Your spouse no longer wants sex and divorce isn’t an option. What do you do?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • This is exactly my situation.

    Of course sex in a relationship is very important, but it's overly simplistic to jump immediately from no sex to divorce. To state the most obvious reasons we stay together, I love her. We have children, family, friends, financial security, a house.

    There are other options. None are as good as sex with your wife. You asked what I do... Please no judgement. Masturbation. Often virtually with women I've met online. When they care, I'm honest about my situation. When I'm hungry for something more real, I go to massage parlors. They're expensive but safe and a poor substitute.

    • You have valid points and it’s similar with me. But intimacy is soo important to me. It’s just depressing

  • That’s a tough one bud. A sexless marriage wreaks havoc on a guys mental and physical health over time. I personally would avoid cheating, not judging at all, and work as hard as you can to fix what you can and then divorce.

    I had great sex for years, she went cold and once we split up she wanted it again. She wants to work, go home and have a few drinks and call me when she’s in need. I won’t do it because I actually want to meet someone that enjoys life. I’m not just a piece of meat lol

    Good luck whatever you do and know you’re not alone.

    • That’s true. You should be appreciated. Great advice thank you

    • No problem. 👍

Most Helpful Girls

  • Why is divorce not an option? Im getting a restraining order until they have no choice but to give me one 😂 but um I’d stick to porn until I can get sex since fckin divorce is not an option. I refuse to commit adultery. Thats whats not an option. And im not gonna handcuff and rape the dude. So porn it is

    • The fact people are cheating, cucking or killing themselves or the spouse 💀 Noooo, just nooo

  • Divorce is always an option.

    If the problem was only sex. I say no big deal.

    But you got too many problems.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • What do you mean divorce is not an option? Of course it is.

    • Let's say no lawyer/judge would agree with divorce. I doubt not that in several countries, divorce is illegal and it's a sin in Catholicism.

  • If your question means divorce isn't an option, no matter what... that really only leaves, cheating or suicide.

    • Or homicide, which is what I'd lean to very heavily.

    • @Agape93 rofl, lets just say that IS abandonment, no one would know otherwise if they never show up again.

    • True true lol

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  • Along with my situation, lack of sex in a Marriage/LTR seems nearly guaranteed. At my age I say do whatever you feel is right to satisfy yourself.

  • Self pleasure

  • Maybe talk to them and find out why?

    • No answers known. Female aging hormone stuff… no one knows

  • A friend of mine was in that predicament. He never outright told me but I overheard some "talk" between him and his wife a few times. Not sure what the latest is with that as I have not asked him. She is about 6 years older than him and from what I gathered she lost interest in sex a few years after they got married. They are still happily married though. She could have regained interest, or perhaps they worked out the issue in other ways.

  • Divorce never sounds the best option.

    • True

    • Sometimes divorce is a good option and sometimes it's not. Sometimes a marriage is also about a kid and you're worried you'll hurt your child. If you have no children, then I can understand getting a divorce if you've tried everything. But... children do change the situation.

    • I think that if you have no kids and it's an unhappy marriage then... sometimes... divorce is acceptable. When that couple could be happier with other people. I respect your opinion if you feel that divorce is unacceptable under any circumstances, even if I don't agree with that 100%.

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  • Ask for a side hoe

    • Definitely an option

  • So yeah, I'm in this situation. A no sex marriage (and I've tried talking for a long time) and I can't get a divorce because I'm worried about hurting my son. My folks got a divorce and it fucked me up. Haha if only people on GaG knew me in the "real" world

    • It’s hard on the kids and they would suffer

  • Masturbation. Porn. Or have a discussion with them about consensual non monogamy -- come up with an arrangement whereby your sexual needs are met but the relationship with your spouse remains intact.

  • it is... an option

    • Not if it hurts the kids

    • kids will be hurt either way or eventually... you cannot shield them forever nor completely

  • What do you mean "divorce isn't an option." Of course it's an option. What to do? See a counselor/therapist and talk it through. Talk to your spouse about meeting your needs outside the marriage. Contact a divorce lawyer.

    • Desire. It can’t be manufactured. Who has time for another woman when you have a pile of kids and 5 jobs? Yes counsellors have been used. We agreed on scheduled sex. I fucking hate it. I can’t do that. Divorce would cause my children to suffer. And bankrupt the buisness I’ve taken over 22 years to build.

    • So you started the business when you were 18? Besides sex, is your home peaceful? How old is the youngest? Why do you believe it would bankrupt the business? The business is just another marital asset. Go to a counselor by yourself.

  • Counseling asap, before the relationship becomes sour and resentful

  • I'd sit with her and discuss it. I'd negotiate an ongoing hall pass. I would agree never to humiliate her and keep it discreet. If she declined, divorce would become an option.

  • I think you should communicate that she should either tell you the reason she will not have sex with you or get checked out medically by someone who specializes in hormonal balance to see if her sex drive can be improved. If she just has a low sex drive, ask her to have sex with you at a certain frequency. This can be negotiated. You could also ask her to initiate it sometimes. If she loves you, she should have a hell of a reason to make you go sexless. I suspect there is more going on here than just low sex drive. You deserve clarity.

  • Why isn't divorce an option, and why do they "not want sex"?

    • They just don’t want it… I don't know Divorce would be devistation for children and finances

    • Have you not talked about it?

    • Of course. But she doesn’t have answers for her feelings and desires or lack thereof.

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  • Cheat

    • That’s an option. But you can’t really enjoy the new partner either that way

  • Ask her why the fuck not

  • This is only going to end with a gruesome murder lol

  • Masterbate. What's left. I know what you're going through

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