Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
For some women, the reality of their significant other watching pornography can be as hurtful as infidelity. Pornography can have a psychological effect on women, causing her to question her own value, significant other and their entire relationship.
Jennifer: I make every effort to do what most women don't do in the bedroom. There is no limit to what I won't do sexually for my significant other.
Meghan: I keep myself in shape and looking good. But, still my husband turns to pornography.
Crystal: Our sex life has been lacking for quite sometime. We have intercourse, but that is on rare occasion.
What is common about these womens situations?
They are all affected by their significant other's choice to watch pornography.
Although each woman has a situation that differs, they do not fail to feel the same end result, which is hurt.
These women view sex as sacred. They see it as a intimate connection between two people. When they discover that their significant other is releasing himself sexually to other women, this gives a extreme blow to her self esteem. The realization has hit,
"No, you are not the only girl that can be desired by your significant other. Any girl can have that affect on your guy."
This is nothing short of hurtful.
Men and womens brains are wired differently. The biggest difference I have found between men and women is that, men seem to be more into the visual stimulation porn has to offer. Lets assume the male has no porn addiction and is perfectly contented with his significant other, typically, he is able to temporarily live in the moment of fantasy and move past it quickly. Just because he watches porn, does not automatically mean he views his significant other any less. Women, on the other hand, attach more meaning and emotion to a sexual act. Some women, simply cannot fathom why their guy is able to enjoy another woman in that way. "How can I be your biggest desire, when you are pleasured by other women?"
- (1) Exploitation -
A great majority of people nowadays, agree with prostiution (being able to purchase sex with their hard earned money).
Lets briefly look at the similarities between independent prostitutes and pornstars.
A porn star is a woman who is getting paid to have sex for money. (One of the main differences is they do it on camera, while an escort usually does it in privacy). A porn star's profession is more accepted in society while the other one is not. It's funny, because by definition a pornstar is also a prostitute (someone who receives sex for money). But society has a very different way of looking at a woman who chooses to do this work; even the name reflects it. What makes a porn star so different than a prostitute who does not do it on camera? A porn star can experience vulnerability at the hands of production. What makes her immune to the exact same exploitation that an independent sex worker may receive? Nothing, is my answer.
Some women take a major stance on this topic. When the Jenny's, Meghan's and Crystal's of our society see their significant other watching porn, they see it as him being a contributor of the problem. He is one that devalues women by partaking in watching it ( he is showing he supports prostitution by being a consumer of those films).
What truly goes on behind the scenes of a camera is never shown. You are sold a fantasy.
To every beauty that goes shown, is an ugly truth that hides behind it.
- (2) A contributor to self esteem issues. Yes, the significant other has professed his love to his lady. He says she is his everything and more. However, based on his actions of watching porn, these women cannot believe those words. "How can I be your everything, when your attention is constantly turned to someone else?"
The wound is further dug into, if their partner continues to watch porn.The significant other feels ashamed to watch porn so he feels the need to hide and lie about it. (some men may even develop a porn addiction, and may not at first recognize that they have this problem).
This continues to deepen her wounds.
Some women feel they cannot live up to an impossible standard. These women on porn are well groomed (professionally made up and hair styled), some of them have had plastic surgery, to have their bodies meet perfection (in some cases, this includes their genitals as well). They are willing to do the things men love without hestiation. This further interferes with the woman's perception of self.
- If a man has a particular type of woman he likes to see in porn (that is opposite from his partner's appearance), this continues to impact her self esteem.
"What's wrong with me?"
"Am I not good enough?"
"Do I not satisfy him?"
These are some of the many questions she may ask herself.
Some relationships end has a result of the man watching porn, when that was never the real problem in the first place.
The overlooked issue was that, the mutual respect for each other was never there.
You should care how your significant other feels about a particular topic.
It is important that you know the relationship you are in.
Please understand, what is okay according to your partner and what is not.
If your significant other dislikes the use of porn, rather than go about hiding it (which in most cases causes further problems), ask yourself "Is this relationship for me?" Is porn that big of a part of my life, that I am not willing to let go of it for someone else?"
Be honest with your partner and yourself!
Never hold things back because it allows you to store guilt.
This all becomes one huge ugly pile, that will eventually fall.
You never want that to be on your conscience.
Note to readers: This article is not put in place to discourage anyone from watching pornography, but rather for men to see why some women are so against it.
If you are a man/woman and love porn and can find someone that views it the same way, then I say we are off to a good start :)
What Girls & Guys Said
24 66I'm split on the issue. I wouldn't interfere with a guy watching porn unless it became a problem (i. e. addiction, mood swings, unreasonable expectations). It also depends on the type of porn he watches as well.
Very true, the genre matters
I don't care if he watches porn or not. I understand he needs to see it sometimes and I'll too. Lets face it if he wanted a Barbie Doll with DD boobs and a 36 inch ass with never ending legs, I can't be that can I? He can at least live that fantasy in porn same with me, I want a chiselled solid 6 pack man who's perfect but if my man does not come close to that, should I not watch porn? . I think women who are against porn should not be so paranoid. Its normal, you shouldn't care what is in his head. He needs his space and I need mine.
To be honest, if I was a guy and my girl was against it, she would be dumped haha.
You watch porn , I watch porn peace out, lets accept we are not perfect
Thank u! I don't mind girl watch porn and get off herself as long she had fantasy with me.
First too much porn isn't okay, it's visually and mentally stimulating and it rewires the brain. Second, it depends on the genre of porn. The genre is VERY important otherwise I don't Care
What genre of porn you are not okay with?
Gay porn, transgender porn, rape porn, child porn... sh*t is weird
So your ok with gang bangs and bondage?
@FreekAleek yep.
You ain't half bad Lolomon ;-)
All right so women don't like men watching porn because they can not live up to the standards that pornstars set. But then how are guys supposed to feel about women using dildos?
That's definitely not the only reason that I stated here. For some women that is the case, for others its the reason that the man is pretty much contributing to the exploitation of these women. It's also the fact that he desires another woman enough to pleasure himself to her. How is a woman supposed to feel special if a man is able to do that? A dildo is a different story. It's not attached to a man. A woman also isn't visualizing another man pleasuring her. It's just a prop that adds to the sex life.
For a man porn is pretty much just a visual prop to let him get off easier. When I do it, I and most men do it, I'm not thinking about the woman in the video. I'm just thinking about the visuals. They are not the same as a real woman. Porn to a man is what a dildo is to a woman, a source of basic pleasure as well as a source of insecurities for the opposite gender. Again, if you can use a dildo that's better and bigger than my dick, then I can watch tits and ass rounder and bigger than yours to pleasure myself.
You cannot compare a dildo. I'm not seeing the whole form of another person nor am I seeing them engaged in sexual acts with others. A dildo is a pure visualization of ones imagination. A fair comparison, would be the flesh light that men use because it's just an actual prop. Pornography is not a prop.. you're seeing entire person engaged in action. Porn can provide much stronger feelings for one because not everyone agrees with prostitution. That is what porn is. Seeing two prostitutes engaged in sex together. The producer is pretty much the "pimp" in the whole ordeal. It can be seen as degrading. A dildo and porn and no where in the same field. It doesn't strike nearly of any of the same emotion. Do you see, how you're comparing pornography to the actual woman's physique that you are supposed to "have as your girlfriend?" and you wonder why she would feel the way she does. That's being insensitive if you ask me
"You cannot compare a dildo." Yes I can. You saying I can't is like saying that your argument about porn is de facto right while my comparison with dildo's is wrong. If you feel insecure over men watching porn then we feel insecure over you using dildos. Very simple. "Porn can provide much stronger feelings" For you maybe. For most men, it's pure fap material. Nothing more. Nothing less. We don't FEEL any way about porn the same way I don't feel any way about seeing my favorite color - it's just... there. There's nothing to feel about it. "you're seeing entire person engaged in action" No. As a man I am seeing a mouth sucking a dick, an ass bouncing and tits hanging around. I do no see a person there. From my point of view, if watching some body parts on screen is insensitive, then using something other than my dick to stimulate yourself with is insensitive as well.
You're still failing to see how bad of a comparison yours is. I don't think I can have a fair shot of a discussion with you, if you think a dildo is the same as watching prostitutes on camera get fucked. And why some women view this as exploitation. You can't exploit a dildo and be a supporter of its vulnerability.
"You're still failing to see how bad of a comparison yours is." No, you're just failing to convince me how bad of an comparison it is when I think it's just perfect for the given situation. "I don't think I can have a fair shot of a discussion with you" All right then let's be grown adults and call it a day and agree to disagree. It's Christmas after all, no need to start a war here. Merry Christmas by the way.
I understand what message you were trying to send out however it was presented with a poor comparison. There's no animosity here , just a simple debate that ends with mutual respect for eachother. Merry Christmas !
Man are porn stars too by the way but we hear nothing about man that.
I am aware that both people being filmed are prostitutes. However since this article is written from the perspective of a heterosexual woman , she'd mostly be concerned about the other woman since that's the image her guy is masturbating over. Also, you don't usually hear male prostitutes confessing that they were exploited for the sole purpose that they'd be looked at way differently than a woman who was. They'd be see as less of a man while a woman who confesses the same would be looked at as more of a woman for telling her secret.
I agree with this guy, i see porn as just a visual aid/prop to get off to. And i also compare it to a dildo or vibrator which are also tools to help get a woman off
I totally understand why a woman can feel bad about a guy watching porn, but if sex doesn't happen in a regular basis, not necessarily every day, but at least twice a week, no sexual relief is gonna affect the man, that's not an excuse, that's science. If a man doesn't release often it'll affect the sperm, the penis, and his mental state making us more cranky and stressed.
If we don't get sex, we gotta relieve ourselves, and porn helps us do that, cause most men can't just cum with their minds, it does nothing to most of us.
Why did you puts quotes on some?
After reading this I still don't understand or relate to women who feels this way, getting jealous over a physical being that your significant other can see race to face makes more sense than this.
I put quotes because these are actual things I have heard women say. I wanted to personalize this article. Although you may not understand it or be able to relate to it. My efforts in this article was to make a clear view of why women that feel this way do. If you can at least see why, then this all makes sense.
Because men and the world keep on justifying that this is acceptable, a lot of women now don't mind it. Society's standard of defining what is right is driven towards which side is agreed with by most people, not by which is morally correct.
@thereshegoes1 Women watch porn too. I don't see how this is a societal thing it seems more like a personal insecurity.
I'm not against porn. I've watched some also. Just there should be a boundary. I don't watch porn when I am in a serious/committed relationship. Unless we watch it together or when I couldn't come to his needs because of some inevitable situations. I'd find it acceptable.
if you are single and have a hard time getting sex, i understand why some men would turn to porn. but f you are having a satisfactory sex life (relationship or casual) then why do you need to watch porn? i mean id rather have real sex than be fapping it to porn tbh. and if you are in a relationship, again why? if you have a significant other that is willing to give you the real deal plus it is hurtful to her. So, im not totally against porn, but i don't think there is a need for it if you are having a decent sex life
Yeah, my main problem with porn is that it's essentially prostitution on film, like you said. So if you're paying for porn, it's like paying someone off the street to perform sex acts for your pleasure, except with a middle man involved. Many who'd never dream of hiring a hooker think nothing of subscribing to porn sites, even though it has a similar effect on society by creating incentive for young people to enter this line of work. Because porn is something people like, they avoid thinking about this aspect, the same way we avoid thinking about the sweatshops where our consumer goods come from.
Safe to say there's too much reliance on porn now. People are so dependent, they think it's essential to their health and well-being which is just not true. In fact it can ruin your mental health in cases of addiction and excessive consumption. Then again, that is true of any substance or behaviour, from alcohol to video games.
Being single, I won't deny it is a comfort sometimes. Some porn out there uses real couples in an artistic way, or simply focuses on the beauty of the human form. If there was more of this kind and less of the gang bangs, gagging, violence and rapes, porn wouldn't have the scummy reputation it does now.
Exploitation angle is not a really strong point.
#1 every industry has some sort of exploitation. Usually, the boss has certain power over his employees. Depending on her circumstances, the employee might go along with her boss advances to keep her job. That's why it is possible to make a rape case against that.
#2 money is important. A high class escort makes about 300k per year. She selects her own clients and can generally runs her own business. A recent graduate with a 50k+ student debt is looking at living in poverty for quite sometime. Porn or sex work are both on the table.
A porn star is someone getting paid to sell their sex tapes. Not real sex because it's a movie. A dentist spends his day poking a rotten teeths. A cashier spends her days pretend to be happy dealing with idiots and customers. It's a service job, always smile even when your heart is broken.
@oddwaffle I disagree with you. Exploitation is a strong point in this article. You are attempting to speak about exploitation as a whole, but what you fail to realize is we are talking about a every-day heterosexual woman in a relationship with a man she loves. We are not speaking about a civil rights leader or a exploitation activist who is trying to change the entire population. Perhaps this woman we are speaking about, was a victim of exploitation herself, maybe that's why she feels so strongly. Or MAYBE she has had love ones victimized in that same way. Or maybe, this just happens to be something she is passionate about. You never know some ones true outlook unless you are them. Porn stars are not just selling tapes, they are prostitutes having sex on camera with other prostitutes. The pimp is production who happens to exploit some of these porn stars. Did you watch the videos? Those are perfect examples. Society paints porn to be glitz and glamour but behind the scenes, that
is not always the case.
A lot of people are mixing prostitutions with the bad things that happen in prostitutions together. Prostitution is sex work, it is work like every other work you perform for services. The abuse is not part of porn or prostitutions by themselves but because there are few regulations or government desire to keep the industry regulated. What happen when a police officer receive complains from a porn actress or a prostitute? Is he going to rush over his boss for the case like it as a famous actor case? Or is he going to shelf it somewhere if he didn't laugh at the slut? The videos are case studies, not something to make you panic over. Every industry has it dirty trash and porn is not even at the top of the list. A mining company in Japan released mecury into the water streams for years. Thousands of people got so sick and died in agony. The company lost the court fight but has been dragging its feet in paying the victims and their families.
I do not consider having sex for money a job. "The abuse is not part of porn or prostitutions by themselves but because there are few regulations or government desire to keep the industry regulated." The industry is as regulated as it can be, however what people fail to realize is that regulation does not equal being invisible. You are still prone to negative things to happening to you. Not only is the porn star responsible but so is the producer, because as stated by the porn stars, vulnerable women are heavily influenced and pressured in the business. Its no different than a pimp influencing a prostitute. When you have sex with pretty much everyone , you are making yourself prone to getting an std. No matter the regulations of testing, they put in place , you're making yourself vulnerable to the diseases that are out there. No matter how regularly you get tested.. you can have a clean result, and still have a virus in your system. Some viruses take months-years to show up in your
system. I get the analogy that you are doing here, however the effects of them are so different they are not relatable.
In Canada, prostitution was legal until recently. The effect of the new law made it pretty illegal to sell and purchase sex. This was due to the court decision that made prostitution legal because the law did not protect the people. The new law is created to make prostitution and dangerous and life threatening for women - it was even admitted by one of the law makers. Sex work is work. There is no difference between serving a table in a restaurant, acting on the stage pretend to be interesting in your client. You have to perform something to accept compensation. The regulations were not made with the intention of keeping the industry safe for women but it was made to increase the risk of harm for the participants. If guns were illegal then the business will be driven underground. It would be exceptionally dangerous to buy and possess a gun. Maybe the seller is cheating you, he might also kill you for your money or maybe you kill him after you get the weapon.
Aren't those dirty Cosmo magazines that women read also pornographic? Seems a bit hypocritical.
Not all women read those magazines. Most men watch porn. No comparison there...
Fair enough. I'm actually opposed to pornography as well. But I find this whole thing greatly exaggerated. Women are reading too much into porn consumption. I confess I like to look at the Maxim hometown hotties and the like annually, but there really is no meaning to it. If I have to turn a blind eye to many of the things women do and read, I don't see why they can't let a couple things like that pass for me as a man.
I don't think it's greatly exchanged if you do a search on this , depending on the extent of the guys porn use you will see it has torn relationships a part. When it crosses the line of occasional use to regular - obsessive it has tendency to cause great destruction.
*greatly exaggerated
Also some women don't like porn in general. So , if you care about a girl you really have to weigh your options on what's more important , her or the ability to pleasure yourself to other women
I'm opposed to porn for religious reasons and because I have a sister so I understand the pain kind of. But again, I have a few tiny vices like looking at Maxim's hometown hotties from time to time. Is it really that bad?
No, that's tolerable. I don't think most women would mind that unless you did it regularly.
I'm a man and I like porn. Men are meant biologically to seek out multiple partners. In a relationship you can't do that. Really it is just a pure lust thing, the same way women oggle Hollywood stars. The way I see it is if it wasn't for porn way more men would be cheating on their wives and girlfriends. I mean at the end of the day if a guy loves a girl, she will still be the only girl he wants to be with. Will she be the only girl who can turn him on and get him off, no. I mean he could always be out chasing after other women behind her back. I can honestly say I wouldn't give up watching porn for any woman, if she isn't alright with me watching it then she wouldn't be the girl for me. Besides I know what I see is not real and don't hold girls in real life to that standard. But even if she is willing to do everything and anything in bed it will still get boring eventually. I think instead of women telling men they shouldn't be watching porn, instead offering to watch it with them.
So you're saying instead of a man following behind his natural instincts which is to cheat and pretty much fuck anything that walks, he should use porn as a way not to do that?
Sounds like a man that mentally mature of controlling himself to me. This is using porn as an excuse to not do foolish behavior. It's sad how most men nowadays lack creativity and the ability to visualize on their own because technology has caught up with them. I'm not anti-porn don't get me wrong. But I really think watching porn becomes a problem when a certain line is crossed in a relationship. Also, some women have problems with it off of the bat. If that is how your girl is, you should respect her wishes. If you cannot, then yes definitely leave!
*Sounds like a man that is mentally incapable of controlling himself to me (correction)
I know for a fact that I am capable of controlling myself more than most men. But if by foolish behavior you mean not going out and sleeping around then yes I use porn just such things. As for men lacking creativity nowadays because of technology, I believe that is true for all people men and women, and not for sexual reasons. I get some women don't like porn. I would not hide the fact that I watch porn for any girl I'm in a relationship with. But if by respecting her wishes since she has a problem with it you mean stop watching it then that isn't going to happen. I'm not going to change who I am or stop doing stuff I enjoy for a woman, I will just find another woman who is fine with who I am. Unless she had a legitimate reason for wanting me to stop. But if a woman is to insecure with herself to feel hurt over me watching porn then that isn't an attractive trait to me.
Porn is not harmful. Why is it that a woman can watch a movie like 'showgirls' and no man would complain, not even feel bad that she watches it. But a guy can't view something to help him out.
Guys need the release of orgasm more than women. That is why we finish fast and get tired, one time and done. If he doesn't release, his mind will eventually give him a wet dream, which is just the same as porn.
If we do d you attractive then yea we are going to find other women with the same type of physique sexy and desirable.
I have never been in a relationship so I do not know how I would act in a relationship. But I don't think it would be a big deal. Besides if she's not filling your desires than you are going to have to find a way to do it
I wouldn't mind it at all if my man would watch porn. I mean, all guys do it. It might even give him a few good ideas. And what's the point of forbidding it? He'll still do it, he'll just lie about it, and I don't want my man to lie just because I'm forbidding him something.
In my opinion, he's free to do as he pleases. And if I really love him, I'll respect him enough for that, and let him do as he pleases.
To me it doesn't make sense for any women to feel hurt over it, when they do a similar act with romance novels and romance movies fantasizing about the characters in their mind.
I've been in the room with groups of women who got off on watching movies like magic mike. None of the guys were bothered, past being forced to listen. Even heard groups of girls going into detail why Ryan Reynolds was so sexy. His height, voice, physique. How hot he looked in the last movie and what they would do to him if given the opportunity. Some of these girls were church girls mind you. If they so openly talk about this with the girls you know they kick these images up in their mind when they're alone.
That fantasizing that goes on for hours is masturbation fuel... Guys get that in a matter of minutes with a quick sex clip on his computer and they're done.
Women who do complain about this are calling it an unfair comparison they can't complete with... pretty much like any character in any romance book/movie ever written. The idea of Prince Charming is still a very real thing that we have to deal with. I'm not saying neither of these can be bad, because they can be. Some women never "settle", because no guy is prince charming and some guys are always looking for the "hotter" girl and are never satisfied because of it. But that's something both genders have to deal with.
Understanding it is more effective than just pointing it out and calling it wrong. Because that does nothing to remedy the situation.
That's an interesting analogy. I really like that. I agree. I think the difference is the nudity factor, to be honest. Sexual and nude body insecurity is its own level of intense. Besides, men are more fixated on being macho. The stuff women gawk over dreamily makes men genuinely roll their eyes, because most men don't seem to want to be like that. Whereas with porn, women actually DO want to have pornstar perfect bodies and maybe even that kinda sexual prowess.
@loofah Women may want to look like that (like many guys would be cool with looking like action hero movie stars like thor), but they don't want to be like that. And everyone wants to be good at sex lol. I don't know any woman that wants to actually act like a pornstar tho past the physical acts. But anyways, my initial idea was that it's an internal fantasy through media. Whether it be video or book
@loofah Your sensitivity to nudity is entirely a product of Puritanical prejudice. Nudity is not inherently sexual, not even for adults. Women who are attractive without clothes tend to also be attractive with clothes, so the nudity is not a factor. However, sex cannot be done without exposing parts of the body that Puritanism deem taboo.
@DonCachondo This post was a long long time ago lol. Just a heads up
I can't see timestamps on this site. Can you?
@DonCachondo They changed it. Used to show the date or window of time it's been since. But yea, this was months ago. Pretty sure it was in 2018
Oh that's not too bad!
Neh. Porn is nothing...
lh4.googleusercontent.com/.../...tsrr0do1_1280.png
If I had a boyfriend that was to occupied with porn and I was in the mood. If just watch porn on my laptop. *shrugs*
I could see why certain women would have a damaged ego by their SO watching porn, but they need to realize it is not a substitute for them.
Getting off to porn is simply that... it is not like we are infatuated with the woman on the TV screen... and if a person's SO is, then there are more significant issues.
Guys are visual creatures... we use porn sometimes and quite often we think of our SO's when masturbating, it depends on how lazy we are at the time lol. If we feel like thinking for ourselves then we imagine our SO, if we are tired then perhaps pop in a movie, or use the internet.
It is not meant to be a slam against our SO. It is simply a means to an end and not meant to be disrespectful. I could see certain men abusing this, but overall I think most guys would agree our love does not extend to the screen!
All I can add to this topic is that this topic is a line in the sand for both sexes. With no clear winners just the eternal argument.
Porn is perfectly fine unless it ends up taking space for when you could be physically intimate with your partner. It's only bad when you start choosing porn over the real thing with the person you love lying in bed next to you. Getting pissed at your partner for anything less is at the nicest being manipulative.
""No, you are not the only girl that can be desired by your significant other. Any girl can have that affect on your guy."
This is nothing short of hurtful."
It's also completely delusional. "You're the only girl I'm attracted to" is as good as saying "I have sex with you because there are no alternatives." Not a very nice idea in my opinion.
Realistically, women know you're going to find other girls attractive. But what women want, is to feel special like their men's center. When you jerk off to porn regularly it takes that factor away. When men understand how a lot of women are wired, then will understanding them be much easier.