Why We Feel Bad After Being Cheated On

[Anonymous]

For the longest time I avoided being in a relationship because part of me knew that I would get cheated on and sure enough, it happened. For those who have been cheated on, the main question we are left pondering is "Why?"

I felt compelled to research why I felt so shitty and betrayed about the whole situation.

At a young age we conditioned to believe that monogamy is the only true form of love. When you find out your SO is seeing someone else, you no longer feel special, you feel lied to. When I looked at my situation I realized I was upset because of my own feelings. My desire to feel special and loved were not being met. You can't be upset at someone for not feeling love towards you. You can't supress someone's sexuality just to have the satisfaction of feeling special. I realized that I could not fulfill all of his needs and that's okay.

I found a video that will perhaps give you peace of mind, or at least give you a different perspective.

So what do you guys and gals think? Am I being delusional? Or perhaps on to something?

[Anonymous]

I think you are going perhaps a bit too far in the other direction taking all the blame on yourself. You are essentially correct in saying when most people say "I love you" they really mean "I want you to be devoted only to me" which amounts to wanting to control them but when someone cheats they have decided to use deception. You didn't force them to do that, they chose deception because they didn't want to deal with the problems honesty would cause them. You have every right to feel disappointed with them for that.