Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
This is my fist ever "myTake" - which I'm posting because I am so SICK of seeing so many questions posted here on GaG about whether a girl is a "slut" for doing this or wearing that, etc.
For the record, I am NOT a feminist. But I AM a virgin. And I do NOT dress showing a lot of skin. I don't have cleavage, and I wouldn't flash it around it I did (I dont think) ;)
To me - although it has nothing to do with race or religion, this word is like the new "N" word in our society (please don't flame me for this anaolgy, I'm only try to relay a personal point/opinion), or calling a gay person one of the commonly thrown about slurs because of thier sexual preference. It's not only insensitive, it's disgusting, and just plain wrong to call other people some dispicable name just because you judge them with your own self-righteuosness, racism, or bigotry.
The below is laregly pulled from an article I read on the subject, with adds and deletes by me. I think it gets the point across quite well. Dissenting opinions are welcome, but please make them thoughtful, with some reason behind them, not simple blind ignorance, disagreement, or sarcasm. If you are a name caller or mysogynist, you will be reported and/or blocked.
How would you describe that low-cut, tight dress you just bought for your best friend’s party? Would you call it sexy? daring? fun? Or would you use a more negative term like “slutty?”
And that fun one-night stand your neighbor had last weekend – would you describe her actions as adventurous, or “skanky?”
The word slut is a common slur in our modern day vernacular. No doubt, it still carries weight if said with malicious intent.
But in recent years, the word has become deeply ingrained into our culture to the point where people say it too easily and too casually.
As innocuous as using pejorative terms may seem when used in reference to clothing or the activities of others, they undoubtedly still imply negativity surrounding female sexuality.
And using them just validates the societal standard of a perfect, virginal-until-marriage, demure woman as an ideal.
I’ve often asked myself “What can we do about this nasty, negative word choice that is so standard in our culture?” Maybe learning more about the word itself – and more empowering words we can use instead – is a good start.
What Are We Really Saying?
Many women have been called a slut at some point in their lives — or have thrown the epithet at someone else. But what does it really mean?
The word “slut” originates in Old English, meaning a “messy, dirty, or untidy” woman or girl. Because of this, it was frequently used as a term for kitchen maids and servant girls. By the 15th century, the word took on the meaning of a “promiscuous woman” as well.
Think about it: Have you ever called someone a slut, whether in jest or seriously? What did it mean to you? And what do you think it meant to the person it was directed toward?
Slut-Shaming: Are You Guilty, Too?
To slut-shame means to “degrade or mock a woman because she enjoys having sex, has sex a lot, or may even just be rumored to participate in sexual activity.”
Most of us, whether we realize it or not, have judged or degraded someone (usually a woman) for being sexual, having one or more sexual partners, acknowledging sexual feelings, and/or acting on sexual feelings outside of marriage.
It happens all the time. That young celebrity who wears something more daring than her usual attire is automatically described in terms of “her slutty side.” We see a beautiful woman who is wearing heavy makeup and comment on how she is lovely, but she looks like a stripper. We condemn our sexual thoughts as slutty instead of explorative.
As a culture, we are quick to use words that paint female sexuality as disgraceful – even if we don’t realize that we are doing it.
Think: Have you ever called yourself (or someone else) a slut when your true feelings weren’t ones of disgust or disapproval?
Did you even consider using an alternative word? Or was slut the first thing – almost the natural thing – that came to mind?
And more importantly, what consequences do your words really have?
Slut-Shaming Can Have Serious Repercussions
For some young women, the stigma of “slut” is so hurtful that it leaves their lives in ruins.
Take Rehtaeh Parsons, of Canada, who was allegedly raped by four boys who distributed photos of the attack online. She was afterwards bullied and slut-shamed mercilessly by her peers to the point where she decided to take her own life at 17 years of age.
Her mother told Canadian news source CBC, “She was never left alone. She had to leave the community. Her friends turned against her. People harassed her. Boys she didn’t know started texting her and Facebooking her, asking her to have sex with them. It just never stopped. People texted her all the time, saying ‘Will you have sex with me?’ Girls texting, saying, ‘You're such a slut.’”
This story is a modern tragedy, fueled by cyber-bullying and slut-shaming. The girls and boys who taunted Rehtaeh so cruelly probably had no idea how deep their words cut until it was too late.
Why did so many of her peers turn on her? Why did other girls – some of whom conceivably had endured similar experiences (because hell, they live in this messed-up society, too) – call her a slut and disown her as a friend?
While the blame for the crime rests on the shoulders of the alleged rapists, it is possible that if Rehtaeh hadn’t been labeled a “slut” and endured the cruel bullying that she did, she might be alive today.
Tragically, this type of cyber-slut-shaming is not uncommon among the younger generations.
Imagine how it would feel to be that teenage girl who everyone is whispering about in the halls. To have hurtful names like “slut,” “whore,” and “skank” assigned to you by people who barely know you. To be judged harshly and without caution for engaging in sexual activity, as most curious teens do.
These young women were intensely slut-shamed, and had their very traumatic experiences invalidated by judgment from their peers. Their very worth was brought into question because people chose to side with the rapists instead of the victims.
Slut-shaming is rape culture, plain and simple. And for some people, it is utterly life-destroying.
Slut-Shaming Doesn’t End Just Because We Grow Up
Whether in the dating world, the professional arena, education, or in friendships, adult females are not immune to slut-shaming either.
Women are not only the favored targets of slut-shaming, but very often the perpetrators as well. Due to generations of internalized sexism, women often reject their sexually promiscuous peers as worthy companions or friends – even as adults.
A Cornell University study puts this theory to the test, revealing that college-aged women are much less likely to form deep friendships with promiscuous women.
When most of us have spent our childhoods being taught that gaining male validation is the route to power, and even happiness, it is not surprising that many women will view their sexually explorative peers as threats. This may cause women to lash out against other women in an attempt to rise above the competition.
- Is any of this fair? No.
- Is it valid? Hell no.
- Does it hurt women of all races, ages, and sexual orientations? Yes.
Internalized sexism is a disease, and by carelessly throwing around sexist, hurtful epithets like “slut” and “skank,” we all act as the carriers.
Sluts Versus Studs
The double standard remains: Why is it that a girl who has sex is a whore/slut, but a boy who has sex is a stud/player?
In movies, on television, in magazines, and in our communities, people throw around the term “slut” willy-nilly when talking about women. But men are held to a very different standard.
As a society, what are we teaching our children? that a girl or woman is a dirty, unclean, and unworthy because she has sexual desire? that because she is female, she should save herself for marriage or she is a whore? that women should ignore or otherwise not act upon sexual desires even though men should and do?
Why do we accept sexual exploration from our sons but not our daughters?
- It’s simple: The word slut is a decidedly female insult, and using it enhances gender discrimination.
Dumping the Word Itself
We may not be able to change the way that others talk to each other right away, but we can start by presenting an example with our own behavior.
**This is why I encourage everyone to eliminate the word slut from their vocabulary**.
(even if you're thinking it, how hard is it just to NOT say it?)
I have spent the last few years working on this: if I catch myself about to describe myself, one if my choices, or even my outfit, as slutty or skanky, I make a concerted effort to replace that language with something more empowering.
For example: The other night, my friends and I were talking about one of our favorite TV shows and discussing how the characters have changed over the seasons.
One of my friends mentioned a female character who started out as a virgin, and has embraced her sexual side throughout the show by having various partners and experiences. Unsurprisingly, my friend simply said: “She’s gotten really slutty.”
I refuse to accept that ideology, even in casual conversation. There are so many sex-positive alternatives that we can use.
- She was exploring her newfound sexual desire.
- She was experimenting with what she likes and doesn’t like.
- She was taking a defined step into adulthood.
- She was opening herself up to new possibilities.
- She was – simply – trying something new.
I stand by my next statement: No harm can come from being more sex-positive and less chauvinistic in our speech patterns. I dare each and every one of you to give it a try.
Next time you want to call a girl a slut, rethink your choice and start chipping away at the double standard by using positive descriptive language.
Try to remember that everyone has a personal choice. While you may not lead a similar life to someone else, it is unfair and unjust to ascribe your values to their character.
And moreover, it sets a terrible example for future generations.
Some women wear sexy dresses and choose to have multiple partners. Others wait until marriage and dress demurely. And some are in the middle.
That doesn’t mean that Group A are sluts, Group B are prudes, and Group C have hit the perfect moral high ground. All choices are both fabulous and individual.
***** Let’s take the word slut out of our vocabulary *****
What Girls & Guys Said
29 96I love sluts and I never use it as a bad word... Even for people who do... I never see it as a bad thing anyway!
Personally, I don't use that word and agree no one should be outright bullied with it. But it's not quite the same as calling someone a f*g or using the 'N' word because those words criticize what somebody IS, not what they DO. Usually a person chooses to be promiscuous, and I've never heard a doctor or mental health professional ever describe this behaviour as healthy. On the contrary, it can result from childhood abuse or alcoholism and be a symptom of some mental illnesses, as well as threatening public health through the spread of STIs. Should we really be using "sex-positive" euphemisms to try and portray this behaviour as empowering?
I think the main problem people have with this word is that it's used against females only. I don't like this double-standard either, but it has to do with how much effort and talent it takes for a guy to sleep with many women. Whereas with women, it actually takes more effort to say no to guys than to give in all the time.
Men are the prime recipients of other insult words such as pervert and creep. You rarely hear these words applied to women. If a guy keeps porno videos or a Fleshlight (male equivalent of a vibrator), to women he's a perv - not "exploring what he likes or doesn't like" or "opening himself up to new possibilities"! Guys also get "virgin-shamed" by other guys and by the media all the time.
Very thoughtful. Thanks
Those decadent men and immature fuck bois need a fat dildo up their asses if they spout slut so carelessly
"Slut" as a word is used too loosely in our society and I agree that that has an adverse effect by shaming those who don't deserve to be shamed. However, within its proper context, I have no problem with the word being used and/or even shaming being utilized. The only problem, and I agree, is that we hypocritically don't apply it to males. Promiscuous males deserve it just as much as promiscuous females do. Though to be fair, virginal men are teased, mocked, and shamed just as much, if not more, than promiscuous women are.
I don't however agree with comparing the word to racial and homosexual slurs. "Slut" describes a behavior that people choose to engage in whereas racial/homosexual slurs describe something outside of a person's control. Humans are entitled to tolerance to make whatever decisions they wish, but we do not have to agree with them and there is certainly nothing wrong with shaming them. In my book, the innocent virgin-until-marriage female IS the ideal, and I see nothing wrong with that. I am trying to do the same by being a virginal male until marriage.
Frankly, I think our society's moral relativism has/is setting a far more negative precedent for future generations than any form of judgmental traditionalism is, though the latter does have its own problems as well. Chief among them being the double standard that enables male promiscuity but shames it in females, and shames male chastity while praising it in females.
Why should any sexuality be shamed? If someone is being safe, but has slept with 50 people (or more) in a year, who does that hurt? And how is there nothing wrong with shaming a person, over decision that has nothing to do with you? If you want to do one thing, by waiting for marriage, then that's great. If someone else doesn't want to, that's great to. Why do you feel the need to insult them? I don't see the sense in that.
@EasyForYouToSay If there is nothing wrong with it, then why does it bother you so much to be shamed? You are assuming that ethics are determined solely by whether or not non-consenting partners are being hurt, which is a very modern Enlightenment-based idea. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but it is only one ethical principle among many. If certain behavior violates our ethical ideas, then certainly we are going to disagree with it and yes, shame it. Because why would we want to enable and/or encourage something that we believe is wrong? Tolerance is all you are entitled to. In other words you can do what you want. But trying to eradicate shaming is a form of thought-crime in my opinion, therefore I am strongly opposed to it. I would rather everyone be allowed to shame everyone than for us to start cracking down on thought crimes, which seems to be the direction that some radical spheres of progressivism are taking us.
I'm not saying you shouldn't be allowed to judge and shame, I'm asking why you want to so much. It bothers those that are being shamed, because it hurts to have someone tell you that you're trash, even though you know you're not. A bigger problem than this so called 'thought crime' crackdown, is that people seem to think that everyone needs to live up to their personal ethics. They don't. Why is it so important to you to insult someone over their lifestyle, when it has nothing to do with you? That seems like there's something wrong with you, not them.
@EasyForYouToSay I don't want to nor do I feel the need to go out and shame others. I'm not openly calling people sluts and whores for their actions. But I'm not approving of their actions either. And unfortunately I think that is where the line has been blurred. Our society seems to have this idea that disagreement automatically equals shaming and/or hatred, when really it doesn't. I will shame certain behaviors so that those I love do not engage in them, but for the most part I do not shame other individuals unless they ask for my honest opinion. In which case, I try to do it in a gentle manner that will produce edification opposed to despair or worthlessness.
You don't need to agree with people's lifestyles. But nor do you need to shame people's lifestyles, or degrade people based on their lifestyles. People have a right to do as they like, provided they aren't breaking laws or hurting others. You have every right to have an opinion, or judgement, or even to openly insult people. However, the fact that you want to do that, when someone has done NOTHING to hurt you, or anyone else, really does say that there is something wrong with you, not them.
@EasyForYouToSay Who said they've done nothing to hurt me? As a virginal male, I've been at the forefront of shaming, mocking, and insulting by the same promiscuous sexual deviants who hypocritically demand that I tolerate and not shame them. Frankly I'm tired of trying to play nice guy just so the same society that demands my "tolerance" can hurt me 10x worse. I will shame lifestyles if I believe that they are erroneous, because I do not want others to follow in them, but seldom do I actually shame individuals.
Promiscuity isn't hurting you. A few people, who happen to have had sex, have unnecessarily insulted you, and that's not right either. But people are not hurting you by sleeping with a lot of people. So that argument is incredibly flawed. The fact remains, that you don't need to use slurs and derogatory terms to refer to people, and people who feel the need, and want to do that, have an issue. That issue is with your own personality, and is not the fault of the people you are insulting.
Well some women out there should definetely be called bitches, sluts and cunts for their behaviour.
Same Live U Too
It accurately defines a concept. So if not slut, it would just be another word with the same meaning.
The word is not the problem, but I think we can all agree that bullying is a bad thing and if people are shaming someone to such a degree they commit suicide... that's bullying. Everyone gets bullied at one point or another, it's a part of life. Sometimes it can be too much and people break.
Using slurs and the labeling of people for their choices is the problem
Like "liar", "murderer", "terrorist", "cheater"? Calling someone a name because of their actions is not the problem. If someone acts like an asshole, then calling them an asshole really isn't that bad
Oh my god. ... you can quantify "murder" by legal definition..."slut" is subjective. Your analogy holds no water. But yes... you can choose to call people named if your vocabulary is that anemic
Seeing how slut is clearly defined in the dictionary it is actually quantifiable and not subjective. The fact that the word is misused doesn't change that. The only part that is subjective is deciding what behavior outside of sex signifies being slutty. But that's mighty rude of you to call my vocabulary anemic for simply disagreeing with you.
You're not simply disagreeing. I welcome other ppints of view. However, trying to make "murderer" analogys with slave slur like "f*ggot" or slut is where you became nonsensical. Slut is NOT CLEARLY defined, as the definitions themselves use subjective words like "many". I'm not trying to be rude, just real.
Sorry for typos. Tired thumbs 👍👍😴😴
"slut slət/Submit noun derogatory noun: slut; plural noun: sluts 1. a woman who has many casual sexual partners." If that's not clearly defined, then I don't know what is...
Ok. Define "many"... without copying the dictionary
And you may not be trying, but you're certainly powering through it.
5 or more
Whole you're at it... since your dictionary copy and paste makes my point that this slureview is female in its targeting... without copying the dictionary... what is the male synonym?
Lol your point wasn't that it's targeting females. at least not in the conversation between you and I. Your point was that it is subjective. And yes, Slut is inherently sexist. There isn't a male equivalent version so a commonly used term to manufacture and equivalent name is "manwhore". Don't need a dictionary for that. But even still... what does that matter?
Ok dude. I'm not blocking you but now this is just going round and round and getting nowhere. The entire MyTake is there for you to read if you choose to. You cannot definitely quantify "many" and therefore "slut" cannot be accurately defined. "Manwhore" is often simply snickered at or even awarded a pat on the back. Its not even only the same universe as "slut" in terms of harm done. But you have your rights to judge and shame people based on your personal opinion of that's the sort of person you are. It's just sad to me that all of this debate has inspired no one to think twice before judging others and tossing slurs about like it's harmless. Do what you're gonna do bro. Let's just agree to disagree. Otherwise we can go on and on for days tit for tat and never sway one another.
What would I say to my exes though? I'm happy keeping the word slut right where it is to be honest. It's a relevant word in the right context.
rock on bro.
I didn't read much of this because I don't need convincing. Of course it is an idiotic word, and anyone who is so sexually uptight they need this word applied to either men or women wins 30 free minutes with my big dick up their ass.
Wow 👍
I would go so far as to say that if someone I like uses this word in a serious way to describe any other person, it is grounds for unfriending/blocking/disassociation. Think about it: what kind of a man discouraging and shames a woman for wanting to have sex with men? I just want all of those assholes to die in a fire; they're ruining life for the rest of us for their little cowardly and bullying power trip. Picking on women. I just want to run them over with my car and back it back up on them. Can I just be blunt about this?
Women have the freedom to sleep with as many people as they want but other people have the freedom to form their own opinions on you or refuse to date you based on your choices.
Guys get judged for sleeping around too and when a guy gets praised for sleeping around, he is praised by other men, not by women. Women never praise guys for sleeping around.
I wrote a take that goes into more detail about some of these issues if anyone is interested in reading it...
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a23173-the-slut-stud-double-standard
That's fair... I'm just advocating that people choose to remove slurs and labels from the words they use
Banning words is stupid, another term that means the exact same thing would just take it's place anyway.
N one said to BAN any words bro. Just CHOOSE to eliminate certain hate speech from your personal vocabulary. Which I would bet that you already do.
Hate speech is such a subjective term though. Sounds like you might be talking about relational aggression? If so then good luck, girls start learning it automatically at 2 years of age, in inherent to their nature, boys start learning it when they begin having relationships with women. It's a significant part of Female mate guarding and forming social hierarchy.
You go girl...:)
Please tell me wtf some of these people are reading that I'm saying that we should "ban" words? Wtf... I guess I should have included a definition of the word VOCABULARY. I had no idea so many people were so ignorant... and for those of you too ignorant to know better... ignoranance is NOT A lack of intelligence. .. so no one is calling you stupid. Ok? 👌
I hate to be that person, but I smell something fishy on the Rehtaeh Parsons thing.
1). How the fuck does EVERYBODY get your phone number? When I went to high school 99% of my peers don't know my number.
2). Her friends turned against her? What kind of shitty friends do you have that would talk shit about you like that?
I think this is an extreme case and has little to do with the stigma of “slut”. Something is fundamentally wrong with that town. Also, does Canada not have child porn laws like America?
Anyways, why do you let the word slut bother you so much in 2015? I get called the n word and a slut all the time on the internet, and it never bothers me. There are people who are going to insult you no matter what. Why let it bother you?
In a lot cases, when a woman is called a slut, it's not because she's merely sexually active, it's because she's sexually irresponsible.
For example:
- Covered in STDs and still has unprotected sex with guys.
- Has 5 kids, 5 baby daddies, and is pregnant with the 6th but don't know who the father is.
- Cheats on her spouse constantly or is constantly the mistress and thinks that's something to be proud of.
- Does not know how to dress herself and looks like a prostitute everywhere she goes, even at a child's birthday party.
I think those actions are worthy for the title of "Dirty, untidy woman".
"The word slut is a decidedly female insult, and using it enhances gender discrimination."
Prick, Creep, scum, asshole, motherfucker, and deadbeat (parent) are decidedly male insults but I don't see you guys being offended by that.
It's 2015! Slut-shaming has greatly diminished over the years and the only people who slut-shame are ultra traditionalists or guys jealous that they don't get laid. However, there are women who do deserve the title slut/whore/hoe/thot as in the examples I placed beforehand.
I think people forget that words have power. Yes we should stop using hateful words, and this one (notice I am not using it) is certainly one that should go out of use. I think as women have taken back their sexuality (after over 1000 years of repression) there is bound to be some backlash, and old habits die hard. But if everyone does make an effort, I think we will see change. Thank you for writing this.
Omg someone finally got it! Thank you! Maybe there's hope after all ☺☺☺
Of course their is.
There's a whole lot of social changes that need to happen. And not just in law but in how we interact and treat each other. I never heard that story about that Canadian girl but that's beyond awful. I can't imagine going through that experience that she had no control over and then being ridiculed for it for over a year and harassed by other people asking for sex and also calling her a slut. I don't know what exactly it is that causes so many people to stop seeing other individuals as human beings and to treat them like they are less than that. Things like this are really the modern day equivalent to the Roman Colosseum fights of people jeering and mocking an individual as he's about to be butchered in a gladiator fight. Everyone acts like it couldn't happen to them but it could. You're right in that we should replace using slutty as a description for other words. In terms of wardrobe I simply state it as what it objectively is which is just revealing. It doesn't define the person so we shouldn't try to use it as a way to judge them.
very well stated. Thanks.
Just one of those things
A slut is a slut.
Wow. Brilliant! I'm just dazzled by your genius sir.
https://replygif.net/i/1159.gif
Maybe you should just work on your self esteem... If you developed as a person and knew you were valuable, then people could toss insults at you all day and it wouldn't do a thing.
Bro. No one's ever called me a slut and my self esteem is fine. It was never about ME, other than my seething disdain for this word... just like some other words like f****t, n! gger, and retard. They digest me when I hear them. That's it. But thanks for your concern. Obviously you've not read many of my posts. 😂😂😂
If it bothers you, then it's eating at part of your self esteem...
Dude... then do tell as a white person, why the slur n! gger bothers me just as much. Or as a person who has no family members that are gay or autistic... that f@gg@t and retard are equally offensive to me...
You're high strung and like drama...
Man, you are so off base you're just grasping at straws. If you're a proponent of using slurs, just say so. Don't dodget a question with deflection. I like drama because as a white person, I hate to hear the word n! gger used by anyone? Seems legit huh @other_tommy_wiseau? 😂😂😂👌 By the way opinion owner, this post is 6 months old, but some troll just resurrected it for the very purpose of drama. Lol. 🙋
Not grasping at anything. You're just trying to start an argument because you enjoy the drama...
Oh for fucks sake man... answer the question or be gone. You incorrectly ASS-ume that I have self esteem issues from reading a 6 month old myTake. ... yet you cannot explain my disdain for other slurs that could not possibly be used towards me or most people that I even know. You're wasting my valuable Internet reading time. I'm trying not to block you, but you're clearly full of shit.
Yet you keep on shoveling paragraphs of shit at me.
Got it. You're trolling. You have nothing legitimate to contribute. #NoTimeForTrolls #YourWishIsGranted
bruh, da fuck you talkin bout?
No, the word slut should not be eliminated from the vocabulary, using the word in a derogatory manner should be stopped and prevented because it is a harmful term under the context of being insulting.
Although the term does describe accurately the behavior of some women, the word however, should not be used as it is derogatory, a more politically correct term, such as promiscuous should take its place, with the emphasis of not being used in a harmful manner.
well, I don't agree with the philosophy that we have a moral "right" to judge others. But that aside, it's going to happen. And your way is much better than what is so often done today. Thanks. PS. "Eliminate from vocabulary" is not suggestive of banning the word from existence. Rather, just choose not to use it. I'm not sure why so many people are misunderstanding that.
Well, I agree that the word should not be used. And I don't believe we have a right to judge others, but a right to correct misbehavior. All in all I believe we agree on the subject matter.
As well as a right to classify behavior, but not to do so in a derogatory manner.
Fair enough.
FFS, everywhere people crying about it, if you get called a slut all the fucking time, there is most likely a reason behind it.
Yeah... like that girl that was raped. Great reason.