Sexual Relationships
11 mo

With Age Comes Wisdom (and maturity)

With Age Comes Wisdom (and maturity)

I see a lot of questions on here which are often aimed at certain genders and their sexual preferences/choices.

Many of which are referring to women’s sexual choices as making them a slut or other derogatory terms, or judging people based on their kinks and body count.

Although it’s not exclusively younger people who usually have this mind state, I often find it’s the majority that do. As someone who is now in their 30’s I can admit when I was a lot younger (say 16 to 22) I had this same immature mentality. I thought you should find a partner who doesn’t sleep around (or do that yourself), body hair on women was disgusting and anything related to sexual acts with the butthole was disgusting etc.

I can say that as you get older, a lot of these preconceived notions will disappear and you’ll realize it was just your immaturity and lack of life experience.

You do not own your significant other so their sexual history is nothing to do with you. Sex is a fun thing and many people like different experiences. You have some people who have the same foods over and over again whereas others always like to try something new.

For something like non monogamy and open relationships, nothing says you trust your significant other more than letting them enjoy all different sexual experiences while still getting to come home to someone they love and Vice versa.

There are many who also stay vanilla their entire lives whereas there’s also many of us that grow kinkier with each year we live. A decade ago I never would have appreciated underarm hair on a women or performing oral on her butthole although in this day and age it drives me crazy at the thought.

The moral of the story is save your judgement of others and keep it to yourself. Just because you have this viewpoint/perspective now, doesn’t mean you will in 5-10 years and there’s nothing worse than having to eat your own words.

Live your life, have fun and don’t stop others from doing the same in their own way.

5 3

Most Helpful Guys

  • I used to think this way as well, but as I have approached "traditionally" middle-age, I have to realize that this very incorrect. "With age comes wisdom" should rephrased as "with experience comes wisdom"; simply adding more years to one's life counter does not automatically bestow sage perspective. I imagine that, at some point in the probably-not-so-distant-past, this was so obvious as to go without saying, but we live in an era where gender is a social construct and pronouns are whatever you feel like they are, so that reasoning no longer applies.

    "You do not own your significant other so their sexual history is nothing to do with you. Sex is a fun thing and many people like different experiences. You have some people who have the same foods over and over again whereas others always like to try something new."

    Clearly, you gained experience in regards to the "what" about perspective, but not the "why".

    "You do not own your significant other so their sexual history is nothing to do with you." This is only true insofar as it's not false. A partners' sexual history has no bearing on you literally--as in, you weren't in that space to do the f*cking, at that time, so you can't claim ownership of the experience in the same way--but by that same token, a partner with a history of promiscuity is not entitled to the "presumption of innocence" of faithfulness afforded to people who have displayed self-restraint. Just like how someone who has a history of cheating on homework or in competitive sports must continually prove themselves to not be a cheat, a formerly-promiscuous person must continually demonstrate that they have developed enough self-restrained to not f*ck others just because they've done so before.

    "Sex is a fun thing and many people like different experiences."

    This is true for the group of people for whom it is true. You don't get to demand someone, who has never slept around, give someone who has the "benefit of the doubt; for the people for whom sex is plentiful and enjoyable, they aren't likely to settle down because--if the whole point of relationships is the sex and they are getting that in abundance, why would they?

    This logic is akin to a person who is able to take out six-figure loans on 0% interest asking someone living paycheck-to-paycheck why they don't just take out the same kind of debt. After all, "it is just a bunch of numbers on a balance sheet, right? If I can do it, why can't you?"

    "For something like non monogamy and open relationships, nothing says you trust your significant other more than letting them enjoy all different sexual experiences while still getting to come home to someone they love and Vice versa."

    Repeating what was already established, in a different wording, does not make your argument stronger. On the topic of "open relationships", how many people enter them willingly and not out of some kind of social coercion, because disallowing their partner (who is used to "free love") to just do whatever they want would come across as stifling desire and repressive? It's easy to be in an open relationship, when relationships are an amenity rather than a stipulation of sexual access.

    "The moral of the story is save your judgement of others and keep it to yourself. Just because you have this viewpoint/perspective now, doesn’t mean you will in 5-10 years and there’s nothing worse than having to eat your own words."

    The moral of the story you have described is "youth is wasted on the young". You started off in your late teens and early 20s believing in monogamy and self-restraint, and then in your 30s, you came upon some information or life experience which seem to suggest hedonism is actually the path forward, and now you are advocating for free love because "only someone who has lived a life of sexual repression and self-hatred would belittle open, casual acts of sexual expression". I'm not even a conservative-minded person, I consider myself very much a liberal-minded "centrist". Your reasoning is just utterly ass-backwards.

    The argument you're attempting to make is "my body is my business and no one else's, I should be able to do whatever I want, in whatever manner I choose, damn the consequences. If there are any consequences, it's nobodies business but my own". Some of this valid when applied to people individually, but all of it taken at face value breaks down when everyone thinks like this. You ever heard the phrase "what's good for the geese is good for the gander?" Yeah, well, maybe in small villages or communities does this perspective work, but it does not scale. This kind of worldview, which emphasizes self-indulgence and self-pleasure, precludes things such as self-actualization and self-determination--modes of operation which allow one to face and overcome adversary--because it is entirely reactionary. "I have to demonstrate self-restraint? F*ck that, I will engage in nothing but self-exploration. Being promiscuous is bad? F*ck that noise, I'm gonna be the town bicycle, just to piss people off." These are not the measured behaviors of a responsible adult, these are tantrums thrown by a four-year-old to get attention... and wouldn't you know it, social media and "the West" is full of this narcissistic, self-abasement that seems to perpetuate itself, for no reason other than to "be rebellious".

    Self-exploration and sexual pleasure is good and health, when in moderation, and nobody should feel bad for doing so--as long as they aren't hurting anyone else or otherwise creating undue burden. However, if this is all-encompassing, "do as thou wilt and damn the consequences" thinking is considered "wise", I dread to think what "infantile" looks like.

  • Well true, with age comes wisdom; But not all aged are wise. Let's not forget about that.

    When you you talk about derogatory terms used about women with high body count, you are right that using derogatory terms isn't nice. But you're not right about expecting everyone to be nice.

    When you talk about double standards about these terms being used for women and not men, you have to consider in the relationship game, women are in the position of power. Having a high body count as woman, is like playing tennis with no net. You just can't attach skill to it; A tennis purist might even call it "wrong".

    When you talk about not caring about stuff such as poor personal hygiene, I would just call it your private personal business.

    "Live your life, have fun and don’t stop others from doing the same in their own way" is not a very wise life motto. For example, me living my life and having fun might be stopping others from doing the same. Over 8 billion people with different needs and issues can't just live by having fun.

Most Helpful Girls

  • It’s unwise not to judge people.


    Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.”

    John 7:24


    When the Bible tells us not to judge people, I think it’s referring to judging people’s souls, as that is God’s job. For instance, saying something like “that person’s going to hell”, because they’re gay or something. Yes, acting on gay impulses is a sin but do you not sin? Did Jesus not die for all sins?


    When the Bible tells us to judge others, I think it refers to making righteous judgements for instance, if someone murders someone, they should be judged negatively for it in that aspect.


    I think what also applies is this; if you see a suspicious dude following you down the street, you’re not going to give them the benefit of the doubt. You’re going to judge them for self protection.

  • a teen's brain isn't fully developed and won't be until age 25, so 25 is the age of maturity because they will be mature enough to make good decisions.

    • Then why do most people still not make good decisions? I think you're wording it wrong.

    • @BUTIMRIGHTTHO Yes slightly, let me rewrite my opinion. 25 is the age of capable maturity, 25 year olds are mature enough to make good decisions. But any age is capable of maturity when it comes to respecting other people's views, and opinions. People still do not make the right decisions at 25 because of mental illness, environmental influence, 'in love' and marry the wrong person I don't know there are many reasons.

    • I was taught 24... Maybe new studies?

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What Girls & Guys Said

9 16

  • well said and well articulated. this should have been a mytake rather than a question.

    well done

  • We have preferences and judgments included you as your piece portrays. You violated your own advice and Standards by writing this and expressing your judgment that we should have no judgment... Wise?

  • "Time served on the Earth doesn't mean you grow in mind." - Creed

    Unfortunate, but true. There are some who never learn. But with time, comes opportunity.

  • Yess I 1000% agree with this. Overtime you realize that some things just aren't important like body count, hair and whatever else. Anyone past the age of like 30 still caring about those things are just immature and haven't grown up yet. They might never but the majority of people eventually do gain that wisdom/maturity.

    • HAHAHAHAHA! Keep lying to yourself!

    • It's the truth. People that still caring about those things just haven't grown up yet

  • I love this.

    • Thank you 🙂

  • isn't it a preference for men to prefer a woman with low body count or body hair? are men allowed to have preferences? you have no problem protecting women's preferences but you shame men's preferences? bit hypocritical don't you think?

    just like women are allowed to prefer tall, wealthy, muscular men. men are allowed to prefer physically fit virgins with no body hair.

    so, in your opinion, not caring about anything is a sign of maturity? if that's case then you've failed because yourself because you care about men's preferences for lower body count/lower body hair women.

    nice attempt to gaslight men though. men do not have to engage in nor accept cuckoldry, promiscuity, open relationships, lack of hygiene etc. and yes we are allowed to judge others.

    since judgement is such a terrible, it would be nice if you wrote a blog to women as to why they shouldn't judge a man by his height, his frailness or morbid obesity, his job or lack thereof, his hobbies (no matter how obscure), his friends or lack thereof, his social and political views and beliefs, his criminal past (is he on the sex offender's registry?) if he has one etc.

    yes women can choose what they want and so can men. and if men choose not to be with a woman due to her choices, then it's totally fine also.

  • No certain age but more life experiences

  • With age comes more time spent thinking but not all of those thoughts are wise nor do they necessarily accept the responsibility of being mature.

    • This is the best comment so far.

  • remember back then when you laughed at the kid whose poop was soooo stinky in the bathroom. now are you still laughing? no.

    thats maturity right there.

    same thing.

    you start developing a better understanding of life.

  • Old age does not always bring maturity.

    In the meantime, I would appreciate it if you could comment on my question.

    Girls, An unfortunate man?

    If you have a dating mobile app, what should it be called?

    #Reigner

  • With that kind of "logic," where someone's past doesn't matter, people should date rapists and murderers because their past doesn't matter.

    Seriously, someone's past will ALWAYS matter. It shows their morals and decision making ability. A good person has no reason to accept an immoral promiscuous person (or rapist, etc.). People's past DOES matter. Only immoral people with a bad/unacceptable past themselves try to make excuses for bad behavior.

  • Wisdom isn't learned... it's experienced. And you don't need to be older to obtain wisdom.

    • Definitely true as well, not all older people are wise as well

    • @9214xs if not all older people are wise doesn't that ruin the experienced argument?

    • @BUTIMRIGHTTHO Not necessarily. If you don't learn from the experience, you don't gain wisdom.

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  • Unlikely, if you don't have certain behavioral stuff you will never grow up to mature and be a good person. People are raised to be mature.

  • Age doesn't automatically equal wisdom.

  • Few times with age comes stupidity, but not everyone goes at the same rate.

  • Spirit

  • "As someone who is now in their 30’s I can admit when I was a lot younger..."

    So basically you went backwards. I never cared about any of that stuff until about 28 and I had an epiphany and realized body count and virginity is highly important, also any sort of cuckoldry is highly morally corrupt. That is typically how people's thoughts change with experience and wisdom. Somehow you turned into an adult child.

  • All depends on the person. I've see. So many older people who know nothing. They choose to stay on a plateau. Never learn, never advance. I like to educate myself on a lot of random subjects. Many chose to stay in their comfort zone. Have no interest, yet have a ton of opinions, so odd.

  • Very well said.
    We argue a lot about what we think and in a few years our opinions change and find we were wasting our time arguing and convincing others about that point.
    Let's be a little more tolerant about opinions of others, less judgmental and learn what we can while we can.

  • you need to get laid

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