Why the term “victim blaming” is both misused and overused

Disclaimer:

Before I begin, I want to let you know that this take will focus on victim blaming within the context of sexual assault. We all know that rape is horrible and no one should EVER experience such a traumatic and terrible experience. There are all kinds of scenarios where rape unfortunately happens and in A LOT of cases, it is entirely the fault of the rapist. Especially if the victim happened to be a child. I do not believe shoving blame to the victim would do anyone a favor. What I will do is discuss scenarios where the victim did have partial accountability to what has happened. Now, that doesn’t mean I say that the victim had asked to undergo a traumatic event, but there are certain actions/decision of the victim that have unintentionally contributed to the fact that a an unwanted incident had taken place. When it comes to victim being a man or a woman is not relevant as both men and women experience things such as rape. This Take will focus on the incidents where one could have done things, to lessen the odds of a something happening at worst, and prevent it entirely at best. It is all about promoting safety over the need of being ‘right’.

I know there are going to be those who are only going to read the title and jump to insults and all kinds of personal attacks without even having read anything. To you people, I hope you realize that the joke is on you and that this reflects more about your character than my own. I simply refuse to buy into your agendas of always playing victim and depriving yourselves from any accountability.

Context on why I decided to make this take:

We all know that G@G has some feminist users lurking around. There is one particular user who made a take where she started to talk about rape, even though it was irrelevant to the topic she was discussing at hand... This user who proclaimed to be “against censorship” decided to just remove my comments after she realized she couldn’t hold an intellectual debate, while at the same time insulting me and spreading false rumors of things I have said, which I haven’t. (note, I haven’t insulted her personally, I criticized her way of thinking). Not only did my comments challenge her views on an intellectual level, they also opened a way for discussion/debate. But she decided to take the easy way out, insulting me and calling me a “victim blamer” without genuine basis. I will keep her identity anonymous, but I’ll make sure she gets to see this Take.

An example of the type of scenarios I am referring to:

https://nltimes.nl/2021/08/11/dutch-tourist-19-raped-greek-island

Sadly, we read that a Dutch tourist got raped in Crete and her friend managed to escape a rape attempt. The rape happened after the ladies went with the guys to a hotel and it all went downhill in the men’s bathroom. I first saw this on the Dutch news (I’m Dutch myself) and they mentioned that this took place at 3.00 AM in Crete.

So... the ladies decided to go to a bar, get drunk and meet with some men while being intoxicated. So two young ladies late at night, outside in another country and flirting with strangers while being intoxicated. Geez... I wonder what could go wrong... Hold your horses now, of course one should be able to go out and have fun without anything happening to them. Especially when you’re out on a vacation that you have been looking forward to just to relax from the current pandemic and stress of daily responsibilities. Sure, I agree with that entirely. There is one major problem, though: This is life. There are evil people out there. There are evil people out there who are ready to take advantage of a pretty young lady who is in a vulnerable state (like being drunk). I could bet that this would not have happened if they stayed in their temporary place of residence or at the very least didn’t drink more than they could handle.

Now, whether this truly was a rape incident, I don’t know. The men were denying the accusations, so I would love to see some camera footage of how things truly went.
Because false rape accusations tend to happen all the time as shown here:

What is more important? Being ‘right’ or being safe?

The feminist used the following argument:

“We should not limit ourselves. If we want to go to bars, we should. If we want to flirt with strangers late at night, we should. If we want to get drunk, then we should be able to. People should be taught not to do XYZ!"

And I agree with those things. One should be able to enjoy life without fear or danger. However there is a major flaw in her way of thinking: This won't stop the fact of criminals existing. Until we can go out and live life without risks, we owe ourselves the action of doing everything in our power to make sure we are SAFE. It also won’t change the fact that there are evil people out there ready to take advantage of your little entitlement and that you’re compromising on your own personal safety. There is a reason why so many parents around the globe happen to be (over)protective.

It is our responsibility to make sure that we do our utmost best to NOT increase the odds of unwanted incidents happening. Given we do have (some) control. If we go to certain places at certain times where we know in the back of our heads would decrease our safety, then we have ourselves to blame for taking the risk of something happening, NOT that something HAS happened.

Other examples of obvious accountability

1. When I leave my house, I lock the door. Why? Because I don’t want to risk getting my house robbed. I could just say “well people shouldn’t steal, I should be allowed to keep the door unlocked! Teach your children not to steal!”. Well go ahead and keep your door unlocked. Just don’t complain that there comes the time when you come home and find out you got robbed.

2. If I flash a Rolex in a ghetto, I shouldn’t be flabbergasted that I got mugged since I took the risk. If I didn’t wear something expensive like a Rolex knowing I’m going to a ghetto, the chances of getting robbed would have decreased.

3. If I cross the streets without looking left to right, because the road signs are in my favor, being “right” isn't going to stop the car from driving me over (as the driver is unaware or on their phone) and it won't end the fact that I ended up in a wheelchair.

Sorry, but I rather be safe than to let my ego take over.

So who is/was to blame?

When it comes to the incident with the Dutch tourist, I blame the rapist (given that it actually was a rape). At the same time keeping in mind all the things I said earlier, I keep the two women accountable for the fact that THEY were the ones who went to a bar late at night. No one forced them to. They are the ones who started to drink, no one forced them to. They are the ones who started to interact with strangers. No one forced them to. And as far I know, no one forced them to go with the men to a hotel. But one thing is for certain, If they had not done all of these things, or at the very least managed to drink as much as they could handle, then I could bet my arm that the rape could not have taken place.

So with that said, yes they are also to blame just for the fact that they compromised on their safety by their own actions. No, they are not to blame because some jackass or two decided to rape!

“yOu aRe vIcTiM-BlAmInG”

I will repeat what I said earlier:

It is our responsibility of taking the RISK of something happening. What a criminal does to us is NOT our fault.

Those who immediately jump to accusing that someone is “victim-blaming” are doing so as a means of trying to censor someone. Taking away any nuance to what that person has says, while at the same time use this as a shaming tactic to attack the person (also known as an ad hominem logical fallacy).

This does not only show their lack of intellect to produce a valid counter-argument, but they are also gaslighting anyone who even dares to speak a piece of reality that points to the very truth they so hate to hear. Anything that does not make them look as much of a victim as they want to is being ostracized, censored or shamed.

One of the false rumors the feminist was spreading about me is that I "said" that a woman’s clothes determine whether she gets raped or not. I actually never said such a thing. Which is funny because I happen to agree with her that rape happens regardless of what someone wears.

Since she mentioned it anyway, I happen to stay realistic and dare to say that depending on the type of clothes you wear, it will determine what kind of people you’re going to draw to you. And if you wear something that would attract the attention of creeps, you involuntarily increased the odds of things happening such as sexual harassment or in some cases even sexual assault. That's not the same as asking for it. It is however increasing certain odds that you do not want to increase. And that's a fact that these people cannot stand.

Don’t want to hear it form me? Go listen to these guys: