Will he force himself on me? Will he rape me?

[Phoenix23k]

So when i was 12-13 there was this guy at a place i go to, we were pretty close and sometimes we chatted inappropriately (only texts no pictures just to be clear) i didn't think much of it and i didn't even know what i was doing since i was only 12-13 but he was 14-15. Back then when he asked to touch me, i informed the adults and they took care of it. Now i have to be with him in that place again and i don't know what to do! He once gave me his jacket when someone else was taking me home because it was raining, (after we were done the guys usually took the girls home because it would be dark) and also when he asked to touch me he wanted to do it while taking me home and that's what's scaring me!! What if he takes me home someday? What do i do if he forces himself on me? If he was like that at 14, is it possible that he has changed to the better now or to the worse? Now he is 19 and I'm 17 and last time i checked he had a girlfriend.

[N192K001]

How he's changed since that incident is his prerogative & his decision, so it can go for the good or not.

I'd suggest preparing for any situation, just to be safe (r) at any circumstance. (And why don't you have a choice on who brings you home, as you mention in some replies? What setting is this exactly?) With a trusted person, try these counter-measures:
• Study the body's pressure-points, and practice targeting and hitting them precisely.
• Practice weaponizing normal, everyday things around you, so you're (technically) never unarmed. Choose a most-strategic, most-usable favorite weapon (or 2… or more as backup) to keep on you and practice drawing them in various, realistic circumstances (ex. while sitting, standing, walking, lying down, etc.; against a threat in front, behind, to left, to right, and at other angles/directions; drawing as a threatening deterrent, to block from a sudden strike, to strike preemptively) Learn what speeds/distances/angles/etc. make drawing difficult/impossible, and setup counter-measures (ex. moving away while drawing, moving furniture for a shield/barrier with feet and/or 1 hand while drawing with another, etc.).
These should be immediately do-able and should be able to apply to any situation even past this. I pray nothing happens to you ever, but keeping these skills & practices could save your life (or another's) in another, similar situation.

Here's 2 more that should not need another person's assitance:
• Save your jurisdiction's emergency-response numbers saved in your phone, and have them ready for speed-dial, just in case.
• Also, learn record audio and/or video on your phone, set your phone to make access to this feature as instant & easy as possible, and make sure to master quickly starting a recording in a flash, but as stealthily & casually as possible. In this case, start recording any/every time he's in your presence. (God forbid he ever does anything to you. But just in case, this should give you evidence, to avoid a he-said-she-said problem and give you maximum credibility when reporting to police.)

For this situation specifically, appeal to a trusted higher-up for an intervention on your behalf. In the past (when I was far more sociable), I learned that nurturing very good friendships with superiors ('sincerely' & not doing it to use them!) has its benefits. If you've already made (real) friends with higher-ups, they should be able to help you and should want to do so due to your mutual-closeness. If not, start the friendship whenever you can. It may help you with yet-unencountered problems in the future.

Avoid shady people (like him) as much as humanly possible.

God protect you!

[Phoenix23k]

I can't choose who takes me home because the leaders distribute them like which guy takes home which girl and stuff I'm thinking about telling one of my guy friends although i am not that close with any of the guys who go there with me and also there's this girl who is from the leaders i am going to tell her but i don't really know her I hope i can tell someone so i feel safer And thank you so much for your answer, i have been watching self defense videos for a few days now and i am definitely going to start practicing just in case i ever need it

[N192K001]

I'm glad I could help! Just to satisfy my curiosity (if it's not too much trouble to you, that is), is this some new dating-arrangement among the youth now? Or perhaps, it's just a family-function or a cultural-arrangement? What is this? I cannot seem to visualize anything like this.

[Phoenix23k]

This is a club for our culture since we don't live in our mother country And i think the leaders decide who will take who home because if not it would be chaos

[N192K001]

Oh… Thanks! The solves the question buzzing around my head. Okay. I understand. I'm from the Philippines, and (while our culture is quite dilute compared to our neighbors') there are still some things hard to recreate outside of it without involving a larger community of compatriots.

[Kaneki05]

Welp probably if you don't try to get away from him and make yourself safe. The thing is it normally gets worse. Nvm him having a girlfriend literally means nothing to a guy who would rape they will do it anyway. Unlike what people may think like oh it will be okay it has his sexual needs. Since rape and forcing stuff like that is way more complicated.

[Phoenix23k]

Thank you for being supportive and not making me feel ashamed about this! I really appreciate it. I asked the same question on Quora and someone replied "you need to grow up a little bit, this question is ridiculous" 😅😅

[Kaneki05]

Np. Yeah you will get people like that anywhere smh. Just Stay Safe, Try and stay with someone at all times who ain't him. And well if he does come near you anything like that don't freeze scream as loud as possible or do whatever is you need to get out of there. Even if makes you look like the crazy one. Anything is better than that trust me.

[Phoenix23k]

Thanks! Do you think i can tell a guy about this? Or will it make the guy i told take advantage of me too? Cz it happened once i had a guy best friend and i told him about this and after a while he wanted to kiss me (disguising under the fact that he wanted to teach me how to kiss) i always told him no and he always asked again... eventually i stopped texting him and i said that sometimes i feel like u want to do this more than i do. And because of all this i am afraid to tell a guy about it

[Phoenix23k]

It's really difficult to find a guy who won't take advantage!

[Kaneki05]

I would just tell him i doubt he would not all guys are rapists. Just if you trust this guy yeah tell him. Plus the more vocal you are about it less people will think your easy to shut up which is what most go for someone who won't tell people what they did. But also when a guy is told such thing they can become protective and sometimes mix that with there crush on you. Don't mean they will take advantage of you, just means they will like you more than you like them.

[Phoenix23k]

Oh okay thanks!

[OldSchool_Metalhead]

Its a 50/50 situation. Just keep yourself prepared in case of anything. Dont be afraid to defend yourself if you have to, and let any other adults know whats up.

[purplepoppy]

If you don't feel safe being alone with guy then DON'T.

[Phoenix23k]

It's not really my choice i can't choose who takes me home! That's why i feel like i need to tell someone responsible so he doesn't take me home...

[purplepoppy]

It's always your choice. If your that concerned don't go there in the first place and make your reasons clear.

[Berethor]

Once a harasser, always a harasser, no reason for you to trust him, and even if he has a girlfriend, a guy like him is not likely to be loyal. By the way you don't find him attractive?

[Phoenix23k]

I used to have a little crush on him when we first met but after i discovered what kind of guy he is no not anymore

[Jjpayne]

I'd get some pepper spray to have on you at least and maybe something else if possible but if you don't feel comfortable with him avoid rides with him at all costs

[Phoenix23k]

The thing is i can't choose who takes me home but I'm going to try to tell one of the leaders The leaders they are all guys except 1, and the main leader is his brother... could this get any more complicated!😅

[Jjpayne]

Just tell the other brother that you don't feel comfortable

[Caunsos]

Always have a rideplqnned and if you dont feelsafe talk with you family and see what other opinions you may have. Dont be afear to knee the guy in the dick. Look in also a tiger lady

[Jerkpluslustpro]

he probably hasn't changed he'll probably still touch you😢

[Jerkpluslustpro]

And i hope he doesn't rape you sound very sweet

[Phoenix23k]

Thank you!

[OddBeMe]

14 yr olds can be immature, but jnc always go for the soft spots: eyes, throat, groin.

[Deku2009]

Just tell him no if he tried to force himself on you. Tell your parents right away. No guy should dice himself on a girl

[Smirnoff23]

People change but try to keep yourself safe inform someone

[flashgrandad]

Be very wary, I would try to get some other girl to get a lift with you both.

[Anonymous]

He may have mellowed out as he got older and that he now has a girlfriend. However, that isn't always the case, if he tries anything best to knee him in the groin and run away.

[Anonymous]

Take a weapon say a blade
He'll stop once you take out his jugular or femoral artery