Would an evil ex hold onto nudes forever or lose them when he gets a new phone or laptop?

[ShellyB]

I was in an abusive relationship when I was 18/19 with a guy who was 22/23 at the time, I am 25 now so some time has passed, I have been in a great relationship with a different guy now for a few years and we are engaged, everything is good!

But in that relationship, I let him take pics and videos of anything he wanted which included a lot of sexual situations without getting graphic.

I know that he showed videos to friends, that is actually what made me finally break up with him. And then about six months later some other acquaintances told me their friend offered to show them a video of me having sex but they said no (of course I do not know if that is true maybe they just said that). That was around the end of 2016 or beginning of 2017.

So, I hope the videos and pics got lost over the years or maybe he got more mature and deleted them or maybe at worst they are still out there somewhere but forgotten and nobody will do anything else with them, but to me, they are like a fear I always have, I have literally had nightmares that somebody sends them to my dad and I also worry about them going to other people like my boss. Also a girlfriend told me "I bet he uploaded them to a porn site" I looked but couldn't find them I didn't know what to search for, I think we were just being paranoid.

So my question is, nobody would really hold onto this stuff for this long would they? Is there any way to be sure? And yes I know better now and if you are a young girl reading this, think very carefully before letting guys have nudes!!

[PrettyPriya]

Yes, some people would definitely hold on to this sort of stuff. They can do that for any number of reasons. They can use it to blackmail or just plain hurt someone whenever they feel like it. There is no way to tell what he has done with them.

That is the problem, as you point out, with doing this sort of thing. You now have no control over that "content". While there are laws in some places about consent on posting such things, that isn't the biggest issue.

Once they get posted, even if taken down from one site, they are often lost on a hundred other sites before you even realize it. It is nearly impossible to get something like that off the internet for good.

Will your ex do something with them? No one knows. That is why you don't do it in the first place to be safe.

[Anonymous]

Its not the end of the world, As you get older and more time passes The less you gotta worry about it,

pluss its not a big deal if people saw it, his friends. Ect……. Or even if your boss ever saw it, Or dad, Itl pass.

my wife has nudes and videos of her with her exes online, And other guys. Back from when she was 19-20.

People have found them, And im sure got a free jerk to her. Then see her at work the next day………. It didn’t stop me from marrying her,

she even has the video, of a guy getting her pregnant online,

We still got married, had 2 more kids, pluss the 1 ^^^ from that video, We live normal lives,

its not the end of the world, Just love your self, be your self. And dont let it ruin you,
Theirs nothing wrong with what you did, Just learn and never do it again.

your gunna be just fine. Especially as the years pass

[Agagagagaga]

Sorry that happened to you. If it makes you feel any better, if he were to post it on some porn site it’s not like anyone will know your name or identity. You’re just another naked body on a video for someone to jerk off to. They don’t go, “Oh my God did you see this video of Jane Doe? Can you believe it? That’s John Doe’s daughter you know!”

You’d be just another random naked women out of millions and millions. Unless you are stupidly hot and have tits the size of your head or an ass that could make the sun rise, some kind of following because of how well you give blowjobs no one will ever know or care who you care.

[ShellyB]

Thank you for trying to make me feel better but ugggg, yes that is better than it being deliberately sent to my dad or circulated with my friends to humiliate me but it is also not a great feeling to imagine strangers using videos that way or who knows, I might have walked past people on the street who used them that way, even if they don't recognize me that is kind of a icky thought. But I am a lot more afraid of them being sent to people I know either deliberately to hurt me or like somebody in my wider social circle got it and thought it was cool or funny and shared it to more people. I don't actually have any evidence they were ever posted anywhere, how likely is it that they were really, does the average angry ex post revenge porn or is that something that only happens sometimes? Well I guess all anybody can really say is, who knows he could have done anything or nothing with them, I was just kind of hoping people would say he probably did nothing with them or probably lost them when he got the next iPhone :/

[ShellyB]

By the way I don't think porn is evil or anything, the reason I don't like the idea in this case is because I didn't choose to be seen by anybody else and the vids were v. personal in nature, like without getting too detailed, I did sex stuff while maintaining eye contact, every inch of my body was visible at different times, I reacted to stuff in ways that would make people think I enjoyed it, just a lot of honestly personal stuff that was not intended to be shared with anybody else.

[Agagagagaga]

Yeah I totally understand why you’d be upset about it. I honestly don’t know what an ex would do with videos like that. I mean I’m a pretty old fashioned guy and I don’t really have thoughts of revenge if I go through a bad break up. I just tell myself she was a horrid bitch and move on with my life. I just sort of look at it like that chapter is over and that it’s ancient history.

[ShellyB]

Sometimes I think what happened with this particular ex was the universe putting me in my place, I really was a bitch to my prior boyfriend, a very nice handsome popular guy in my HS class who was super into me and I was bored by him and just overall I was obnoxious to him. Between the two situations I think maybe I am in balance now, I also think how weird it was to go from snow princess to sex slave in a few months and what those two guys would think if they saw me in the reverse situation to what they were used to. But yeah these are both ancient history!! I am 25 now and this stuff was when I was 16 to 19 years old!!

[Agagagagaga]

I don’t really believe in karma personally. I mean there are absolutely horrible people that are fabulously wealthy with great lives. Then you have someone else who is selfless and kind who barely gets by and can’t catch a break. But with relationships I sort of look at them like learning experiences. You learn what you will and won’t put up with, what you like, what you can’t stand in a partner. Stuff like that.

[Bethany22]

It's hard to know what he has done with them, but I wouldn't worry about it ruining your reputation at work if it's just regular sex

[ShellyB]

It is def. stuff I would not want people who know me seeing, I don't know if I would be blamed for it exactly, but it is not pictures I want people to have in their heads when talking with me, I did not say "no" to him.

[MrOracle]

There's no way to know what he'll do. His machine could crash and he could lose everything even if he intended to save it. He could also have 20 copies uploaded to various sites on the 'net. He could have forgotten about those videos completely, and thrown his old laptop away or formatted it and given it to someone else. There's literally no way for any of us to know, or even speculate with any confidence.

[matchrestore]

Yup. I've got old hard drives from computers past that might have photos of exes on them. I'm not going to go through the trouble of getting a hard drive dock and combing through them looking for anything, and who knows if my some of my old cell phones will even power up anymore. But if I was actively trying to save an image I would know exactly where it was. This one could go either way.

[darealmvp2015]

So he likely does still have them, most of us probably do keep our ex’s photos that they sent us, but personally I doubt that he has posted them anywhere or that he is actively showing them to anybody. That’s me definitely giving the benefit of the doubt to someone who may or may not deserve it, but I would think that him showing your friends or family would only be damaging to his reputation. He looks like he is still stuck on you while you clearly have moved on to better things.


That being said, let’s play devils advocate here for a minute. Let’s say he has shown people and you were to wind up having one of them confront you about it or mention it at some point in the future. That could be embarrassing, or you could possibly make it empowering. My opinion is that there is no shame or wrongdoing occurring when 2 people who are both consenting do something sexual. Doesn’t matter what it is. Could be as simple as doggy style, could be as or more intense than consensual non consent (rape play). If it’s something that they have both agreed upon and they both enjoy then why should anyone give 2 flying fucks? So if ever that were to occur and you were to be put into that situation, instead of being ashamed about it, why not just tell whoever it is that you are not going to apologize for finding enjoyment in your sex life and that they really should try to find some in theirs. You don’t need to be ashamed about whatever you did then, what you enjoy doing now, or whatever you want to try out in the future. Sex is awesome. Explore it to its fullest and anyone who is willing to judge you for that probably wasn’t a great friend to begin with in my opinion.


Maybe I am wrong, but I find the thought of the friends I have, aka people I love and care about, getting to be completely happy and fulfilled no matter what it takes to be the best outcome possible. In order for that to occur, unless they’re asexual, they’re going to need to be completely happy with their normal lives, and completely satisfied with their sex lives too.


I hope this is helpful to you in some way, even though I know it likely isn’t the answer you were looking for!

[Guy13]

They are in your cellular data and can be purchased. Don't know details there.

[Guy13]

If he placed them on a "locked or secure site" it is likely that it is free to general public now... friends can see. Hopefully, he will get rid of them just to avoid possibility of his girl finding them. Not likely though as these kinds of things go into Man Hall of Fame/Shame... Consideration: "You should have told me about this so that I could be prepared for this."

[ShellyB]

I am not sure what you mean but it does not sound good!! He used an iPhone on T Mobile to take them and I do not know what he did with them after that, if he just showed them to people on his phone, or texted them to people or uploaded them somewhere. I knew he was taking them and I did not like it, I complained about it a couple of times but I didn't insist he stop or I'd leave him, so that part is my fault. I thought he just wanted them for personal enjoyment, sometimes he would play the videos back to me as kind of foreplay I guess (I did not ask for that or want that it was more like he was throwing it in my face, I think it turned him on to make me watch them more than he thought it would turn me on if that makes sense). What eventually happened is that I walked in unexpectedly while his friend was holding his phone and I could hear the audio of me during sex. I grabbed it and saw a video of me playing and it was obvious he was showing it off to his friend. I fumbled with the phone trying to delete it but I was shaking and couldn't actually do anything and he took the phone from me. I was jumping and grabbing at the phone trying to get it back but I couldn't get it, and I screamed at him to delete them all and he said he would but I did not believe him, I left and we haven't really spoken since then and months later a girl I met through him told me another friend of his offered to show her the video and she said no (but I do not know if she actually watched I don't know her well). Sorry I just got kind of talking once I was remembering his phone and that he had T Mobile. Anyway that is what happened if it tells you anything about where they are saved but I know he could have sent them anywhere.

[Guy13]

Nothing you do goes away online or with digital technology. Everything one does online can be accessed.-like banking etc. We are not a perfect people. Most people are not good with surprises?

[oliver4love]

Better forget it as a bad dream and be careful in future about that in next relationship because in this modern world people's have nature of use and throw, dear Internet is world of fake dreams in that sometimes we think that otherone have fair heart ♥ like us and because of that we do such things like nudes etc... Dear just ignore and forget all these for now I honestly 🙏 pray that all that stuff deleted forever by God because I feel you a girl with fair heart ♥...

[Summeroflove]

This is why you shouldn’t send or solicit tjem

[bowenw]

We can't know for sure, but I suspect he would hang onto them. Even if he posted them online the chances of anyone you know seeing them are minimal. They would have to know how he headed up the post to even begin searching.

[ShellyB]

If he posted them online, my fear would be that somebody shares the website link moreso than somebody I know happening to find it by luck. But I feel like if that was going to happen it already would have? It is also super frustrating to imagine him getting paid for people watching those videos not that he would get rich but like if he made enough to pay for lunch for him and his friends, even that idea really bugs me! It has been a long time now and I have not heard anything about it since 2017, but it could still happen I guess. It was even worse at first, I am an extrovert but I was hiding from everybody because I was not sure who had seen the videos, in my imagination everybody on campus had seen them though that is not really true.

[bowenw]

I agree that if it was going to happen he would likely have done it when if would do the most harm to you in college. Hopefully he's not the type to post things online. If you become famous they may come back to haunt you, but other than that I think you should just go about your life. Please feel free to PM if you wish.

[TroyDT2]

Depends on his personality. I was going through my backups recently and found Mac software for an OS version from when I was a kid (Tiger) so who knows?

[JPresidente]

Someone like that is probably more apt to keep them for his spank bank.

[ShellyB]

Eww though I guess it could be worse if that is the situation!!

[JPresidente]

Yeah I think the odds are not in your favor in this one unfortunately. Sorry this happened to you.

[Twalli]

I transferred all the nudes I had of my girlfriend to my new computer. If, for some reason, we do breakup I don't think I'd delete them. I would never show anyone, but they were taken for me or by me with her consent. I didn't force her and she wanted to. I don't see why I shouldn't keep something that was intended for me to have.

[peterrezeeek]

If he is planning to fuck you again over time, he will keep it to threaten you by spreading it and have sex again with you.. but he is clearly forgetting the video completely, especially if he has girls to sleep with instead of you

[krisluv]

Honesty, lose them as soon as a new phone or computer. Not going to make time to transfer videos or pictures to a new device. Especially when he still has you...

[In_Trance]

Exes do all kinds of dumb shit including this

[CubaPirate]

Unfortunately I'd say it's highly likely that he still has them.

[MarkUng]

Probably he he holds on to it. But he wouldn't risk go to jail for it, he wouldn't share or send it to pornsite

[RomanLover]

My experience - I still have nudes of girls I dated from 10-15 years ago. They are in the cloud. I don't do anything with them other than look at them occasionally. I'd never post them anywhere (unless they are not identifiable - no face / tattoo etc - and even then). So I don't know what your ex would do, depends on what kind of guy he is. My exes may have nudes of me, if they look and enjoy that's fine with me.