Whether you’re just not ready for commitment or you work too much to date, most humans have to answer the call of human nature at some point in their life. But who do we turn to achieve satisfaction? Where can we go to quench our thirst for sexual release when we don’t have a significant other in our lives? Sex friends to the rescue!
F-Buddies and FWBs tend to be a common thing among 20s and 30s somethings these days but it seems that many people (especially on this website) don’t seem to know the difference between the two. So I’ve been inspired to write a myTake on my understanding for those who are still fuzzy on the meaning. Both have their pros and their cons but each survive on a delicate balance in the relationship.
Friends with Benefits
PROs:
Lots of guilt free sex with someone you can go get a burger and a beer with later. Closer bond with a friend.
CONs:
Short-term life span. Difficult to juggle more than one. Concealing or explaining your complicated relationship to your friends and family. No-strings attached sex will eventually grow strings.
MEETING AN FWB:
An Eff-double U-Bee is generally a person you already know from your every day life. Usually you start off as friends or acquaintances (generally within the same friend circle) but are in some sort of situation where you are likely to see each other often. At some point you realize you have sexual chemistry but may not be up for dating quite yet (or at all). It could be a spur of the moment kind of thing or happen at a party, whatever the scenario, you two decide to start fucking.
FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS RULES:
Since FWBs have a pre-existing relationship with each other, it’s really easy to breeze over this part since you think you know each other well enough for it not to be a problem. Never do this! Always establish go-to rules when it comes to FWBs. By not doing this you’re leaving yourself open to cockblocking of other potential long-term partners, unexpected jealousy, misunderstandings, and misinterpretations about personal boundaries. If you set up these rules early, you’re already off to a great start!
NOTE:
Going into this, you have to realize that you’re complicating a very serious friendship with a “not so serious” intimate act. Eventually one of you is going to catch feels. It’s inevitable. The intimacy you share in and out of the bedroom starts to feel very similar to the emotions real couples experience on a daily basis. You start to feel like you’re actually dating and one of you is going to start wondering ‘what if.’ At that moment, the balance in the relationship has shifted because now one person wants more than the other is willing to give. Due to this imbalance, the relationship is not going to last much longer which means someone is about to get hurt or very used.
Fu** Buddies!
PROs:
Guilt-free sex with someone that does it the way you like it. You don’t have to cook him a sandwich. You don’t have to meet her parents. You don’t have to worry if he’s cheating on you when you’re not around. Easy to juggle more than one. Easier to replace if you’re not being satisfied. Flexible schedule.
CONs:
Finding someone you’re sexually compatible with. Being judged by your choice of lifestyle. Separating your sex life from your real life if necessary.
MEETING YOUR F-BUDDY:
Anywhere! You can meet them online or in a bar or a club. It doesn’t matter. F-Buddies can be complete strangers or work related acquaintances or just a person you see around sometimes or not at all! There is usually no pre-existing relationship.
F-BUDDY RULES:
You meet, you have sex, you leave. Outside of the bedroom there is little to no contact. You don’t call them up and ask how they’re doing. You don’t go over to their house for a weekend BBQ. Your friends and/or family may not even know that other person exists. Your only purpose for meeting is to have great, satisfying sex and then return to your real life without them in it. Lack of connections outside of the bedroom keeps emotions in check. Courtesy, politeness, and consideration are all still involved in the bedroom, but outside of it you are virtually strangers.
Though there is no obligation to remain with a fuck buddy long-term, it is possible to keep a relationship like this maintained for years as long as it stays balanced. Without emotions complicating the situation, it’s easier to focus on the goal of satisfying your partner’s sexual desires. If one person is not satisfied then the balance shifts, however it is fixable as long as they’re willing to communicate their needs.
F-buddies use EACH OTHER for sex! If an imbalance exists in the relationship that is when one person is being used. F-Buddies do not have to see each other every day. If real life gets demanding or one falls in love with a someone else, they do not have to see their f-buddy for a while nor does their f-buddy have to wait for them to return. If f-buddies ever find themselves falling out of lust with each other, they can always call it off and find another without feelings being hurt because emotions were never involved in the first place!
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