Sexual Relationships
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A Guide for Virgins On Their First Time

I don't know about others, but I felt anxious about sex for a long time. That's why I was a virgin until just recently, and I'm already twenty-three. I had many chances but for some reason didn't want to do it. Then a few months ago I met a guy I clicked with instantly. We flirted and had sexual tension from the moment we met - perhaps that had to do with the fact that we met at a tango scene, one of the sexiest places you could meet someone. Things with him have flowed very smoothly and quickly, which is unusual for a girl to let happen, I know - I'll be discussing this matter in a second.

On that note, here are some tips for first-timers. I don't expect everyone to agree with all of these, I'm just writing from experience with the hopes that this guide will help virgins gain knowledge about and prepare for their first time.

1. Find a guy/girl, preferably human. Sex dolls do not count as a first time.

A Guide for Virgins On Their First Time

2. Develop sexual tension from early in the relationship.

You must be thinking, "hell no! What is this girl talking about?" But I mean it. Compared to my past non-sexual relationships, doing this built a stable base for my relationship. If you start getting physical right away, you can skip all the petty phases and unnecessary stress you have to go through - do I hold his/her hand now? Should I kiss her again, or is once in one night enough? Would she feel uncomfortable going to the pool for our next date? As for me, once I'd start to really like someone it would be completely pure and I wouldn't be able to imagine myself having sex with them - I don't know if anyone else has experienced this. Well, fuck all that. Make out, let him or her touch you, even let them touch you down there. If you want each other, just go for it. Stop worrying about "are we moving too fast?" I say there's no such thing. If the moment feels right and you're both in the mood, by all means go ahead. I actually recommend it because a sexy relationship is the best relationship in my opinion. If it's just a fling, then this first tip obviously applies.

3. Warn him or her that you're a virgin.

I don't say this for the advantage of your love interest, I say this for you. The reason is because I've seen guys who ditch a girl after finding out she's a virgin. I'm not sure why - you men probably know - perhaps they want someone who knows what they're doing in bed. But virgins can learn fast, so I think if someone being a virgin is a turn off for you then he/she's just a douche (yes, women can be douches too). Which is why you should tell them early on - just don't say it out of the blue while you're at a fancy French restaurant drinking posh rosé and eating escargots.

A Guide for Virgins On Their First Time

4. Make sure he uses protection and/or you're on birth control.

DON'T BE LIKE ME, KIDS. My partner and I have agreed that we'd do it without protection for a quarter of the way, then he'd put on the rubber hat. That's what we've been doing. My friends say he's an ass for doing that, but I want to give him the best sexual experience, which is why I let him do it. BUT DON'T COPY ME - especially if you're younger than twenty-one and/or don't want to get pregnant. But IF you plan on being reckless like me, if he's a guy make sure he doesn't have STD.

5. Have your first time with someone with sexual experience.

I almost lost my v-card with a virgin, but I'm glad I didn't! Who knows what could have happened to me! I think it's important that one person knows what they're doing because sex isn't a simple matter - it takes caution. Things could go wrong if you're both novices. It would be like learning to drive from someone who's watched YouTube tutorials about driving but has never actually driven before. How scary would that be?

A Guide for Virgins On Their First Time

6. Don't be picky but also don't settle for a random person.

I almost lost it with a random guy because I was so sick and insecure about being a twenty-three year old virgin, but I'm glad I didn't do it! On the other hand, when I was younger I was really picky with my men and wanted the perfect guy to have my first time with - well, that's also dumb. Don't under-think nor overthink it. I found someone I knew I could eventually like, or at least feel comfortable having sex with, and I'm really glad he was my first. Now I actually like him a lot and I plan to give him an answer about making things official (I put him on hold because my mom wasn't approving, but now she has).

7. Be open-minded about oral sex.

I never thought I'd want to do it but I did in that moment, and I think I'll really be enjoying it once I get the hang of it. So I ATTEMPTED to give him my first blowjob last time and failed miserably. He was nice about it but I know I kind of killed the sexual vibe at that moment, particularly when I started laughing and said, "I don't know what I'm doing." Anyway, I never thought I'd be comfortable with oral but it's actually not that bad if you're attracted to the person. So stay open-minded about it rather than completely shutting down the idea if it's brought up.

A Guide for Virgins On Their First Time

Lastly, I have an issue I'd appreciate some help with:

Can't orgasm. I'm still figuring this out. He tells me to relax, "let it build", etc. but I haven't been able to orgasm yet. I asked about this and people said it's on him if I can't, but I can't help but feel bad that we've had sex a couple times now and I still haven't experienced an orgasm yet. Any advice from people with more experience will help. Thanks!

Happy...sex life!

A Guide for Virgins On Their First Time
10 5

Most Helpful Guys

  • Another important thing to add is to make sure the condom is used correctly. Most people use them incorrectly, and it winds up not doing much good, anyway. Somehow. There was a study done showing that improper condom use was equal in effectiveness to the pull out method.

    Oh, yeah, jeez. Never admit you don't know what you're doing. As long as you're not using teeth, most things can be overlooked. As long as you don't draw attention to it. And laughing when he has his pants down is never advisable. Unless it's something obvious that is funny, like banging your heads together when you go in to kiss.

    Oral is "not that bad". O_o What a resounding endorsement. I'm almost offended! No "oral is great!"? D:

    It's not entirely on him. Women are weird. They have to be in the right mental space in order to really enjoy the experience. So if you're not doing your job, then he can't do his job. A man could do everything technically accurate and hit all the right places in all the right tempos in all the right ways; but, if you're not there, it won't do anything. Likewise, if you're really into it mentally, and the dude has no idea what he's doing, but just fucking you like an animal, it can be incredible for her, even when he's not doing anything "right" and missing all the spots.

    Making sure you are somewhat controlling your mental state is something that is on you. If he is trying to make everything perfect for you, but something in your crazy-brain is stopping you, you gotta find a way to get rid of that crazy.

    If you are anxious or just aren't relaxed enough, worried about what he's thinking, etc, etc. It won't happen. You need to rev yourself up and be totally focused on what is happening. Focus on the sensations across your body. Etc. Don't let yourself get lost in thoughts. Sex is something that demands total attention and being totally in the moment, especially for women.

    All in all, pretty good guide OP.

    • Thank you for all the advice! About orgasms, I don't feel anxious or anything so I think some of it has to do with my mental state and being in the moment, as you mentioned. I'll try to work on that. Thank you!

    • Sure. Happy to help. Another possible thing you could try is just building up the anticipation. Just forgo sex for a week or so, and build up the sexual tension until you can't take it anymore. Swap sexts throughout the day, tell him what you want him to do to you, ask him what he wants to do to you, etc. Basically like a week long foreplay. Pretty sure you will have no choice but to have an orgasm, after that. There can be a lot of different types of mental blocks, too, though. If that doesn't work, you'll have to find out what mental block is preventing you from enjoying the experience. Good luck. ^_^

    • I see, well he's actually overseas for military work right now and he won't be back until after Thanksgiving, so hopefully that does something. :D

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  • I don't really agree with #5. Though having an experienced partner the first time can make it easier because they can guide you, I think learning together with another virgin can be fun too. Yes, it might not go that great, but it can still be fun and learning together can be a bonding experience.

    Regarding you not reaching orgasm, there could be a variety of reasons for that. If you're feeling pressure to get there that doesn't help. I think it's better to just relax and enjoy how things feel and let it happen. Also, if you're expecting it just from him being in you that might be unrealistic. Some women can get there that way but I think most need more direct clitoral stimulation. Having him do oral on you or using his fingers is a lot more likely to work.

    Be sure to let him know what's feeling good and what's not. Not all women are the same in what works for them, so even an experienced guy will have an easier time if you share what's working and what's not.

    • Thank you for your advice! He does ask me what's working and what's not. Also, I'll take your advice and try more direct clitoral stimulation.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Most of these make sense, but I don't really agree with number 5. If you meet someone, you end up liking him, and then you found out too that he is also a virgin... I don't know. It just seems hypocritical to me. I think it also depends what you're hoping to get out of it. Are you hoping to just pop the cherry and simply get a learning experience, or are you hoping to do it with someone meaningful. If it's the second option, I think being experienced or not should not matter as long as you're both willing to learn more together.

    • after dating 3 girls i realize that experience while beneficial means close to nothing its all about chemistry, you get used to the person you're with and it will work out eventually (unless one of you is ridiciously dumb )

    • @3rdSrike I see. Thanks for your comment!

  • re: "Can't Orgasm" - only 18-25% of women can orgasm just from penis in vagina sex. Most women need a great deal more direct stimulation to the clitoris.

    • Why dnt u try one time babes

    • I'll help u

    • Bcos recently i had a breakup wid my lady

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • It's nice that you want to consider your mother's feelings but, ultimately, the decision should be yours (regarding whether to make it official).
    As you've found someone you might want to have a real lasting relationship with, I would recommend learning everything you can about making love, from both the male and female point of view - take workshops, classes, watch instructional videos (not porn), read books, etc. (all tasteful). Then you can teach him what to do so he will give you multiple orgasms. Women can have many orgasms in one "session" of love-making whereas a lot of men can only have one (which is why I would recommend that he gives you an orgasm before he gets his - he might be too tired after he has his, to do anything else).
    And guys: please take a shower first (before receiving oral sex). You urinate with that thing! 😄 Thank you.

    • Thank you for your comment. I've been thinking of finding a book to start with. Do you have any suggestions? It's okay if you don't. Also, he always does shower before we have sex because it's always after he finishes work and comes back all sweaty and stuff (military).

  • What a wonderful myTake Ms DF!

    Thank you so much for sharing all that great information! :)

    A Guide for Virgins On Their First TimeA Guide for Virgins On Their First Time

  • This is BY FAR the best take on this subject I've read at GaG. A great explanation of how to go about enjoying your adult sexuality responsibly.

    Sex is (especially vaginal intercourse) is one of the reliably best things on earth. It is so primal, so life affirming, and existentially satisfying. And frankly, being abstinent when you are a sexually mature adult (+18) comes at a increasing psychological cost, which increases with age. There is eons of evolution here telling us both physically and subconsciously to mate.

    Most of the push back and down votes you'll get are from abstainers who are either waiting for the mythical "Mr/s. Right" to show up, or think there'll be a big payoff in the afterlife for their abstinence. It's tragic to read posts here from virgins in their mid-30's who's lives are a third down the drain, still waiting for the "right" one.

    About the only thing I disagree with you on is guys disclosing their virginity. If they really want to lose it, they should keep theirs mouths shut, as some girls don't want a dude "imprinting" on them. However I think is a good thing for girls to mention it, because an experienced guy that likes them will go out of their way to be gentle.

    Anyway, great Take.

    • I agree wholeheartedly. Thank you for your comment!

  • It looks like you pick a guy strategically instead of falling in love, which might be why you can't orgasm. It's all mechanic to you.
    And you make it seem like it's dangerous to have sex if you don't know what you're doing. No, it's not like driving. If both are virgins and are clueless, they will learn together and will eventually know what to do. That's part of the fun.

  • Damn... i decided to read this to tear this down but actually, this was a good read. It doesn't encompass everything and i see holes in it but it proves a lot of things i say. Losing virginity ain't that bad but before you did, you were in the "scared" category... then you did, and here you are. (lol... can't believe you said escargots...) You are damn right that a person should lose it to someone with experience.. even with guys.. that way it doesn't come off the way mine was... ugh.. mine sucked the first time and she still doesn't believe im her first (what? i talked a good game).

    As for the orgasm thing, he wasn't wrong when he said "let it build", you are gonna have one... it doesn't necessarily have to be with him. I've been with a lot of girls who said i was their first orgasm... and sometimes maybe first squirt.. it will happen as you gain more "experience"... you start finding out what you like, what your body likes, what size you prefer, and one day... bam.

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