Will the sex get better?

[RavenWing057]

I recently met this guy. I’m 29 he’s 42.
It seems like we have all the right chemistry. Almost like feeling in love (which I felt only once, and that was 9 years ago). We’re both quite confused about our feelings and how crazy we feel so comfortable round each other. It felt super passionate at first.

We’ve slept together a handful of times now. First couple times with a condom, but I couldn’t really feel him. He was having trouble keeping it hard for me. But I figured it was his pain meds because of an arm injury he’s still recovering from. Eventually we did it without a condom and it feels a little better, but not really. The last time we did it without a condom, it felt like he was a bit harder this time. I didn’t realize but he had slipped on a cock ring. Even with that it still wasn’t satisfying for me. He’s above average size, and I’ve had smaller and it would feel good.

All the right connections are there except the sex. It’s weird. Like I still want to lick his whole body, but for some reason I just don’t feel like the sex is that good. And I’m worried that it’s going to make me feel less passionate with him because of that.

Educate me on this, because I know when someone is going through something, they may not be able to perform as well, as they know they can. I am hoping that it gets better from here. I am asking also because I haven’t been with many guys that had a problem keeping it hard for me, so just feel the need to learn a bit more.

is it because he’s having issues keeping it hard (he is still able to cum…I haven’t yet)? Is that why I don’t feel it as much? Or is our sexual chemistry not there? Oh and out of curiosity, do you think he pulled out the cock ring because he knows he’s lacking?

[NamerOfStars]

That, it turns out, is in no small part up to you. Do you limit "sex" to PIV? The larger a penis is, the more blood it takes to fill it, which is a (not THE, but A) core part of determining just how hard it gets. (Those giant-schlonged porn stars you see/hear about? They very rarely get fully erect, and use of drugs like Viagra can make them lightheaded, and sometimes even risk passing out, especially if they're doing intense activity, like, say, having sex.).

The good news is, if he's getting hard enough to penetrate, even if it's not as full as you'd like, you've got something to work with. Manual stimulation doesn't require as much hardness, and oral stimulation even less. For you, I'm guessing his fingers and tongue still work, no?

That's the key, at least for now. You're probably thinking "aren't toys an option, too?" (and if you aren't, you probably should be), and yes, they are- but that's something that has to be broached carefully. Most guys are kinda insecure about the idea; some are VERY insecure about it. They tend to see it as a "failure" to have to fall back on them, instead of a "medical problem". If it comes to that, suggest it as something to ADD to your experiences together, emphatically NOT to replace him. It's not "you using it", it's "him using it ON you". This may seem like a fine distinction, but it's not, for you, and it's really not for him; hearing something like "oh, well, it happens; could you hand me my vibrator?" will utterly destroy a man's ego. It's not about making him think that you're not rejecting him (since it's patently obvious to both of you that you're not), but about making him feel that you're not rejecting him, and that he's still playing a vital role in the process (which he is, but it might not seem that way to him).

If you're worried about it happening again, either start things with "why don't we do something a little different tonight- show me what you can do with your hands, and I'll show you what I can do with mine?", or, if you want to jump straight to introducing outside hardware, go out and get something and open with "I bought a new toy for us to play with tonight; I have some wonderful ideas on what we can do with it!". If it's something that can be used on both of you, all the better.

ED issues, whether they take the penis down completely or just weaken it, are often temporary or fixable; sometimes they aren't. But they needn't end your sex life entirely; a little human ingenuity and some elbow grease will let you still have fun together. And if you're willing to roll with the punches and find a way to make it work, then you, my friend, are what we call a "keeper".

[Guy13]

Often when the mind is not settled and there's something undisclosed or unspoken, the emotional effect on the penis is evident. Perhaps, this is the case as something is eating away at him.

Let him work through it and please don't try to Fix or Soothe etc with Conversation. Don't be stressed, anxious, or anything nervous as this will be interpreted as "I'm a failure... she's not happy".

If not above then Blue or Purple or Green or Red Pill or whatever so many Pills.

Viagra and maybe if he goes get a Covid Booster shot they will throw some of those in for Free. Pfizer makes BOTH.

[RavenWing057]

Thank you for your advice. Especially about not talking it through with conversation, just to let him work through it. I’ll just have to wait and see.

[Guy13]

My fingers are crossed but yeah, the hurdle to jump is more on your end from his perspective. Is she mature to handle "not perfect" kind of thing. I am not saying accept every whimsical wa.. wa.. wa that he may have but this is a good one to let "go under the radar." Good luck with it all as it sounds like exciting times !!

[singlemombizz]

I am a single mom, who dates older men, there are things you can do,, get him to relax, do a lot of foreplay, it can be performance anxiety and if he's still having issues, have him get a strap on until he can get treatment for ED, there are so many options avail now.

[RavenWing057]

Thats a very positive approach. I’ll definitely keep that in mind 😊

[MasterKS]

@singlemombizz thoughtful idea.

[ShiftingMonke]

I'll be the dick.

He's OLD. He's a friggin' old dude. He's at risk for heart disease which affects his sex life. Same with erectile dysfunction. He's at risk for all the negative things that ail men at his age, no it won't get better, it's get worse unless he dedicates his remaining years to health and fitness, and even then some issues are unavoidable. If you want to have an active sex life, maybe target men closer to your own age?

[RavenWing057]

I tend to date older guys. I had two serious relationships that are older than him, and they go until I can’t take it anymore. I’ve also dated a guy that was only a year older, and he definitely has ED. This current guy is the 2nd guy I’ve came across having issues. I didn’t think age was the issue, but you could be right about the health as he is a heavy smoker and used to be an alcoholic.

[ShiftingMonke]

If you recognize the pattern but it's your preference, then I think it's just something you should get used to. At least he meets your emotional needs, right? By all means, keep targeting older men, I'm sure they appreciate it.

[bowenw]

If he was being secretive about the ring it's likely he is aware there is an issue. If he isn't drunk, or taking drugs - legal or street, he should discuss the ED with his doctor.

[RavenWing057]

Is that what the ring is for? Making it bigger?

[bowenw]

They can supposedly help sustain but not make it bigger as far as I know. Please feel free to PM if you wish.

[spartan55]

@ravenwing057 No, it's not to make it bigger. It's to keep the blood in the penis to keep it HARD.

[RavenWing057]

@spartan55 😂 oops that’s what I meant. Thank you for explaining that though…it’s kind of pointing towards him knowing then

[bowenw]

@ravenwing057 It is indeed pointing to him knowing.

[spartan55]

I agree. You don't just accidentally roll a cock ring on.

[LiamJHayden]

Sometimes you click with someone everywhere BUT there.

[virgincountryboy]

I wish that I could help you out with that but darling I don't know I am just Worthless on this I am still New and I wish that I knew about it but I don't I'm still a virgin

[Pudsmucker]

I know when I was in my forties I was able to get my picker up as in my early year. I still get hard as a 70 year old man can still please the women.

[MasterKS]

it sounds like more mental defect rather than physical, he have some issues with erection but its more mental state, you need to talk and do some extra work to make it happen otherwise it would fail for always.