Why would this guy ghost?

Ok, so I'm 46 and I recently joined a dating app. A 25 year old in the area liked my profile, we ended up talking and we actually clicked really well- he wasn't immature and we both seemed on the same page with what we were looking for. He wasn't looking for anything serious, in terms of marriage/long term, but wanted to spend time with with one woman and I was in the market for the same with one man. We did discuss the age difference, he said he had always been attracted to older women. We talked for hours on the phone; he always initiated the calls and texts. He shared information about his life, job, family, etc. He was not married and did not have a girlfriend. We did have sex and it was phenomenal- he seemed very happy to have met me (told me I had given him the best BJ he had ever had, that I was amazing, etc) He commented on how compatible we were and how much he enjoyed our time together. After a week, we were texting one morning and he asked if I had told my friend about him. I told him yes, that I had mentioned meeting him. Now, my friend's in-laws are well known in the community he grew up in (her FIL is a pastor at a church) and we had already discussed the fact that he knew them (he had attended this church as a kid but had not been in years) and he knew that I knew them. But then he asked me if I had told my friend his last name. I said I had, and he replied that he would rather she not know his personal business bc what if she told her husband and he told his dad. But I assured him that my friend would not share any personal info with her in-laws, and that he had nothing to worry about. He never replied. I knew he was at work, so I just assumed he was busy, but he just went radio silent after that. Never texted again, no calls. I texted him that evening and asked was he upset about earlier, about my friend knowing his name, and he didn't respond. It's been a week and he has not contacted me at all.
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How does a guy who just had the best sex and BJ completely ghost on that? I get something spooked him, but what the hell? He never mentioned keeping anything a secret (remember we had already discussed the fact that we knew mutual people) and I know it wasn't just about having sex with an older woman, bc we had that and he continued to contact (he didn't just hit it and quit it). But why would he just stop contact mid conversation and then never contact again?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • He said he wasn't looking for anything serious and you agreed. Yet after having sex he stuck around and you took it as a sign as something more than sex. Don't know why the assumptions. Then you went and shared his full name to a friend, for what purpose? It seems pretty personal and fast to be sharing any kind of information to other people. Seems like you got attached. I've had serious relationships where my friends didn't know their last names, just think it's weird you felt the need to offer that info as soon as possible.

    • Well I don't think that someone's last name is a secret (he had told me), and he didn't act like what we had was a secret either. I don't think I assumed anymore than what he was giving me. And honestly the reason I shared it with my friend is because I have had guys in the past try to keep things secretive because they were hiding the fact they were married or had a girlfriend. In this day and age, for safety reasons, I would want at least one friend to know who I'm spending time with, especially since I going to his house. Maybe in the future I just won't be honest with the guy when he asks this question, if this spooks this so much.

    • And honestly, I think it's more weird that someone would just ghost mid convo. How hard is to just say, hey, I wish you hadn't told anyone my name, or yeah that bothers me...

    • Those seem like lazy excuses to gossip tbh. If a man from the beginning is so untrustworthy that you need to share his full name to vet him and safety issues then you shouldn't be having sex. It's not that it was a secret just comes off as clingy is all. In a friends with benefits type relationship the less people not involved knowing the better. Less likely to be attached. I get that your worries might be that he isn't single, but then you can't preemptively do anything about it. If people lie they lie. It just seems to me if you start a relationship, any relationship with no trust then it's probably not going to work.

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  • He feels he got butthurt basically he will ghost you myself when I was 25 I dated older women because of the maturity level but I was also looking for something serious at the time because I had done all the playing around and right now I mean hey I'm single and that and some of us guys we mature we change from being silly to being a grown up maybe he needs to grow up a little bit

    • Agree. He did say he wasn't looking for anything serious but did want something with one woman- he wasn't a player or looking to just hook up. We both agreed we were on the same page. I guess he changed his mind.

    • Yes he definitely changed his mind there will be someone for you and that person will take you as you are

Most Helpful Girl

  • Sounds like you telling your friend was way to soon and to much for him. It’s unfortunate that ghosting is such a big thing in the online dating world. Just call it a loss and move on. No point in wasting more energy on someone who doesn’t want you

    • You were right- I found out through someone else that it freaked him out that I had told his name to my friend, although to be honest, he obviously told his friend about me (not just my name), so that's a bit hypocritical. And since we had met on a public online dating site, I didn't think his name was meant to be a secret. He showed his age and bounced. Thank you, next. :)

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • To me, it sounds like you were his side chick that no one was supposed to ever find out about. I think maybe your friend might know the other girl and he's scared of it blowing up in his face.

    • I actually found out the truth- he didn't like me telling my friend his name because he's private. Although tbh I don't think knowing his name is violating his privacy, as we met on a public app. But no, he didn't have a girlfriend- he was just an immature boy that freaked out and bounced. Lesson learned.

  • So, he's not interested; find someone else

  • Because he's just an asshole, but don't let that knock your confidence he just doesn't deserve you

    • Thank you!

    • You're more than welcome. Better luck next time