You all can judge me as you want. But on a serious note, Is it really that bad that I've slept with almost 25 guys?

I really want to know if it's really a huge thing. Most of my girl friends have dated just as many guys as I have but recently I told few guys that I've met on tinder about my sexual past and all of them acted like it's some alien concept.

In my defense, I've been single for almost 8 months now. I don't even any interest in sex anymore. I just want to have a long term relationship. Most of the guys I've slept with was in 2016 and 2017, Nearly 20. After that I never had any desire to sleep with lots of guys. It was all in past.

So, is it really a VERY big deal for guys when it comes to dating a girl who was sexually active in past even if she never had any intimate relationship after that particular period?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • There's some legitimate need for concern. A LOT of women will sleep with a bunch of player-type men who have fairly rare but desirable attributes: one may be really handsome (face), one may have a super hot body, one may be rich, one may be popular, one may be tall, one may have a high status which gets him a lot of access and influence, etc. None of these men are interested in relationships or commitments either, which is important, but many women will start adding these attributes to her "must have" list, having experienced them once or twice from a player.

    Her thinking goes "I was able to 'get' a hot guy, so I should be able to get hot guys in the future. And I was able to get a rich guy, so I obviously can draw rich guys. And I was able to get a popular guy, so I deserve a popular guy." And when she goes looking for a relationship, she expects to find ALL (or at least MOST) of these attributes in a single guy, PLUS he should have a desire for a relationship with her. What she doesn't seem to realize is that she's not just expecting a 10, but she's expecting the top 1% of the 10s - a unicorn. Unicorns don't exist.

    And those women don't want anyone to check their math, because the actual math says "You never 'had' ANY of those players in the first place; you merely traded sex for some attention, but you never had a real relationship at all. And even if you had, you can't just take individual positive attributes from a bunch of guys and combine them into a theoretical perfect guy and then expect him to actually exist."

    That would be like an average guy who got some attractive girls to accept free drinks from him at a bar thinking that he "deserves" a petite girl with D-cups and a perfect body and adorable face and long beautiful hair who just happens to carry around $100,000 in cash, plus a hot pizza and cold beer in the trunk of her car - that would be an insane expectation, but women do exactly that way more often than you'd imagine, and they're much MORE likely to do that if they've slept with a bunch of men than if they've only slept with a few. And most men realize this, even if they can't articulate the reason well.

    Even worse, women will sometimes get with a guy who doesn't tick every box (and no one will!), but as soon as another guy comes along who she thinks ticks more boxes, she'll dump the first guy for the new guy, even if the first guy did nothing wrong.

    Now, ALL women don't do this - some women have slept around but remain realistic and grounded about their potential partner, so, to me, her past isn't an AUTOMATIC disqualification - but the odds are against you, because it's so common for women to do and a ton of guys have been burned by women who have done it to them, and they aren't anxious to overlook it.

    Some men, like me for example, will actually take some time to talk to a woman, and to investigate this, and try to figure out if she is one of those women or not. That takes time and effort and some cooperation from the woman, and if that process doesn't go well, a lot of guys will (wisely) move on, but if things seem to go okay, those guys will give her a chance and won't hold her past against her. We just don't want her past to undermine OUR relationship, and we have to protect ourselves from that, because it's a very real problem men face.

  • Whether it "matters" or not depends on the guy. However, if you want to know how "normal" it is... it's not. Like... at all. The overwhelming majority of people would have, at most, like 1/5 the amount of sexual partners you've had, throughout the entire duration of their lives--and that's if they're perpetually single, even less than that if they get married by their mid-30s like most people do. And you're only 18-24.

    Also, you seem to be under the impression that it's "normal" within your friend group. However, I noticed that you said your girl friends have *dated* as many guys as you. That doesn't necessarily mean they've *had sex with* as many guys as you (unless you asked about their body counts specifically). And even if they did sleep with as many guys as you, it wouldn't be all that surprising because people tend to surround themselves with similar people. So just because something is common within your friend group, that doesn't necessarily mean it's representative of the general population--and in this case, it isn't.

Most Helpful Girl

  • As a person with a very high count, I’ve found that saying what it truly is, is a damper to almost all men.
    My thought on it is, if you are safe and use protection, then have fun and do what makes you feel good. However being promiscuous does come with added danger. Increased odds of an STD and unwanted pregnancy. Hooking up with the wrong person and them getting violent or worse. If your going to be promiscuous then use all the tools available to you. Get contraceptives and carry them with you. Ask that your hookups gets tested and get tested yourself to make sure your clean. Don’t hookup with a random dude and not tell anyone. There should always be a friend or someone close to you that knows who your with. Trust your instincts!! There’s no shame in excusing yourself to the bathroom and never seeing that person again. Be safe and have fun

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 32
  • How old are you now and at what age did you become sexually active?

  • If you don't have interest in sex anymore only makes it worse, yes you have a very slutty past, and now you are worn out/used up, sounds to me like the worse of both worlds. Yea it don't matter if you taken a time out, all that matter is how much guys had fucked you.

    • I mean how many not how much.

  • Fuck no? Why is ok that I've slept with 100+ women and it;s NOT ok that you've slept with 25 dudes? Tell them to grow the fuck up. As long as everyone is using protection, we're all 'allowed' to enjoy sex FFS!!!

  • Yes age age 20 that’s too many different sexual partners.

  • Okay so we're talking about telling a guy that you wanna date this stuff right?

    My immediate assumption is that most guys who are looking for something serious would not find that information pleasant at all, perhaps a dealbreaker for most consdering how picky people are these days.

  • let's just say, the average adult has 7 partners throughout their lifespan

    25 is 3x the normal lifespan and especially at your age, Good luck getting a relationship, rooting for ya

    • She has destroyed any chance of actually bonding with a man.

  • so you slept with 25 men in a 1 year period. well good luck finding that long term relationship sis. very few of us men see women who sleep around left and right as long term relationship material. you should of thought about all of this before you slept with this mob of dudes.

    yea it was all in the past alright but that was only 3-4 years ago, women who sleep around dont change overnight.

  • It can be seen in a negative light. Might depend on why you felt the need to do so in a short span of time and why you now feel the need to seek something serious.

  • That's nothing

  • Dude, i can't even get laid once, the fact that you have 25 times is a flex 😂😂 have sex whenever you want dude, if anyone judges you for it, then just cut em off, they not even worth the trouble

  • Its not bad, but its something you should keep to yourself.

  • The people who judge you for something like this, are doing so out of projection based on their very subjective, irrational emotions regarding "casual" sex. They don't like it, therefore everyone who does like it is "bad", for whatever reason. But the good news is, when a guy judges you for that, at least you know that he's not someone you'd want to be with anyway.

  • I would not want to date anyone with that many partners.

  • Couldn’t care less.

  • Nah not really.

  • I used to be a player as well so no its not as long as u learn your lesson and stop doing it

  • Yes it is a very big deal, you can't turn a whore into a housewife.

  • How old are you?
    Regardless of your age 25 is not that many.

  • We can judge, but that isn't important, more important is what you think, did you enjoy it, do you regret it if no, then you have your answer

  • 25 is not too much
    It is ur life u can do what u want to do with it

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