5 Animals Who Have A Worse Sex Life Than You

[Elarra]

Ah, yes. The animal kingdom. Some live in the wild while others are domesticated and live with us in our very homes. But what do we REALLY know about these animals? Are they mammals? Fish? Carnivores? Herbivores?

Yes, we all know those things. If you don’t, then your 6th grade science teacher should be fired. But what about their sex lives?

That’s right. I’m here to talk sex. Sex sex sex sex. And not just any type of sex, but the most AWFUL sex lives in the animal kingdom. So if you’ve ever had a bad sexual experience, hopefully these animals make you feel a bit better about it.

1. Wolves

While wolves are known for being majestic, fierce, and beautiful, one thing you should not envy them for is their sex life. Why? Well…imagine having sex with a girl you find extremely beautiful or, ladies, a guy that just turns you on in all the right ways. You engage in the moment and once your done, you separate yourselves…only to discover that you can’t.

Yup, you read that right. A male wolf is physically attached to his female lover for at least 30 minutes before they can actually pull apart from another. Attempting to do so and/or succeeding results in excruciating pain. So count your blessings.

2. Short-beaked Echidna

This one isn’t necessarily about the act of sex, but more so the sexual organs itself.

We all know men are afraid of one thing: Blue balls. I’m not a guy, but the name sounds terrible and horrifying. But how would you feel if I told you there was animal with a worse fate?

Apparently, the Short-beaked Echidna’s testicles grow up to 200% between June and September, their mating season.

Then you have the females, who literally turns their cloaca (basically the internal hole that leads to sexual organ excretions) inside out and smears goo all over the place to attract a mate.

All this….and the Echidna’s only have sex one time because the females are so picky. So much work yields so little profit. And you thought us human females were selective…

3. Lions

Lions probably have one of the more violent and exhausting sex lives.

For starters, the female can mate up to every 15 minutes with the same or different male lion. She can be in heat approximately three days. So if there’s just one or two male lions around, that can be a lot for him to handle, especially considering prides usually have more females than male.

But that’s not really the worst part. Sex as a lion is worse for the male than female. Why? Because they get punched in the face.

Yup, you read that right. When a lion is done doing his, ahem, BUSINESS, the female will sometimes turn around and punch/swat him right in the nose. Sometimes she’ll even do it right before mating in a playful and flirty way to show the male she’s interested. Exciting, huh?

So if you’re a guy…count your blessings that us females don’t usually do that unless, you know, you were an asshole.

4. Honey Bees

So, once again, I’m going to reference blue balls to give men a small snapshot of what the male honey bee goes through.

Blue balls has been described as excruciating to the point where it feels like they’re going to explode. Well, guess what? Male honey bees actually do have genitals that explode.

Seriously. When he’s mating with the female/queen bee, his genitals explode at the point of ejaculation to force the semen inside her. Not only that, but his male parts are actually stuck inside her once he’s finished. Then the male bee falls to his doom and dies moments later.

Crazy, right? I’m so glad that human males don’t do that.

5. Squids

Let’s go under the sea for our next animal because this probably the worst sexual experience on this list for females.

Can you imagine a guy stabbing you and then ejaculating all over your wounds? I’m sure you can’t nor do you want to, but guess what? That’s exactly what happens to female squids. The Dana Octopus Squid male uses his beak to stab holes in her and then uses his sexual appendage to inject his sperm.

That’s not even the most horrifying one. Ever heard of the Greater Hooked Squid? Well, now that you have, check this out. Instead of stabbing her, he simply ejaculates flesh dissolving sperm that burrow themselves in her skin.

Yeah, not fun. I’d rather be stabbed than covered in acid.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

There you go. Five animals that have a worse sex life than you. And if they don’t, then God bless you because that’s awful.

[Waffles731]

"Yup, you read that right. A male wolf is physically attached to his female lover for at least 30 minutes before they can actually pull apart from another. Attempting to do so and/or succeeding results in excruciating pain. So count your blessings."
Maybe its for bonding purposes?

[Elarra]

Lol, it's to ensure that the sperm gets where it needs to go haha

[PinkRosegurl590]

This is good and I agree with all of this! XD In my opinion, I feel sorry for female cats because they get gang raped by males. 😰

[FýrdracaDócincel]

... no you don't. ;)

[tyber1]

@PinkRosegurl590 there's always that one guy...

[PinkRosegurl590]

@FýrdracaDócincel Yes, I do otherwise I wouldn't be writing this. Pretty obvious. -.-

[PinkRosegurl590]

@tyber1 Tru dat. 👍

[PinkRosegurl590]

@FýrdracaDócincel Of course I do bruh. -.-

[Tdieseler]

Don't forget the Black widow spider (or at least i think thats the one) that eats the male right after sex...
I think there are human females that do the same too lol...

[Elarra]

I hate spiders and the only reason I didn't put them on there is because they scare me. I can't even look at a picture of them without freaking out lol

[Tdieseler]

hehehe... cute. well... you did say five... there are obviously more than 5 but still...

[lovydoey]

The lioness don't punch the lion, they just turn around to relieve pain because apparently the lion has "spikes" that releases when they orgams so it makes sure the lioness gets pregnant

[Elarra]

Yes, they actually do. They don't do it all the time, but they do.

[lovydoey]

Yea that's kinda from what I remember from animal planet lol

[Elarra]

Animal planet used to be the station I loved, but then they took away my favorite shows :(

[lovydoey]

Ik know I try to watch in YT 😢

[SensualScribe]

Very interesting take and very well written. Great job!

[falafelany1]

Super entertaining hahaha

[Kolya]

Tarantulas... i have t's for years and it is sad how they mate only once IF and that is a big IF... most males die alone trying in vain to attract a partner... sounds familiar doesn't it?

[sovetskii13]

Learn something new everyday. Not always something this interesting. Never knew animals had such unique sex lives.

[G-Daz]

Someone once argued that Obama's economic policies were like a duck having sex. Ducks have spiraling clockwise dicks and clockwise vaginas. Obama was trying to insert a counterclockwise dick into a clockwise vagina

[bente2]

The wolf thing is actually to ensure that the offspring will be his. Monkeys have some substance other than semen that they eject into the female after the sperm for the same reason.

[zorro8888]

Haha the female lioness gets mad because the male lion's penis has something that resembles thorns. So when he's done, it scratches her vaginal walls resulting in some funny reactions :P

[Luci92]

Haha this was cool to read.
Damn, I'd like to be a lioness though :P

[abundantlyrich]

Crazy s and m sex for lions

[JohnDoe3000]

Even domestic cats will often swat or scratch the tomcat right after mating, exactly like the lions. This is because both lions and domestic cats have tiny hooks on their penis which hurt the female when they pull out (they also trigger her ovulation).

[DumbandDumbber]

You should have included that some female spider species eat their mates after mating. So yeah, get laid and get killed.

[Elarra]

Too scared of spiders. I can't even look at a picture of them without freaking out. Otherwise, they would have been on the list besides the lions.

[FinnishBeautyGirl]

Oh gosh

[archiz]

Well damn that was interesting 😅

[Zorax]

Good Take, by the way, Praying Mantis also has worse sex, at least for the males, because the females eat their heads during the intercourse.

[pooper89]

Thats technically not the correct use of the worse "worse."
Correct would be 5 Animals whos sex life is worse than yours. Worse is almost always preceded by the word "is"
You're a teacher, you should know this

[pooper89]

And actually it should be "5 Animals Who's Sex Lives ARE worse than yours"

[Elarra]

'Thats technically not the correct use of the worse "worse." ' Should be this: "That's not technically the correct use of the word 'worse'." "Correct would be 5 Animals whos sex life is worse than yours. Worse is almost always preceded by the word "is"" Should be this: "The correct usage of the word in the title would be, '5 Animals Whose Sex Life Is Worse Than Yours' " (Which this actually just a different way of saying that, not the only correct way.) "You're a teacher, you should know this" That's a run on sentence. Technically, it should be "You're a teacher. You should know this." Now get off my Take.

[Unit1]

I didn't know animals have a worse sex life than a virgin such as myself could have :o

[TacosRAwesome]

I hate bees so the one about them made me happy :)

[DanReynolds]

Lol but the female bees still live, the bees you see are most likely worker bees which are female and they would be the annoying bees you see. Male bees are called drones and literally all they do is have sex with the queen.

[RainbowFanGirl]

Girl this is gold. You mind if I make a part two?

[Elarra]

Go ahead! <3

[RainbowFanGirl]

Haha thanks :) I love this so much it gave me a laugh :')