I'm in a sexless relationship- help?

[Mumofone]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years this year, we also have a daughter who is there this year. At the beginning of the relationship we would always have sex, but then our daughter came along... and ever since I was around 3 months pregnant he hasn't laid a finger on me, not even snogged me. I feel like I'm not good enough, although I do know he loves me as he always says it. Every time I mention the subject of sex he just says "I don't know why I don't want to" and just shrugs it off. I don't think sex is a priority in a relationship but I also think there has to be some intimacy there to show that he loves me? I don't know what to do anymore? Am I in the wrong?

[Anonymous]

Stop apologizing - sex IS a priority in a relationship.

If sex didn't matter, it wouldn't matter if you slept with other guys, but i bet that matters, right?

"I don't know why I don't want to" may be a true statement, but it's actually not enough. If he wants a relationship and wants it to work, he needs to figure out what's going on and why. He needs to be getting hormones checked, considering his health, his feelings. Is he off masturbating, or not doing that either?

You can't fix it, only he can.

Tell him the relationship isn't going to work out unless he works on this. You can be supportive, but he needs to accept that lifelong sexlessness is NOT okay with you.

I'd really ignore suggestions from guys with normal sex drives on what they'd like - as you've noticed, the more sexual you are, the more avoidant he likely gets.

Sorry to say you're not alone, but good luck to you.

[Mumofone]

Thankyou so much, this really is good advice. This sounds strange but I'm not even sure if he masturbates or not, he must do? I know it's not normal, and I know I'm not alone either, hopefully things will get sorted soon Thankyou

[Opinion Owner]

I think you should ask him. It's blunt, but this is an issue. If he's not masturbating, something is very wrong with his sex drive. If he's not getting erections, something is likely very wrong with his health. If he is masturbating and avoiding you, that's not okay either. Maybe there are issues, but he can't just jerk off like this for years while ignoring them. I say all this, but it depends on him accepting he has to handle it. My partner has preferred to simply wish it would go away. Hope you have better luck.

[Mumofone]

Do you have the same problem? I'm glad I'm not the only one though. I would try and start something but I'm scared of rejection, but it is just ignorance really. I think he will just be one to wish it would go away, I just feel like rubbish. I feel like it's me? Because I haven't got the best body, I have stretch marks etc I'm just worried that he don't find me attractive anymore... which Is probably the case. But he should love me for me right? I don't want to feel useless and unloved anymore but I'll talk to him and see what happens, wish me luck!

[Opinion Owner]

It's unlikely your changed appearance is a major factor. It might be a minor one. I suppose i'm in the same situation, though really it's my wife and probably her appearance more a factor than mine. Her drive was lower than mine before, but one factor now is that SHE hates the stretch marks etc. so much she doesnt' want to have sex.

[Mumofone]

I can see where your wife is coming from but again it's important to be intimately close to the person you love. I don't even get cuddles or kisses amymore? A peck maybe but not a full on kiss. I don't understand it.

[JC103]

You're right sex shouldn't be a priority in a relationship but y'all in a marriage and that shit is a priority. Have you been keeping your apearence up? Venture in some BDSM. Let someone babysit the child. Complement something sexy about him, grope each other. A few recommendations

[Mumofone]

I don't feel like I can get close to him, he's just not interested in me really. Thanks for the advice

[JC103]

Then you need to get back in touch with your sexy temptress side, you can always run one out infront of him or just get a toy

[Mumofone]

I know I do, I'll have to try! Thankyou

[Yankeesfan67]

Wow it is weird hearing that from a woman. I don't know what sex is anymore. Probably forgot how do it. Lol

[Mumofone]

@Yankeesfan67 I'm glad I'm not the only one, although it's quite a horrible situation and wouldn't want anyone to be in it.

[Yankeesfan67]

Yes it is. Ugh I am trying to stay the course. Lol

[kaylaS91]

You're certainly not in the wrong.
Even though you're right in saying that relationships shouldn't be built on a foundation of sex, it's still nonetheless a pretty big part of a good relationship for many, myself included. Have you told your boyfriend how you feel?

That you understand that he sometimes doesn't want to, but that it going on for so long has led to your feeling neglected and such.

[Mumofone]

Thankyou for the advice. Yes I have explained to him how I feel and he says he understands, especially that he's not even seen my body since the birth of my daughter.. but he can never answer me, I ask why and I just get I don't know. I don't feel appreciated and I don't want to start an argument

[kaylaS91]

awe, that sounds rough. :( I think this is a pretty valid topic for further discussion.. doesn't need to be an argument, but it's not fair that you have to live like that for months and he's not even willing to discuss the issue with you, much less put in effort to try and turn things around. Tell him that you want to talk and don't back down until he gives you somewhat better of an answer. Meeting with a mental health professional or sex-therapist might be something to look into, as well.

[Mumofone]

Yeah you're right I do need to bring it up again, otherwise I'm never going to pluck up the courage to talk or do anything about this and ill be stuck in this situation! I haven't tried anything myself as I'm scared I'll be turned down or rejected. I think your right and maybe a therapist will help, thankyou very much