Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
#BATTLEROYALE
Do you follow the 90 day rule? The 5 dates rule? Or any of the plethora of useless rules used to govern your sex life that really just hold you back for no reason whatsoever? Throw those rules out the window, make your own. So how long should you really wait to have sex?
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Whenever you fuckin' feel like fucking. This Take is primarily written under the presumption that both parties who are about to engage in this hanky panky deal are mature, consenting, intelligent, low drama type, individuals, who are open-minded about premarital and outside-of-relationship, sex.
So. Whether it be 90 days, until marriage, or that same night, YOU decide whether or not it's the right time. Jokes on everyone, there is no "optimal" time to wait to have sex because it is totally dependent on you and your partner's comfort level with each other and your own bodies. Let's be honest, for most people, sex is a part of the deal when it comes to dating and relationships, so why pretend like neither of you is trying to get some eventually? The sooner the both of you can let go of your reservations and accept that a desire for sex and feel good stuff is a natural human condition, the more fun you'll be able to have.
Again, I understand that there are some who face more difficult obstacles than the usual not wanting to seem promiscuous or not wanting to come off like a playboy, or being a virgin who just hasn't found someone yet, so for you guys, please, please, do take as much time as you need, and on the flip side, DON'T HAVE SEX IF YOU'RE NOT READY just because you feel pressure from society or your partner to do so.
As a woman, I understand that a huge fear of ours is that we don't want to seem like a little hoe bag if we end up having sex on the first date, but to me, any guy who would make that judgement after spending (assuming) a few hours getting to know my mind and connecting with me on an emotional level, is someone who's opinion I care little about. And if he wants, he can tell all his friends as much as he wants because a) I know that if we had sex it was probably fantastic for him, and b) if anyone tries to come at me like I'd just drop my pants for anyone, they're going to face a very painful and possibly quite humiliating, rejection.
Putting myself on blast here but: I've had one night stands (realized they're not really for me), friends who turned into FWBs and never talked to me after we ended, friends who turned into friends with benefits but then back to friends after we found other people, first date sexy times that turned into year long relationships, and like 10th date sexy times that also turned into relationships. The point is, the amount of time you've waited to have sex does not and should not determine your eligibility as a partner. One ONS avoided me for AGES but then 2 years later messaged me going, "Hey I'm sorry I was a dick two years ago.. Can I make it up to you by taking you out for ice cream?" No, it was not a ploy to get back into my pants because I made it clear it wasn't going to happen, also had a boyfriend, and he still wanted to do so.
I had a 3 year long relationship develop with someone who I had sex with on the first date. It wasn't even an entire date, it was within MAYBE 2 hours of meeting each other. Had THREE other multiple years long relationships develop in which we did the dirty within a week of "dating", and another 3 year long relationship in which we didn't have sex until after at least 2 months and almost 10 dates. These relationships ended for compatibility and differences in future planning reasons, not because they couldn't see me as "marriage material" because trust me, I'm #wifey.
This Take has been primarily geared towards women as I've seen more women struggling with this issue than men, because also most people think guys are trying to get some ALL THE TIME. For you guys, don't throw all your gentlemanly habits out the window, but make sure both you and your partner are ready for this as well. If you feel you need more time to get to know a girl before you poke her with your private parts, by all means take that time. You'll have women who will get offended and upset but you are no obligated to want to immediately put your peewee in every being with female parts. Flip, if all you're trying to do is get that butt, then make your intentions clear as well (respectfully) so you both can decide how you want to move forward.
People will talk no matter what. But someone who truly likes you for who you are will still like who you are whether you give it up tonight or a month from now. So how long should you wait? As long as you feel necessary, barring judgement from any other parties. What happens between you and your fun-times partner is between you two. 😘
What Girls & Guys Said
22 35I know my viewpoint is unpopular (at least among girls) but how quickly I would want sex is strongly correlated to what type of girl I think she is.
If I think she is the type who has had sex on the first date with her previous partners then I probably would lose interest if we haven't had sex by week two. I wouldn't want to be the guy who has to wait 3 months paying for dates for what she was willing to do in three dates with her exes. It just makes me feel pathetic and like Im not as desirable or as high value as the guys who didn't have to work as hard or wait as long. I would much rather be one of the guys she was most excited to sleep with.
Now before someone gets all pissy and starts accusing me of pressuring girls into sex, thats what I am talking about. I wouldn't pressure her, I'd just call it off. Like if you want an anniversary gift from your boyfriend, you dont want to have to remind him when it is or pressure him into buying you a gift. That takes the satisfaction out of it, you want him to do it on his own volition. Well thats how I feel about this. I don't want to have to pressure or beg her in have sex with me as quickly as she has done in the past. I want her to do it on her own. Now, I obviously can't make her feel excited to sleep with me but if she doesn't express the same level of excitement towards the idea of having sex with me as she has shown towards her previous partners then I am more than willing to walk away.
That's totally fair, though I think it's also important to read the situation and the person. Maybe she did that before and got burned which is why she's committed to not doing that again because it's never worked out for her in the past (already have a few comments from girls who said exactly that). Or maybe she wasn't looking for a serious relationship with those in the past and wants to truly take the time to know you better. There are plenty of reasons why things would be different, and every relationship is going to progress at its own pace. I wouldn't always be so quick to write someone off because of it, but I do understand where you're coming from.
Not before someone has shown me that he likes me in many different ways, and not before i develop feelings for him. Sex without emotion is incredibly boring. And sex with someone you don't trust is terrible also.
Totally get you. That's the primary reason why I realized one night stands weren't for me after only ONE. Not knowing someone is an awful experience for me, unless I'm 100% only into it for the sex and not planning on talking to them at all afterwards. I typically do bond with people quickly though which is why I was comfortable with some of those other experiences I listed.
I'm glad people feel this way, I do too. I've heard a lot of people like ons because of the mystery it gives people, and allows them to act like a freak in the sheets. But without that connection or trust, I wasn't that comfortable with him and didn't find it pleasurable.
I say this in every question that asks this question: All my best and longest relationships introduced sex sooner rather than later.
Nice! I think as you get older, the people who are able to be comfortable being themselves and following what they want instead of being influenced by society, are also the types who are more open to letting people get to know them, which in turn builds stronger relationships.
FWIW, this was true even when I was in university at the age of 20.
Ahh well then, that's fantastic as well! Same for me though it seems not everyone's had that type of luck
A woman who is serious about a guy should make him wait at least two months and then pass the "prince charming" test.
What's that?
@Scottyboy160 she asks for help with something and sees whether or not he comes to help
I'm not a fan of "tests" at all.. If he likes you it doesn't take two months for him to come help you out if you need it.
That's like the money test, the only thing I'll do is how him to my mate and parents anything else is pointless. But either way what exactly would you need help with?
i will wait no less then the shortest amount of time that she made any other man wait.
I suppose you meant "no MORE than..." 😂😂 I mean... I get that yr intention is "I need to be at least as studly as the most studliest stud who's hit that already"... but, really, this just seems like you're letting other men's pacing dictate YOUR level of sexual intensity. that's... interesting. And it's not like you can... check her DMV record and look this shit up, y'know 😂😂
@redeyemindtricks I've fucked a lot of women. i dont really care if i get sex or not i just care what she's willing to give. if she's not willing to give me at minimum what she gave another then i dont want her. its not the sex that i care about its her treatment of me and making me wait longer is bad treating me bad.
Again, it's weird that you use *other men* as yr own yardstick for what constitutes good versus bad treatment. It's almost like you have no objective standards at all. What if she made some other guy wait 4 years? Would that mean you'd be ok with 3 years and 363 days? 😂😂
@redeyemindtricks i have a standard for marriage but nearly every women doesn't meet my standards so thats off the table. im much more lenient when it comes to dating and yes my standards in that sense are not set in stone. they are determined by what a women is willing to give and what im willing to give in return.
@redeyemindtricks if thats the only guy she slept with then id wait. id probably consider her for marriage.
that's very interesting.
@redeyemindtricks why? its logical
like I said, it's just... interesting that yr standards have almost nothing to do with yourself and yr own values or priorities. they're basically abstractions, based on what the woman has done with other people. I don't think I've ever met anyone like that in my life, tbh.
@redeyemindtricks thats why i stop talking to women if they dont give it up on the first date. in this day and age i assume all women have had a one night stand so im not going to let a women take advantage of my good nature by pretending to be something she's not.
"if thats the only guy she slept with then id wait" "thats why i stop talking to women if they dont give it up on the first date. in this day and age i assume all women have had a one night stand" uh am I talking to more than one person? so confused lol
@redeyemindtricks nope same person and my responses do not contradict. the standards have remained consistent.
I agree with @redeyemindtricks in that I disagree with you using her experience with another man to judge your relationship with her. I am of the opinion that each relationship progresses at its own pace, and you can't use someone else to judge how she feels about you.
ok, thats fine. doesn't change my opinion or how i will behave. were all entitled to live our lives how we wish and i wish to live my life by this. call it a shit test. women do it to men all the time im simply testing her. if she is at minimum not willing to give me what she gave others then she failed. on to the next one.
Yea, not trying to change you at all, just putting my opinion out there to your response as well.
ok i just disagree with your statement that you can't use her treatment of others to judge how she feels about you. if she's not willing to give you the minimum then she doesn't like your for you she likes you because she wants something from you.
Disagree because I think every relationship progresses at its own pace. Plus she could have had different intentions, like she ONLY want sex with some of them, whereas she actually wants to get to know you.
even worse. she should also want to have sex with me just as much. she's basically telling me she's not attracted to me but likes my money and thinks ill stick around for kids. thats actually really insulting.
I feel like that's definitely a reach.. As a woman that would never be what my intentions were.
yeah well thats how i would take it and no amount of explanation can change that because actions speak louder than words.
Thank you for this. i never placed rules on when or where, Just when if felt right, to go with the flow.
Thank YOU for stopping by and reading :)
When I had sex with someone within only knowing them a month, I found they never actually liked me but did everything they could to get me to believe it. Now I refuse to have sex until the relationship is exclusive. No point in giving my body away to people if they don't like me.
So you could have gone through that within a day too - and had less of a disappointment. Honestly, if someone wants to spend energy telling you stories to get sex from you, they will do so anyway - and (pardon my insensitivity) - what's the big drama with that anyway?
@peterjones it's a complete waste of time if that's not what the other person (me) was looking for.
I'm sorry that's happened to you, people like that suck.. I totally get where you're coming from, if exclusivity is your rule, then stick to it! And people should respect that.
So do you prefer wasting a day or a month?
@peterjones Well I would never do it with someone the first day I meant then so it's always going to be a month.
Oh no, as a dogma it's fine - a lot of people believe ridiculous stuff - and that won't change tomorrow. I was trying to appeal to your logic, but since that's not working or you prefer not to use it - than by all means sit on your beliefs and expect magical outcomes for no reason than your beliefs - apparently a lot of women do this - they get absolutely nothing out of it, but are somehow convinced it is the right thing (maybe church ruling their lives with its lies, who knows...) Also thanks for answering my question as to why girls are stupid enough to wait - apparently there is no reason, only because they believe someone said so (an urban myth)
@peterjones How is what I believe stupid or ridiculous? What's wrong with waiting to have sex?
@LoloWaye what is wrong with waiting to eat when you're hungry - nothing's wrong, it's just a question of why would you, it's usually a naturally regulated need - hunger = you need food.
@peterjones Hunger war sex are completely different. We need to eat to survive. People can go days, months, years without sex. Sorry, I'm not understanding what you're trying to say. I'd you prefer to have sex immediately then that's you. For me, I prefer to wait because I want someone to be genuine. I'm sure it's worked out for other people who have had sex immediately with their S. O'S but I'm sure that's not going to be the case for me.
So real sexual interest is not genuine for you?
@peterjones Nope, I'm not looking for just sexual interest.
@peterjones Sexual interest is not genuine (to me) because you can have that for anybody. It can pass just as fast as it developed. And it's not going to do anything for me in the long run. 5-10 minutes of pleasure sounds much better when it's with an S. O, not someone who doesn't care about you.
@LoloWaye I don't know that there's much point discussing - you are mixing sexual arousal and interest in someone - and manage that by being set against it.
@peterjones I didn't know there was a difference? What's the difference? Either way, it doesn't sound like genuine interest in the person. It sounds like pure interest at getting between their legs. And I'm not against sex - I've become against having sex with someone who isn't going to be in an exclusive relationship with me.
@LoloWaye I figured out afterwards what your issue is - you want to feel special, and won't 'sell' sex without someone paying that price. That's fine, you certainly have the right to. But it isn't a question of how long you should wait - it is what price should you set, right?
@peterjones Is there something wrong with that?
@LoloWaye well by setting the price you are selling the thing between your legs, this isn't about sex or companionship. I'd stay away.
@LoloWaye or, rather - instead of saying you will wait - portraying it as somehow more moral - say you want more paid - and show it as a morally dubious price setting exercise that it is.
@peterjones So requiring for a relationship to be exclusive before I'm willing to have sex is morally dibious, regardless of what I've experienced in the past and hope to avoid?
@peterjones it's not wrong to want to feel special or loved by someone you're sharing your body with. I catch feelings quickly and I feel having sex too soon will get in the way of really getting to know someone. It's not going to be about getting to know someone after that - it's only going to be about sex and that's not what I want. Other people, like you, may have experienced different and better things but I haven't. If this is the only way I'm going to be able to find someone who is real then yeah, someone is going to pay the 'price.' I'm not going to continue to share all of me with people who don't respect or care about me past sex. So stay away if you must, I'm not letting myself be used anymore.
@LoloWaye That's fair enough
If it's on the first date. She is a keeper. If it goes on for more than one month and we havnt done it. I cut the relationship. She obviously isn't attracted to me.
I would say either that or she has some hang ups about it. If you think she's worth it, maybe take the time to get down to the bottom of it and see why she's holding back.
Statistically speaking, Men in their 30s are LESS likely to get married. With this in mind, "scrambledagain" attitude to women and sex is understandable. "Thinking that she is worth it" is irrelevant.
She's not worth it if we are not doing it after a month. I wouldn't "get to the bottom of it" because that's just dragging it out. I simply and politely move on. My time is precious. @magialphaone I am so far from the statistical norm, that I won't fit most general trends. That said, well played for knowing that I would think "she is worth it" is irrelevant👍🏼
So nothing about her personality would draw you to try to understand why she wants to wait? Is it really that important to have sex?
@LoloWaye well for me and my journey, yes sex is very important. But generally, if she doesn't want to sleep with me after a month, I've either a) failed at the chemistry part or b) she has a problem with sex due to anything like low libido, maybe she is more on the prudish scale, maybe she's been hurt in the past and is a little hesitant (something I'm not waiting around for)... either way, it doesn't gel well with who I am and what I want.
That's fair. If you don't feel the need or desire to understand why she's holding back I can't sit here and tell you that's what you need to spend your time doing lol.
Good stuff =) Well done! More and more people should read this.
As a virgin I was pressured by peers to have sex despite my unwillingness. Of course I didn't give in :D
Personally for me, I am always ready for sex <3 :)
ALWAYS!
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Yes, always!
Haha thank you! And whatever works for you :)
Why waiting? Why following rules?
Feel inside you and when it feels right: do it!
After we're married, I'm ready when she is! (Never before marriage, though.)
Ok :) thanks for sharing your views!
Yeah your way is too short to wait you should wait at least 9 years while in the relationship.
My first partner and I had been "an item" for about a year.
Women should totally be comfortable with how long they wanna wait to have sex with a guy that's cool with them. I never liked when people slut shame
Agreed, thank you!
About 10 minutes...;)
One month and damn sure no longer.
Wait until marriage
Rules are meant to be broken, when ever is what i say.
What would you possibly do in 90 days without having sex?
Get to know each other lol
You can do that when having sex too
Sex help in getting to know each other.
Helps*
@YourFutureEx Sex can ruin that because then the whole thing could possibly be based on lust.
Are you really that boring?
@LoloWaye There is difference between "can" & "will" :)
450 trillion years