Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
Waiting until marriage to have sex is a very old tradition and expectation that has been with us for most of civilized human history. Written human history only goes back about 6,000-8,000 years, based on current knowledge, but we have anthropological records going back much further. Clearly, the concept existed for good reasons to have lasted so long - so why is this concept suddenly obsolete?
We can’t understand the rationale behind this rule without historical context, so, let’s take a look at how it came to be.
At first, humans and pre-humans were nothing more than exceptionally smart animals, but eventually, we developed communication, which lead to organization and relative stability of life, which we call Civilization. You can’t have civilization without a widely-recognized set of rules, and in the beginning, the things that mattered were the very basics: survival, shelter, sustenance, and reproduction. All of those things were organized and had guidelines established, and subsequently refined, to help civilization run smoothly.
Among the first things to be given rules were issues regarding power and leadership - key issues for stability. Clan names evolved into “house” or “family” names, and titles, positions, possessions, and incomes were passed down through generations (which were often quite short, when the average lifespan was in the late 30s or early 40s). Further rules about inheritance were created to ensure that a clear line of succession was understood by everyone - the better to prevent a war every time a leader died and a successor had to be named.
Marriage, especially among the upper (leadership) class, became very important to civilization, not only for the passing of titles and holdings but also as a political tool to create unions between former enemies or reluctant allies. If you’re a fan of Game Of Thrones, or the books the show was based on, you’ll be very familiar with all of these issues - and the author borrowed heavily from actual European history for those concepts.
This leads us to one more critical piece of the puzzle: whether or not a child was “legitimate”, meaning the child of an officially (and often religiously-recognized) married couple, or if that child was “illegitimate” (aka a bastard), meaning the biological parents were not legally wed. Historically, this is a very important distinction, because illegitimate children *could not inherit*; only legitimate children were allowed to take the family/house/clan name, and titles and possessions generally passed to the eldest (legitimate) son. The reason this was so important to civilization was because, when the rules were not followed, the result was often war, with the attendant loss of thousands (or tens or hundreds of thousands) of innocent lives.
Before modern times, having sex inevitably led to pregnancies and children, so rules had to be created to ensure that those children - especially those of the upper (ruling) classes - were legitimate. This was accomplished in a simple, practical way: marriage - marriages that took place not long after the onset of puberty and the natural, biologically-driven start of sexual desire.
More simply, girls were considered to be “women” by 12 or 13, and boys considered men by 15 or 16, and marriages started taking place once these ages were reached. In fact, the *average* marriage age for women prior to the 1600s was about 14, and since the 1600s was about 15, while men’s average marriage age was about 16. Keep in mind that these are averages, and that is was not at all unusual or remarkable for women to be married at 12 or 13, and men at 14 or 15.
Today, these ages seem extremely young, but it is important to realize that WE are the weird ones - biologically, those ages are and were much more reasonable and practical. It meant that men had a wife during his peak sexual years (roughly 16-25), and it meant that women had a husband during her peak fertility years (roughly 15-30), which meant that the odds of that couple successfully reproducing and having children that survived into adulthood to reproduce themselves was maximized. Infant mortality was often 30-40%, and even the children who survived to 5 years of age were still likely to die prior to reproductive age about 35% of the time, due to disease, hunger, or violence. It also meant that the children that resulted from these marriages would be legitimate, and could inherit the family name, titles, and possessions.
All of this continued for thousands of years, until the first minor adjustments happened in the late 1800s as part of the Industrial Revolution. The Industrial Revolution resulted in the need for greater levels of education of workers, who were needed for more complex jobs, and this in turn increased the importance of education across the developed world. The first public schools were opened, and education became less of a paid privilege and more of an expectation.
The big change, though, came as a result of World War II. WWII greatly accelerated not just the industrialization of the world, but also advanced technology at an incredible rate. Massive medical breakthroughs were made as well; for example, the first antibiotics. And when the war ended and the world looked to the US for help rebuilding Europe, Japan, and other places that had been destroyed in the war, the US transitioned wartime technology advancements into the civilian sectors. By the 1960s, the fruits of this work, also fueled by the Cold War and the Space Race, were beginning to make huge changes to society.
Industrial and factory work was the beginning of a trend where workers needed to be educated, and as time went on, and as technology enabled many diverse careers, the minimum level of education needed by those workers continued to increase.
The impact on women was especially dramatic. Many of these new jobs no longer required brute strength or physical endurance like factory work or farming, but they did require education, so women began to not only finish high school (prior to WWII, 8th Grade educations were the standard), but many began to go to college - something previously unheard of outside of the wealthy or the exceptionally gifted. And armed with their new educations, these women (as a whole) went to work outside the home, by choice, for the first time.
Women were also able to manage their reproduction for the first time, with new access to the Birth Control Pill and other birth control methods, and to legal abortions. Feminism fought for equality in the workplace and the right to choose a career instead of being a mother and housewife by default.
All of this saw the marriage age start to increase for the first time starting in the late 1960s, moving from the historical average age of 15 through the later teens, and into the early 20s in the 1970s, and continuing a rapid rise through the early 1990s when the average marriage age hit 30 - and that number is still increasing today.
What’s important to remember, though, is that this is VERY RECENT change, and even though many reading this will have never known anything else, from a human biology perspective, this is very massive and very rapid change - far faster than biology can accommodate. Scientists estimate that it takes about 1000 generations - or 20,000 years - before human biology will show significant change, and it’s barely been 60 years. That is rapid change!
But our parents are still teaching us the values that their parents taught them, and their parents did the same, etc. And 3 or 4 generations ago, those values and expectations made perfect sense - when women married at 14, 15, or 16, and men at 16, 17, and 18 - waiting for marriage for sex was realistic and reasonable - it aligned with human biology.
Today, with the average female marriage age in western society being 32(!), obviously that expectation (to wait for marriage to have sex) is not at all in line with human biology, and it isn’t reasonable or practical. Things have changed - massively and quickly - and our parents and grandparents haven’t updated the values and expectations they’ve been teaching to reflect those changes - which naturally causes a lot of confusion and emotional uncertainty, because the way we feel, and the way everyone acts today, doesn’t reflect what we were taught to expect. 60 years ago, and virtually any time before that, those expectations matched up well with society, but they don’t anymore, and people who still teach those outdated expectations are doing everyone a disservice. That doesn’t mean that values aren’t important, but it means that we all must be aware of the breadth and depth and speed of the chances in society after WWII, and realize that we must create new rules to live by - rules that reflect *today’s* society, and not the one our grandparents and great-grandparents lived in; a society that is long gone.
It makes absolutely no sense to waste a decade or more of time that your body is naturally supposed to be sexually active in - and in fact when reproduction is at its most optimal and safe - just because you aren’t married. It goes against nature and biology, and against emotional, spiritual, and mental health. Yes, we have to make adjustments, but at least let’s be aware that the old rules are obsolete and impractical (and WHY), and be okay making new, sensible rules for ourselves that work for us and society as it is today.
What Girls & Guys Said
21 24sex should be for someone special someone who won't run away when u get preg or less likely to pass std and what if you decide to get married your spouse has 12 children from 6 different people they thought was the one but each of the fathers ran away with you alone to care for all 12 of them snotty nose kids plus your spouse caught std from you so much more could go wrong with that... ill save my self the drammmmma and wait
Marriage is no guarantee that a potential father won't run off, and not getting married is no guarantee that he won't stay. What matters is making good choices in partners, and taking the time to vet them and make sure you have similar values and a high level of compatibility. Plenty of people get married without doing that, and are soon divorced (the divorce rate for first marriages in the US is nearly 60%!).
more likely than not children won't be the main reason for a divorce
what bothers me about this ”don't get stuck with the no good men/women” is... i mean there aren't enough ”good” ones around. just a bunch of bad ones that will never change. something is flawed about that logic.
The title is perfect for me
It looks like you wrote a lot on the issue. I sort of skipped over it. I got the gist of it. Honestly, it really isn't about waiting for marriage to have sex. It is about being responsible and capable enough to have and raise children. I personally think the majority of society's issues would go away if you just required every girl to get a 10 year birth control implant the summer before they start high school. it won't stop STD's but it will stop people from having kids before they can take care of them or be a good parent. I don't think the majority of women should have children anymore. It is better to encourage them to have careers instead. Reducing the world population is essential for our survival. Women won't be treated equally in society unless a majority of them work and are part of public life. it is hard to do this when you are a drop-out trying to take care of three or more kids. The only downside to my idea is that the religious nuts will still be breeding like crazy and may eventually dominate society through shear numbers. Society would need to encourage EVERYONE to stop or reduce having kids which means punishing people that need welfare. Something like you have to get sterilized if you want government assistance (guys too). I know that sounds harsh but you have to stop the Duggers from breeding too.
To really answer your question I think adults should discourage children from having intercourse until they are at least 18. They need to understand about bonding hormones making you stupid. Every person that I know that started having sex early grew up to be a screw-up. The earlier the age the more likely they became a screw-up- girls and guys both. That alone is good enough to encourage young people to wait as long as possible. To wait until they are married is crazy though.
So I should give up abstinence just because most modern people are sluts?
What do you feel you want to do for real? :D
@Dexamethasone to get married
But you can't find the right guy yet?
@Dexamethasone I can
What would you like then?