I still can't admit I had sex to my friends

I have 2 really close friends and for whatever reason, I just can't bring myself to finally admit that I went all the way with my boyfriend.

We had sex for the first time 3 months ago, but I'm still having a hard time admitting to myself that that happened, I somehow feel unclean.

I still cant admit I had sex to my friends

I grew up in a cult that banned premarital sex, he respected my wishes, but at some point, I just wanted to do it and I like sex.

Still, it's so uncomfortable for me to admit to others that I had sex... Although it's not a big deal.

I've told them that he's gone down on me, that I love performing oral sex on him, and that we've basically done everything BUT vaginal penetration - why am I having such a hard time admitting it? I really want to be as free as I feel, but something is holding me back.

5 3

Most Helpful Guys

  • See and that's what makes you beautiful and unique is that you don't have to be like other people I think it's cool that you are leader and not a follower because most people need to go the moment after they have it until everybody I think it's cool that you haven't told anybody it's nobody else's business it's a special moment between you two and that's it. I mean think about this you're hanging out with your boyfriend and one of his friends walk up to you and say hey I heard you guys had sex I mean how's that going to make you feel you don't want anybody else to know. Most people think is a tell somebody then it's going to make them look a certain way and yeah that's going to happen. for me anyway I am who I am and I don't need anybody to know my business I don't need to be a big shot I don't need for people to think anyting about me except for who I really am so don't think of yourself as being dirty or anything like that do you understand what I'm saying when you get older but the less people that know the better off you are in the long run I think it's a beautiful thing and I think your leader and I say good job

    • I'm so glad and proud of my boyfriend that I know that he'd never tell his friends about us being intimate with one another, he respects that sex is our safe space :) He's fine with me telling my friends and would be pleased if I told my friends that he fucks me well/has a big dick (he told me this himself, direct quotes), but I'm way too uncomfortable to talk about that lol. I love the way my friends are slowly accepting my boyfriend and seeing how well he treats me, it's truly beautiful!

    • Thank you

  • Points for an interesting question.

    Here's what I think:
    Are your friends also from the same religious background? Do they believe in abstinence as well? If so, it's probably best not to tell them. Because if they are people of integrity, then they will try to get you to stop what you're doing. That's kind of their job, as sisters and accountability partners.

    I'm sorry, because this sounds really bad, but I think you'll just have to continue lying to them. Or otherwise tell them the truth and face the heat.

    Though, honestly, they shouldn't have approved of you having oral sex with him, either.


    ... On second thought, though, I do hate liars. So if I was in their shoes and I found out, I would be done with you. We wouldn't be friends anymore. (Not for the sex. For the lying.). So, considering that, maybe you should just tell them.

    Sorry; you're pretty much in a difficult situation all around.

    • Don't worry about it and don't apologise! My friends, luckily, aren't religious, at least not in my eyes (because I'm used to a pretty insane level of devotion). They don't care about premarital sex - one lost her virginity recently, my boyfriend told me that she and her boyfriend must be having sex, I didn't believe it until she admitted it (she was always a miss goody two shoes but relationships change you in a good way mostly). I think I'll be fine when I tell them eventually - but I 100% won't admit it to my parents lol. They'd straight up break up with me.

    • Okay; gotcha. Well, good luck to you. I hope it works out.

    • Wow- thanks for the MHO! Very kind of you. Much appreciated.

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  • Asker. What you was taught was correct. Premarital sex is a sin. If it wasn't a send you wouldn't feel like it was bad. If it wasn't a sin, you would be able to admit to your friends at that's what you did. Because guess what. Unless your boyfriend truly loves you and actually marries you, you think that's going to last? You better think about this. It's not a cult. Unless if you grew up in a place that used scripture to twist things, then what you was taught was correct. It is a sin to have sex before marriage. Why? Because sex is a marriage, and marriage is all about having sex. You became one with this man, and you made him your parents that means, you can't have sex with any other man other than this man as long as you to show it. And if you do so, you committed adultery. You have no idea what you just done three months ago. You have no idea how that very serious of your actions have.

    You want to live like the world then you must take responsibility and accountability for those choices as the world does. You wanted to make an adult decision be responsible like an adult. Those feelings are Personally Yours. And you got to own up to it. When my friend done the same thing and she confided in me, I told her what I told you. And she knew. And boy to see how to live with it. To this very day she still has to live with that decision. She said if she would have truly known how serious it was he probably would have never done it. And the first person that she was with guess what? We still got to live with seeing him and Hermione. Only by the grace of God With God able to help her get through it. So you really need to decide it but if not you want to fool around with God's design in your life. You decide what path you going to go. The straight and narrow, or the broader the way leading to hell. I'm not telling you that you're going to go to hell. I pray you don't. But if you don't return from this, you don't know what may happen later on down in life. But I can guarantee you right now. If you're already thinking like this, nine out of 10 times this relationship is not going to last that's all I'm going to say. All the people I'm not going to give a damn about you. There's very few people that well, but not everybody would be able to help you. The only one who can help you is God himself, and through Jesus may you be able to actually be able to overcome this. But a decision is still a decision that you made.

    only thing I can tell you it's on up like an adult. I'm a virgin for that very reason because I refuse to live with those consequences that you chose to mix. But since you say it's a cult, then hey. All the more reason why you got to live with it, and all the more reason why a lot of people may not take pity simply because you know. And even if you didn't know. They're going to think about living their own life. You now got to focus on living with yours. Your friends don't need to know that you had sex. That's technically none of their business. The only time it's their business it's when it's affecting them concerning about you. Until then, you make your own mind because you're now an adult.

    • What you need to understand is the lies you sold yourself. You are not free by having sex the way you are. You are putting yourself in bondage. You know who got freedom? Those who do a God's way, they wait until marriage to have sex, and they are blessed and so damned by God to do what they need to do. Not those who choose to do things nicely. Do you see kids and young adults who've been driving Under the Influence spray because they choose to take a bottle and get drunk and they're driving and now they got to deal with an arrest because God forbid they murdered somebody, that's stuck in a hospital somewhere with broken bones or impaired judgment but God forbid that not only have mental illness, but they caused much damage to their bodies? Do you call it Freedom when you're partying and Harding and God forbid somebody shot, somebody get killed, you're stuck in a hospital somewhere or in jail somewhere because of a reckless decision? You call that freedom? Then you deceive yourself. That's disgusting. The God say that enjoying sex is wrong? Never. He said in First Corinthians chapter 7, it is wise for a man not to marry. But because there's so much sexual immorality, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. It is your right to desire sex. But get married! Not fool around and then when you reach my age. So they can't find a husband because you slept with someone else away. And then you expect them to accept you simply because you're beautiful, because you got status kind of stupid because you have a career, and all this material things that doesn't mean anything. But when you choose to have sex it's a reflection of yourself. That is who a person is going to marry. A person is not going to marry your material things.

    • You better really make sure this is a man that you chose to sleep with, who you choose to let to go down on you, I ain't going to let you down, when you need him the most. Because says he already got what she wanted as you say that you wanted by your own admission, he's actually going to be there to the day you both grow old and wrinkled parrot because now if you say oh well I don't care about that, then a, I just hope and pray you really mean it, before those things words come back and be a reflection of what you told to do. What goes up must come down. It's called, for a reason. So with you all the Dreadful, admit that you are. If you're scared, admit that you're scared. If you're confused, admit that you're confused. It is better to tell the truth, then to tell a lie because you have to live with it. Your friend's got to live with their decisions, your boyfriend has to live with his choices, in the end, can you live with your choices? I'm the age I am. I know I can't live with the decisions you make. Whether I'm an adult or not, I got to be responsible for what I choose to do. They don't make me less of a person simply because I choose not to make a mistake. Even if I get married to somebody, I'm still responsible for who I choose to get married too. It's about being smart. And the only ones is going to really make it out of this, all those who are being smart with it.

    • Just because you see other people having sex, that doesn't know what time I mean they're being smart because they can have sex with hundreds of people and still make it out of it, you can have sex with that one person who's your boyfriend, and it could be the end of your life. That's why you got those that are blessed, you got those that rely on luck. Where do you put your faith in? Think about it. There's a reason why a lot of people take Life as a gamble. But if you want to be foolish enough to take a risk on your life and you're not smart enough to know what you're risking, then you are a risky Gambler. Not a smart one. Never try to roll a dye, and you're not prepared for the outcome. because if you don't have God by your side, you left by yourself. I can't tell you what to do, or how to live your life. You have free will to choose. All I can say, is that you better wake up before it is too late. You already made the decision. You're going to have to either see this through, or quit. Because there's no going back now. But no matter what choice you choose to make, tell the truth and be honest was just self, before you even think about telling anybody else. Because I got news for you. If you was already doing anal and oral sex before you have vaginal peanut stuff, you already lost your virginity the moment you lost that person to do that. Not when he stuck his penis. Vaginal penis sex is one way, and that is the only way God command sex to be. But if you chose to go any other way, virginity is still lost because innocence has been lost. It's about choice. Not just what you choose to do.

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  • Best to keep it to yourself. After all it is your private life we are talking about anyway. They do not need to know everything going on in your life at this time.

    You really have know idea what they have done or not done either. People brag both ways to feel in the group. The cult thing could also be an issue, best not to rock the boat on that one.

  • Why would you need to tell your friends what you do with your boyfriend? That's between you two.-

    • I'd like to get some advice on specific issues we have, hope that makes sense.

    • If they are even more reserved than you, I doubt you'll get any real advice.

  • Just take a deep breath and tell them. You’ll feel better. It will help you in your journey of processing that religious guilt that’s held you back.

    • That's a good idea. I just feel stupid for having had sex after telling my friends for YEARS that I'd wait until after getting married - now I'm the second on to have lost my virginity lol. It feels weird.

    • It’s your body you can change your mind whenever you like. Nothing wrong with that. I said I’d never breastfeed my child past 2. Then he turned 2 and I still was. Then he turned 3 and I still was. I learned an important lesson not to say I’m never going to do something I don’t know anything about.

    • That makes sense... Thanks!

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  • That's fine. You don't have to tell them about your personal sex life anyway. Not exactly common or expected to tell anyone about your sex life other than your partner.

  • The trauma probably, you grew up with it being taboo so its so ingrained in you that your still fighting that "programing" so to speak.

    • Yeah, definitely.

  • if you told them you blew him and he went down on you, i don't think they'll be too surprised you fucked him

  • Honestly, it is none of their business. The only reason someone would openly advertise their sex life is for attention or bragging rights.

    • I'd love to get some advice though. Also, my friends are a bit naive when it comes to sex and me and my boyfriend dealt with quite a lot of obstacles before finally being able to enjoy it.

    • Shoot me a message

  • Well then, there lies your problem. If you can't tell them without you thinking they will judge you they aren't real friends.

  • You don't have to tell anyone... I always regretted telling my friends something like that, well for different reasons but still you're not obligated to tell them about your sexlife. They don't need to know, do you and be happy, it's no ones business

  • If it’s consensual there’s no problem honestly. But you shouldn’t do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. If you don’t want to tell your friends then don’t tell them.

    • It's definitely consensual, I love having sex and to be honest, we're pretty bad at it but still do it almost every day - I just feel like it's really hard to talk about being horny as a girl, does that make sense? My friends aren't nearly as open as I am about their sexuality, and I'm extremely sexually repressed, so that honestly says a lot about them in my opinion...

    • You feel bad because we’ve been trained all these years by society and sometimes within our social circles that a woman can’t be horny. It makes us a whore. Indeed we get just as horny as men (if not more sometimes), and it’s biological nature to be. It’s completely normal! So I’m glad you’re enjoying exploring sex with your boyfriend :)! I think some people are a bit more reserved than others. I’m really comfortable with talking about sex but I also have some friends who aren’t. I totally understand what you mean.

    • Yeah, that resonates with me. My boyfriend is really comfortable with talking about sex with me, but he's really uncomfortable around my friends, fairly comfortable but reserved with his friends and I think I don't like talking about sex with his friends either, because I know that they're complete noobs lol.

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  • You don't need to tell your friends your personal sex life... I wouldn't wanna hear it... 🌸

  • Depending on how old you are, it might be a good thing. Younger people, especially in the teenage years, tend to put everything into competition, especially things related to relationships or sex.
    If you're the first of your group to have had sex and you have someone competitive or easily slipping into senses of inferiority among you, you might set off an involuntary mechanism that will have them toss themselves at the first horny mofo for the sake of being on your own level. Useless to say the experience could be less than good.
    Good thing that you did as you pleased instead of waiting for marriage (since it's pretty silly, and you don't really know if your current partner is the one you'll end up marrying. Unforeseen events might happen).
    All in all, you did well enjoying your life as part of a couple, which includes sex as an inscindible part, and also to not have told your friends about your escapade, as a form of protection.

  • Questions:
    1/ How old are you?
    2/ How old are they?
    3/ How they ever had sex with anyone?
    4/ How many times have you had sex with him?
    5/ How big is his dick?
    6/ Do you get totally naked with him?
    7/ How old is he?
    8/ Are you his first?

  • You need to understand that you think a certain way because it's been taught to you by your culture. If you felt right about it and you were responsible that's all anyone can hope for. Sex is good! Although it can be done irresponsibly.

    • I grew up in the US, but I'm a daughter of Jehovah's Witnesses, so I have to deal with an immense deal of sexual repression. I felt 100% right about having sex, I loved it, we were responsible, so I'd say we definitely did it right ;) Loved everything about it.

  • You don't need to tell them some things are best kept private.

  • it isn't necessary for you to.

  • You're uncertain with yourself and the relationship. The guy probably didn't make you feel loved and praised as you thought he would with you giving into him as you did.

    It happens, just don't put out as easily in your next relationship.

    • You're mistaken. I felt very loved, he praised me, I praised him - sex has deepened our relationship and our respect for one another. You can't really think you know someone from a few words, right?

  • You have to make a careful decision about such a thing like that

    • What do you mean?

    • In life we come across a situation where we are so stressed that we need an outlet - need some one who unconditionally accept us. Our Emotional Quotient drained out, in that situation a step forward - body mechanism find its way... to maintain psychological balance

  • It sounds like you went through some brainwashing that is still plaguing you. I promise your not dirty, sex is perfectly natural. You don't need to tell them unless you decide that's something your comfortable with.

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