Would you consider this rape?

[Anonymous]

so basically I've been talking to this guy on and off for a year. Im really into him and he super sweet and kind when we chill. Last night we had drinks with a few friends at his house. I ended up passing out after we hooked up. All of a sudden I believe is was around 7am I felt him trying to shove it in me. I let him follow through and he also came inside me... with out consent either. At the time I kinda enjoyed it. But now sitting here im concerned! I dont remember him even touching me or anything before he was ontop of me. Its just like he jumped up from his sleep and starting poking at me.
What should I do?

[RickPen]

You both had drinks and impaired judgment as a result.

"After we hooked up." This phrase makes me think you already had sex that night, and fell asleep.

More impaired judgment and poor taste on his part, followed by you saying that you let him continue. By allowing him, you consented. Verbal consent isn't always required when actions state otherwise.

This is part of the crux of consent, as it is defined differently per person, with some seeing it purely as verbal, or that consent can be retroactively revoked.

My thoughts, based on what you wrote: you both were drunk, had a one night stand, he tried for some more, you were surprised, but allowed it, and now have second thoughts. This is not rape, this is a bad judgment call and a learning experience.

[N192K001]

That would depend on your jurisdiction, since the specifics of the definition differs from place to place.

Generally, imposing sex on an unconscious person is considered rape.

But then again, you were aware of what was happening and permitted it, which seems to imply consent.

For most accuracy in your case, it may be best to consult your jurisdiction's law-enforcement and/or any friend whose a lawyer. (If you're in a 1st-world nation, your police should have a website with online contact-info, for easy e-mail and/or live-chat consultation.)

[Bedazzled2]

Yes this is definitely rape (unless you are okay with what he did)
Its upto u to decide

[purplepoppy]

The fact you didn't at any point say stop or no means you consented.

[Bedazzled2]

Actually saying nothing doesn’t mean yes

[Arjunaguy]

It doesn't mean no either

[Alexandrubaschet08]

@Bedazzled2 if you toush the girl easy, then toush whit the dick and all the time the girl don't say nothing it meen she accept it because she doesn't don nothing to stop that sexual action

[purplepoppy]

The fact is in a relationship people make sexual moves on each other without asking. To ask "may I touch" each time would be weird. If a girl isn't up for sex she has a right to say no but to keep quiet then cry rape days later makes a mockery of the crime and reduces the seriousness. It's amazing how many woman who normally never shut the fuck up suddenly can't utter the word no.

[Bedazzled2]

I’m speaking legally! If anyone in this situation wants to make a legal case out of it they can. By law, saying nothing is not yes, and you can also change your mind after giving consent

[Alexandrubaschet08]

@Bedazzled2 Rape meen to force somebody and/or that person to not realizate what is hapening. If somebody imobilizate you and start to have sex it meen he force you. If you are drunk, pass out and that person stat to have sex, is not realizateing because you are inconsciente. If you sleep and that person have sex will you sleep is olso rape if you didn't want to hapen in that moment. But knowing what is hapeing, been awake and not do nothing to stop that action (say stop, call for help, say no, push that person away) it meen you agree whit the sex. Is like i go in a bank take all the money but nobady call the police nobady try to stop me and evrybody watch theyr buisnis. It meen thous people participat at the action.

[Bedazzled2]

Thats not true. Look at the laws. I have closely read the laws on this. Some people get too nervous or weirded out or in shock that they can't say something! So therefore according to the law saying nothing isn't consent

[Alexandrubaschet08]

@Bedazzled2 and how is the guy foul that her girl don't say nothing, don't do nothing. How i supose to know, it will be whird to ask all the time you're partener "can i thouch you" so it will be 100% safe. What people wha are maried from yares will do, still ask?

[Bedazzled2]

@Alexandrubaschet08 would you fuck your wife while she’s sleeping?

[Bedazzled2]

Cuz she wasn’t awake at that time

[Alexandrubaschet08]

@Bedazzled2 i did that to my girlfriend, she like it. she olso give me in other day a bj, i like it. "what you don't know doesn't hurt you"

[Asker]

@Bedazzled2 read my update

[Being_a_good_Indian]

Consenting is a choice you make without pressure, manipulation, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve hooked up before or even if you said yes earlier and then changed your mind. You’re allowed to say “stop” at any time, and your partner needs to respect that.

Silence is not consent. And it’s not just important the first time you’re with someone. Couples who’ve had sex before or even ones who’ve been together for a long time also need to consent before sex — every time.

People who are drunk, high, or passed out can’t consent to sex. Rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse can have different legal definitions depending where you live.

[Mikelaughs]

Well, are you thinking this way because you regret?
Or is it something else?

[Adam1978]

He didn't have consent so it's you that decide. You can use it to put him in place and guys like him that just hump unconscious women. Or you can let it go.

[boggboss]

I hate questions like this because really and truly you are the only one that can truly say if it was rape or not the wording u use don't make it easier either u say u let him do it but was that because u wanted it to happen or was scared to stop it then saying you enjoyed it but you are now worried about it if you yourself can pinpoint if it was rape or not I'm not sure anyone can

[boggboss]

Now you are looking for excuses for it

[boggboss]

Lol sure thing lol because there is no way he is lying but even if that's true I'm pretty sure the drinking plays a part there

[Arjunaguy]

If you realised it and didn't stop I wouldn't call it rape. If you didn't realise what was happening then it is a rape.

[chriscdi]

yes he raped you but the law won't see it like that cause let him, but I don't know much about the law and I don't know what they would do in this situation but i dont think you can do anything now besides keep your distance from this guy

[genericname85]

" I let him follow through". nope. not rape. i mean you didn't give him any chance to know that you don't want it.

[swettannie]

are you angry at him?

[Reddwolf]

That's consider rape you need to talk to him about it and see what he says and he will probably deny it you might want to turn him in

[Reddwolf]

I highly doubt that I think that he is playing with your emotions

[eywee]

Rape...

[eywee]

No... It's a fucking rape... No ''sexomnia''...

[Crazyguy22t]

I don't know...

[Anonymous]

If you had actually told him no or to stop, yes, but in this situation you're not going to convince anyone (if you are thinking of charging him with it). Yes you didn't verbally "consent" but physically you did. You let him. Not only that but you say you even enjoyed it at the time. Now granted, he did take advantage of the situation absolutely, and that is questionable behavior without a doubt, but I wouldn't call this rape because you did let it happen. It was only after that you regretted it. Look at it from his side, you didn't resist or say anything, so he assumed he had the green light (wouldn't you?). If it was reversed, and you got on top of him and he let it happen, then claimed you raped him, what would you think?

[Anonymous]

I call rape on this one, no consent, the no no-no square

[Opinion Owner]

Then*