Would you still date a girl if you knew she was raped?

[Anonymous]

Basically this girl I'm with was raped like 8 years ago, when she was 15. But was very traumatic.

[CallMeDave]

I would and I have. It's not her fault that she was raped so I don't think you can hold that against her.

The only concern I would have is whether she already has dealt with the psychological damage from it or it seems that with my help she'll be able to enough to have a reasonably normal healthy relationship in the future (like within a few years).

If she is already or seems likely to be (with therapy and my support) able to have a reasonably normal emotional and sexual relationship, then I'd be fine with that.

However, If she hates all men as a result or is unable to have a reasonably normal sex life and doesn't seem likely to ever be able to, then I probably wouldn't be willing to have a romantic relationship with her.

I'd certainly be willing to be her friend and support her and help her heal as a friend, but I don't think either of us could be happy together in a romantic relationship because in my opinion a decent sex life is essential to a good romantic relationship and if she could never have that, I think it would be a constant source of stress for both of us.

[Asker]

Yea, Really the only effect it had on me was wishing she didn't have to go through with it. And just wanting to hug her after. (along with deciding to move at her pace, and doing only what she's comfortable with.) She seems to be ind a good enough place to have a reasonable relationship. (Has dated and been with guys before me. But has said she still has flashbacks, and nightmares. And is still scared of guys to a degree. But has said she wishes to get physical, but seems like she knows that there's a chance she might get a flashback if it happens)

[CallMeDave]

Based on what you described, my opinion is that if you feel that she's a good match for you, then it's worth pursuing. I would in a similar situation anyway. The nightmares and flashbacks and feeling scared of some guys to some degree sounds pretty normal to me, particularly if this was only a few years ago. She seems to be dealing with it reasonably well and seems willing to pursue a normal relationship so that's good. If the flashbacks are only occasional and not every time, then hopefully you'll be able to figure out what exactly triggers them and avoid that specific thing. Good luck. Hopefully it will work out well for you and she'll be able to continue to heal and have a normal happy life despite that trauma.

[AustinMan]

I'd want her to engage in some intensive therapy and I'd let the therapist help her decide if dating is a good idea until she's more healed.

[Asker]

Well, she's dated between the rape and me. Just never really been with anyone properly. Not gonna say specifics, but seems like she's open to dating and all that. Just may have some issues we'll need to work through. But honestly, I'm more than willing to

[AustinMan]

Those issues need professional assistance.

[NamerOfStars]

I could see resultant psychological trauma being a problem, but rape itself? Are you sure that's what you mean?

[Asker]

Just was curious in general. As my friend claims he wouldn't date a girl who was. And my girlfriend was actually afraid that would drive me away. (obviously I am still wanting to pursue something. And really the only change it lead to was deciding to do stuff more so at her pace, just so she's comfortable)

[NamerOfStars]

That makes sense.

[magiusX26]

yes. but would also be cautious

[Anonymous]

I would sure

[Anonymous]

Yes of course why not? If she was raped, what’s the blame of her