Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
Before you continue to read this myTake, yes, I am going to talk about my sex life and, no, I’m not looking for anyone to tell me to get over it. It’s pretty explicit…and I’m not sure if it will be removed. If it is, so be it. But I write this experience not for anyone’s sexual fantasies. No…I write this only because I can’t hold it in anymore. I can’t keep replaying the events over and over again in my head without anyone knowing. I write this any man who is doing this to his girl and for any girl who is allowing this to be done to them so that they may learn from my mistake. Hopefully, they won’t repeat it.
As some of you already know, my boyfriend of one year ghosted me the last Friday in April. I remember it like it was yesterday. Cliché, but true…
I woke up. 7:34a.m. I looked to my right and saw my boyfriend laying next to me. My tan skin next to his white skin was the first thing I noticed. My little beagle was sitting at the end of the bed on his side. He rolled over…wanted to have sex. Again.
The previous night came to mind. 10:52p.m. I remembered it vividly. I remember lying on my bed, not making any noises. I remember him cupping my breasts and kissing my neck and feeling nothing. I remember him telling me to give him head. I told him I didn’t want to. He didn’t care. I asked if he would do it back to me. He said no. He said he didn’t want to.
Then I remember him entering me. In and out. I felt nothing. His eyes were closed. He was sweating. I was not. I roll over onto my knees and let him have at it from the back. It seemed like an eternity. I stared at my headboard, waiting for it to finally end, praying God would still love me even though I wasn’t doing the right thing. I heard him gasp loudly and knew he finished. He rolled off, threw the condom on the floor, and asked when I was getting back on birth control. I looked at my phone. 12:17a.m.
No…I didn’t want to. I didn’t want sex. He couldn’t understand why. I told him because in the year that we were together, I never met his family. He never took me on a date. He never introduced me to his friends. He hardly called me, rarely texted me, and could go days without hearing my voice. He still had his dating profile he created around Christmas that he promised he’d take down over and over again. He didn’t even tell his co-workers that I was black. He must have been ashamed of me. He just wanted sex.
Of course, he swore up and down I was being ridiculous, and that he was done with that argument. It wasn’t the first time I said it. This same conversation has come up at least twice a week since Halloween. We’d have sex two, maybe three times a week, but that wasn’t enough for him. He still thirsted for more. He needed more. Five. Six. Seven, if possible. If he didn't get it, he would tell me to get out. He wouldn't call me. He wouldn't see me. He'd leave in the middle of the night. He even called me a stupid fucking bitch.
I couldn’t do it… But I wanted to. I wanted to please him. I wanted to make him happy. He needed to be happy. If I couldn’t make him happy because maybe, just maybe, if I could finally do it, he’d smile at me. Call me beautiful for the first time. Tell me he loved me. Hold a conversation with me that was about something I was interested in.
However, it wasn’t to play out that way. He told me I was ridiculous. I told him not everyone needs sex and he told me my answer was uneducated. This man of twenty-seven years who graduated high school by the skin of his teeth told me, a twenty-six year old bachelor degree wielding professional, that my views had no educational basis. He’s a man, he told me. He needs sex.
That’s when I remembered a few weeks earlier before he left on another out of town work trip. He traveled for his job every weekend. I remember checking his okCupid profile to see often he logged in a day. The most I counted was four. And I remember on that day, he showed me a girl on Tinder that messaged him, saying she was cute, telling me he was going to meet her.
Then I’m back in my room. He was putting his jeans on. He told me he was hanging out with some friends tonight so he wouldn’t see me. I wasn’t invited. He asked if I had sent him his resume that I wrote for him. He needed me to do it, he said. I’m an English teacher, albeit, an uneducated one.
I said yes. He put his shoes on, grabbed his things, and left.
I never saw him again. I texted him a few times over the weekend, and no response. I looked up his okCupid profile, and saw that he added three new pictures and completely updated his ‘About Me’ section.
It took me a while to realize what he did and when it finally hit, I was mad. I was angry. I was hurt. I threw things. I pulled my hair out. I banged my head against the wall, causing the drywall to crumble to the floor. I tore my apartment to pieces. My dog hid under my bed. What did I do wrong? I didn’t give him sex, I told myself. It’s just sex. Who cares if you never had an orgasm? He didn’t. In fact, he told me that he never tried to give me one. He told me he didn’t care because most women don’t get them.
I looked at the floor, my black hair strands scattered across the beige carpeting. I peered into my T.V.’s screen. My cheeks were red, my eyes puffy, my hair a mess...
Weeks have gone. The sun bowed to the moon over and over again and yet, every time I gaze at the stars through my window, I still find myself asking why. I just want to know why. Why what, you ask? Why wasn’t I good enough? Why was I so embarrassing? Why was he with me? But mostly…
Why didn’t I at least deserve a goodbye?
I don’t have the answer to this question, and I probably never will. And as I stated before, no, I didn’t share this in an effort to throw a pity party nor do I need anyone to tell me to move on.
I just want everyone to know. I just need people to understand the way you treat someone, especially someone who loves you, can possibly shape their view on others and the world. I wasn’t strong enough to leave. I wasn’t brave enough to demand better. Now I’m not secure enough to be with a man.
I’m living in hell. I want love but can’t accept it. I crave a man’s touch yet gag at the very thought of one even giving me a hug. I yearn for the presence of another and do my best to make sure that other side of my bed is empty.
But I can't. I let my boyfriend ruin my sex life. I allowed him to take and take and take and take from me every night without so much as a peep. I gave him permission to use my body as he saw fit. Now I don't know if I'll ever let another man in.
Don’t make my mistake. Be stronger than me. Treat each other right.
Please.
What Girls & Guys Said
32 35don't have sex outside of marriage!!! It's that simple.
Lol.
I mean, you weren't interested in being with him, you thought sex was a chore, and you have unnecessary bursts of rage where you destroy things around you just because things didn't go your way.
I don't think it's THAT surprising he was looking elsewhere. Hell, he showed you he is looking for other girls in your place, yet it didn't even seem to bother you at the time.
I tried sending you a PM but couldn't, but I know how you feel. I'm there as well. Don't want to go in too much delete so openly, but I went through the same thing.
people gotta understand not everyone is able to say 'no', not everyone is able to stand up for themselves. I have been used by men many times because of that, and it's terrible because afterwards you punish yourself. when I was in boarding school the guy from the next room had a crush on me and when he figured out how hard for me it is to say no he used it, hugging and kissing me on the cheek and I felt so disgusting. just because something is easy for you, doesn't mean it's easy for others, even if it seems like the easiest thing in the world.
I'm sorry this happened to you, I hope you find someone who truly loves you and makes you feel amazing, and I also hope your ex gets his dick bitten off by a bear.
So in one whole year he never called you beautiful, never told you he loved you, never took you out on a date (wtf?), hardly called or texted, only showed up for sex? That sounds more like fuk buddy than boyfriend - certainly from his PoV.
What attracted you to this wooonderful man in the first place? (If you dont mind me asking)
You dont want pity, but you have mine.
Because he wanted to see me. We hung out a lot one on one for months. He doesn't like spending money on anything and he said he wasn't emotional because he was severely abused as a kid so I let him use that as an excuse to treat me like shit. I wish I realized it sooner.
I see. Thank you for sharing. I just hope the misogynists dont jump on your take to prove one their favoured agendas (fairly obvious which one). Im very happy that you've seem to acknowledged that it was HIS fault and not yours, he was an absolute douchebag. I certainly hope that with time, your views on the on other men change, there is a planet full of good ones out there and it would be a loss to the world (however insignificant) to not let a man back into your heart who deserves to be there. You will not let him win or let his dictate how you feel going forward. For now, stay strong 👍
Sounds like you were only a sex fetish for him and his peers are racist if they saw him with a black woman.
I wouldn't know if they were racist. He told me his family was, which the city he was raised in is kinda racist. I was raised 40 minutes south of him in the same state, in a white neighborhood, and never sensed racism there. I can see the 'fetish' idea.
Hick town homeboy eh?
His city is weird. Like the part I live in isn't racist or hick town, but his neighborhood is. It's not like the city I'm from at all.
No hopes for degenerates.
Common omg this is so common, it is hard to give your all, only to be treated and thrown away a casually as a dirty napkin isn't it? Both sexes have used sex as an excuse for every thing accept real love. It has been used as a weapon, a means of control, etc... sad really that an act that can be so beautiful and , so pure can be turned into something so ugly... and as that has been the story of my life my dear I should be bitter but I am not , and I have learned not to devalue myself as well as learned some things about myself and what I really want... Have always been romantic , optimistic and, positive that someone would see the value inside... want to please me as I do them lift them up when they are down and be their strength when their strength waivers, ... If someone truly loves you they walk on air and announce their love to all not hide them away that is control not love... your life is not ruined merely temporarily put in a hold pattern until your heart heals... believe me when I say this my friend I believe it would be a great loss if you give up on love because from the hurt and I know it is deep but even more so is the love that you have to give... breathe... I cried a bit in sympathy for I know that pain all too well... Hugz , warm and tender smiles... you can do this...🍀🐶🍀 ... I know you feel me as I do you but we will be loved !💘
I'm sorry this happened to you. I experienced something similar, and I don't think people realize how it affects you. Ignore the people on here, they don't understand. I hope you find someone who can help you enjoy sex again.
Could it be because you're black? Maybe. He might just be a racist bastard.
Could it be because he is just a dicktard arse wipe and it's another example in a long line of the woman falling arse over tit for the typical arsehole who doesn't give a crap about her, using her for something she doesn't even enjoy yet continues to allow it to happen even for nothing in return because her instincts to submit to what appears to be a dominant male have kicked in and then before she knows it, he's off like a bride's nightie? An above average chance of.
Tough break.
One of life's lessons.
At least next time you know to go for a less arseholish guy.
Chin up.
My black friends had suggested that to me and I thought about it, but there's no way for me to know for sure. He didn't leave his house ever, even by himself. He has this thing about saving money and he doesn't do anything that requires spending it. Thanks for the comment.
Basically he gave you nothing... yet you slept with him and had sex with him and did everything while he did nothing in return... you just argued with him a couple of times about it... then continued doing it and then played the "he must be ashamed im black" card
and you're wondering why he treated you like that?
sorry but you need to see it from a different perspective... yes he is a jerk, but you let him degrade you
This is a troll. Could it be any more clichéd? She's a black woman with a bachelor's degree. He's a white high school near-dropout. He pretends to his family, friends, and the world at large that he doesn't know her - because she's black. He's obsessed with her because of her tan skin. Trolling troll who trolls.
Talk about race baiting.
Him being white has nothing to do with him being an ass. I've had several white boyfriends. He wasn't the first. And he did almost fail high school. Are you saying white people are incapable of failing at anything?
Didn't expect this coming from a 48-year old.
im sorry he was a ass hole hun
Sucks that happened to you
Just ignore all the trolls on here, don't let em get to ya. 99% of them are just pussies that'll block you the minute you call them out on their shit.
Ok you know what, this take kind of annoys me and not because he wasn't an arsehole - he was a massive one and I'm sorry you went through that. What's wrong here is that you LET him do that - you gave him a free license to use your body however the fuck he wanted, never go down on you or prioritise YOUR pleasure. And then to top it off you were still willing to keep the fucker after you found out he was logging into OkC 4 times a day and he even said to your FACE he was meeting up some girl from Timber he thought was cute.
That's not what a self-respecting woman does. There's so many good men out their that would treat their woman properly, give her the sex she wanted and not be a little shit but you girls go about staying with the worst kinds of men. Then you say he's ' ruined sex for you '. If that means your not going to consider a sexual relationship with your next partner then I really do feel bad for the guy that's got to pick up the stick your ex-arsehole left you with.
As for crying and pulling your hair out, I'd have been celebrating the fact I was done with such a loser, gone to the nearest nightclubs with my mates and either pulled the most available woman or set up a tinder account of my own.
You're right: I don't feel that sorry for you.
It's pretty evident that you didn't read the entire myTake because I said several times that it was my fault. Not what I would expect from an "editor".
I'm not going to say you're wrong, dude, but you're coming off needlessly cruel. She said several times that it was her fault, and was specific about where she went wrong. The take wasn't only a rant, but also was supposed to be an educational thing for other girls who don't know how to do the same. It might surprise you, but some people are weaker than you, yes, just like some people are stronger than you. That doesn't mean their stories and lessons have no value. This take has spoken to at least one girl out there, who is feeling all alone right now. This take has helped someone. But your comment? It's probably made the author feel like shit. So what if she vented? Venting from time to time is good for mental health. This site itself supports venting, and you, as an editor, should know that. She's learned her lesson, and now, she's in the process of recovery. Why do you have to jam your arse into everything? If the post is so annoying to you, just stop reading it. Simple.
I see how you suffered but at least you are stronger now and say people "no".
Im proud of you. ❤
He can just die in hell 😂 jk
That was an eye opener.
Thanks for sharing :)
You deserve better and there are good guys there so gd lck :)
All you did was let him use you as a walking, talking penis depository. Sure, he's an asshole, but you were credulous to think he would genuinely like you in the first place.
Also, lol at the education part. I know you want something to hold over him, but an easy humanities degree isn't impressing anyone. I know two people with English degrees; one works at a Starbucks, the other at a fitness center.
I'm a teacher lol, so that means nothing. Also, I wasn't holding it over him. If you actually took the time to read the context, you'd notice that it was associated with the fact that he called me uneducated. You also would have noticed that at the bottom that I do explicitly state that I allowed all of it to happen. Also, I have a Secondary Education degree, not an English one. For someone who thinks English degrees are easy to obtain, you certainly aren't good at the basics of reading and comprehension. I doubt you even took the time to read the entire thing.
first of all, that wasn't your boyfriend you retard, that was a fuck buddy. aka you was the side hoe, you was just a booty call. he used you for that sweet poonani. but im not gonna lecture you on how useless, weak, and down right idiotic you are, cause you know that. my real lecture is how awful your story is. you claim to be a English teacher, yet this story was straight dog shit. for example: "My little beagle was sitting at the end of the bed on his side. He rolled over…wanted to have sex. Again." like how are we gonna gloss over that beastiality reference? another thing, you claim he ruined your sex life. what sex life? you claimed you didn't even like the sex so thats bullshit #2. another thing, stop with the victim complex bullshit. we get it. you got fucked over. but you already know to move on, yet you won't. and lasty, those images are awful. spice it up with something more interesting.
https://i.imgur.com/z10GTR7.gif
Sometimes people do a poo, sometimes doing a poo is difficult but once you do poo, you flush it away. And never think about it again or let it bother you anymore, even if it put you through an uncomfortable time.
Take your poo and flush it away...
( Just to be clear, by poo I mean your ex )
10/10 great advice, beautifully written.
^ that was deep
media.serious.io/29c5e81c4476ca6a/serious.gif
Thank you @Hannah591 & @DooMguy
Dude, you are a warrior poet.
I'll admit, this analogy put a smile on my face lol
I sincerely hope that you take my words into consideration. For your sake and well being.
Jeez i am so sorry for what happened to you. I hope you find better soon.
It was my fault. I should have read all the signs better. But thank you for your comment.
you're welcome. Its his fault as well for being a douche, just saying.