Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
As the title says, I got my "tubes tied" at 18. I know, most doctors won't give you the okay until at least your first child, but I have a special situation. I have a heart condition called FAA, or familial aortic aneurysms, which will cause a rupture if I were to take on the stress of carrying a child.
I've never had a "maternal instinct" before this, and I still don't. I know people who have known they wanted kids when they were in middle school. A guy I knew found out he was infertile and is still super upset. When I found out I couldn't have kids, I shrugged and said okay. My cardiologist said "I'm sorry." And that's where it all started.
Ever since, when I tell people I can't have children, they say the same thing. I nicely respond in an upbeat voice with "It's perfectly fine. I've never wanted kids and at 17/19, I still don't." Then they respond with "You say that now, but you'll change your mind later." I was content with it and I could handle those conversations pretty well, after all I'd been telling people who have asked since I was 15.
However, when I was 18 I decided to get tubal ligation, with full support from my parents and long term boyfriend. Why even put myself at risk? Ever since then, people will have the same conversation with me, but now they will add in the phrase "You're going to regret it later."
Why is it, in the 21st century where most people don't even get married till they are 30, is it still thought that every person will want/have kids? Why can't those of us who don't want kids can't just be left alone when it comes to it. Everybody uses the "biological clock" as an excuse, but we have found so many ways to cheat biology that it's probably not even valid to use that excuse anymore. In a world that is becoming more and more diverse, with less and less people conforming to the standards of year's past, why am I, and many other people, told that we will regret or not be happy with our choices not to have children. People, kids are great if you want them, and if you have kids, congratulations to you. Really. However, please don't tell those of us who can't or don't want them how much we will regret not having them. We have heard it so many times, and the more we hear it, the less we believe it. Let us live with our spouses or boyfriends or animals or roommates or whoever keeps us happy in peace. You don't need a child to be happy, especially in this day and age.
What Girls & Guys Said
22 28Why is contraceptive never mentioned as an option?
It would prevent Pregnancy and still alow a choice latter on in life
People change with time as they go through life, one day you may want your own biological kids and will regret making such a life-altering, irreversible decision at such a young age when not even 1/4 of your natural life hasn't passed you by yet!
Mate. What she's told you up there is that she doesn't want to risk HER life... don't be a dullard..
There are plenty of other ways of having children.
@WombRaider The point isn't that she might or might not want to take that risk right now, but that time passes by and this is a final decision that early in life. Thus it is plain stupid. Believe it or not, but most people change their life-views quite a lot - especially in younger years. What is her life-view right now isn't necessarily her life-view in 10 years. Thus everyone telling her that it was a bad decision has a point. Not because she might still never want to have kids, but because she finalised it at an age where she isn't even considered fully matured psychologically.
@FakeName123 That's exactly what I'm worried about ; age 18 is a VERY young age to make such a final and permanent life decision. :-/
You both have failed to read the OP properly "I have a heart condition called FAA, or familial aortic aneurysms, which will cause a rupture if I were to take on the stress of carrying a child. " Her heart could tear if she carries a child and, quite possibly, she might end up handing over the disease to her child. People who have CF decide not to have kids for that exact reason. Her body, her choice at the end of the day. I believe she has made the right one. There are plenty of other, safer ways she can have kids...
@WombRaider I read it very well, yet there are thousands of mothers who still go through pregnancy despite health-risks. Doesn't make the point that she chooses with 18 a final decision any less invalid. So stop reading into things when there is nothing to read into.
@FakeName123 "yet there are thousands of mothers who still go through pregnancy despite health-risks." Again, that's CHOICE. They took the risk, does OP want to? No. Good for her, respect that. This conversation is at a close.
@WombRaider Are you slow or something? No one says that it's not her choice to not become a mother or something. What people are saying is that she finalised said decision at an age where the majority of people still go thorugh a lot of changes of their view in life. Like do I need to draw it for you to understand that thats the point?
@WombRaider funny/sad thing is I bet everyone criticizing her about preventing pregnancies would probably support her if she said she was making a choice to abort an unwanted pregnancy.
@thewanderingme I'm positive they would and it's sheer hypocrisy.
@thewanderingme permanent life-altering decision vs reversing a temporary mistake
abortion is permanent.
@thewanderingme... but she can have children later if she wanted after that abortion. She isn't pernamently severing her reproductive parts.
But she's already established that she doesn't want kids ffs... She doesn't want to run the risk of dying. Would you risk it? Probably not.
@WombRaider You really dont get it, right? The point is NOT that she doesn't want kids right now. The point is that she is barely 18 years old of age and there is a good chance her life-view drastically changes within the next 10 years while having made a permament and final decision at this age already. I mean are you really that stupid that you dont get it?
not the point. your mother could have killed you and made other babies later on instead. your death would still be permanent. she doesn't want kids. she also doesn't want to die from the pregnancy. if she changes her mind there's millions of orphans out there in need of a home. she's did the right, responsible thing. it's always better to prevent a problem than it is to have to treat it later on.
I think you, and the rest of those who criticised her, have no right to. Many 18 year olds make permanent decisions without regretting them; they're career paths, etc etc. Some of these decisions they regret, others they don't. Even 40 year olds make permanent decisions. Again, some they regret, some they don't. If she made this decision by herself, I would also probably have been one of those people to criticise her. But, she did not. She consulted those closest to her; those that care about her happiness and fulfilment in life the most. Her parents, who are much wiser and know they're daughter better than anyone in the world also agreed that the risk was too high and that she wouldn't regret her decision. Her long-term boyfriend, a man who is also gravely affected by this decision, also agreed this was best for the woman he loved. Who are you to decide whether or not she will regret this decision based on her age? You barely know her at all.
Okay, well i dont really think it botgers them that you can't have kids. They are just happy they dont have that problem. I never understood how people get mad or highly disagree with choices other make. Its just whatever, really not that big of a deal.
They used to tell me the same thing when I said I never wanted kids, and I still don't want to have my own. With your heart condition, it makes sense to have a tubal ligation. If you were to get pregnant, you could have complications which could put both your life, and the babies life at risk. Not to mention the potential for birth defects. I think you made the right choice, and just block out that generic you'll want kids when you're older statement. I'm thinking about getting a vasectomy, but I'll wait a little while on that decision.
I am 30 and have never wanted kids. I don't think I'm going to get broody now. I have met women older than me who never did and have no regrets. Not all women do. I think people think that a woman that doesn't want kids is bad and evil, like its our primary purpose of life.
Who would want to have kids with you? LOL
@singlebee quit being a dick
@idkwtftoputhere hahahahahaha I was just Kidding :-D
Read my mind..
what about a surrogate mother?
I'm not seeing what the big deal is, in any case you could always reverse the procedure if you ever changed your mind about kids.
People are just too judgmental.
i mean how do these things come up? like, i'd just be like, i can't have kids because of heart condition so i just got my tubes tied. explains everything and short and sweet. also, just be careful. my cousin's wife got her tubes tied after having 2 kids... a year later, she got pregnant with a 3rd :/
That's how society works. It sucks right?
Why do u even tell them that?
dude for the reasons you gave, there is no "regret" of doing it xD since getting a child is not really an option in your case.
As you can probably imagine, it's very irritating to literally hear it all the time lol. Like why can't people just shhhh. They know I can't have them, so what's the point of telling me I'll regret it for the rest of my life? I don't get it 😂
i mean if i didn´t know the reason, i´d probably also tell you that you might regret it xD but why would you regret not dying? what good is it to give birth to a child just so that it would have no mother? or did i get it wrong and it wouldn´t cause you to die in case you gave birth?
I wouldn't regret it, and I don't understand why people don't get that. I'm very obviously not torn up by the fact that I can't have children. So why does literally everyone say the same thing? And I'd die during pregnancy, and if I did make it to birth, I'd for sure die then lol
well if i was a woman in your position, i wouldn´t even hesitate to have it done too xD sucks to be infertile but it´s better than having to die ^^
how were you diagnosed. what tests do they do for it?
Nice! I really liked reading this my_take, the last thing we need is more people in this world. On top this is kind of a new route that people are taking recently and it makes perfect sense to me.
Great take,
I not only do not want kids but I have mental disorders that can be passed on genetically, I'm not the right person to bring a new soul into this world.
Its to the point where I'm a virgin who plans on getting a vasectomy.
People say oh you'll change your mind. hell some doctors won't even perform one on someone my age but It's my life, I'll get married someday but I won't have kids
Also I hope with the Heart Condition you are going to be okay
I'm in the same boat. Borderline Personality Disorder. And in my case, nature definitely won out over nurture. Even if I had been raised by my birth mother, I'd still have this disorder because she has Histrionic, which is essentially a genetic version of BPD. But alas, I was adopted by a co-dependant control freak who wanted to vicariously live her own childhood dreams through her kids, which turned her in an emotional abuser. And I turned out like my birth mother, whom I didn't meet until I was 21.
@dragonfly6516 That sucks, but yeah I figure if I have such a hard time dealing with mine disorders that I've attempted suicide twice. I'm not going to inflict this on anyone else. I'll let other people bring new souls into the world. I'm clearly not the one to do it.
For one, most people are drastically different at 24, 25, than they were at 15 or 17 or 18.
For two, if your health makes it too dangerous to have children, that's kind of a different issue.
Wellll personally I don't want children, but I understand that I might change my mind later.
I don't think you'll regret your decision for the rest of your life, but at some point you may wish you had the option still.
But even if you dont, does it really matter what people say to you? They're just trying to be sympathetic
Good for you for taking the precautions, you won't regret it. A lot of people will disagree with your judgement, but at the end of the day you did the right thing.
If my future girlfriend or wife told me she couldn't risk having a child because she could die, I would support her and we could find another way of having a child.
If its for your health then there is nothing to feel bad about! There are plenty of kids for adoption out there.
I can understand how annoying that would be but I think most people's first reaction to you saying you can't have kids would be to tell you they're sorry and that's understandable. They might not know you don't what kids so as far as they know you could be upset about it. But after they know it's pretty obnoxious and rude to say you'll want them later. People definitely can change their mind about these things but that doesn't mean they will.
Sucks to be you I guess