Women, stop wanting to be submissive in flirting, in sex and in dating.

[RaijuRainBird]

Primer reading here.

Here it is. The culmination of my twisted life experiences and dissatisfaction, as well as frustration, in the realm of sexuality has lead me to this take.

I am am fed up with women who go out of their way to be ‘ladylike’ when getting sexual. If you don’t know what I’ taking about, this chart is for you:

In 2018, there’s no need to promote outdated gender roles and stereotypes any longer, especially if you are young enough to have grown up in a more liberal education system which has likely at least taught some feminist theory in us history or ‘social studies’ courses in elementary school. This outdated trend puts pressure on guys who aren’t on board to be people they don’t want to be, or else pass on getting to know a girl they might otherwise find interesting — the ‘other’ things being the things that are more important, like: personal interests, music tastes, career choice, etc.

One too many times I have met an amazing girl at school (undergrad) or out in public at concerts, or dancing, or ‘you name it,’ you get the point, and we hit it off well and I start to think she’s pretty cool, and then it happens. Suddenly the girl’s personality disappears and she becomes shy and passive out of nowhere. You know, this look:

If we’re out at a concert, say, she’ll stand close to me and just wait for me to do something to her as if she expects me to be sensual 1) without her explicitly asking for what she wants me to do, 2) without explicitly giving me verbal affirmation that she’s cool with me touching her sexually, 3) without her even considering that I may not want to touch her in the way she wants because I’m not cool with treating people as if they’re submissive to me, 4) gets upset if you ask her if she’s cool with being touched, 5) wants to be touched in ways that affirm submissiveness rather than egalitarianism. Why? Why do so many women appear to want to be this way? Is this really the way women want to be? Is egalitarianism just a bullshit concept that suckers practice?

And then I realize that I can’t be with someone like this, and I have to stop talking to her.

Now, anyone who reads my profile will see that I’ve written two provocative questions, one about women being materialistic and one about me being an ‘ex-Catholic’ who feels guilty about being dominant sexually. Perhaps this entire take is a twisted consequence of my childhood indoctrination, of which I no longer want to identify with, and these opinions are lingering effects of childhood brainwashing.

Please let let me know if this is what you believe to be the case.

I am open to accepting this conclusion as a tough pill to swallow, but am reluctant to entertain that conclusion.

Setting that possibility asside for the moment, and for all the non-guilt-tripped guys out there who agree with me, continue reading without that qualification.

Where the hell does one go to find sexually egalitarian women who are my age? Because right now I am getting slightly fed up with conventional people and conventional venues, like bars and clubs, which are manifests of the exact thing I want to avoid in the first place. You know, places which encourage gender stereotypes; places like this:

Or this:

Where the girl puts on a thin dress and it’s the guys job to be ‘the man,’ to ‘take charge.’ Etc. Usually also to show off and be a loudmouth, but that’s a different topic.

Unfourtunatly there seems not not to be any venues that contextually make sexual encounters socially acceptable, an important criterion women seem to adhere too, which don’t foster the traditional gender roles of women being submissive, passive agents who want to be treated that way. I mean, just go into any nightclub, and aside from the shitty music which perpetuates these same beliefs, you’ll find a bunch of people who fit into these norms, and being one who doesn’t fit in to these norms I have no reason to go to the club anyway. But where else is one to go if not to a bar or club? Where else can one achieve the same level of socially sanctioned sexual male-female interaction without non-egalitarian undertones?

The truth I find is that there does not exist such a place. As if to say that sexually curious, but egalitarian, and perhaps whom posses baggage, people have no socially accepted venue to express their desires. Not in the same way conventional people have access to multiple venues scattered across all local counties for hundreds of miles.

This is wrong. Egalitarian night clubs need to be opened to cater to those people who don’t want to be dominant nor submissive, and perhaps even to show other people that there’s more than one way to go out looking for casual encounters. And, perhaps, to be a place comfortable for people who have been guilted into avoiding traditional sexuality, full stop.

The sad thing is that I can’t figure out whether this view is sparked from childhood indoctrination or from a legitimate desire not to treat people as lesser human beings during sex. I am time and time again blown away by the level of social conditioning that my peers adhere too when it comes to these things, as evidenced in college parties, Greek life, and hip-hop culture at large; and in ordinary women and men themselves.

Why do we simultaneously endorse feminism, but then double back and promote the freedom to choose to be treated poorly during sex because you like it that way? Many times it’s been insinuated that gripping about such things is mysogonous and anti-feminist, but I must wonder what it is exactly the feminist movement sets out to accomplish. Sexual liberation is a wonderful goal, among other things, but what exactly should sexual liberation entail, exactly? The freedom to be borderline abused in the same of sexuality? The freedom to be treated submissively under the name of sexuality? The freedom to be treated as lesser? Inferior?

If any women reading this take read the above questions and answer positively, then the real question becomes, ‘why do you like it that way?’ Is it because of social convention? Biology that is out of your control, (and then mine as well)? Or is it just an arbitrary random decision that people don’t give any thought too?

And what is there left for people who don’t want to give it that way? Do there exist (other) people who don’t want to be giving nor receiving unequal levels of power?

And, why can’t women just want to treat the act with mutual levels of engagement and respect? A simple egalitarian mindset that equal effort = equal pleasure for both people. Equal treatment = equal pleasure for both people. Equal power = equal pleasure for both people.

This shouldn’t be taken to mean that I am encouraging people to let themselves go health and fitness wise—no. Physical attraction persists, but it may persist in an egalitarian way rather than a ‘dominant’ and ‘submissive’ way. Guys may be strong, but so may women. Women may be pretty, but so may men. Guys might be athletic, but so may women. Women may be good loving parents, but so may men. Men may be rich, but so may women. Women may care about the poor, but so may men. You get the point.

Women may still accentuate their bodies, as should men, but it need not be a game of cat and mouse. In fact, it should not be. It needen’t be. Short shorts, for instance, shouldn’t be an indication of sexual preferences, they should just be evidence that you value your health and wealth to show your body is healthy. Etc.

The one one place for a double standard is that women have boobs and men have penises. I also, admittedly, prefer long hair. Then again, I have long hair myself. I do not prefer short hair on women, but I don’t wear my hair short either. But hair styles might be one other place for a lingering double standard. It’s hard to say whether these are a product of social conditioning or if they are instinctual. I would be hard pressed to find it to be just the latter, but hey, I do not know for certain. Certainly, I do not wish to change sexual reproductive organs. But the attitudes we place on these organs is what I suggest we change.

In the end, if there’s anything to blame for why I am single seemingly endlessly, it is this issue, without a doubt, invariably. Time after time, I run into women who want unequal treatment for equal pleasure, unequal effort for equal pleasure and unequal power for equal pleasure. That’s not how this should work!

This is not a pity party, rather it is an outward expression of my dissatisfaction and disappointment over the status quo. It sucks to come off as the person who thinks they know better, and maybe that’s right, but how else is one supposed to react when faced with something that’s so obviously backwards (to them) that they cannot contain themselves (assuming this all isn’t a lingering consequence of my childhood indoctrination, which is a huge assumption, and maybe it’s a false assumption after all)?

Perhaps the moral of the story is twofold. One, let children choose their religion once they’re old enough to understand what that means and what it stands for. And two, we need places for egalitarian individuals, who opt in without indoctrination, to have socially sanctioned places to express their sexuality in healthy and positive ways that don’t go against their core world views, value systems and beliefs.

#sex #egalitarian #culture #norms