Sexual Relationships
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Boyfriend is getting more selfish in bed?

So I'm in a 2,5 year relationship right now and the sex has, overall, been good. In the beginning of our relationship he would last for hours, which was actually a bit too much for me but okay... The last couple of weeks I started noticing my boyfriend getting more selfish in bed. First time it happened he lasted for like 3 minutes and after that he was "done". I told him that I wasn't done and that the sex didn't had to end yet.. like he can still use his hands to pleasure me as well. He did, but it felt forced and awkward so since then I didn't ask it again.

Next time it happened we were in the bathroom and he lasted again like 3 minutes. I looked at him and he was like "you know it's because we haven't done it in the shower for a long time so that's why I finished early". And I was like "yeah... okay", feeling a bit disappointed. He didn't attempt to do anything for me after that.

Yesterday after having sex for 10-15 minutes, I was on the edge of an orgasm and told him but then he finished and I told him I was almost there, still he didn't even seem to think of pleasuring me anymore. If I would left him hanging he would probably be angry.

These are some examples, there are like two more times this happened in the last couple of weeks.

There are still (quite enough) times that he really does take his time and tries to pleasure me, even goes down on me, but when he doesn't as described in the examples above, I kinda feel used. It actually confuses me. He is a very sweet and loving boyfriend but he seems to get lazy. Also in other aspects, like he used to help around the house because I have long working days but now he only does it when I ask.

I actually don't know what to do right now... Is this normal or am I overreacting? Should I wait and see if it's just temporary, stays the same or even gets worse before I have a serious conversation about it?

0 2

Superb Opinion

  • No this is not normal
    Like Mr. Pirate said communication is the 🔑 to a healthy and great sexual relationship

    You must not hide your feelings in a relationship, whether it's about sex like in this case or anything... be super open with each other

    So my recommendation as usual would be to sit and have a brief talk about this and open up to him, hear what he has to say and convey your points
    He seems like quite a sweet person from your description... I'm sure he'll cooperate

    Good luck

    • Thank you, this helps :)

Most Helpful Guy

  • In my opinion you should talk to him about it and ask for an explanation of his behaviour, communication is fundamental for a good understanding as a couple, especially for the intimacy factor.

    Have you ever asked him if he wanted to try something new? Any particular kinks or desires?

    Are you having a difficult and stressful time?

    • Thanks for your reply! We've had conversations in the past about what he likes, would like to try or do more often, but it's been a while. He's not the very kinky type, neither am I. I have long working days which are quite stressful but I always make time for intimacy, it's not a lack of sex I think. Whether he wants to try something new or not, or whether I am stressed or not, I think it's still inconsiderate to not care about my pleasure... Do you think these things might result in him being more selfish?

    • Yes these factors you mentioned can make him more selfish, but not knowing him personally, I am not sure if this is the real reason, I can only speak from the experience of some of my friends. In a couple you have to be complicit and find a compromise that makes both of you satisfied.

    • Good to know, I wouldn't have thought of this. I will have a conversation whith him and ask him about this. Thank you!

Most Helpful Girl

  • You should bring this to his attention and if he doesnโ€™t change it then you should leave. There is no reason for you to be unhappy

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 4

  • He sounds distracted. Any major life changes? Odd behaviors?

    • No changes at all actually, his life is pretty relaxed at the moment. I also didn't notice any odd behaviors, except for the fact that he got more lazy with helping me around the house. He'll do things if I ask him though. Also he still loves to cuddle me. So what could explain his behavior in the bedroom?

    • I don't know. I guess you should do what was suggested by most posters, ask him about it directly.

  • You really need to discuss your feelings with him before making a rash decision. As always communication is key

    • Thanks for your reply! What do you mean with rash decision? I'm not thinking of breaking up or anything

    • OK, I was thinking that's what you were considering

  • he's getting bored of you. it will get worse.

    • Maybe I should be the one getting bored of him, just saying

    • If you say so haha

  • wasting your time with wrong person.

  • Iโ€™d just leave if I were you. I donโ€™t date little boys

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