Why Marriage or Long-Term Relationships Aren't What's Best for Most Black Women

[MysticalNegra]

One often hears how black women are the most single group of women, however one never questions in depth why that is. I aim to break it down. The simple fact of the matter is, marriage isn't beneficial for most black women.

1. Power & Control

Let's face it, men want to be the dominant one in a relationship. The breadwinner. Many want a doting wife who will readily submit to them and be submissive. In fact, in most wedding vows the words to honor and obey thy husband are said, however that isn't most black women. Black women are looking for more of an equal partnership, where no one dominates the other but instead they work together. Black women don't like to be controlled or submissive to anyone.

So when a man expects us, to submit we quickly put them in their place and we damn sure won't obey anyone either. When men usually complain about the black girl attitude it's mostly due to us simply not letting them control our actions and loudly voicing our opinions to make ourselves heard. We do what we think is best. Many see this as masculine traits, but for black women this is basic survival.

2. There's no incentive

As many wives know, having a husband or boyfriend is just like having another baby. Men expect you to cook for them, feed them, wash their clothes, buy their clothes, clean up after them, let them watch TV and play video games all day, and when you try to call them out on it, they complain that you're nagging them. The only difference being they want sex as well. As many have stated, men want to basically be with their mother or a girl who's like her and will do all the things she does plus give them sex. When there's really nothing in it for the woman. There's no reciprocity, and Black women, are not down for that.

3. Being in a Relationship is Dangerous for Black woman

Black women face a greater risk for domestic violence. Black women are particularly vulnerable. Black women are almost three times as likely to experience death as a result of domestic violence/intimate partner violence than White women.In fact, Black women experience domestic violence at a rate 35 percent higher than white women. While Black women make up just 8 percent of the population, 22 percent of homicides that result from DV/IPV happen to Black Women.

As such, domestic and intimate partner violence is one of the leading causes of death for Black women ages 15 to 35. As such, when men have hard time controlling a woman or she refuses to submit, it often leads to them getting violent. As also seen with the amount of sexual harassment homicides and attacks. Simply for not being interested in a man, black women are more likely to be killed and beaten for not being interested or ignoring a man's advancements than any other group of women. So being in a relationship is dangerous for black woman.

4. We're more likely to be single mothers regardless

Unlike the old days, when a girl got pregnant the guy married her so the child could come up in a 2 parent home. However, nowadays men won't marry a girl they get pregnant and a lot of the times they won't take care of the kids either. This is especially true for black women, with an over 70% out of wedlock birthrate and many fathers not actively raising their children regardless, there's no reason for black girls to get married. This isn't just by race of men either. Black men, White, Asian, Latino all races of men inherently devalue black children they create, but will more than likely raise and care for the white or Asian children.

Our society devalues blackness and stats show this. The darker the child, the more likely the father will want nothing to do with it. But since black women are resilient and have been raising children on their own for centuries this isn't anything to be bothered by. In many cases, some black women aren't even telling the fathers of their pregnancy in fear of getting killed. Cases where women are pregnant and the father wants an abortion and kills the mother are frequent and black women are largely affected by this. Not telling the father about their pregnancy or their child in many if not most cases is the best thing for black women.

5. Having no father/man in the home may be bad for their sons, but good for their daughters

60% of black girls have experienced sexual abuse before reaching the age of 18, and that's only the reported amount. Many of these girls are abused by male family members or people close to their mothers ( Uncles, fathers, mom's boyfriend or even brothers in some cases.) These sick men prey on young girls and its important to keep men like this out of the house and since a woman can't mind read a pedophiles mind and they can look like anyone and intentionally be kind and sweet, many black women are waking up and actively not letting men near their children. That especially includes the child's father.

6. Most Black Women WANT TO BE SINGLE

In a study done by National Public Radio (NPR) of over black 1000 men and 1000 black women between the ages of 18-50, only 25% of black women said they wanted a long term relationship, while the other 75% said they didn't. Meanwhile, 34% of black men wanted a long term relationship while the rest didn't.

7. Why Buy the Cow when We get the Milk for Free?

Let's face it women like sex too, but if a man has nothing to offer besides sex...why marry him? Black women have jobs, careers, and support their children on their own in most cases, so as the saying goes they don't really need a man for much of anything besides sex. But we all know any woman regardless of race, size, or attractiveness can get sex easily, so why invest your time in a man or relationship with one when you can get the only thing you need from him for free?

8. Black Women Would Rather Be Left Alone

Let's face it. A lot of guys are just straight up annoying. Men love to complain about women, but fail to realize they're just as annoying if not more. They're very needy, but again offer little in return. Black women have picked up on this long ago, and have learned to adapt. The instant bitch face and eye-roll when a guy comes up and tries to hit on us is a tale tell that we're not interested, not only in just you, but in general not interested in anyone. Men love to complain about us and our evil bitch attitude, but it's simply our way of telling you and everyone to LEAVE US ALONE.

[Anonymous]

This is true if you can never find a good man. Same is said for those guys who say marriage is bad for men.
If you find a good partner... That's what they are, a partner. They're on your side, you help each other progress, help each other become better people and have a better life, they support you in times of need and support you when you need to do things. It's not always bad.

[likelyOK]

this is a good suggestion

[Anonymous]

Why are you always telling everyone to leave you alone? If you really wanted that.. you wouldn't be writing these arrogant takes to get attention.

[Anonymous]

I don't know how i feel about this take... i mean , i get it... but I don't know lol