Do men crave closeness and intimacy just as much as women?

As much as anyone would like to disagree, I think that we all have a desire for a deep emotional connection with another human regardless of gender! I don't get why some people say men dont want these things, its not true. Men want to be close to a woman just as much as women want to be close to a man. Its not always just about 'getting off'.

What do you think?
3 11

Most Helpful Girls

  • Yes of course they do.

    This is in his own words:
    In terms of sex/intimacy, my boyfriend says doggy or cowgirl is his favourite position when he wants "dirty" sex. But then him on top is his favourite when he wants it to be intimate. That way we can be physically close. He will whisper into my ear, kiss me or kiss/bite my neck. It's also a lot slower and feels more like making love. (And yes "making love" was the word he used). Even when he is doing me in doggy style he will lean in close every so often to kiss my neck, so it doesn't feel like we're just banging with no emotion.

    With closeness he likes the snuggles at night just as much as I do. He loves being the little spoon just as much as I do (which is hilarious since he is double my height). He cuddles me every night when we sleep and ends up with a dead arm in the morning. He likes when I play with his hair and just run my fingers through it while he's leaning on my shoulder as we are watching a film together. He likes to slowly run his fingers all down my back as he's cuddling me because it tickles me and makes me lean in closer.

    Also, he's probably the most alpha/dominant guy I've ever been with, before you're all like "ew feelings".

  • All mammals require intimacy. Mammals rather have intimacy than food... studies show.

    As humans we have few compulsory things we require for survival: warmth, shelter, food, intimacy. Without any intimacy our brain shrinks. There is a famous study on a girl called Genie.

    Oxytocin the love hormone is released after sexual contact... it bonds us.

    Intimacy is necessary for survival.

  • my boyfriend loves loves cuddling over sex and i'm the opposite. he grew up in a house filled with women where i grew up in a latin household with strong men and strong women that cooked and clean yeah but didn't get emotional or show feelings because it was considered being dramatic so i'm not as emotional as he is.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Most guys want it, yes. But when those same guys aren't getting sex, then SEX is their top and overwhelming priority. That's our biology. In many cases, only once our intense desire for sex has been satisfied are other considerations given attention.

    Imagine you haven't had water for 3 days. You are thirsty beyond description, and near death. You also have a little grain of sand in your shoe that's uncomfortable. Which problem is going to occupy the majority of your thoughts: getting water, or removing the grain of sand?

    For guys, sex is our thirst, and relationships and closeness is our sand. It's not that we don't want the relationship and closeness - it's just not our top priority.

    • very good illustration! this makes the picture much clearer 👏

    • That's a really good metaphor. I feel like I actually understand it better now :)

    • very well put

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  • I do, absolutely. I find it difficult to meet potential partners who are open to receive and express closeness and intimacy though.
    I think that the slight differences in the way we raise boys and girls affects their feelings towards needing love. Don't get me wrong, I believe that we ALL need it, it's just that we tend to be a lot softer, gentler and more nurturing towards girls.
    People who grow up without a secure attachment to their primary and secondary carers can feel that they don't need intimacy, and I think this is why many guys seem cold to the idea.

    • Im a woman but i struggled with feelings of love and intimacy when I was a little younger. Took me awhile to warm up to the feeling and to break the walls. I totally understand the feeling of it being uncomfortable. I was very cold to the idea. Probably a lot to do with my own upbringing.

    • It's great to hear that you recognised and addressed it! It's interesting to read up on attachment styles and how our upbringings affect them. My Father didn't show any affection at all when I was growing up, due to his upbringing. I make sure now that my son hugs him every day and says "I love you Grandad". It weirded him out for a while but he's getting used to it lol. Old dogs can learn new tricks :P

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What Girls & Guys Said

20 116
  • For me yes. I actually want to hug and cuddle with just about any girl who lets me. It doesn't even mean anything, I just like to hug and cuddle. That said, I'm the odd type who also loves cute little puppies and kittens.

    Also I found it very hard to fall in love with women. Most of the ones with whom I had sex lacked that kind of intimacy there, it was just hot and horny even though I thought I loved some of them first. I fell in love with the two women with whom I actually felt more connected and intimate when we had sex, like we could read each other's minds. I married the second one, but I fell in love with them through the process of having sex.

    • I also love hugging and cuddling

  • Yes, I believe that men do crazy closeness and intimacy but it has to be with someone who they feel connected with and just someone who they are just sleeping with. Guy have to feel something more to bond with that person.

  • I certainly crave it. As to the question of who craves it more, how do you quantify it?

  • Yes I do and my wife absolutely hates it (not really, but sarcasm doesn't translate well in print). I'm a big snuggler, which is great except for when you have to get up on cold winter mornings to go to work... :-(

  • The outlook on closeness and intimacy is subjective, on both genders. Once a relationship has established such a connection, the "crave" is character dependent.

  • I think every guy and girl are different. Some are more touchy feely and others are not as much.

  • Depends on the guy I've dated Uber clingy guys and I'm married to a non emotional one

  • You can't say a baby boy wants the love of his mother any less then a baby girl can you?

  • You're right. As the species called a human, we are a pack animal. We desire closeness to some degree. Awareness has made instincts less controlling, which is why we don't solely act as animals anymore. But we are none the less an animal that thrives in packs.

  • Sex is like pizza, when it's cold it's still good. But when it's fresh out of the oven OMG...

    Intimacy and passion passion what makes it so much better.

    "I love the nights where we sit on the couch snuggle up and watch tv. The nights we go out and laugh while enjoying a good meal and drink. I love the fact that we can slum out and get froyo or let me care for you when you're not feeling well. I love our inside jokes and pet names. I love how we tweak our own recipes (sometimes failing epically). I love the surprise mid day phone calls..."

    That's part of my Valentine's card.

    • Love this

    • 😊 FYI, we give off the appearance of being aloof and rigid, but when we find someone worth keeping around, we will slowly expose our true feelings.

  • Has the male bashing gotten so bad that the very idea that men can feel and love is alien to women? This is sad and I think a testament to how twisted things have gotten. Yes, men are human they feel just as women feel and they want closeness and affection just as women want it. The fact that this needs to be said is honestly one of the most depressing things I have read in quite some time.

  • I think that there are SOME men who do not want closeness and intimacy because it makes them uncomfortable. I think that most men need closeness and intimacy but many of them cannot verbalize that need or they are embarrassed to admit to that need because they want to maintain a macho masculine image. I think guys with higher IQ's are not as likely to be concerned about machismo and can better verbalize their emotional needs.

    • You're very right! Spot on.

    • I've noticed its usually the younger ones who say they dont need intimacy in their lives. It's truly disheartening.

    • Younger guys tend to be more concerned about how they appear to other guys. They are not yet confident in their masculinity. If all their male friends drive pickup trucks, they must drive a pickup truck. If all their friends wear a camo tuxedo to an event, they must wear a camo tuxedo to the event. An older guy like me - I know I'm a man and that I satisfy my woman; I don't need any other guy to give me his seal of approval.

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  • Not anymore. I just want money and peace. Most women aren't about that nowadays anyway. Actions speak louder than words.

  • Everyone is different, different men have different needs just like different women do.

  • Yes, sometimes more.

  • I think they do but maybe more differently than women and are just generally not as open about it.

  • Of course. It adds to a relationship and for me the sex is even better!

  • Only the ones who were depraved of it. Or just the ones who really feel something missing.

  • When looking for love and not just sex... YES.

  • www.court-records.net/.../miles-crossed(c).gif

    Yes they do. I think men overall have a larger spectrum of wanting intimacy than women; some men want little to no intimacy but some men crave it so much and I think a lot men lie on the edges of the spectrum. This is because many guys who get sex on the regular basis don't care so much for intimacy whereas those who rarely get sex crave the attention and come off as needy etc.

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