Would this “safe sex proposal” bother you?

I haven’t had sex yet (ever), but the guy I am dating has.

I want to propose the following:
  • - always (vaginal) sex with condoms, anal sex is a no.
  • - preferably oral sex after we have been tested (the idea of oral sex while using a condom is not that appealing and I don’t want to get a std).
  • - I am only willing to forgo the condom if we are in a monogamous relationship and have both been tested.
  • - I will get tested once a year ( that is what the NHS advises you to do even if you are in a monogamous relationship).
Updates:
+1 y
I forgot to add a couple of things: - I have been told that you need to use condoms for three months before you can get tested. So I suppose no oral sex for three months or oral sex with condoms but that seems not so great. - I will also use B. C. in fact I have been trying to make an appointment to discuss the copper IUD.
+1 y
I would like to add another thing. I would like the conversation to be serious, but not too heavy if you know what I mean. I would like the conversation to be positive even if he doesn’t agree. It is gonna be okay as long as we both talk and listen to each other.
0 0

Superb Opinion

  • I think it sounds very responsible then you have to be that way nowadays and you have to take the lead because the guy is not going to do it yo that's basically how I start out a relationship in a roundabout way okay let me ask you a question okay so let's pretend that were dating or something and let's pretend we start making out with foreplay and you tell me we're not going to have sex without me wearing a condom and I would agree with you okay so did I say but we're not going to have sex we're just going to have foreplay and what I mean by that is I would strip you all the way down naked I would give you oral until you had an orgasm and then I would roll over on top of me place you on my hip so you'd be sitting on my head's we're both naked and I sent you on top of my cock and I slowly pull you forward and slide you back p u l l you forward and slide now I would be controlling your hips on the speed of how I was just like forward and backwards but I have but also be pushing down on your hips so your pussy with straddle each side of my cock As I push you forward and slide you back yeah we're not having sex but would you still make me wear a condom

Most Helpful Guy

  • I agree with everything you said. You have a healthy attitude.
    Especially "I am only willing to forgo the condom if we are in a monogamous relationship and have both been tested."

    But there are two things that don't make sense to me:
    Why would you need to use condoms for three months before you can get tested? Why not get tested before you begin engaging in sexual activity? Three months of condom use would be horrible.
    I had one girlfriend who was already on the pill but asked me to go with her to get us both tested before we had sex. I admired her for that and readily agreed. But once we were assured of no STDs, we began engaging in lots and lots of sex right away. And yes, we were monogamous.

    And it you are in a monogamous relationship, why get tested once a year?

    • I am going to try to answer your questions as well as possible. I might make some mistakes. English is not my first language and I am tired (it is 01:25 AM here). First: why would you need a condom for three months? All STD’s have different incubation periods and after three months all types of STD’s will show up on your tests including HIV if you are positive. The most common symptom when it comes to STD’s is nothing. You won’t notice anything but you might be carrying something with you. A lot of people don’t even know this is the most common symptom and risk infecting others. That is why a lot of organizations like Planned Parenthood recommend people to wait three months. Second: why not just get tested before you begin sexual activity? You could do this if you haven’t had sex in the last three months (think about the previous question), but if you literally jump from one relationship to the other you do really need to wait a while (think incubation periods STD’s). For me personally, I just like the idea of extra protection in the beginning, especially since it is all new to me.

    • PART 2 Third: if you are in a monogamous relationship, why get tested once a year? This is not really a must necessarily, but it definitely is a recommendation from different health organizations. Why? Because you are never fully protected for STD’s even in relationships. Sex is not the only way you can get infected with for example hepatitis, herpes or HIV. Remember when I told you that the most common symptom is nothing? STD’s are often dormant within the body, for example HIV or chlamydia. I have added a quote from dr. West, a gynaecology doctor: . “Some STIs, like syphilis and genital herpes, can go unnoticed for several years,” explains Dr. West. “Genital herpes can be contracted during sexual activity with someone who either has active herpes lesions or is asymptomatically shedding the virus. Once you have caught it, you may never get a flare of herpes ever, may get one episode or get recurrent episodes. You may even get your first flare 10 years after catching it.” To be honest, I have asked myself the same question; why get tested when I am in a relationship? In my country they said the following: use condoms during the first three months, get tested if you are in a mutually monogamous relationship and only get tested if you are experiencing symptoms. But when I looked it up on the internet there was one thing that kept coming back on multiple reliable sites, in multiple reliable articles: get tested at least once a year even if you are in a long-term relationship. I think it is up to personal preference and I suppose getting tested wouldn’t hurt especially since so many STD’s are asymptomatic. I hope I have answered all your questions correctly. Good night!

    • Correction: only get tested during a monogamous relationship if you are experiencing symptoms ( advise in my country, third question)

Most Helpful Girls

  • A good and sensible approach to everything. We did pretty much the same thing and it has worked well for us. However we enjoyed oral before going down the vagina sex route a little later as we were younger. Have you thought of having a hormone implant? That’s also a great alternative to the IUD.

    • I have, but I don’t like the side effects

    • I’m sure he will love your conversation

  • No it wouldn't.. And if the guy you're dating really cares about you, it shouldn't bother him either.
    It's the way more people should be responsible about sex and if they were there would be way less unwanted pregnancies/abortions/STD's

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 8
  • Sounds reasonable and honest, the fact that you would talk about that upfront it great. So many people just start making out and next thing you know, one thing led to another.

  • Yes sounds reasonable.

    i would advise you get tested before you have sex or even oral.

    it’s always worth knowing before hand you are okay.

    Then yes 3 months of condoms, mainly to let your BC settle down.

    Then both have joint check up for full screening.

    https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/visiting-an-sti-clinic/

    Also until you can trust each other it should be 6 month check up or if either thinks might have something up.

    • I can’t get tested, because I am a virgin. The doctor doesn’t see any reason for me to get tested.

    • Don’t ask a doctor, see a Gum clinic. While the risks are really small, in theory you can get HPV from being fingered. Virginity and STD’s with doctors can be very limited. Did he ask if you do drugs, have anal sex, share sex toys?

    • No he didn’t, but I don’t do any of those things.

    • Show All
  • That is a very reasonable and mature proposal. Different guys and relationships can test your will power. You will need to work at it to keep yourself in line with your wish to live that way.

  • That sounds very reasonable.

  • it doesn't bother me, no... always try your best, to be safer

  • That is the correct way

  • It sounds very well planned. Good.

  • One out of a million. Could you actually imagine all women taking full responsibility like this... No more abortions and etc? Unfortunately its only a dream.

    • I don’t know, but I am sure that there are more women like me. I mean this can’t be that rare, right?

    • It's good, that you are so responsible, don't worry. Most people are just very lazy in that case. It's good you stand out.

  • Still getting tested if this is condition for oral?

    • It is not just for oral, but yes still getting tested

    • what I mean is that if you get tested only once a year, you might want to receive oral more than once a year.

    • Who said anything about oral sex once a year?

  • After all this - why bother?

  • heyyyy

  • Welp - that takes all the fun out of it for him I guess. Why not just do a spreadsheet?

    • Okay, how would you communicate when it comes to safe sex?