instead, what you are seeing is most people your age had sex too early, and are now viewed as less preferable because people prefer virgins for picking their SO.

So to compensate, non virgins are verbally bashing virgins for not fucking up their lives by becoming teen single parents. By trying to make it some sort of quality check to have been fucked by x age, when in reality, plenty of attractive and well minded people are virgins in their 20s, 30s, etc. who are waiting for the right person.

In the 90s, if a teen got pregnant, her life was pretty much ruined, both her and her baby daddy were shunned by society, mocked, ridiculed, reprimanded, scolded, etc. anytime anyone noticed or was reminded of it.

But today they make tv shows starring these girls, and act like it's just normal.

[bingbongbangbung]

weren't those kind of "reality" shows popular in the 90s and 00s?

[TheSpaceGnome]

@bingbongbangbung 90s? no, 2010 and up they were a thing, at least enough to become mocked with memes anyway.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I'm actually pretty late to the party on noticing though, I never personally watch reality shows.

[genericname85]

it's not frowed upon or shamed. maybe dumb teens do that. but not adults.

[AsaKyo]

Cause' hoes have no shame

[savagewolf22]

Lol.

[TroyDT2]

Ignore the people who do that. I wish I had maintained my purity.

[JPresidente]

It is not a crime and should not be frowned upon. I salute you and your morals and your high character.

[MikeInHawaii]

Right is right even if you’re the only one doing it. Wrong is still wrong if everyone is doing it.

[clampfan101]

I think it’s valuable and should be hung onto until marriage.

[MountAverage]

That's one side of the coin. The other side is that it's being treated like some holy grail. Both of these ways of looking at virginity are extremely unhealthy and unreasonable. There's nothing inherently wrong with not having sex, and there's nothing inherently wrong with having sex.
We also need to finally understand that the whole concept of "virginity" is outdated and nonsensical. There's not even a definition of it that people can agree on. As a concept it also perpetuates very outdated gender stereotypes.

Whether a penis has entered a vagina before or not means nothing. It doesn't suddenly change the person magically, that's just mythical nonsense. What does make a difference is whethere you have had sexual experiences before or not, and if so, how much. And again - neither having little or no experience, nor a lot of experience, are inherently good or bad. There's other factors that matter.

[BJP21]

It depends on the values and doctrine you fallow.

For me sex is sacred but also not to be taken lightly. Most christians would say I have committed a sin for premarital sex. I wanted to explore sexuality and be comfortable with it, and be comfortable with my body and around others who desire the same thing. Imagine if you were in a sexual encounter with a person you wanted to be with, would you be comfortable seeing his body? would you be comfortable him seeing yours? Do you like being touched? The problem with doctrines is they overly treat sex as sacred, the only thing sacred in my opinion is the emotional connection I feel to that person. Who are people to judge me for wanting and desiring emotional fulfillment and physical fulfillment? Isn't that supposed to be a positive thing? What you hear is ignorant society chirping nonsense. Be yourself and be comfortable desiring what you want in a respectful way.

[AimeeKyle]

I didn’t know it was. Do whatever is right for you and don’t bow to the pressure.

[Shamalien]

Why do drug users shame and peer pressure others into drugs?

they don’t wanna be the only loser and in fact you not being a loser threatens them

[HippieVeganJewslim]

I think people consider sex to be very important because it’s addictive and biologically necessary for the population to be alive, although in USA, the average age of marriage is in the 30s. Marriage before sex is a rule not many follow, it seems.

[Twalli]

Blame the sexual revolution.