Sexual Relationships
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Your sex life or lack of sex life is no one's business but your own!

Your sex life or lack of sex life is no one's business but your own!

I've been seeing a lot of questions lately about if being a virgin at X age is a deal breaker and if there's no hope and honestly it's no one's business but your own same with a non virgins number of partners, times they've had sex, etc.

I'm not a virgin, but I'm still not all that experienced as I've only had sex a few times and they were all through one night stands. No, I'm not a player. It just ended up that way.

Bottom line is that it doesn't define you. I know there's a huge double standard especially with virgin shaming and slut shaming but it's not like you have to carry a sign saying you're a virgin or one saying the amount of partners you've slept with.

Besides if there's anything I've learned, having a lot of partners/experience doesn't mean you're inherently good at it. For example, one person could be a good lay to you and the other one may be horrible at it, regardless of both parties experience/lack of. As long as you listen and communicate what each other like then it should go over fine. The 3rd girl I ever had sex with assumed that I've been around and I didn't comment on it but what I did notice is that when we first went at it, I asked for her to go on top and she said, she's not good on top so we switched positions and it went over fine.

I would say that being insecure and having a lack of confidence is more of a turnoff than being inexperienced. There have been times where a girl could tell I was nervous and that made the date worse. It's not like she looked at me and said I can tell you're not that experienced.

Now what does matter is if your partner has an STD or has a kid where the baby mama/daddy is still present in their life.

Your sex life/lack of is no one's business but you're own

Besides, if you've ever seen the movie Clerks where Dante and his girlfriend Veronica discuss their amount of partners, both intercourse and oral, you know it's not a good subject to bring up. For example, a girl I met off Tinder last week turned me off because she was talking about her past sex stories on the first date as well as telling me that she sent the same tit pic she sent to me to other guys. I'm not judging her for having sex in her past but the fact that she mentioned it like her sex life defines her. I mean I'm no saint as I hooked up with two girls the same night I lost my virginity, and even though it was a rare occurrence, I still don't talk about it to dates because it would have them perceive me the wrong way and they shouldn't like me for that anyway.

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  • Virgin shaming was something I experienced decades ago, but I'm sure this kind of thing is still around today. I was a virgin up until age 25, and I had people off and on teasing me about it, mostly men. They also suggested that because I wasn't having any sex, that I was also some kind of closet queer. They gave me wonderful names like 'faggot' and 'fairy boy'. One old guy that I worked with, used to have a lot of fun with my virginity status. Every Monday, he'd walk over to me with a smirk on his face, and say, "well... did you get any over the weekend? ha-ha-ha-ha". The odd thing was, I suspect he was actually a virgin himself. He was an old bachelor who always seemed to leer at women, but avoided them. Or maybe he was one of those guys who had sex with prostitutes, in which case he wasn't a physical virgin, but a social/emotional virgin. Sometimes he would give me stupid advice, like "get whatever you can" or "don't turn anything down". Anyway, I had social awkwardness issues that I was working out at the time, but I ended up losing my virginity to a married woman who was looking for a little side action. Later on, the old fart came over to me with the "well... did you get any over the weekend?" routine. I replied, "yes", to which he looked stunned, and said, "really? with who?'. I replied, "with a married woman". He was again stunned, and walked away with a somewhat disgusted look on his face (he was a hypocritical catholic). After that, the teasing seemed to stop, from all quarters.
    I wasn't the only one who got crap from those jerks I worked with. There was another old guy I worked with, very straight and strict catholic, who was never married but kept his virginity due to his religious beliefs. He was a nice quiet guy, never mean or judgmental, but those jerks used to torment him until he retired.
    Mark

    • Yeah I didn't lose mine until I was 21. Part of it was social anxiety but a lot of it had to do with lack of opportunities as I was at community college and had a hard time meeting women. But once I went away to 4 war university, I ended up having a lot of women approaching me.

    • The way I lost mine was crazy. I went to some party and then started dancing with this girl and I smoked her out then all of a sudden we made out in her car. Then we go to another party with her roommate. And we go out again, start making out and then did it right on the porch. After I got done banging her, I hooked up with her roommate and got a ride back from both of them in the same car the next morning. That was awkward but a crazy experience nonetheless. However I don't get why people think virgins are clingy, I had no feelings and didn't get attached to the person I lost mine to.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • this is soo true!! i mean no one should judge u based on ur sexual experiences n all but rather on ur personality coz ur personality defines u not ur sexual experience

    • Yeah besides when I lost my virginity in college, it's not like people noticed and women didn't come crawling to me because of it. I mean it did boost my confidence but it's not like the fact I lost my virginity guaranteed me more sexual encounters. Dry spells still happen. Another thing people get confused with is that they think "studs" get more because they have a high number. Women are attracted to the traits that get them the extra sexual experience. You never hear a girl say I dated him or my bf's so great because he's slept with X+ amount of partners.

    • ya thats true except for sluts

    • by that i mean the girls who only date for sex

    • Show All

  • Discretion is a virtue in regards to sexual relations.

    • What do you mean?

  • I wish my coworkers were more respectful of that. It drives them nuts that there is so little out there regarding me, because I've done so little. For a while, it got really bad the way they'd pester me about it. Even old guys acting like high schoolers when it comes to sex. And it gets quite uncomfortable when I want to think about women and suddenly, thoughts of those annoying coworkers and the crap they say starts popping in there. Like little voyeurs wanting a say in what happens in my fantasies. Totally uninvited guests, to say the least.

    • Yeah I hear ya besides even after having sex after having a long dry spell, it's not like I felt any more different than how I felt after losing my virginity which means not different at all. Besides, there's always gonna be people who have it worse and those who have it better. No reason to feel superior or inferior by any means at all.

    • I know what you mean, I've met some childish adults in your age group that would brag about sex like they're in high school/college. It's not a fucking status symbol.

  • 37?

    Lol

    • In a row? Haha

  • I agree, but disagree. Now let's get at why people want to know. It will always be in the back of a persons mind to want to know how they stack up versus the ones that came before with their significant others. That can lead to many undesirable issues. So to me, If I know a girl who gets around a lot, There is no way I would consider being with her. Do you want to put your mouth on a coke bottle that every other guy has also had his mouth on? I know I don't. I tend to view potential candidates the same way.

    • I know what you're saying about what about the opposite scenario where girls refuse to date a guy who's a virgin or inexperienced at a certain age? I mean I'm not promoting sleeping around but it goes both ways in that regard.

    • That's a fair statement to make. I am not going to hold someone to a set of standards that I don't have. I don't believe in requiring something from someone else that I myself cannot deliver.

    • As for my life, It is already at the level that I need for it to be. Now if other people want to be a part of that, Then they measure up to my standard. The one that I live by. If not.. Then I am not lowering my standards to "find middle ground" with someone as that idea always leads to trouble.. They need to come up to my level or sorry, No dice.

  • Interesting take. Well written

    • Thanks

  • Funny... i'm so discreet about my play with "female company", that some people think (or thought) I am gay!

    Cauz u know, men are SUPPOSED to openly boast about his sex life, and me not doing that means i'm hiding my sex activities with men! :-P

    -----

    I've always been hush-hush about the relations I have had with women in my lifetime. Privacy is so undervalued these days.

    • I know how you felt and some people in college would give me shit for striking out with some girls and assume I was gonna be a virgin for life and when I did hook up with women, they're like I didn't see it so it didn't happen. It's like right because every time a person has sex, they have to record it for everyone to see and do it in public.

    • If anything, I'm more concerned about the fact I've never had a relationship than when I have dry spells between sex. No I'm not a player looking to get with many women as possible. It just ended up that way. It's just the ones I wanted to be in a relationship with didn't like me and vice versa and I'm not just gonna settle for someone just for the sake of having a girlfriend. But that's another issue on its own.

  • Yes. I agree. People should stop letting that define them. Great take! :)

    • Thanks I think people's biggest issue whether they've slept around or aren't getting any is that they make it known. I mean hell you don't hear couples talk about every time they had sex. I even had sex with this girl literally last night which was my first time in awhile. All she asked was if I was clean. She didn't ask if I was a virgin (even though I'm not), number of partners or last time I had sex (which was awhile). Personally, I think people overhype sex. I mean I enjoy it and certainly won't turn it down but it's not like I feel any different after each time I have sex.

  • You said a very true thing. My first girlfriend was more experienced then me and no offence but she s****d in bed. I was a virgin and she was amazed by me asking during and after sex if i really was a virgin, appearently she didn't believe it considering my performances. It must say that was an ego boost lol

    The biggest problems guys have is breaking the ice, making contact with someone, the first words.. you know.

    • Well sometimes girls just sit there and expect the man to do all the work yet will judge them if it wasn't enjoyable. But really they're the ones who suck because it takes two to tango. It's the same thing with girls who give one word replies and don't further the conversation and consider the guy boring. Not all are like that but I've met quite a few. And I agree, especially in person when you don't know what a girl is about or they just flat out give one word replies and don't further the conversation like I mentioned. If it feels like an interview when I'm talking to a girl constantly then I'm fucking bored.

    • Yeah i completely agree with everything you said.

  • It's all your future partners business and people you date.

  • In B4 Divorce rape.

  • "Bottom line is that it doesn't define you."

    I disagree. Your sexual behaviors and choices do define you because they are a part of you and ultimately a show of decisions and decision making processes. Yes, it can make for an awkward state of being, but the reality is that if it didn't define you then would you have been turned off by the information?

    I assure you that if she said, "man, I really like grape pixie sticks" you'd have not lost your erection at all; the reality is the direct opposite. While you are not required to share any part of you whatsoever what you do sexually is indeed a huge part of you because sex itself is a huge part of our species not only physically but socially as well.

    • What about those who have bad luck or don't get laid too often? Does that define them too? I see what you're trying to say though.

    • It isn't a matter of good luck or bad luck, or of frequency, but solely of decisions. Two people identically have sex every day but one has it with their marital partner and one with totally random people day after day. Do we judge them the same? Did they really make the same decisions? We must be willing to look beyond things of null nature and to take the time to appreciate the things that matter. We are very focused on things that don't matter, I agree with you there, but I can't say it's wise to remove our decisions regarding sex and partnership as well from who we are as core beings.

  • but why would you tell people in the first place?

    • That's kinda my point. It's my response to people asking questions about if them being a virgin is a deal breaker and something they should worry about. That being said, there was this one douchebag i worked with a year ago who would ALWAYS ask about my sex life and it was annoying. He'd be like how many girls have you fucked, what's the most recent lay, what's your favorite position and he'd ask it literally every week. It's like he was so obsessed with my sex life you think he'd want to have sex with me but I'm sure his goal was to brag about how he gets around and one up everybody like he did with other things.

    • he sounds horrible. hod did u get him to leave u alone?

    • *how

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  • I don't think it's anyone's business to how many sexual partners one has had in the past. If you want to bring it up then it's fine but if it makes you feel uncomfortable then just keep it a secret.

    • Exactly, not only that but it's just too much information to those you hardly know. Not that you should bring it up to those you do know.

  • I find promiscuous girls repulsive as fuck and disgusting.

  • Yeah very true. I never understood why people cared so much about virginity. My only problem is that often times people on here who are virgins are rather mean and illogical. It's not that way in real life, but on here it is. You're right. A guy can fuck a thousand girls and still be horrible at sex. Being with many partners doesn't make you better at sex. It's about compatibility. Matching sexually with the right person. Them liking the same things you like and vice versa. It's not about experience really. I was the same with my 2nd partner as I was with my first one. No real difference. The guy in that first picture looks fruity.

    • lol i didn't even pick that first picture. I just chose the one from Clerks as it was very relevant in my opinion. But yeah I agree, even when I have sex after dry spells, the girl didn't ask how long it's been since I've done it, number of partners, etc. What she did do is make me wear a condom because she doesn't know where I've been and that's all that had to be said. Nothing wrong with that though. If anything, that's refreshing as she's smart about sex.

    • Yeah for sure.

  • Well that's because in society, sex , dating and relationships are always around. You can't escape talk about sex or sex lives . You might as well go live like a hermit in the woods if you want to escape talk about it.

    • Well there's a difference between sharing that info to friends and very close ones but what I'm saying is you don't have to make it publicly known to society or people you don't know that well. Of course sex, dating and relationships are gonna be always around but people aren't going around announcing the last time they had sex or number of partners and the ones who do are childish.

  • I agree with DocT1977... I agree but also disagree. If a person is just a friend and I have no intention on being with this person then their sexual history is none of my business. However, part of choosing a woman that I want to be in a relationship with is what kind of person she is. If she sleeps around a lot and will hook up with a stranger as long as he's hot or if one of her friends pressured her into it or for any reason. . . then I don't want to be with her. She is free to do that if she so desires, but if we are going to be together then I deserve to know so I can make a choice on if I want to be with a person that is like that. So, part of the reason why someone else's sex life may be my business is if it alters my opinion of who they are as a person. Are they a slut (by the actual definition) or are they someone that only sleeps with people that they care about and are in a relationship with. This distinct difference is very important in determining if I want to pursue a relationship with them. Now, what IS none of my business is WHO they have slept with.

    So, in short, who they have slept it is none of my business but how many people they have slept with, their relations towards the people they have slept with, and the reason as to why they slept with the person is my business. Because it all factors into what kind of person they are and what kind of person they are will determine if I want to be in a relationship with them. If I have no intention on being with them then it is none of my business.

    It's the same exact thing with smoking and drinking. We all have preferences. . . and we are all free to make the choices that we want to make with our lives, but if we are going to share our lives with someone else then it will be that someone else's business if I partake in something that they do not like and if the fact that I partake in something isn't a deal-breaker, but how often or how I go about partaking in this something is a deal-breaker then they have the right to know so they can choose to be with someone that is the kind of person they are looking for.

    • I see what you're saying. For me, it's how a girl goes about it. I'm not gonna ask a girl about her sexual history but if early on she keeps on bragging about her past sex life, number of partners, and acts like a sex object by sending naked pictures to me, before we even meet. I've met 2 girls off dating sites like that and it's a major turnoff. Main reason is because it's like their self esteem is so low that they feel like acting like a sex object is gonna make guys like them more but it does the opposite.

    • Well, how a girl goes about it is part of what I said. It's the kind of person they are. If they hook up with a guy because he's hot or whatever then that's a no go for me.. if they want to get to know the person and then start dating the person... then that's alright... Which would be how she goes about it. Does she go about it like a slut and just fucks or will she actually take time to get to know the person and not give it up within a week or 2.

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