Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
I used to be painfully insecure about my boyfriend(s) watching porn when I was a younger woman. I would just have a sobbing fit if I found out they were watching it behind my back or even popped an erection if they caught the sight of a sexy woman on TV (never mind porn)!
Over the years, and after much reading and actually opening up and talking about sex with my partners, the commonality of why each of the men watched porn was not about their lack of love or attraction to me, it was something very insignificant and impulsive at the time, not really much different than the urge for me to go cut a piece of chocolate cake and stuff it in my face while standing over the sink hoping not to be noticed.
Men watching porn has had them hiding out and not talking about it with us because we as women have created this false belief that they want them instead of us. We see a tight-body wearing Fredericks of Hollywood who have prettier genitals than we might have, and suddenly we don’t feel so great.
*Newsflash* Men do not love these women. They know these women are playing dress-up for a video and it’s meant to entice the visual stimulation men can respond to, in order to get a quick erection and release. It’s the actual act of sex they see that they are becoming aroused by, not the women they see as people. It’s an image, nothing more. They love the women they have relationships with, and guaranteed if given a choice, they will likely prefer real sex with you than a moment’s notice masturbation session.
This is mainly for women to understand, but I invite comments from both men and women to give their thoughts. But here is my guide for women on why you/they/we shouldn’t feel threatened by porn.
Auntie Ozanne’s Guide to Being at Peace with Porn
1. He doesn’t care what she looks like, she’s just an image that entices him for a moment, just like a red '67 Mustang Coupe that zips by on the street. When the guy fishes for porn, naturally he’ll look for something that visually stimulates him. If it’s a dark-haired girl he prefers over a blonde, fine. But what if you’re blonde?! Don’t worry. The actual look of the girl as a package is just like a kid looking for a Lego set. The colours will fit as he puts something together that’s pleasing to the eye only at that moment.
2. You are his type. You are the woman he loves, talks to, brags about, takes home to his parents, and maybe wants a future with. Not the girl in porn. That girl is likely not even a fantasy. She was a thing, for a moment that got him off. Men can even get off to Hentai, and that's just animation, so it further proves that men just want to watch sex, not wish they had the girl on screen. When you can eliminate the personification of what she is, you can understand that his porn-watching is more of a habit, but you are his actual life. She is a thing, but you are you: her -- a person.
3. He’s bored and you’re not there. You might even be on your period, or you’re just having a troll day and not in the mood. Men masturbate, and studies show that it’s more often than we care to know. It’s one thing for a man to lay in bed and just masturbate lost in thought, that could take a longer time, and he’d be mortified if you came home and found him that way. Instead, in a matter of minutes, porn can just get it over with. Us ladies are the ones who can masturbate to nothing and orgasm through fantasy. It’s a bit more difficult for men. Most men need to actually see something to make it happen and have it happen quickly. Masturbation is healthy and natural, and we as humans are not expected to just reserve our urge for sex with our partners. Masturbating is completely normal to do on our own even in a good relationship.
4. Men want to talk about sex, but only if the women they are with are cool about it. I have found many men are deeply private about admitting they watch porn and have climaxed to it. They don't even like analyzing the sex they have with us. But if the approach from us women is non-accusatory, talking about sex, masturbation, and porn -- it helped me understand that I am not failing as a girlfriend if he chooses to watch porn sometimes. Being open, having a laugh, and getting to the core issue of why a guy likes porn ends up reassuring both the guy and girl in the relationship that their intimacy is unmatched compared to whatever urge he had while watching porn. Just the fact he can talk about it, and know you won’t get upset brings him closer to you, and in some ways, makes his porn watching habit come to light for him about how it’s not as necessary as a go-to than sex with his own woman.
5. Men will almost always go nuts if you explore porn together. If you can’t lick’em join ‘em. If you are open to it, see what the fuss is, and watch where the attention actually turns to if you watch porn with your guy. If you are first-timers and put porn on together, the shyness will disappear fast if you find something agreeable to watch. If you become aroused by it, show him, you may just find he will be staring at you and not the porn. This is where I say the act of sex gets to him, more than who the girl is. But if 3D sex is to be enjoyed, he will inevitably prefer watching you please yourself to porn.
Porn, taken in light doses and meant to enhance pleasure in a relationship as a way to find simple relief is not a threat. It can be enjoyed by couples or during one’s alone time within a relationship.
When Porn is a Problem
If you are both not having sex anymore whatsoever because of porn addiction, it means it has become habit-forming and the intimacy between you is gone. Sex and masturbating is learned behaviour, and just like a teenager who quietly masturbates in their room afraid to be heard, their habits are hard to transfer out of when finding real intimacy with a girl. These things are learned from the beginning, and new habits of having sex and/or masturbating can take over. If masturbating to porn becomes a replacement, couples counselling might be able to give the couple tips on how to rejuvenate their intimacy together.
If porn is questionable. If your partner is viewing illegal porn, you need to have a conversation about this and get to the core of why this is appealing to them. This definitely requires communication together and likely with a therapist to understand the underlying problem of why taboo or illegal porn is preferred. It no longer that particular porn that is the only problem, but the reason behind why your partner is watching the type of porn that they are.
If porn is interactive. If your partner is spending real money on real women to perform a sex act live for him, or involves some chat, this can be considered cheating to many. Now we have a real woman included who was not supposed to even know your partner’s name, and now she does. When the porn affects your finances and becomes more than just viewing the act of a nameless, faceless woman but rather becomes a tool to knowingly communicate sexually with a woman, this too can be crossing the line. This is not the kind of porn I refer to in the myTake. Again, identifying that this is unacceptable and visiting a therapist can get to the root of the problem of why your partner feels the need to communicate with women now instead of just viewing sex.
Should you break up?
My first reaction is no. Communication first, find out if porn really is your problem or if it's some insecurity you have with porn that can be improved if you understand how insignificant porn really is to a guy. If you compare it to my chocolate cake comparison, find something in your life that might be equivalent to his porn-watching. Something in your life that is non-threatening to your feelings for your guy that is also something you hate admitting to. Only if porn has become harmful in your relationship by the way of an addiction that interrupts your lives for the worse, should you talk to your partner and consider your options for your future happiness. It doesn't always have to be as dramatic as we think, but men also need to be sensitive to how we might take it, and talk to us to give us reassurance too.
What Girls & Guys Said
37 31Guys watch porn. It's a fact, just like the fact that guys are hairier than girls. Why some women can't accept this fact is beyond me.
LOL!! :D Yes, true.
Im glad the guys I know don't
Most of the users here made valid points. To those who are okay with their SO watching porn I think it comes down to the type of porn. There is some crazy questionable stuff out there that is legal. What if you caught your partner watching scat porn or even vomit porn. Uggh, I feel sick just typing it.
I watch scat porn and he knows it... :( He doesn't get it, but with his kink, he can't even judge. Doubt he would if he didn't have one even.
Well I'm not here to judge you on the type of porn you watch. :) I just can't stomach that other stuff. :( If you don't mind could you tell me what you find appealing about scat porn?
Hey, whatever they're in to, right?
The thing is, it's not JUST an image. It's a girl, usually really pretty, naked and beautiful. Im sure if it was only the act of sex and the type of girl didn't matter, then masturbation, fetish, blonde, teen, milf and lesbian sections etc would not exist. I guess its the fact that a guy would willingly choose to bust a nut to a girl who looks nothing like me. Sure, I understand that men get aroused by the female figure, and sometimes you can't control a boner. But you can control jerking off and being aroused and satisfied looking at another girl when you have a girlfriend, who sends you nudes, vids, and even masterbates on cam with you. Not to mention sex. I don't know, it just really bothers me.
The way I changed my thinking about this, is much like how we prefer to eat a dessert. Our favourite could be strawberry cheesecake, but if you go somewhere and the chocolate fudge brownie looks pretty damn good, then we don't feel so guilty - it's just food and it's just for the moment. The guy is just choosing to look at one thing at that moment that happened to do it for him (notice I didn't say woman). It's not often a guy will have a preference either on just one porn star. Usually it's just whoever at the time. And pretty much all girls in porn have tight bodies and try to look good (though some look painfully gross). It's not like there's a site called, "XXX Girls Who Look Like YOUR Girlfriend" or "Hardcore Ordinary Girls". The majority of things clicked on online come from porn pros and not as much amateurs. Even then, the amateurs get themselves dolled up for their five minutes of fame.
I do see your point. And honestly I used to be okay with it. Then one of my ex's when I was with him would would a lot of milf and exotic older women porn. First I was like whatever, but then he kind of acted upon those fantasies and I found out he'd been texting and talking to older women on dating sites. Kind of wrecked me, since I thought it was just porn too at first. But now I think every guy does this, messed me up. :/
Oh god, yeah that's bad because that's no longer enjoying porn, instead that is finding a vehicle to support their cheating with interactive porn. But remember people can cheat without porn too, so that can't always be a red flag. Guys commit to their women and watch some porn, and some guys cheat yet don't even own an iPad. I think if we really opened up more communication about it with our men the more they will know how we're seeing it through their eyes.
"usually really pretty" I disagree. There are a TON of ugly porn stars. And we can't control being aroused by someone, that's complete bull$hit.
What on earth lmao. @GoodDogNigel I never said guys control when they're aroused lmao. I said they couldn't. If I said it otherwise I'm sorry. Everything else was based on personal opinion and experience.
@sephylove "But you can control jerking off AND BEING AROUSED and satisfied looking at another girl " I might have misread it, and if I did, I apologize. Regardless, there are still a lot of ugly porn stars.
@GoodDogNigel Before that: 'I understand that men get aroused by the female figure, and sometimes you can't control a boner.' I meant the latter statement to mean that when you jerk off you get even more aroused, so to jerk off or not to jerk off is a personal decision. And lmao maybe there are but does anyone watch those more than the pretty ones? :( Well the point of me saying even that was it just makes me compare it all to myself or not. Ugly or not, if your significant other prefers them to you it makes me self concious.
I agree :)
Have you ever watched it yourself?
DON'T DO IT
PORN RUINS MARRIAGES
IS ADDICTIVE
LITERALLY SHRINKS YOUR BRAIN
BAD FOR YOUR MIND
BAD
DON'T DO IT
ooooh no i don't want my brain to shrink!!! THANKS RANDOM PERSON ON THE INTERNET!
arghhh, my brain is shrinking! the paiiin! XD XD
I totally agree. Don't mind the downvotes.
@FistfullofSteel Did you get your name from a Rage against the machine song? First thing I thought of when I saw it.
Any time homie haha your probs not mine @Sjeggy Thanks @BelleGirl21 im glad someone has high standards :)
@Northeast106, i think yes, the drunk version of me has a good music taste lol
Proof or it ain't true
Dude all you have to do is look and you'll see it for yourself. People who don't watch porn have better spouse and family relationships. Porn is the reason for TONS of divorce in the US
Guys watch porn and girls watch porn. Shoot, I'll watch porn with my man. It's not really a big deal.
Why's that?
It's fun.
It is already a bad sign when a guy totally depends on porn for daily masturbation and goes on the net prowling on girls for sexting , web camming and nudes. He's become a sex vegetable and struggles to relate to females sexually. This guy will suck at a relationship but good for one stop shop of passion. Hahahaha
A "sex vegetable"! Stealing! :) Yes, these are bad habits formed when too much is just too much and he disconnects from reality only focusing on masturbation. People enjoy getting in to relationships for companionship, friendship, partnership, romance, and sex. If a guy takes sex out of the equation so often that he ignores his partner's wants/needs then it really waters down the intimacy. She might feel that his needs are more important than hers. ^ I felt this way with a guy who couldn't do this with me anymore, and told me in order to find release was with porn and masturbation. I felt so ignored. I even confronted that it didn't take a hard on from him to at least use his tongue and hands to get me off to at least feel like I was with him again. Nope. He had no interest. Our sex life was now one-sided and he wasn't going to fix it. THIS was a problem. It led to many other things going downhill too. This type of behaviour isn't healthy for two people.
Was he the same age as you or he worked alot?
Oh brother - we had a multitude of problems! First, he was an adult dealing with the lifelong pain of child sexual abuse brought on to him by a male relative. He had severe trust issues with everyone in his life, and I was one more person to be leery of. At the time we met, he was 32 and I was 28. We worked together and did the same job, had the same pay. We were both never-married and never had kids. Everything seemed to be perfect for compatibility. But his sex issues stemmed from the confusion of how to enjoy it because of the abuse. We went for therapy, but still never really helped. So he quit going, and that just made things worse. He couldn't talk to me because of trust problems. He couldn't get close to me because he didn't know how to. He told me one day he'll "come around". I waited about two years but things were getting worse, not better. He kept asking me to hold on, as he was trying. I gave it one more year and our relationship actually got to the point where it...
…. was emotional neglect. I know our situation was pretty extreme, and not every couple goes through this sort of pain. I didn’t mean to get involved with a guy who was so emotionally and sexually detached. When we met he never opened up about his abuse. It took him about eight months, and we had JUST moved in together. What was I to do? I tried helping, naturally. The thing was, with every passing month and year, I realized I was with a guy who was comfortable in the bubble I created for him to feel safe, but who was looking after me? No one. In our final year, it got so bad we were actually in separate rooms, no longer sleeping together at all. This is because he started also having parasomnia – when you have violent behaviour during sleep. I woke up every night with him hitting me and strangling me and he never even knew it! I know because I would turn the light on and he was “sleeping”, and got startled by the light and would then get off of me.
I’d be crying, and he would say, “What’s wrong?” – totally unaware. Yeah. It was bad. So if you can imagine, porn was nestled in there every day to help HIM, not me. I left him, and had to really learn how to not feel guilty. I still needed to look after myself no matter how much healing he needed to.
Ok valid reasons. Sexual abuse victims needs a lot of love n support to get through their trauma. General Therapy doesn't help. He needs somatic therapy. Part of his soul is missing because of the loss of energy from abuse. I heard of an unconventional treatment but its not for everybody.
Yeah guys are good at masking their problems.
I read an amazing book once called Allies in Healing:
www.goodreads.com/.../354716.Allies_in_Healing
It covered a lot of this sort of thing, the loss of sexual intimacy and why. It also helped me cope with the guilty feelings of leaving him. People often think they need to stay in relationships with someone dealing with issues like this and other serious ones such as PTSD, feeling guilt that if they leave the person they love that their situation will become worse. They have to learn not to be so co-dependent and to realize that their feelings and well being are important to and they don't need to live their lives just to save someone else's. In my case it was like that. I asked myself: "Can you do this for the *rest of your life*?" The answer was no. I was 31 and decided I could not go 60 more years of that awful pain and dejection.
I totally agree with the chocolate cake analogy. I personally think it would be better if it was sweets instead of just one type of cake.
Men like porn like women liking sweets. Sure you can survive without it but you'd be miserable and probably fail. How many of you can keep up with your diet anyways?
Sure you love the sweets but you know too much of it will kill you. You also know sweets will never be the whole meal and certainly not your whole life. It does affect your meal and life but not that much.
It would be best to join with the guy. Maybe try the whole role playing thing. Or go with light S&M.
This is all so naive.
1. He doesn't care what she looks like: false. False, false, false. Look at your guy's porn habits and see if he doesn't go back to the same videos/girls repeatedly and ask yourself what that means. And women in porn aren't just an image, they're actual women actually having sex that can specifically be fantasized about. 2. YOU are his type. Yes... among other girls, who he's free to think about, look at and masturbate to. 3. He's bored and you're not there. Newsflash: masturbation isn't necessary. Read a book. And nobody needs porn to masturbate, and a man could simply fantasize about his girlfriend to get off, so what's the goal of porn if not specifically to look at and fantasize about other women? And porn makes things LONGER, not faster. Men linger on porn. 4. Men don't talk about porn because talking about it ruins it. It's all about getting away from the relationship and distracting yourself. 5. "Cater to the every desire of men, they like it". No kidding.
like how you're so straight out. I had a guy who would search though pornhub and only watch the big boobed, big assed girls. He liked the jiggle on it. He would always tell me I'm his type, when that was hard to believe seeing as I'm a thin, average breasted girl with a nice tight butt, but a small one. I don't jiggle anywhere, and that turned him off?
@PrincessTashaaaa Porn makes it unnecessary to learn to appreciate girls in general as dimensional human beings, because it gives you the choice of thousands of girls devoid of personality or soul, with a wide variety of different physical attributes, who are willing to do everything to satisfy a man; it's a strong temptation and has a real impact on the way men see women. You don't have to settle. You don't have to see past just a girl's body. And it's wrong on so many other levels that I don't care to go into. There are more and more studies that show it has a real negative impact on relationships, on the objectification of women, on rape culture, etc.
I refuse to believe that porn is as innocent as chocolate. Not all guys do it. And there are very real and negative side effects both individually and in relationships.
Lol I am very confused as to how this relates. You take ted bundy an infamous serial killer of the 70's and say he was driven to commit the acts that he committed by watching porn? His entire prerogative was based on the fact his high school girlfriend left him. He only killed the girls who looked like her. The only reason he ever mentioned PORN in any of his interviews or documentaries is because it was a cop out; wouldn't you try to blame it on an exterior motive when convicted to get off the electric chair? I think porn can affect a person who is susceptible to the acts on there but to every other guy.. hell no. Bundy was the classic case of Nature in the Nature vs Nurture debate however he had no physical abuse nor emotional abuse in his past so I am unsure of how Ted Bundy relates to this post up there. If you say Jeffrey Dahmer he is the opposite end of the spectrum and I could see how that would work.
@ordinarygentlemen I'm not saying porn is what caused his actions but it definitely affected them. And I found the observation of "every violent criminal he met had an addiction to porn" to be very interesting. He died hours after that interview. Why would he still need a cop out? I'm not saying everyone who watches porn will become a criminal but just like anything adficting, you don't know the extent it will effect you. Saying it's completely harmless like the take owner is saying is naive at best.
@ordinarygentleman
It was part of his defense? He is nearly a pure psychopath. Sociopaths do not stop and they do not get deterred by minor setbacks he would have held onto that lie until the very end, that he did it because of porn or it was brought on by porn is ridiculous. It is complete nonsense that every criminal he met had an addiction to porn. Saying what the owner believes in is related to ted bundy can't be helped from my end. By watching one documentary you suddenly believe you know everything about how a sociopath works. Read up on his time working for a suicide hotline, about his childhood and his relationship with his girlfriend. Then relate it to other serial killers like Dammer/Alfred Fish/Gacy/The night stalker. But don't use it as a reference if you watched one documentary on him. All you are seeing is a face; its what he wants you to see, each move is thought of over and over. I have written about this video countless times and you can see him pause to articulate what he wants...
you to see every second.
@ordinarygentleman then what percentage of successful people credit that to the glorious effects of porn in their lives? Are more relationships helped or harmed by the watching of porn? You don't believe the clip I gave, that's fine. But I'm not anymore convinced that porn is harmless.
Porn becomes harmless when you can communicate with your partner why it's being viewed. If someone wants to watch it because they're bored, and their girlfriend happens to be out of the house, but then feels a lot of pressure to lie about it, the more deceptive he's going to be each time. It's this that starts learned-behaviour on deception which I'm pretty sure neither of the two want.
Anything to any person in large quantities is bad, of course. I'll tell you one thing if the girl is hurt by the guy watching porn the relationship is hurt of course; not by the guy doing that but by expecting her partner to be controlled by her. But usually that girl is not around and guys being biogenetical machines need a release. If guys do not release then the relationship will get hurt by two things... 1) You are controlling an organic disposition of the male body 2) Psychologically he will begin to have his emotions fluctuate much like a woman does on her period. I can agree that anything in high quantities is bad for you. But do I think LEGAL porn is bad... I would say it depends entirely upon the guy.
Guns don't kill people. People kill people. Stop using scapegoats (porn)
You pretty much hit the nail on the head for all your points. I don't know if I'd be "jumping" in excitement for my girl to watch pornstar with me, but it would be nice to try. The trick is finding porn where they're real couples having sex and giving each other pleasure and not just a random 10 inch cock ramming a girl in all her orifices. That's just not attractive in my opinion. I see porn as a tool. Quick release if I need it and "sometimes" offers ideas I'd like to try. Watching lesion videos actually improved my kissing skills, because the girls took care in how they went about it. They were also very hot, which was kinda awesome lol.
Anyways, yes! 100% agree. It's not the girl so much as it is the act. For me to enjoy porn, she has to be hot, she has to come across like she's enjoying it, and it has to at least appear genuine. A girl fake moaning for 30 minutes is honestly annoying. Is rather her talk dirty during than moaning at all.
Also, porn allows you to "act out" a fantasy you might have that doing so in real life would be detrimental to your relationship. Like every now and then, a 3 some sounds really hot to me. And I've thought about having one with my girlfriend and another girl. But I know if it was with another guy I would just get mad and jealous. So that's a no for having a 3 some in my relationship. Having porn as an outlet for this makes it easy to "experience" it then leave it at the door. I'm not fantasizing about 3somes all day every day. It's honestly been months since the urge struck me. One porn video was enough and I'm good.
I'm going to be brutally honest here. Porn can be bad for a relationship if it detracts attention from your partner. That applies to both men and women.
I don't disagree. You're right, if the porn becomes a replacement or a habit that creates a divot in the relationship.
Yay pornnn
lol, nice
thank you!
i think every women in this site should read this mytake. you won't believe how many questions chicks ask here, almost on a weekly basis relating to them and their insecurities on taking porn too serious.
lmao this also reminds me of another article i once read that was written by an amateur. she said that women who have boyfriends that enjoy milf porn should feel terrified introducing them to their mother's. i gotta say that i almost had a heart attack after reading that
Absolutely correct, it really isn't the woman in the porn. Honestly, i am pretty sure even women watch porn but of course not as much as us.
Women watch porn, or *read* porn, as in erotica.
Only a person who have too much experience and have radical thoughts, who is realistic and logical can write these sincere lines...
Porn is a reality of people's lifes. The sharp line is to recognize men watch them because a new point of view and a different way of liking, kissing and caring add more colours on our lifes. And you depicted these views perfect!
To me; if i were married, i would never even tempt to watch or glance at a porn or any nudity either. Because i would have my dream girl and this is more than enough for me ;) I am feeling these even if I am still (blushing) virgin and don't have even a girlfriend atm...
this is my opinion on this subject, i don't believe men need to look at porn at all, and we don't, if that guy does its either he has a problem and some do, or your body may not entice him any more probably do to the over whelming amount of porn that's out there. ladies you and your body's should be the only thing a man needs to stimulate his sexual desires, not a multitude of naked women , and yes they are images very true but a mans brain especially when it comes to porn, those images are still there whens have sexually time with you, flashing before his eyes depending on how much stimuli he needs to keep it up, its called losing sight of your true beauty and a appreciation for your sexual image. it only takes a single image and its all down hill from there no matter how much you want to sugar coat it really, and the boat can go both ways either you may have stopped caring about pleasing him visually which is bad because men are very much visually stimulated , or caring about how you look. this is probably most cases he's lost his genuine appreciation for you, for one or a number of reasons most cases his own fault, but my main point is don't compromise with porn your beauty is more then enough MORE then enough truly ladies your heart, your charm, and your sex appeal ladies. porn is like an ant trap its pheromones entices the ants but kills the relationship in the end , its only there to corrupt and take the attention.
OH MY GOD! Your answer gave me heart palpitations as a girl who is struggling with a man who has a wandering eye. Please Sir, if you have a lady in your life let that woman know she is the most blessed, luckiest woman on the planet and I envy her haha
Was just about to write this, but it looks like you beat me to it! Nicely said, as well.
thanks PrincessTashaaaa and mandaha92, to PrincessTashaaaa i wish i did have a lucky lady, but i don't right now...
Oh my gosh... :) you are very amazing. Thank you for this. I had also been struggling with my boyfriend as well, for quite some time until recently. Ugh. Errrm how come so many guys feel as though pornography is not somethin to feel insecure about? You know they are real naked ladies, the only difference is that they are behind a screen, on camera. If your boyfriend does not feel pornography is an issue and still watches is it a good enough reason to leave him... Or is that stupid?
thanks thisgurl, well i put it this way relationships are a place where we are suppose to care and put each others feelings before our own and care when we do something that offends or hurts the other person, so if you have expressed your feelings on this issue then he should respect it, you can't build on wounds and when a man or women says its not something to feel insecure about all there doing is trying to spin the table to make you feel as if its your problem, when in turn its there actions of watching something that does have a negative effect on your relationship, and there getting off watching another women's privet parts being played with, who's buddy is he really fantasizing about its easy when we know we're in the wrong to just spin the table then to actually take responsibility for are actions and the effects are actions have on the ones we care about, rather then just face the fact that some where down the line we took the wrong action, sure we are not perfect
sorry who's body i meant to say
and in my opinion, i find it sad to see so many instead of fight for there relationship and there feelings they turn over and take it, or except something that is NOT a need in a relationship nor does it effect it positively, men a women have incredible imaginations use them with each other to explore each others body's and feelings, you will grow in such a more positive way. if some one is looking for more positions just get a kamasutra book its illustrated in a none perverse manner that a couple can do together. what i was trying to get at in my previous opinion was lady's there SHOULD NOT be a substitution for you in the relationship , weather it be emotional or visual or sexual and it goes for men as well, and if you have tried and yet there is no consideration for your feelings, then maybe its time to ask each other and your selves what kind of relationship and future can we build here?
Excellent job, wise @Ozanne ! You totally got it from top to the bottom, all accurate and true. Tell me please, how did you educate yourself about porn and men? Life experience? Studies? Communication with decent men?
You understand us as much as we do ourselves! Keep it up :D
(Watching porn is not bad. If someone thinks otherwise, then they should deal with it ;))
LOL Thanks! I'm almost 41, and yes, maturity over the years given me the ability to stop and relax and learn about our behaviours instead of getting defensive all the time and learning nothing.
wait so custom porn is bad? what if you have a very specific scenario/fetish you want fulfilled in your porn viewing?
and what do you mean effecting your finances? i make ok money and i can afford everything i own, a fun fund, and a custom clip/camshow/call if i ever get the urge.
I wrote an explanation on viewing specific scenario/fetishes in a comment below. I didn't really see a problem in that. I do have a problem with things that are illegal, no need to mention specifics about that. I think people know when they watch something illegal that they shouldn't. Also affecting finances is just that. Affecting finances. If one person is watching porn spending an unexplainable amount of cash on porn and the other partner isn't aware of where their [shared] income is going (this is usually for married couples) then it's not being entirely honest. We all make purchases all the time without having to tell our partners what we're spending our money on, but like anything, spending money secretly on a habit isn't that great.
i've never cared if my boyfriends watch
porn or not
Why not?
Porn is merely for a quick release , you are correct here Ozanne. Within a relationship this may become habit if the guy ends up in a sexless relationship , women generally have much lower sex drives than men , not bashing you ladies , as this is mainly a result of sexually repressive " culture " in the Anglo culture ie all this " Slut Shaming " type of BS that represses women. Men are increasingly bashed too , just for having a sex drive
Off topic a bit, but I think there are certain types of behaviours in sex that become habit–forming, such as, how to have an orgasm. If a young guy constantly masturbates quietly in his room and doesn't want anyone to hear him, then he forms a habit. I had sex with lots of guys who just moved right out of "mom's house" only to find that they cum without barely uttering a sound. I had to get them to open up and not be afraid to be vocal because they were so used to being silent.