Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
I had just graduated college and was living with my boyfriend of 1 year. We had our share of problems, and like every couple we fought. But at the end of the day, I thought our "rough" patch would one day just disappear, which in hindsight was naive.
It was my birthday and my boyfriend took me out for a nice dinner. I was so excited, as we sat down at the fancy table, and we were given our menus. I asked my boyfriend what he was going to get for his main course, but he just ignored me as he was scrolling through Facebook on his phone... I paused and asked him again, what he was getting. Without looking up at me he said, "I dunno whatever". I put my menu down and asked him, "what's wrong?".
He put his phone down and said "everything is a big deal with you, just shut up". I was speechless and emotional; holding back my tears was difficult, in fact I didn't know what to do. "It's my birthday, and you're on the phone and telling me to shut up, why?"- I asked. "Because all we have been doing this past year is fighting"- he responded. I continued to ask him why he remained in this relationship with me, but he was just silent. As I began to cry at our table, he got up and said, "this is embarrassing", before he got into his car and drove back to our home, without me...
After several calls to him with no reply, I took a taxi back to our home. I was livid and ready to end things, there and then. As you may imagine, there were words exchanged. My boyfriend broke our TV, made a hole in the wall, broke dishes, and even left a few bruises on my arms from where he grabbed me.
I moved out the following day to my parent's house. My boyfriend spent the next month in a different city (for work), calling me, apologizing, begging for me to come back...and I guess I really missed him because I decided to take him back. Of course it wasn't my intention, to deceive or hurt him- but when his mate called me that evening to go for coffee, I said "yes".
My bf's mate was really quite a sweet, shy guy, nothing too impressive. We went out a couple of times for coffee and just talked about general things like work and life. He was very different than my boyfriend, in that he was close with his family, never swore, was extremely non-aggressive and just down to earth. I had known him for a few years and felt like he was a solid friend.
One night we went out for drinks, and one thing led to another- and you guessed it... we slept together. At first I felt terrible about the whole thing but as the week went by, I realized that I made my decision for a reason.
I didn't want to be with my bf's mate, I knew he just wasn't a man yet...but going out of my boundary and doing something like I had done, indicated to me that my boyfriend wasn't the right guy. No matter what, my emotional attachment to him would never be the same. I felt betrayed and very hurt from the year of pain that we went through.
A month later my boyfriend came back to our home city and I broke it off for good. I don't think he ever found out what his best mate and I had done but although it was wrong, I am glad that I had done it. It was a big sign that it's time to leave and never look back.
What Girls & Guys Said
26 71Good girl, sometimes we need to get under somebody to get over somebody
Okay? What's the point of this story?
All I see here is actually a bunch of simplistic mildly scummy rednecks
I don't understand. Why couldn't you just break up with your bf? You're a cheater now, and while you find ways to justify cheating it will be less and less every time you do it from now on. It's a pattern like anything else. Some people use drugs, some use alcohol, some use food, some people cheat.
His best friend probably knew him longer than you so... no reason to feel more guilty, if you do feel badly I guess. Why not just break up with your boyfriend first?
Sloots gon sloot
I am very happy you exited an abusive relationship, but please understand that cheating is not what 'saved' you. It was just the realization that other men want you as well and you could probably have better (though your ex´s mate for some reason is not 'a man' to you. The only red flag I have noticed about him is having sex with his friend´s girlfriend, so if that is what makes you not consider him, I get it, but if it is something else.. oh well, guess u have your reasons).
So basically you had rebound sex, and you want us to call you brave?
Yeah the first guy seem like a total douche. I want to find a guy that will fix the things I want, but how am I supposed to find it if it's so hard to find.
A relationship shouldn't be about you wanting things. It should be about both giving things
@Dipsy ohhhhh
I always laugh at stories like this because how this woman tells the story, her boyfriend was just a raging asshole all of the time for no reason.
I see this a lot on here and the internet. We never truly know what was going on in someone's relationship yet women (and men) always make it out like these cruel partners in their lives act the way they do unprovoked.
I call bullshit.
Realistically, he was probably an asshole but you were probably an annoying pain in the ass who kept poking the grizzly bear.
Anyways, your story sucks and has no point. You feel bad about cheating and are trying to convince yourself that you don't so you wrote this.
I can say that it wasn't really cheating, because you stopped seeing him when he went away to work. Plus he hurt you and all that which is terrible. I would just like to know why the oher friend was not a man yet? Was it because of the shyness becUse that can follow people throughout heir lives and is not a defect of character
Once a cheater, always a cheater. For the sake of men everywhere, please stay single. You had your chance.
You'll never have the same trust in another guy because of this. It's how we deal with hard times where we get a good look into who we are. Now you now that when the chips are down and things are hard you will probably cheat and find some cop-out excuse later to tell yourself why it's ok.
Like people who say they have no regrets, because it's made them into who they are today.. lol. Riiiight.
lol, guys cheat on girls all the time. how is it any different? are the guys incapable of having a real relationship afterwards?
@spassticer When whenever a relationship hits a rough patch it would be hard for the past cheater not to cheat with someone whose available. And P. S please to all the ladies out there, sleeping with someone is not a way to "find yourself". Take a short break from ur stress to relax and think but don't basically have sex with someone u know for no reason.
^^^^S*** that pours out of my fingertips sometimes
@mostwomenshouldstfu haha, i just read your name. i think that pretty much means skip your post and report it. LOL. i bet you're a virgin or forced to pay for sex because no woman in real life would go near it otherwise. there's no other reason for all this hate. LOL.
@mostwomenshouldstfu always consider the source and the type of person you're responding to. so HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH... loser.
@Idontknowyou2 i think both sexes should probably refrain from having random sex because they're in pain. if they want to have sex, then whatever, wrap it up.
@spassticer You try too hard too laugh. Truth is truth regardless of source. What obligation have I to you to sugar coat s***? Because you're a chick? You need truth like you need air with the amount of deception you put yourselves through.
@spassticer One monkey hears no evil, one sees no evil, and one speaks no evil. Which one is male? You don't get the priveledge of being a female and the perks of being male, hun. Genders aren't equal. These dudes in this thread are being as equal as they can, and you still b****ed, thinking females should get a pass. Again, refer to my first paragraph.
@mostwomenshouldstfu again didn't even read it. you're talking into the wind. loser.
@spassticer I said genders aren't equal, I didn't say they shouldn't have equal rights.
@mostwomenshouldstfu dude you are literalyl talking to no one. dont you have better things to do? like have a life? no one cares about your opinion. its worthless.
@mostwomenshouldstfu still not reading. i dobut anyone is. this is my last message to you. keep on ranting and watching your life get away from you every sentence of hate you spew. you're dying every second and you're spending it like this. lol
@spassticer Do you have something you want to talk about or something?
@spassticer You seem particularily distraught.
@spassticer I don't know how you can look at my post and infer that I in any way implied that this would not apply to a guy in the exact same scenario. I'm looking at the this from the aspect of she's in a relationship and she cheated with the guys best friend, when times were tough. How does gender come into question with what I said? A secondly, I never said that they wouldn't be able to have another relationship again. I simply said, you learn a lot about yourself the way you handle adversity. And if in times of adversity you break down and cheat on your partner. You're more likely to do that again the future. Because you've done it before. So again, how does gender apply there? Iol
because there is a very blatant double standard when it comes to sex, cheating and men. men are expected to cheat and still be seen as somewhat viable partners. that assumption is ingrained in our culture, most cultures. in france, men cheat, and in asia as well. the two worlds of marriage and sex are separated. if you provide to a family and household, you're more than likely allowed to have sex. this isn't applicable to everyone but, it's implicit in a lot of ways.
@spassticer So... other people who are not me did not give a guy in the same position a similar type of response I gave her... well. I'm not those people. I don't care what they have done or think. That has absolutely no baring on who I am and what I think as a person. I do hold people of either gender to the that same standard. So feel free to dial it back. I'm not about to flip out on you, because of what other women have done in the past. That has nothing to do with you. Try to do the same for others in the future.
i didn't flip out. i just explained what my pov was. how was that freaking out?
@spassticer Lol I didn't say you did
@spassticer You're kidding, right? Reread what you wrote.
You're initial post could imply there is no chance of redemption for those that commit infidelity. Like, ready the stones, we got a damaged one. I could see that setting some girls off. Humans do make mistakes. And we should forgive, but the offending party should atone, which is part of forgiving themselves. This isn't even exclusively religious thing, it's a tenant of the golden rule.
*tenet
@mostwomenshouldstfu My post was highlighting the effect cheating has on the individual who cheated. Even if you don't hold yourself accountable for what you may have done. We tend to think that people are willing to do the same things that we are. So if that you are someone that was willing to cheat at some point in time you are far more likely to suspect a partner of doing the same to you. So the fact that trusting relationship in the future is difficult is solely because of the effect it has on you personally. Not because of how your partner feels about it.
Well, maybe when compared within a gender. Across a gender, different standards. This is where equality breaks down. There has to be exceptions when genders are somewhat the same but not exactly, if we are to function harmoniously. I get what you are saying, but the female experience vs. what males experience isn't the same. No one likes cheating, it implies a abandonment/lonliness in both parties but they both have different coping mechanisms and feel it differently in my opinion. Plus, when you have one female for every male, there isn't really much of an excuse if everyone does it right.
Hmmm... should I feel bad for an abusive boyfriend being cheated on?
I say no.
But next time, dont take back the abusive boyfriend.
Eh, you were esentially already broken up so I don't see it as being a big deal. Its not like you cheated on someone who really cared about you and treated you well.
I think you are right - You needed a sign your relationship was on a wrong track and you got it - Fate works in mysterious ways
Agreed. Well said.
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I wished I could say You had me and then ya lost me.. but i was lost through out this take. Cheating ain't good no matter what circumstance. The guy you cheated on with broke the scared code for bros... not real homeboy. Ofc you're at fault i wish y'all just broke up.
you boyfriend was an asshole maybe you were at fault too who knows, he was an asshole for sure, but sleeping with his friend is a whole new level of sluttery, no offense everything was cool and i was on your side til you admitted to sleeping with your bfs friend after you took you boyfriend back, basically you cheated, doesn't matter why or where or with who, if an alpha super attractive dude approaches you when you're vularnable you will probably cheat on the new nice dude as well , you need to fix that , cheating is bad.
Sometimes i wonder what this world is coming too
he (the first one) sounds like a total asshole. to do that on your birthday-what a cold POS. Sorry that happened to you... you made the right choice leaving him behind.
to @QuestionMan fuck the bro code. you're born alone, you die alone. you know who follows the bro code? simps, puppies, white knights.
I agree.
You are the definition of a dirty hoe. Unbelievable.
You cheat on your boyfriend with his buddy then, HIDE it, and you have the audacity to flaunt it around like you're awesome and cool for pulling it off?
You're the reason modern relationships don't work. Smdh