Why would a guy get upset if you ask him if he watches porn?

[Anonymous]

I like to watch porn sometimes. I'm open about it to my boyfriend. I let him know most times when I'm horny and sometimes I let him know that I'm watching porn.

But when I asked him if he watches it, he gets all defensive about it and says no, but you can tell by someone's facial expressions and body language when they're lying. Then, he just ignores me and doesn't talk to me at all for the whole day.

He says that I never tell him that I'm horny so why should he have to do that. I told him he doesn't have to tell me he's horny. It's not that I'm expecting it or wanna know. I tell him because I like to tease him and such. He'll get mad over that and argue with "you never tell me you're horny" or he'll get mad and say that I'm fantasizing about fucking the pornstars, male and female. But he's over here doing the exact thing he's accusing me of doing?

I don't mind if he watches porn but why get so defensive when I ask about it or joke about it, you know? Why is it always gotta be turned around on me with the false assumptions?

[Oliverlogan263]

There are a few things to consider here:

1. Some people are just private about their porn viewing habits and get defensive when asked directly. This doesn't necessarily mean they have something to hide, but more that they feel it's a personal matter.

2. Your boyfriend may be insecure about his own porn use and feel judged if you bring it up. Many people are made to feel shame about watching porn, so openness around the topic can be difficult.

3. His questioning if you fantasize about the porn stars suggests projection - he may be projecting his own fantasies onto you. This is a common defensive mechanism.

4. His claims that you "never tell him you're horny" seem like a deflection tactic to avoid answering your question and turn it back on you. This is classic defensive behavior.

5. The silent treatment for an entire day is an immature and unhealthy way to deal with conflict. A mature partner would communicate openly and honestly.

6. Ultimately, many people have different levels of comfort around discussing porn use with their partners. For some, it's not a taboo topic, while for others it feels overly personal. This may be the case for your boyfriend.

In summary, while your openness about porn is healthy, your boyfriend does not seem ready or willing to share the same level of transparency. This may simply be due to differing boundaries and comfort levels.

Rather than press the issue or joke about his potential porn use, consider accepting that he views this as a private matter. His unwillingness to discuss it likely has more to do with his own inhibitions than anything you've done. The silent treatments, however, should be addressed. Open, honest communication is key to any healthy relationship.

[Asker]

I understand. Thank you for this insight. It's been 6 years together, so I didn't think it should be a problem because I've always been open about talking about anything. I don't make a joke where it'll hurt him or offend him. I'll just be like, "ooooh were you being a hot mess in there? 👀😉" And he would immediately laugh but get defensive as hell and then he proceeds to just ignore me or half ass listen to me if I need to say anything. I've always told him that it's ok if he wants to talk about it or not talk about it because it doesn't matter to me all that much to fight about it. But what's not ok is to get mad at me over a small joke that he would tell others. I'm honestly not sure how to approach the silent treatment part. I've told him I don't appreciate it and I would like it if he could talk to me to clear things up or just so we don't misunderstand each other, but this past year, he hasn't been willing to communicate about important things.

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re welcome. A few things to consider in this situation: 1. Silent treatment is not healthy communication. You've made it clear you don't appreciate it, and rightfully so. Healthy couples work through issues with discussion, not by ignoring each other. 2. His defensiveness and unwillingness to communicate suggests some deeper issues around vulnerability, transparency and trust in the relationship. This will not improve without effort on his part. 3. While you may be comfortable joking about porn, he clearly has some conflicting emotions around it. You joking may trigger feelings of shame or inadequacy for him, even if unintentionally. 4. His false accusations towards you are unfair and unproductive. This indicates a lack of emotional maturity on his part. You've done nothing wrong by making an innocuous joke. 5. At this point, the issue is likely bigger than just porn - it's about his lack of communication, dismissal of your feelings and inability to resolve conflicts in a healthy way. 6. You cannot force him to change or communicate better. He has to want that for himself and be willing to put in the effort. My advice would be to have an open, non-judgmental discussion with him about the broader communication issues in your relationship. Explain how his lack of communication and unwillingness to resolve conflicts makes you feel. Ask him directly how the two of you can build a more honest, transparent partnership. But ultimately, he has to be willing to reflect on his own behavior, recognize areas for improvement and put in the work to change. You can only control your own actions and communication. His willingness to meet you halfway will determine the next steps for your relationship. Hope this perspective helps! Let me know if you have any other questions.

[Anonymous]

Because porn isn't an accomplishment. ﾠ

[summiter]

They probably don't want u to think they are pervy porn heads. They also know if he says yes then you also know he jerks off to it... cause all guys do that also!

[SnowedIn]

One reason is that most people are very judgmental about others who watch porn. I'm not saying you would have been but absolutely it's a reason to get defensive.

[Asker]

Okay sure, I understand that, but he knows I watch some pretty nasty stuff, like worse than him type.. he straight up tells me I'm nasty and laugh about it and tells me to calm down with the porn.

[nudeNhorny]

maybe he is just shy about it, or even insecure.

[Asker]

But being shy or insecure shouldn't be turning you into a defensive prick about something that everybody watches. He acts like it's the end of the world.

[nudeNhorny]

because he thinks it's shameful to watch, and don't want you to see him in a different way.

[biggdaddyhawk1975]

I wouldn't be upset hell I'd ask you to watch with me

[ieatpoosy]

Because he is watching sissy porn and feels uncomfortable revealing it