Would you be okay dating a male/female who has a female/male bestfriend with whom they've had sex with before you came into the picture? Would you be comfortable with the idea of him/her being around them?
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Most Helpful Girls
btbc92Master
+1 y
Are you kidding me? Hell no. I would not date a man who had sex outside of marriage and NEVER would I date a man who slept with their own best friend and they weren't married. Yuck! That is a red flag. They will do it again eventually. If you are friends then why are you having sex as if you married and then want other people? I have male friends, I didn't sleep with them, I know better. I am a virgin for a reason.
2001
PrettyPriyaMaster
+1 y
As long as their past remains in the past, that is fine. You have to trust your partner.
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PrettyPriya
+1 y
Thank you for mhg! 🙏❤️
Most Helpful Guys
Jake99999Xper 6
+1 y
Instead of obsessing about this question, decide if you like him enough to want to still be with him. Trust him and see where the relationship goes instead of looking for reasons for it to fail. See what happens. It might turn out to be awesome.
If this question is consuming you and you can't get over it, then dump him. You will never by satisfied.
1000
MrCommodoreGuru
+1 y
No way, that's an automatic red flag.
Once two people have sex, they breach the friends barrier and to continue as friends usually means one still is crazy about the other and one doesn't want to commit. That doesn't prevent hookups though, so no I wouldn't tolerate that and would move on.
Ah, so this is how it appears in your head, eh? Yeah, you have to get those images out of there. Just because two people have slept together in the past, doesn't mean the feelings always linger. Sometimes, what's done is done. There's no further interest that way.
1000
Not_Average
+1 y
Did you feel like this in your 20s as well? My parents tend to be so nonchalant about boundaries. My mom told me she wasn’t always like this though. I see a pattern of less fucks given as you approach your late 30s and 40s.
Not_Average
+1 y
I’d say I used to be a bit irrational about expectations. My wife admitted that she had fantasies about some people and felt so guilty about it. My reaction was “Okay… did you flirt or invite anything in? Did you act on it?” She said no, and I was like okay then you’re fine. We talked about how we aren’t to indulge on these things, but thoughts happen. Back when I was in my early twenties I wouldn’t have been that way lol. Maybe it’s just more self assurance and understanding that it’s not a personal attack when your spouse finds others attractive. Which seems to come with age and maturity. I could literally never imagine my wife hanging out with an old fuck buddy though. I wouldn’t stand for that personally
AmandaYVR
+1 y
@Not_Average I was never the jealous type. I honestly don't consciously know why. It's the way that I am and have always been. I even had two boyfriends break up with me when exes (one was a legit ex; the other was a person he was never with romantically but had always wanted to be) came and resurfaced, contacting them, out of the blue. Those situations sucked, let me tell you. What has changed is that I no longer feel the desire and/or need to spend so much time with my man, and expect him to sacrifice other things he enjoys, for our time together. Being older and with the same man for 21 years now has changed my feelings about it. He also feels the same now. We recognize needs change and we will all go through different stages of life. The thing which I see other people say and think, I believe wrongly, over and over, is that the way to keep a relationship, and person, is to keep them away from others. Keep that bond tight, and don't allow anyone else to enter into their lives (from the past or current or future) and it will secure the relationship indefinitely. This is patently false. It's more similar to a vice, and when people feel that amount of pressure, many will resist, and push back against it. It can be very suffocating. Free will, and freedom of choice, is only valuable, and meaningful, when it truly is free. You cannot impose limitations on others (either by force or coercion or guilt or manipulation) in order to prevent them from doing what you don't want them to do. It must be of their own accord, will, and choice. Only then is the choice that they make to be with you, meaningful.
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AmandaYVR
+1 y
I think too many speak out in anger, or fear (and the former is often just the outward display of the latter), and proclaim, and justify 'this is the way', the only way. It's terrifying to people to think about being left, rejected. No one wants to be hurt, or not be 'the one' in every sense of the word - the ones who fulfills every need of their partner. But no one does that. No one. There should be more acceptance of this fact, this truism, and more confidence that this doesn't mean an inevitable end.
Not_Average
+1 y
Interesting. I tend to agree. Reminds me of one girl who I met when I was 20 and she was 17. Completely knock out beauty. We really fell for each other and were crazy about each other. Her parents hated us together. She ended up having to choose her parents and college over me. She initially wanted to run away, and I stopped her and had her think about it. Communication was a bit restricted due to the helicopter mom. Anyways I sensed her drifting away from me. She broke up with me and I later found out she fucked some random shortly after. She called me back the next day wanting me back and I told her to go through with it because I feel that’s what she wanted. She had a little slutty college phase. It hurt for-sure. Something told me that we had wouldn’t ever compare with anyone else. Maybe I was a bit arrogant but what we had was intense. I realized that she needs to go learn what she wants. She had so much male attention and it took her some years to figure out it was the wrong kind of attention. She came back years later to me and confirmed that she loved me the entire time and couldn’t find that in anyone else. I harbor no resentment today. I let her roam and guided her to what she wanted in that season of life. If it was meant to be, then she’ll come back. I’m kind of ranting but I think that mindset relates to what you were saying. Different needs and different seasons of life. I think this mindset can coincide with marriage as well. I’m not talking about an open marriage or anything like that though. Just giving your spouse space to learn and grow and just appreciating them in all seasons.
matchrestoreEditor
+1 y
Yes. My wife has a best friend she slept with prior to our relationship. There's a reason they became friends and never dated. I have no problem with them being friends and hanging out together.
1000
Not_Average
+1 y
How many years ago? We’re all tempted by nature to look at others during seasons in which our marriages aren’t fulfilling us. Psychology shows us this. Our minds wander when we aren’t being fulfilled in certain ways. We can’t always fulfill our partners needs. Why would you open that door? When you guys are having a rough season or a fight, you’d be fine with her hanging out and opening up with someone she’s been sexual with? If you can’t fulfill her emotionally during a season, but he could, how would that make you feel? I would describe that as being naive rather than confidence. We’re all human and we shouldn’t open that door of temptation like that. That’s messing with fire. I sincerely hope that you don’t have to experience the trauma that comes with being cheated on.
sophiejoYoda
+1 y
I wouldn't have a problem with it some people may think they'd cheat or something but I wouldn't t be dating someone if I didn't trust them to not cheat
1100
DonkeyDanGuru
+1 y
Maybe they could join in!!
1000
Mofunfour20Explorer
+1 y
No because i can't depend on her monogomy. She might tell me its my kid when its really his
1000
slatybMaster
+1 y
Yes I would. I’m not the jealous type.
0000
Titli1995Xper 6
+1 y
Yes, I have no problem with those kind of situation.
1100
t-8900Yoda
+1 y
nope I seen this happen so many times and she usually goes back to the ex for "comfort" or some such down the road behind the guys back. I've read more than one article about this happening after they tied the knot too. Low and behold the husband is NOT the baby daddy even. smdh.
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Not_AverageYoda
+1 y
No not at all lol. They would have to choose. That’s a ridiculous expectation.
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Browneye57Master
+1 y
Uh, no. No fucking way.
1000
ChrisWestin887Xper 2
+1 y
That's weird. I don't stay friends with exes. If we were still fond of each other, we would be together.
2000
VikingWarLordYoda
+1 y
You are NOT a monogamous creature.
Understanding that you are polyamorous by "DEFAULT" stops you from turning into a psychotic control freak in relationships.
1010
FinalFantasyBroYoda
+1 y
I ain't the complete jealous type but I be watching the guy or girl closely, I don't discriminate.
0000
AquariusmysteryExplorer
+1 y
Nope I would not be ok with this. I don’t care if there’s nothing going on now. I just couldn’t deal with that. I’m a very jealous person
1001
genericname85Master
+1 y
i have no issue with them having a opposite sex best friend. but having had sex with them means they aren't "just friends". so that would not be fine for me.
2000
AmeerXGuru
+1 y
I don't see a problem about it except I would prefer she was bi and had a girlfriend instead of a male best friend but still I don't really care as long as she is loyal towards me
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oncplYoda
+1 y
It's not comfortable but some don't mind it.
2000
Wise4myageMaster
+1 y
Sure, as long as she isn’t involved with the guy any more. I can’t complain about what she did before I met her.
3000
vald9inchesGuru
+1 y
I would be comfortable with it 😊
1000
vald9inches
+1 y
Also it all depends on the kind of relationship we agree to if it's an open relationship or not. Regardless what she wants to do as long as we have good communication that's all that is important to me
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Most Helpful Girls