Would you be mad if your SO did this?

[Sareuh90]

So my partner and I have discussed having a 3sum. We have been together for 8 years and I’d like to think we have a pretty good sex life to this day. We talked about the 3sum pretty in depth as far as limitations expectations etc as I am pretty jealous I don't know if it would be right for us even though I find the idea very hot. He seemed very sensitive to what I felt about it and assured me I’m his woman and he if anything made me uncomfortable it would stop. I made it clear to him that he would NOT be the one looking for a girl or contacting girls about it. Well low and behold I seen in his phone that he contacted a 19 year old girl he has been acting like he’s helping with clothes and such because she’s going through a hard time he was calling her sexy telling her she has a nice ass and asked her if she would be down to have a 3sum with he and I. He mentioned none of this to me ever he’s actually been saying he was just helping this girl because she’s going through s hard time in recovery and that it’s not like he’s trying to fuck her.. it sucks because the moments we discussed things about the 3sum it made me feel closer to him. The intimacy and connection felt so amazing then I find out this and it’s just like ugh. What do you guys think?

[PrettyPriya]

It is hard for me to put myself into this situation because I would never want to share my husband with another girl, nor be shared with another guy. Plain and simple, I have no desire to invite a third person into our bedroom or intimate life.

That said, I think he is being deceitful. You had made a deal that he agreed to and he has ignored it. That is a lack of trust and respect. However, you are not exactly a saint here either. What gives you the right to rifle through his phone without permission?

This goes back to the trust. He should be able to trust you and vice versa. The three biggest things I consider a must in any relationship are trust, respect and communication. All three have broken down in this situation.

That being the case, do you think it is wise to complicate and already broken relationship by inviting another person into your sex life? Personally, I see this causing way more damage than it ever could any good. Just to play out a fantasy you both have and yet you have so many other things going wrong at the moment.

[Sareuh90]

Your advice is very helpful and sums up how I feel and that’s what I even tried explaining to him when he initiated the convo about it that you know we have several things to work on between us before we would engage in an activity like that but he was so loving and reassuring that he wouldn’t leave his woman for some random female and that it would be for my pleasure purposes. I know better. And I know it was wrong to look through his phone. I wanted the raw truth and I got it I was hoping I wouldn’t see what I seen but I def had my doubts about the innocence with that younger girl.

[PrettyPriya]

I am glad it was helpful to you. I think that would be wise to work on the basics of your relationship with him. Sometimes we can stray from the simple courtesies that we owe our partners. Time to really focus on being the best versions of yourselves for the sake of each other and the relationship. Good luck to you both.

[PrettyPriya]

Thank you for the MHO 🙂

[SeriouslyFunny00]

Something like this is definitely out of my boundaries, I'll definitely feel disrespected. Of course, he won't admit he's seducing the girl 'cause he will lose the relationship he built with you for 8 years.. but he might be thinking that he can convince you to have 3sum when someday, another girl is willing to participate to fulfill his fantasy.

I can see that you don't like what he did. So now my question is if you're going to let him do this again? Sure, you might give him another chance.. but if this happens again, make sure to let him know that you'll never tolerate disrespect. Do not be afraid to walk away.

Or just tell him that he misunderstood you wanting a 3sum, say you actually want a 3sum with another "guy" and not a girl. 🤷‍♀️😂

[PointTaken]

Sounds kind of like he was thinking about it with this one girl and then somehow talked you into it. If he's only helping the other girl, then he wouldn't have asked her for a 3some. If it happened to me, I would be hurt for a minute then go with it and see what happens. If I had an SO that kept going and introduced the one that the SO was "just helping" I would be an ass. Start the 3some slave little but stay out if it, walk out of the room, grab my suitcase and leave them to it.

[megabamse]

Mmm I would not do it if you think it can damage your relationship.

If you still want to do it, then you should pick out the girls for him, then you would not feel like he pick them out for some reason. And same if there will be an extra man, he should pick out the man. But both need to be ok with the pick.

[LingyRolls]

He's made a common mistake by people that are just starting off doing this stuff. Tell him how it made you feel, make him admit to breaking the rules, and then forgive him. If he does it again without your permission then you can get more angry about it. Remember, it's something new for both of you and the boundaries can seem murky. Be patient and honest with him so he knows that's clearly wrong in your eyes.

Side question, why can't he look too? Only you? Don't you want to do it with someone that he's interested in sexually?

[Sareuh90]

Thanks so much for your comment dear. And it was more of a hypothetically speaking conversation we had in moments of arousal. I feel like it could be something awesome if we had a stronger better relationship because I feel like he’s itching to have sex with someone else which actually hurts me but I don’t know if it stings less because he’s including me or if it’s just the nice man’s way of cheating? I’m honestly confused. And I said I didn’t want him looking for someone because our relationship is indeed rocky and I’m not comfortable with that he was agreeable about the fact I would never want him finding the female of course I’d make sure it was someone he would be happy with too but it started to seem like he didn’t even really care who with he just wants someone new

[OlderAndWiser]

My opinon: His actions seem disrespectful.

[Sareuh90]

Agreed

[Berethor]

If it was with other guy obviously, but why you talk with him about FFM if you not bisexual?

[mb120101]

I wouldn't want my girlfriend to pick someone to have sex with we would look and agree together

[Sareuh90]

I can definitely respect that but we agreed to what we agreed to and it was more of a hypothetically speaking kind of way it was very clear I was not on total board with it we were just discussing it like “if” and you know a part of that “if” was that I wouldn’t want him going and trying to find females and he did so I feel that was not ok.

[mb120101]

I can understand that but once you start talking about other people the cement holding boundaries can crack

[Sareuh90]

I get that completely you’re correct. But he did initiate this conversation lol I should of nipped it in the ass immediately and not let my arousal make me seem any way agreeable

[mb120101]

Not cool on his part but i can understand why he is also looking. he's putting his dick into it

[MementoMori777]

Your boyfriend sounds like a manipulative bastard, taking advantage of a woman in a weak stage, he's not a child predator but he's basically another type of predator because he is trying to get in her head by complimenting her and stuff, this bind y'all have is going to fall apart because nothing about it is healthy and that's just the cold truth.

[MementoMori777]

Bond*

[Sareuh90]

Thanks for being honest. Certain things I know inside of me but it’s nice to talk to others about it

[MementoMori777]

Best of luck with the situation

[boggboss]

Lol he wants a 3some because he wants to have sex with others and it not be classed as cheating meh basic shit

[boggboss]

I dont feel like u are the type of person that should be looking into a 3some tho

[Sareuh90]

I feel like you are right. We all have fantasies and we were merely just discussing it as in hypothetical way. You know “if” it were to happen. That’s why he said he was cool with if we decided to do it I would choose the female I was comfortable with so on so forth. Probably a weak attempt on my part to keep him because I do agree it’s the nice man’s way of cheating no matter if I find females attractive and think it could be hot.

[boggboss]

No I would say its cheating if it somthing both parties can't handle at the end of the day some couples are able to do stuff like this but in his case with the actions he has taken its pretty clear he is doing it for himself

[Sareuh90]

Thank you for your insight and comments I agree with you but I do suppose I have some deep self reflecting to do because your comments and everyone else’s kind of reaffirms I’m being a complete idiot.

[boggboss]

I wouldn't say u was a idiot I would say u was entertaining doing somthing your partner wanted that u believed you might be able to do just shows u need to set firm boundaries inside a relationship

[Sareuh90]

Freaking boundaries yasss you said it! Agree - but this man expects complete submissive behavior out of me so he doesn’t like it if I have an issue.

[boggboss]

And that in itself shows he is not the man for u why would u want a partner that dont allow u to speak about things u wish thats some controlling behaviour

[Sareuh90]

I know I’ve tried talking to him about it he says he’s the man of the house and deserves respect and he has expectations out of me that I must follow or I’ll get left. Straight says my answer should be yes daddy. It feels overbearing but we have a family together small kids etc.

[boggboss]

Lol this guy sounds amazing 🤣 Even if u break it down thatvstatment is wildi must follow or ill be left that shows u he has no fear u would ever leave him or that wouldn't be a issue for him because he knows u need him more then he needs you

[Sareuh90]

He’s told me anything I can do for him he can for hisself so that in essence I’m wanted not needed and I politely told him the same applies to him and yeah.. that’s when it started I could never make it without him because he’s the bread winner and makes more $ than I do. Etc. but I did remind him that I’ve actually had to hold things down myself plenty of times in the past because he hasn’t always been the perfect man he thinks he is now and didn’t always make the kind of money he does now. So yeah it’s a shit show if we break it down. So honestly yeah getting into more depths of the bs I should have never even said I’d consider a threesome. He will have sex with someone else if/when he feels like because he can. I don't know why he’d even want me to be apart of it.

[boggboss]

Sounds like he enjoy throwing his power about

[Sareuh90]

That’s a fact

[boggboss]

Not really sure what to say then as essentially u are a slave to his demands hopefully things work out I guess

[David4358]

Why the hell would you want a 3some if you are a jealous person? Talk about fast tracking the end of your relationship..

Look how mad you are with him just asking her about a 3 some.. now how are you going to react when his dick is inside of her?

3 somes are not for everyone

[Sareuh90]

We were just talking about it it’s not something that was set in stone. We all have fantasies but I do agree it’s probably not for me and if anything I guess this shows me he’s itching to have sex with someone else regardless

[David4358]

Yes that's most guys, we just suppress that urge when we are in a relationship, but when you open the door for that possibility then he is going to jump at it. Are you wanting to have a BI situation with the girl?

[Sareuh90]

No I do not want to have a bi relationship. I find women beautiful I find people beautiful. In general. I’m not a super vanilla person I like spicing things up with my partner and have tried and I still feel like he’s not completely fulfilled so he initiated this convo about the 3sum and me knowing I have an attraction to females and his lack of fulfillment in my opinion -though our sex life seems good to me I feel like something is missing if he wants to bring in another party he said it was about my pleasure but I know better after seeing those messages. If I had it my way I’d of never liked hearing he wants to add another woman to the bedroom and I’d of never discussed my attraction to females. It’s a weak attempt on my part I guess. My preference would be to have my man all to myself and us both be completely fulfilled that way

[David4358]

Well if you have no interest in a bi situation with the other women then I would say not to do anything. If you where open to the BI situation then you could try it so you and the girl can go down on each other and only touching with your guy and her, but his dick only goes inside of you, That way you can test the water so to speak to see how ok you are with him and her not doing much with each other. But if your not into girl on girl then there is no point in trying that.

[gorydetails]

You're an idiot to go through with this threesome. He's cheating on you and gaslighting you into accepting it. Have some self-respect.

[Sareuh90]

Thanks for your honesty. I’m not going to go through with it

[Nightmoon83]

I know the exact situation you are in I had the same thing with my wife when we started dating I asked her to have a threesome and she was hesitant at first but in the end she absolutely loves it. Including the time we had a MFM threesome also my wife now fucks different men infront of me while I watch. She does this every now and then not all the time but it became something we love to do and it’s hard to explain and give you the details why we did it on here.

[Cb142]

tbh it kinda sounds like to me he had a thing for her already and 2nd if you have a good life with him why do anything to mess it up cause tbh i think that would mess up what you 2 have so sorry to be so blunt but i think its a dumb idea and if he is already sayign that to another girl id be gone but your life so good luck

[In_Trance]

I don't think your relationship is as good as you think it is

[Sareuh90]

I don’t think it’s good.

[Engin12]

maybe